Many things

I'm trying to get back into the blogging thing. This used to be my outlet and then well, things changed, and it wasn't what I needed it to be. I've decided to take it back though, so now it's just a matter of finding the time.

I've been doing fairly well this winter. I keep running and taking my Vitamin D and dreaming of the hot sweaty sun. I've managed to do my one weekly outside run--until this past weekend. It was below 0, or felt that way with the wind chill, and I just couldn't do it. I was so annoyed I couldn't run outside that I didn't run at all. I've tried to make up for it the past couple of days, but I've been doing so good extending my distance outside and doing more of the hill, that I feel like I've started the week off with a deficit. Which is so hilariously funny coming from a lazy bookworm. I did do 3.5 today and finally realized that I could play a DVD on my desktop computer in front of the treadmill. So I watched the first episode of Buffy and that got me through 40 minutes. I've accepted that I'm just going to go slower on the treadmill. Which is also funny to me remembering how afraid I was to run outside.

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I'm getting serious pressure to have the next baby. From my CHILDREN. I think they ask me every day when we're going to have the next baby and whether or I not I think it will be a girl or a boy. On the way home from preschool today the Princess wisely declared that she thought it will be "a girl. Or a boy." SkyWalker goes back and forth, wanting a brother, but then changing his mind because he loves his sisters so much. He said he wants one now because he just loves babies and "it's a good thing we decided on 4." I don't remember him being in on the decision. I'm not quite ready for it myself. Chewie is doing much better communicating, and seems to be climbing on tables less, but I need to get out of this winter. It's been the snowiest, coldest winter I remember in a long time, and I know that adding pregnancy to it will increase the hibernation urge. I'm trying to think positively and not assume that I will spend 8 months vomiting again. I plan on continuing running, even if it's slower, and hope that it will counteract any morning-all day sickness. One of the Princess's preschool friends is one of three and his mom is expecting her fourth. It was so nice to hear. The world is a different place now... if you have more than 2 kids people look at you like you're irresponsible and insane. If it weren't for my aging uterus I would have a million babies. I figure it balances out with all my child-free friends.

I was marveling at how much SkyWalker has grown and how I remembered when he was just a teeny tiny baby. He snuggled up to me on the couch and told me that I can still call him my baby--when we're home. They certainly make it *easy* for me to want more kids. Maybe if they were rotten I'd be done.

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My book blog is growing and I'm happy that I'm paying more attention to it than to the examiner articles. Examiner isn't paying what it used to and I wouldn't be surprised if someday it doesn't pay at all. So I'm focusing more on the blog. I was reading a lot of other book blogs and it was actually funny how many of them talked about getting burnt out and not having time to read what they wanted to read because of so many publisher demands blah blah blah and they've been doing this for a year, or less. At first I felt a little left out--I've been book blogging for SEVEN years and I don't have publishers beating down my door for reviews. But I also don't feel pressure. I get books from the library that I *want* to read, I have the books from VOYA to read, and I just started requesting e-galleys from Netgalley for my iPad. I think a lot of book bloggers got into it so they could get free books. I always got free books--from the library--and see it more as reader's advisory. If my reviews can help someone decide if they want to read a certain book, then my job is done. Even I'm not employed, I will always be a librarian at heart. It's about sharing my love of books, especially YA books, and not about getting books before they're released.

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There are towels to fold and dinner to cook and heineys to wipe.

Plans

I'm always so good at making plans... and monkey wrenches always get thrown into them and screw it all up.

In July I was running shorter distances but doing them more frequently. It worked out well and I was able to write at least 2 articles each week for the examiner. Then I decided I'd train for a 10K and started running longer distance and then came August and all of a sudden my usual naptime runs were getting interrupted and I was getting frustrated. I switched to running after bedtime because I needed to get those miles in. But by the time bedtime rolls around I am WIPED OUT. I don't want to run. I want to watch TV or read or just do nothing. But I kept going and running in the evening. I made a strength training routine for 2 nights a week to add into the mix. And then September came. First Vader was gone and then he was working A LOT and school interfered and my mileage has gone way down. And I'm just TIRED at night. I had been saying that I was waiting for SkyWalker's tonsil surgery date before I committed to running the 10K but I think I knew the week before that I wasn't going to do it. A friend's husband asked if I was planning on it and then immediately said "No pressure" in response to the look on my face that I didn't even know was there. I pretty much knew right then and there that the idea of the 10K was stressing me out. I had already run it on my own on my road (with a tiny bit of walking in the middle) so I knew I could do it physically but mentally I just wasn't there. I wasn't interested. And then I got the surgery date, which is after the 10K, but I know if I'm not mentally into it now it's going to be worse the closer I get to the surgery. So I decided I'm not running the 10K. And I'm going back to what was working out for me before--shorter runs, faster times, more often. I need to run at naptime (which is easier now that SkyWalker is in school and the Princess is either falling asleep or truly staying quiet) so I can have my evenings to watch TV and read and not do anything.

