Complete

Throughout this pregnancy I knew I would delivery early and the question was just how early I would be. At one point one of the OB nurses had me a bit freaked out thinking I wouldn't even make it to 36 weeks. I knew once I hit 36 that we would be okay--SkyWalker was born at exactly 36 weeks, Chewie was 36 and a few days. We never needed any NICU time and they were both healthy. The idea of going before 36 weeks was scary. So was the idea of going to 40 weeks. Once we made it past 36 I breathed a sigh of relief. Once we made it past 37 weeks it was even better--but also more nerve wracking thinking that I would go into labor at any minute.

I went to my 37 week checkup and described my symptoms (in the take your blood pressure & weight waiting room) to my former OB who confirmed I was in labor and then saw my current OB who did an internal exam... and discovered I was not even close to being dilated. Told me he'd see me the next week. I was shocked. I thought for sure I was in labor and I was upset that I didn't know my own body as well as I thought. I had even had Vader bring me to the doc just in case we had to be sent to the hospital. It was disappointing.

Then we went home. I laid on the couch while the kids made a giant mess. I felt worse and worse. By 5 pm I finally got the nerve to call my OB who kindly (but with obvious doubt) told me to go to the hospital and get checked out. He happened to be the OB on duty that night anyway. When we got to the hospital I was 2-3 cm dilated. I felt vindicated. I think had I been before 37 weeks they would have admitted me right away, but because I was actually considered "full term" they were more willing to wait. So they put me in a temporary room to see if I progressed. I did not. But because this was my fourth they decided to admit me anyway thinking that there was a very real possibility that I could go home and then not have enough time to get back to the hospital. I got a room and waited. And waited. We decided to get the epidural (back pain) since that always relaxed me enough to get fully dilated and to also break my water. I say we because I suggested it and the docs agreed. So that's what we did. Waited some more. I got to a 4-5 and then that was it. We all, docs included, thought the dilation would go so fast and it didn't. So they had to give me some pitocin. I made it to 7 and then noticed that I was feeling things. Now, the entire time I had the epidural I was able to pee in a bed pain. Which was unusual and should have been a clue that maybe it wasn't as high as I needed it, but I didn't have the back pain anymore so I wasn't complaining. Even as I started to feel the contractions my back remained okay. I was fully dilated pretty damn quick after that point and definitely feeling things I hadn't felt with any of my previous deliveries. But it was too late to get a refill on the epidural and I just wanted to be done. It was roughly 12 hours since we had first arrived at the hospital. It was 7 minutes from the time I was fully dilated to when I delivered. I'm not sure if I pushed all 7 minutes. I remember taking a brief break. My OB had to run in because I had started pushing without him and it was all over really quickly. I had DEFINITELY never felt that before. I was aware of everything. The pain was unbelievable. I didn't curse or cry but there was definite vocalization. I felt everything--his little nose as I pushed him out. The pain really was indescribable and wonderful. Amazing. In the end I'm glad it worked out that way. This was my last pregnancy, my last baby, and I was able to feel him come out.

There was no tearing, no stitches, no major trauma, no big swelling because the delivery had been so quick. The hardest part of the recovery was just from laying in the hospital bed for so long. Once my legs recovered--and my bowels decided to move--everything was okay. There was definite soreness but no major pain like in the past. My OB apologized to me after saying that he should have trusted me right away--always trust the Mama, he said--and that he was just amazed. That was nice.

18.5 inches long, 6 pounds 7 ounces at birth (my 2nd biggest baby). And while it seems the entire world has to keep saying how little he is, he is NOT considered low birth weight, and after having TWO babies in the 5 pound range, he looks pretty damn normal to me. His nickname here will be Lightrunner and those of you who know how to use google and know what his first name is can search for both and you'll know why. No real names or pictures so you'll have to accept my word that he is adorable and looks like his big brother.

We've all adjusted to our new little guy. Haze licks him any chance she gets, but otherwise has been her normal good self. I dreamt that Isaac was here to greet him and it was both incredibly realistic and yet obviously a dream because his skin was in great condition, he wasn't scratching or licking or barking. Waking up was both tremendously sad and not. It was like he was cured of all his ails and he came back to give his approval.

The rest of the jedi are very happy to have him home and if there was ever any doubt as to how many kids we should have it has been totally eradicated. It might be hard, we might not have as much money, my kids might not be perfectly behaved because I'm too busy taking care of a younger sibling, but we are *complete*.

The first time, all over again

This is my fourth baby. FOURTH. Yet, it might as well be my first labor. I have never ever had a traditional time your contractions debate going to the hospital labor. Ever.

#1--induced at 36 weeks because of complications discovered at a checkup.
#2--went to 38 wk checkup and doc said I was 4 cm and to go to the hospital.
#3--water broke in the middle of the night at 36 1/2 wks.

I went to my 36 wk checkup today and am not dilated at all (I wasn't when my water broke with #3 either though). I am frustrated and annoyed, not because I want an early early baby (although he's not really early early by this point) but because I have been having contractions and feeling things and I thought for SURE today would be the day. It would have been so much easier to just go to the hospital during the day, get it done while Grama was watching the kids, and not have to worry about any middle of the night shenanigans. It also would have been so much easier to hear Yes, go to the hospital instead of having to wonder and wait. My fear is that I won't know when to go unless I get an obvious sign like my water breaking. I made it to 4 cm and while I felt contractions I never thought I should go to the hospital. I'm afraid with this being the fourth that I'll have less time once I hit that magic 4 cm mark and I'll give birth on the toilet.

Biological imperatives

I will have no idea what this post is about years from now when I see the title, but that's what labels are for...

