Yearly wrap-up and future goals

Lotta green (Easy) on there… 

I decided to take it easy in December. No speedwork, no long runs. Partly because of holiday prep and sickness and partly because I did the Quickfit Holiday Challenge with Jessica Smith.

Stats

Mileage: 32.6 miles
Runs: 10
Bike: 39.2 miles
Trips: 6
Races: 0
Cross training: 22 days / 27 sessions

Not a lot of running, but more than last December (23.7) and I did a decent amount of biking and cross training. I also did a decent amount of socializing! Lots of nights out with friends and holiday celebrations. It's been a pretty good month. 

I recently got a new iPhone (5S) that can take full advantage of the Health App and count my steps and track my sleep and all that fun stuff. I manage to walk an average of 3 miles per day just doing chores in my house. The sleep tracker has confirmed that I sleep like crap. I'm awake multiple times a night and don't get a lot of deep sleep. I'm sick AGAIN though, so I'm hoping to get back on track. I was doing so well getting up at 6:30 every morning and it was easier to fall asleep but then Christmas vacation happened and we all got sick again and yeah. I hope to start again on Monday. 

As far as the year went… I wound up with 661.9 miles (yes I find that funny too) which is the most I have ever done. Sure, it would be great to have a 1000 mile year, but I don't think that's in the cards for me right now. As long as I keep going up, which is what I'm been doing, I'm happy. I think I'm also less likely to get injured that way. I've got 51.7 biking miles for the year to add to those running miles too.

Last year's goals: 

1. Run 4 times a week
2. Cross train 4 times a week
3. Beat my 5K PR of 27:35
3a. Set a new PR of 26:30
4. Don't get injured doing it!

1. 4 times a week is tough. I had some good weeks, but quite a few when I couldn't get that 4th run in. I'm pretty sure I did 3 times a week consistently though. 
2. Tee hee. I had months when I did a lot of cross training but many months when I did none. 
3. HAHAHAHA, nope. Not even close. 
4. No injuries, so that's good. 

So, not quite a successful year as far as that goes. BUT, I had lots of special running moments that meant more than the time on the clock (Ragnar, Wildcats Marathon with my kids, Ran a race with my husband, Running the half marathon for Fallon). I also participated in something called the Earthathon and helped other runners reach an awesome goal of running 25,000 miles. For 2015 I am helping to lead a team of over 20 runners (United Snails) as we try to reach 25,000 before other teams (there's still time to join! Go here to join a team. All you need is a twitter account.) It's a great way to stay motivated to run during a cold dreary winter.

I'm keeping my goals for 2015 simple:

1. Run 3 times a week
2. Bike 2 times a week
3. Cross train (strength, core, etc.) whenever I can
4. Run with friends whenever I get the opportunity! 
5. Be the best runner I can be

I'm not giving myself any time goals. I would like to PR at both the 5K and half marathon this year. I'll work damn hard to do it. But I'm not going to define myself by that. I'm not going to judge my success on numbers. I'm not an elite, not a pro, I'm just another Strong Running Mama trying to stay sane and be a good example to my kids. If I do the majority of my runs with a smile on my face (or at least in my heart) and run with friends and laugh, I'm doing pretty good. I am a million light years ahead of where I was 5, 10, 15 years ago. 

You get all this in just one post

Running:

My week off turned into two. It was somewhat unintentional. I had been looking forward to my long Sunday run but it was wicked cold so I chickened out. Why yes, I did feel like a major lame-o since my friends were running a marathon relay that day and had no choice about the wicked cold. But, I made cookies with Nana and the Princess instead. The next day should have been a treadmill day but we were out and about and was distracted by the results of Chewie's hearing test (see below) and playing Words with Friends with both SkyWalker and Nana that it wasn't until bedtime that I realized that the ENTIRE day had flashed by without a run. I pretty much knew the rest of the week was shot. We had a ginormous amount of fun with our friends resulting in naps being thrown off schedule and thus runs not being, um, run. But it was all worth it.

I got back on the treadmill on Friday with an easy run and then hit the road yesterday for my long run. I've been slowly building up my distance and planned on running 5.5 miles. But then I thought that I would plot out the 6.2 miles and if I wound up running 5.5 and walking the rest that would be fine, but at least I'd know how far I'd have to go to get the 6.2 (10K). I ran nonstop for 5.2 miles putting me at the bottom of the Hill. I stopped for roughly 30 seconds (stopped the watch and didn't move) and gathered myself. Then I started the trek up the hill. I was pretty wiped after already running 5.2 and in case I haven't mentioned it, this hill is, well, a HILL. I went up the first section which turned out to be .10 of a mile. I stopped for 10 seconds. I repeated that two more times until I was at the top of the hill. And then I just ran all the way home. I needed to go past my house just a smidge so I could get the full 6.2. I did it all about 3 minutes faster than the last time I attempted it. The last time I walked and I didn't go near the hill. So I'd say I did much better considering the slowness up the hill!