I've been staying up too late and getting up too late and stuck in this cycle. I hope by going back to what I was doing before I can get to bed earlier and get up earlier.

I wasn't planning on running today because I ran yesterday, but I had the girls in their room early and had the time and managed to run a mile at naptime. The girls weren't actually asleep so I couldn't do the 2 miles I thought I was going to do, but it was okay because I know I'm running tomorrow too. Today was all a mess because both girls didn't get up until after 8:30, something I never let them do, and it's just messed the whole day up.

The other part of my plan is to stop writing twice a week for the examiner. I've been doing this since January and I still haven't had enough page views to get the minimum needed for a check--$25. I've received 3 checks since I started and that all came from the local incentive (they give $1 for each local article) and referring a friend. They're having major site issues right now and keep publishing my articles in Albany GA instead of Albany NY. The site itself seems to be more focused on ads than on articles now. I took the articles that I had been writing to build a resource of information for YA lit and put them on my book blog. I think I'm going to try to really focus on that instead, read a lot more, review a lot more, and blog a lot more. And forget about the examiner for now.

Right now, my immediate plan is to make dinner and get these children to bed early. But Chewie is taking a late nap. See, monkey wrenches?

Transitions

Last week I was not ready for school to begin. I was not ready for the end of summer, of our summer fun, of the routine we had established. I'm still not ready for the end of summer. I know lots of people are doing cartwheels because today was in the low 70s and a "fall day" but I think I should have taken an extra Vitamin D. I don't embrace the fall like others do. I tolerate it because it's not winter, but summer has always been my favorite. I need to feel the sun, to see it, to soak it in. This is the first summer that I actually have a tan, not because I was laying on the beach and tanning myself, but because we were out and about. Sure, I used sunscreen and I don't want to get skin cancer but I am proud of my tan. It is proof that I was outside more than I was inside. That I did what I set out to do. I am happy that I had a good summer and I'm still not ready for summer to end.

But. I think I am ready for school to begin. Vader left on Friday for a wedding in California. I couldn't believe what rotten timing it was--he's not getting back until wicked late Monday night. School starts wicked early Tuesday morning. But maybe, just maybe, it has worked out the way it needed to be. Because after all of this time without Vader, all of this time with just us, I think I am ready for SkyWalker to go back to school and he may be ready to go back too. We've had lots of fun moments--I took them all to a local county fair yesterday--but there have been a lot of arguments and fighting and raised voices. I think we're ready for a break from each other and we really weren't ready for it last week. It's somewhat hard for me to think let alone say. I was that mom who when sick would keep her son home from daycare, instead of leaving him at daycare so I could rest. I couldn't bear the thought of him being somewhere else if I wasn't at work. It wasn't until I was on work bedrest with the Princess that I ever left him in daycare when I was at home. So it's hard for me to say--even though lots of others have said it--that it's time for him to go. Now, I know I'm only sending him to first grade, not to the Hunger Games, but still.

The Princess has been less of a problem. I think her recent tantrums are actually a product of the stress between SkyWalker and me, and knowing that she's going to be starting preschool on Tuesday. She talks about it and knows that I am dropping her off and leaving and she smiles and proudly says "There's my preschool" when we drive by. But when we went to the playdate there on Wednesday she was quiet and shy and withdrawn. It was frustrating when SkyWalker did it because I hadn't experienced it yet. It's just sad when I see it in the Princess because I know what's she's capable of. I see her play with her brother, I see her lively and vivacious and animated. And when he's not with her she is just not herself. I'm glad that she draws strength from him, but it makes me so sad too that she doesn't get that strength from herself. I know that the first couple of months of preschool will be hard. I know right now that she will cry when I leave and that I will have to just keep leaving. But I hope that since I am starting her at 3, that she will open up quicker than her brother did when I started him at 4. He was fine going to kindergarten and he's a completely different kid now. I know it will all be worth it in the end.