We've been talking about redoing our attic for MONTHS. We've been in contact with the contractor and an architect. For MONTHS. Once we found we wouldn't need to use the attic as a baby room there was a little relief from the pressure, but not much. The plan had been that we would get the attic done into a guest room and then since they'd be doing the floor in there why not have them put floors in the kids' rooms too? I finally convinced Vader to get rid of the allergen-producing carpet and do it. We assumed they would do it at the end of the project since that's when they'd be doing the new room floor. With each delay (there have been so many) that pushed back the floors in the kids' rooms. Why does it matter? Because we're not putting the crib together and then having to take it apart to get it out of there to do the floors. It doesn't fit through the door, it has to be taken apart. Likewise, we're not getting SkyWalker a heavy new dresser that will just have to be moved. But SkyWalker will need a new dresser since Baby Boy is taking over his changing table nursery. We have the co-sleeper that attaches to our bed and that's where Quattro will sleep at night in the beginning, but if I'm going to get anything done during the day I need to have him sleeping safely in his crib. And, there is a biological need to have your nursery set up before you have your baby!! 

And then it hit me. 

We don't have to wait until the end. We don't need an architect to draw up a plan to put a floor down. Or a permit or anything. We can do it FIRST. I told Vader and he quasi-agreed. He has no biological imperative. I told him to call the contractor. He didn't. He did get floor samples from Home Depot, but that was it. I was on the edge of going crazy that the biggest obstacle in all this is HIM, when fate intervened and the contractor called US to schedule a final look at the plans. He came last night and can definitely do the floors first AND paint in the boys' room. AND he'll rip up the carpets so we don't have to. It won't take long at all and we can have it done in the next couple of weeks (I have approximately 5 weeks left before I start the countdown). He'll do the boys' room first. We'll move all the furniture across the hall to the girls' room. Then when he's done with the boys' room, we'll move everything into there and he'll do the girls' room. The girls' room will take much less time since it's just the floor and not painting. Vader has to pick out the floors and order them and pick up the paint (SkyWalker and I chose a color and we are not letting him argue with us. For some idiotic reason he thinks you paint once every 30 years. So he can pick out a different color in 30 years.). The boys' room has not been painted since we moved in, nearly 10 years ago. 

The contractor will be able to do everything through our garage so we won't have to worry about them messing up our new floors either. Not that I worry. 

So now I have to get Vader to do his part ASAP so we can set up an actual date for this. And hope that once this is all done I still have enough energy to wash baby clothes and get ready to have this baby! 

It's hard to smile when you're swallowing bile

I haven't run since Christmas and that was a dissatisfying painful measly 2 miles. I think. Most of the distances I've been running have been pretty short--from my bed to the bathroom, from the couch to the bathroom, from the kitchen to the bathroom. I have been stretching--mostly my back and neck as I hunch over the toilet. My abs and ribs are getting a good workout from the heaving and retching.

Yeah. It's that time again.

I truly believed that if I willed myself hard enough and stayed strong that I would not vomit this time. I would RUN it away. Well, that only works if you're, you know, running. At first I intentionally took a couple of weeks off to make sure that things were settling within my body and attaching where they were supposed to and things were progressing normally. And then when I was ready to start running again the vomiting started. I managed to run a race in December at 6+ weeks pregnant and not do too shabby (31:45, my first PPR--pregnant personal record--which is better than my first ever race!) but I was nervous the entire time. After that I tried Zofran for a couple of days--one of which was Christmas--and while I didn't throw up I had horrible painful debilitating gas. Cramping gas. Which is not fun while running. I don't know how I managed to survive Christmas. I stopped taking the Zofran and the next day I vomited three times. Awesome. I haven't attempted to run since. I mostly sit on the couch and wish I could speed this process up. I am now back on promethazine--what I took during my last pregnancy--and as long as I time everything right and keep the perfect amount of food in my belly and get enough rest, I won't vomit. I'm hoping that after a few non vomiting days I can start running again.

Morning sickness is so misunderstood. First of all, the name, is ridiculous. I'm sure that when I'm vomiting at 10 pm that it's morning somewhere, but it's so misleading. Like all you have to do is make it through the morning and then you're okay. Maybe for some women it is, but not for all. It's ALL DAY sickness. There's no relief from vomiting, the nausea is just as bad whether you vomit or not. Avoid aromas and strong odors and certain foods and it's all bull. I vomit when I'm hungry, I vomit when I'm full. I vomit when I've been sleeping for hours, I vomit when I'm tired. I vomit whether I'm having a boy or a girl. I just vomit. It is much much harder when it's the 4th time, because you still have to get up and take kids to preschool and make dinner for your family and make sure the children aren't being too bad.

It's been pretty sucky which um, sucks, because I had such high hopes of enjoying every minute of my last pregnancy.

And then.

Today I had my 12 week ultrasound (or 13 week if the measurements are right). I saw an actual baby with a beating heart, rolling and turning and kicking. Everything is normal, everything looks good. And the joy from seeing and hearing that tiny heart beating is worth every single second of nausea and vomiting and sickness and crappy feelings. Every. Single. Second.

I know there are people that don't understand why we're having a 4th child, that don't agree, that think we are being irresponsible. I don't care. We are not complete without a 4th. And I mean "we." My husband has always wanted a large family and I had to talk him down from 5. My children are so excited to have another on the way (I told them today). My son will be nearly 8 by the time this baby is born and if it's a boy he wants him in his room. The Princess can't wait to have a tiny baby to take care of and hold.

So now I just hope the vomiting and nausea go completely away, the running comes back, and this baby has boy parts.