I'm glad I ended February on a high note, since I did about half the miles that I did in January--only 26.8 miles. Well, it is the shortest month.

******
Chewie:

At Chewie's 18 month checkup we started the early intervention process for speech. She wound up not qualifying because she communicated just enough, but she is delayed. She needs to improve by the time she's 2 or we'll have to do the whole thing again. Part of it was a hearing test. Her first was in January and she failed. She had a cold and they said the results were consistent with people who have colds so we didn't worry and just rescheduled another one for 4 weeks later. She had no runny nose so I sent her off with Vader and didn't give it a second thought. She failed again. Although she had no outward symptoms she had congestion or fluid in her ears. So she's on a steroid nose spray (the same one SkyWalker was one for his allergies) and hopefully that will help the fluid drain through her nose. We have an appointment with an ENT for the end of March and if it hasn't drained by then she'll most likely need to get tubes in her ears. And then we'll have to do another hearing test. Hopefully she'll pass that one and start talking soon. Not that I really want her to talk because the Princess DOES NOT STOP, but I'd like her to have the ability to talk.

*******
Blathering:

My alarm went off at 5:30 this morning and I did the daily debate of "I should get up but I'm not in the mood to physically move my body." At 6:20 I heard SkyWalker tell his father that I forgot to make his lunch! Argh. I jumped out of bed and he was right. Vader was making his lunch but I stayed up. It was lovely. I was going to run but my neck is in serious hurting mode, most likely from that damn hill yesterday. But I'm hoping that being up early today will help me fall asleep early tonight and get me back into that routine. If I could run before the kids even get up... oy.... and then have naptime to do THINGS! Oh the joy.
*******
Poetry:

Today's trek down memory lane is my most successful poem. Published 5 times according to a resume I found in the box.

The Hands

Why do I remember them?
Only the hands,
Once capable and quick,
Now slow and unsteady.
The hands.
I don't remember
the eyes or the voice.
But I remember
Those old, dying hands.
God, how they look like
mine.

Why I don't sleep

All of my children sleep through the night and have done so for a long LONG time. And yet I am still exhausted each morning. My sleep is always interrupted:

This happens all night long. This is actually pretty tame to what it's like in the middle of the night. Usually it sounds like an emphysema patient is sleeping with us.

Oh. yeah.

The problem with infrequent blogging is that one leaves one's readers in such a state of suspense. I'm sure you must all be wondering if my Balls of Responsibility are properly orbiting or if I've fallen off the unicycle. I am, gladly, still upright and still juggling those balls. The important ones are in orbit. Some of them have fallen and there's just nothing I can do about that right now.

Irony: I blog here much less than when I was working. And yet I'm book-blogging much more than when I was working.

Last Saturday I ran my 3rd race. It was another 5K--I've decided I'm sticking to those--3 miles is enough for me, thank you. I had wanted to beat 30 minutes. I came close in my 2nd race with 30:52. But I really really wanted to do it this time. It was wicked cold (although not as cold as it's been today!) and there were unexpected hills and wind in my face, but I did it. I came in at 29:40. Which is not terribly fast, but it's the best that I have done, and when you consider that I started out last March taking roughly 45 minutes to do 3 miles, I'm pretty happy with 29:40.

The Princess and SkyWalker ran in the kids' race before mine. For most of the race they looked like this:

They ran hand in hand until SkyWalker pulled ahead. But the little Princess didn't stop, she kept on running too. It was 3/10 of a mile long, which is pretty long for little legs, but they finished it. The rest of the day she ran around the house telling me that she runs "weally fast" because "I'm a mom." She insisted on showering with me because she ran a race too. It was totally worth the cold.

I'm sure Chewie would have loved to run as well, but she probably would have run right into the pond. So she was strapped in her stroller and could only watch.

We have an appointment tomorrow next week with Early Intervention. She hasn't qualified yet, we're just "exchanging information." She doesn't seem to be all that interested in talking. She'd much rather run and climb on the table or jump on the trampoline or do ANYTHING that doesn't involve sitting and learning. She is starting to babble a lot more and occasionally she'll try to repeat something. I don't think she has a hearing problem (but she'll be tested anyway), I think she has an effort problem. She doesn't give a crap about talking. Why ask for water when she can run and get it or her sister will just give it to her? I have a feeling she probably won't qualify for services, but we'll see.