The only one who hasn't been giving me trouble is the one I call trouble maker. Chewie had been cranky and frustrated. She screamed at me whenever she wanted anything. The last time we were at the library I opened up a parenting book on babies and talking and flipped to the 15 month old page. I almost took it home but then decided that I didn't need to read a book telling me that my baby was already failing because she wasn't doing ANYTHING she was supposed to be doing. And then just in the last week--the hardest week with the older 2--she has found her groove. She's walking a lot. She's laughing a lot. She's babbling and making sounds. She's not saying recognizable words or trying to repeat anything, but she's making sounds that sound like words. She said Mama and Dada and Nana a while ago, but she would never repeat anything and she wouldn't really use them appropriately. She seems so much happier this week and is much more talkative and much less screaming. Although she does shriek with glee which is almost as bad. I think she will benefit from having some one on one time with Mama.

I have not run outside since the last race. I've run on the treadmill, but it's just not the same. I should actually be running today, but my ankle is a bit sore and I'm just not in the mood for another treadmill run. I ran 5.5 miles last week and the treadmill told me it was 4 something. I know that the Nike+ is not the most accurate and that it will measure somewhat differently on the treadmill than on the road. But that's a big difference. And I FEEL the difference too. I was running at 5.0 which should have been a 12 minute pace. Slow. And it did not feel slow. I'm going to Fleet Feet on Friday to have my running analyzed so I can get a recommendation for the right sneaker. I'm looking forward to running on the treadmill there and comparing it with my Nike+. I want to see how it feels too, to see if my suspicions are confirmed or not. I am secretly terrified that it will feel exactly the same and that my treadmill is accurate and my Nike+ is not and that I haven't been running as much and I'm just a big fraud. I try to always do my long runs outside where I know that it's accurate, but that requires a present husband. If the treadmill at Fleet Feet feels differently I'm going to have to call the treadmill company and see what's going on. I finally found the manual and the lube, so maybe I just have to do some maintenance on it. Or maybe the craft paint the children spilled on it has screwed it up somehow.

It feels somewhat odd blogging like this here at blogger. I've been with blogger since Jan of 2004, but never personally. I always liked the ease with which I could check out the neighborhood on vox. It's not quite the same when you're reading it through google reader. But, I have to say, I'm liking that the feedjit widget is working. I've always had that on my book blog, but it never worked in vox. Now I can see where all you people are coming from. So who the hell is reading me from Kings Park?? And all of you people keep coming back but I only have one follower??! (Thanks Gina!)

The dogs are doing their nightly "Why isn't Daddy home yet?" barking. 26 more hours.

Vox to Blogger

In case anyone is interested in how I got from Vox to Blogger...

Vow lets you export your blog to Wordpress (after you sign up for a wordpress account). From Wordpress you can export your old Vox blog as an xml file. Theoretically you should be able to import the xml file into Blogger directly but I kept getting a "This didn't work" message. Yeah, that's pretty much all it said. So then I used a Wordpress to Blogger converter. But the file that it saved on my hard drive had an unneccesary .html that screwed things up. So I deleted the .html so that the file now simply said .xml And voila, I was able to import that into blogger. It copied everything, including pictures that were supposed to be private. Oh well. But I didn't lose anything.

So what about...?

The Princess:

When I was 20 weeks pregnant with the Princess I had an ultrasound to see if there was anything wrong with the placenta because of the partial abruption I had with SkyWalker. The placenta was fine, but they saw dilation (backed up fluid) in the right kidney. That was roughly 3 1/2 years ago and we have been dealing with it ever since. She's been on antibiotics every day since the day she was born. She was taken off after her first surgery but developed reflux and got a UTI within just 2-3 months and put back on them. 

Today was her latest ultrasound. There's still some dilation around the ureter they fixed, but it looks exactly the same as it did 6 months ago. Not better, but also not worse. We finally heard the words we've been waiting to hear--she can go off the medication. We'll have to be super vigilant about preventing UTIs from all the other ways little girls get them--holding in pee too long, not wiping correctly, etc. I am sure I will be more paranoid than ever now. I think I'll probably get those at home UTI test kits so I don't have to drag her to the doctor every time I panic. She'll have yearly ultrasounds to make sure that nothing is changing but other than that she should be okay.

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SkyWalker:

We had some bad days and got into some serious altercations, but for the most part it's been great having SkyWalker home. I almost don't want him to go back to school. Our problems always stem from the same thing--he makes some kind of mess or does some crazy thing and then when I tell him it's time to stop he refuses to listen and is disrespectful and rude and doesn't take me seriously. Until I explode and then he's hysterical. How quickly it takes me to explode seems to vary a lot lately. We've been doing pretty well recently. And when I put things in perspective, we only have these blowups at home, never in public. When we are out he is always very well behaved. He's a great big brother. How many almost 6 year olds do you know who willingly take their 3 year old sisters outside and push them on a swing? With a smile? He's always coming and getting Chewie out of the dishwasher and taking her to her toys and distracting her so she'll stop crying. He loves his sisters and I know I can always trust him with them. 

He has huge tonsils and probably huge adenoids and will see an ENT in September who will probably recommend surgery. This will royally suck since as we all know surgery sucks, but more so because he will be a big baby about the recovery. And this is the first time I have a kid having surgery who can actually say the words "I don't want surgery." So that's fun.

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Chewie:

She walks. I fought it, but she walks. She doesn't run and she still crawls more than walks, but she is putting one foot in front of the other on a regular basis. She also screams. She makes sounds and can say Mama and Dada and Nana and bababababababa. But for the most part her preferred method of communication is "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" very loudly. She can hear, she copies her brother's humming and singing, and she sometimes follows directions. She is just LOUD. Perhaps when she has me all to herself she will find her inside voice. It must be inside of her somewhere. 

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Running:

I had to cut down to 3 times a week, which is the funniest thing I think I've ever written. I have yet to do any yoga and probably won't. I do have a weight lifting routine that I will start after my race this Saturday. I am training for a 10K in October, but since I am pretty sure SkyWalker's surgery will be in October I'm kind of doing it for the training and expecting to not actually do the race. Whatever happens, happens. I ran my longest distance (4.5 miles) last Sunday and thought "I only have to do 1.5 more" not "holy crap how am I going to do 1.5 more?" So that's good. Oh! And my girlie problem turned out to be nothing more than some low-down cramping so I just have to take motrin 800 and I'm all good. It won't interfere with my running at all. 

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Working:

I've been thinking a lot about when I have to go back to work when my last baby is in school. I have no desire whatsoever to go back to work. But I'm sure Vader will have a heart attack if I say that. If I could find a library job that will let me work 9-1 that would be great. I want to get the kids off the bus and be here when there are here. I don't want nights or weekends. I just don't want that anymore. Ideally, I would like to find a job that will let me work from home. Even though I get paid crapola from the examiner I've been doing lots of articles. I'm trying to build up a resource between that and my book blog and establish my presence online again. If I can do some kind of freelance writing or even librarianing (I know that's not a word but I like it.) through the internets I think we'd be okay. Vader's school loan is paid off. Mine will be paid off by then. We won't be spending money on diapers. The only debt we have is the van and the house. And by the time the last baby is in school SkyWalker might be old enough to start mowing lawns. So, if you haven't been reading my examiner articles or going through my book blog to get to amazon, you're dead to me.

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Blither blather

People who read this blog, and there are some, must think I am completely bipolar. It's either how great everything is... or how sucky everything is. The fact is most days are neither. Most of our days are made up of tiny happy moments and tiny stressed out moments. These days I feel no strong compulsion to blog. I don't find it necessary to say we had an okay day or to update on the minutia of my life ... that's what twitter is for. Do you really need to know that at this moment I am finger combing my hair and don't know for sure what this sticky stuff is but could guess that somebody spit up on me? Yuck. 

We all went to the dentist today and for the first time SkyWalker opened up and let the hygenist clean his teeth and let the dentist look at them. I was so relieved. He needed a form for kindergarten and this was the 3rd or 4th time we were trying the dentist! The first few times he cried and screamed. The Princess also let the hygenist count her teeth and look at them. 

Tomorrow morning we have an exterminator coming to hopefully get rid of our yellow jacket problem. They've made themselves an entrance to our house and have done a bit of damage to the wall. Good times. We also go to the Princess's ultrasound tomorrow where we will hopefully hear that her insides are all fixed and she will not need antibiotics again. Because it's getting a bit old and she's getting a bit too used to having medication every day. 

I have a sinkful of dishes and baskets of laundry and I would like to just sit on the couch with a bowl of cheese doodles and watch some mindless TV. Dog barking and baby screaming can take a toll on me. I can deal with baby crying... but baby screaming is different. Chewie goes from fine to SCREAM in about 2 seconds. I actually started watching her eyes today to make sure she was looking at things... I thought maybe she couldn't see. But she looks at us and smiles at us and I think she is just very vocal  and has very little tolerance for whatever she doesn't like. Maybe she thinks she's got to scream the loudest to be heard. In any event it is irritating. She doesn't cry all day, she doesn't cry for hours, she's not colicky, but when she screams, even for a moment, it pierces my soul. She has her 2 month check up on Friday so we'll make sure that everything is A-Okay.

Vader is on vacation in a couple of weeks and I can't wait. I'm sure he's got some type of project in the back of his head but instead he'll be taking us to a semi-local animal preserve and maybe mini-golfing or bowling or whatever his children want to do to have fun. Although Daddy's idea of fun is sitting home and watching Wipeout (admittedly that is funny), his children like to go places. And do things. And in a strange turn of events their mama is starting to like it as well.

I've put the dishes off as long as I can... Vader will be home... some time... and I'd rather he not see me sitting on my butt in front of the computer when I have dishes and laundry and things to do. Which is silly since he always sits on his butt in front of the computer with dishes in the sink. When I've been feeding a baby for what seems like hours. Ah well...

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Sometimes being a complaining...

... pain in the ass on this blog is useful. I just went through my archives and my pregnancy and #2 tags to see where I was at this point last time. And boy can I bitch. It seems that the painful BH contractions are starting a bit sooner this time around...  but that makes sense since I was mostly sitting down at work all day and not carrying toddlers or chasing them. But reading everything really reminded me that this has been an okay pregnancy! No bleeding. No impending surgeries (that we know about). No weekly fetal non-stress tests. Just normal pregnancy aches and pains. And most important--no frickin' PINK EYE! I had that for at least a month towards the end last time.

I am 34 weeks tomorrow. I get the BH contractions and I've been having more pelvic pressure but I feel more like things are just moving into position and less that I'm going to go into labor early. I really truly don't believe I will last the whole 40 weeks, but I really don't think it'll be before 38.

And reading my archives reminded me that just 2 days before I had the Princess my best friend was in New Jersey and I was sure I was going to be in labor and she wouldn't be able to watch SkyWalker (and my mom was out since it was school vote time). But it all worked out--she got home from Jersey and THEN I went into labor. I have to believe that the same will happen again. I will not go into labor when Vader is in Batavia (Buffalo, not country). In my ultimate fantasy my mom comes up for SkyWalker's preschool graduation the next day (the day I am 38 weeks) and I go into labor after the graduation. I know that neither of these will happen--it won't be when Vader is gone and it won't be when my mother can magically come up. But it will be okay. I have enough friends now that surely there is someone I can call if need be. It will all work out.

Speaking of having the Princess... that was 2 years ago tomorrow. I can't quite believe so much time has passed by. I also can't quite believe I am 34 weeks pregnant! When SkyWalker turned 2 I peed on a stick and found out I was pregnant with the Princess! She is such a big girl now. She repeats everything we say, everything her brother says (good and bad), she likes to be silly and make people laugh. It's been so amazing to see her grow... to see all of her firsts and to be with her every day. I'm so truly grateful that I was able to not return to work full time.

A friend wrote a blog post the other day about having your "thing"--something that you don't give up when you become a mom. Her thing is running and she makes time for it no matter what else is going on in her life (yes, everybody laugh now, I read a running blog. No, I'm not eating cheese doodles when I read it. Mostly because I don't have any right now.) Anyway, since I read it I've been trying to think of what my "thing" is. What haven't I given up? Because I gave up A LOT. I used to do a lot more reading. I reviewed books for VOYA. I co-judged the VOYA poetry contest. I had my *own* poetry magazine/website. I was fully immersed in teen librarianship. I used to give presentations at conferences and people knew my name. I gave all of that up. But none of it could really have been my thing if it was so easy to give up right? Now I'm immersed in the whole Mommy thing--I started a mom's group (me?? starting a mom's group???), we have playdates and preschool and I'm totally doing the Mommy thing. But I think my "thing" has to exist outside of that.

And I think this is it. This random mind-dump that I do in here. I can't keep up with my handwritten journals, but I blog. I ponder and wonder and philosophize and theorize and I blog it all. And sure, it's nice when people comment because that is why we have public blogs right?, but it's not essential. It's enough that I get it out of my head. I used to fancy myself a writer--that ship has long since sailed--but I think blogging might just be my thing. (Until I hop on the damn twitter bandwagon that is...)

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Memory, or lack thereof

I know I had a whole funny bit about how SkyWalker will one day get kicked out of school and how it's all my fault, but now I can only remember one example. Which does not constitute a whole bit. Damn this sieve-like brain.

When he burps or farts instead of saying "excuse me" like all of the other robots in this country, he says "My farted!" and I say "Good one!" and give him a thumbs up. If it happens unexpectedly we also giggle as a family.

There was so much more to it than that. Oh well. Someday I'll remember.

After soccer today (in which Coach Ian informed us that he sprained his ankle and cannot play so there's a new coach and SkyWalker said he wanted to wait for "Coach Ian's boo-boo to go away" but then decided to play anyway), we all went to Target to get Vader a birthday card and a present (from SkyWalker). SkyWalker insisted that Vader should have a Stepney train. SkyWalker already has a Stepney train so he said "two Stepneys". I was not going to buy another one knowing that Vader will just say "Here ya go" and give it right back to him. But we went to the train section anyway and damnit they had Toby so Mommy had to buy Toby instead of waiting for Christmas. Then I thought SkyWalker could give Vader a matchbox car since all of his cars were originally his Daddy's and wouldn't it be cute for him to give his Daddy a new one. He picked out a fire helicopter (hmmm... two things that SkyWalker loves...) and when we got home he had to try it out. It is now his. He suckered me into buying two new toys today! And a new set of beads because he is a freak who loves cheap beads and there are only so many times I'm going to glue a set of beads that cost less than 50 cents.

Does knowing your blog audience change what you write? Or how you write it? I've always tried to forget that I have an audience at all... although if I didn't want it to be read it would be locked or completely private so some part of me must have realized that someone out there would read it.  Obviously when people comment on posts I know there's an audience, but when you know that audience in real life does it change things? Do you censor yourself? Or do you just pretend to not know and write what you would have written anyway? I think I do the latter.

And with that thought, here's what my son said to me as I was getting him dressed this morning: "Mommy has big nipples [I often pump at breakfast now and he's fond of saying "What's Mommy's nipple doing??" before I can get my shirt down. I do not know why he thinks I have big nipples. His father's are MUCH bigger.] My kiss Mommy's big nipples??" Obviously I said NO but he thought it was hilarious and tried to tackle me.

And that is probably another reason why he'd get kicked out of school.

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Updation

My not posting (to this blog) at work rule means very few posts. I am amazed I have the laptop right now. It's usually occupied and I am far too lazy to go down to the cold basement to use the desktop. I am far too paranoid--well not really. This blog has the username associated with me and could easily be found by People Who Make Decisions. And I've been burned before over stupid internet stuff by People Who Make Decisions. So better safe than sorry right?

SkyWalker is having problems sleeping. He's normally such a good sleeper but lately he's been waking up in the middle of the night very upset. I thought it was gas, I thought he was sick, I thought he had nightmares. I don't know what the hell it is but I hope it stops soon. I am very tired and cranky.

No Lost tonight. *Sigh*. Not that it matters since I'd only be recording it anyway. I'll probably watch my recorded Heroes instead and hope it didn't cut the last minute off again like it's done the last 2 weeks. I frickin' hate Time Warner. I like the DVR but man, TW just sucks, they really need to improve their services. Their own help page tells me I can do things with the DVR that I can't. qw21?

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving next week. Mostly because I am going to my parents so it will be a real Thanksgiving. I am not looking forward to the car trip, but it's not as bad as it could be. Maybe I can get some reading done. I only have about 5 potty training books.

Yeah, the potty training is going nowhere. He'll sit on it at home but he won't do anything. He cries at daycare. He's  not ready. I realized I've been putting pressure on him and myself. He's only 2. So what if some kids are potty trained earlier? This is my kid. And if I push him he'll say Screw You and never be trained. I need to just chill out and wait until he's actually ready.

He is talking quite a bit now. I don't mean literally now since he is in bed, but now in general. He's repeating words and saying words perfectly his first try. It's kind of funny actually. The whole car ride home he told me it was dark. And when we got home there were two deer in the driveway and then they ran away. So he kept saying "Deer?" "Deer ra? I finally figured out the "ra" meant either ran or run. It was awfully cute. The first 10 times and then it got a little tiresome. :-)

As suspected the laptop is being requisitioned.

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