She is sleeping pacifier-free and has done so for a month. It takes her longer to fall asleep, but once she does she stays there. It really wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. We're all sleeping well... too well. The girls will sometimes sleep past 8 and without them waking me up, well, I don't get up. It's been HORRIBLE. I remember waking up at 5:30 and starting my day alone and being totally energized and now I am just tired all the time and full of SLOTH. I have little motivation to do anything, which is quite problematic. I stay up late and then get up late and then stay up late. I need a newborn to give me energy!

I remember last winter being the first winter that was tolerable in a long time. I was taking Vitamin D to make up for the lack of sun, I was having the preschool playdates every 2 weeks, gymnastics, we were out and about. We're still busy now, but it's less fun. Lots of grocery shopping and doctor visits. I'm not sure if it's the lack of regular fun playdates or my Vitamin D levels aren't where they should be, but I am feeling the HIBERNATE urge big time. I keep thinking I need to call my friends and set things up and then... another day goes by, another week goes by. Time just zips by and I've done nothing productive. I've gotten the milk and I've done laundry and dishes, but I just have to do those things again. It never feels productive to me. I never feel DONE. We are not even out of December and this winter feels very very long already.

Insanity

I was going to write a post about how Saturday is the race and how I've come from running for 5 minutes straight to running for 30 minutes, how I've been taking the time to run outside by myself and enjoy some alone time in addition to training. I was going to write about meeting my new nephew this past weekend and seeing my less-than-new niece. I had so many different things to say. 

Instead I will say: my daughter is driving me insane. Beyond insane. Not the new one, although she is contributing with her new skill of pulling up to standing in the tub and trying to break her head. No, not that one. The other one, the older one, the one who turned 3 on May 15 and is supposed to be normal now. The twos are behind us. She's supposed to be NORMAL NOW. Every night I put her to bed and she says she does not want socks or blankets. Every night. Every night I leave the room and she chases me crying saying she wants socks and blankets. When it first happened I would turn around and go back and she would lay in bed and say No, she didn't want socks and blankets. I finally stopped turning around and would leave her crying at the gate. Then my husband would eventually go up since SkyWalker needs to sleep for school and Chewie needs to sleep and who can sleep with screaming? So he would go up and she would accept the socks and blankets and all would be fine. So now when I say to her "No shananigans, if you want socks and blankets ask now because I'm not coming back up" she says "Daddy will do it." Awesome. Especially when Daddy is not home. I know that's it's not about socks and blankets. She can do these things herself. And it's 80 degrees. It's all about control and she's challenging us (me). But I'm having a devil of a time fixing it. I give her many opportunities throughout the day to have control. She chooses her breakfast and her lunch. She chooses her clothes. She has independence. I don't control every minute of her day, it's not like this is the only outlet that she has to exercise some control over her life. But I also don't give in to her every whim throughout the day either. She doesn't get rewarded for whining or crying. 

I'm sure I had these issues with SkyWalker. He probably just cried at bedtime and didn't tell me why. I know there were plenty of times he didn't want to go to bed and claimed he had to poop. Maybe this is just her wanting to delay bedtime and there's not much more to it than that. In any event, I repeat, my daughter is driving me insane.

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Routine

Sometimes I get a little boxed in by my routines. For the most part things work out really well and by sticking to my routines as much as possible I can keep control over my days. I had been "dream feeding" Chewie at 10--feeding her in her sleep so that she would make it until the morning (7:30) and not have her sleep interrupted. Lately she's been waking up at 10. Which is no longer a dream feed and pretty indicative of a habitual waking. The last couple of nights I fed her only one side, something that would have caused a 3 or 4 am waking a few weeks ago. She took it and slept until 7:30. Or well, 7:20, but we're not going to quibble. Last night I decided not to go up there at all. She woke when Vader took SkyWalker and the Princess to the bathroom. I grumbled but didn't go up. She wasn't screaming or crying but really just fussing. She went back to sleep after just a few minutes. I was truly shocked when my alarm went off at 5:30 and I realized I hadn't been up yet. I knew this had become a habit waking but part of me was afraid to not feed her. Not that she would wake me up later, but just because she seems so similar to SkyWalker--born early and small, not the easiest pooping, looks just like him--that in the back of my head I thought "I don't want another baby to stop gaining weight." But she is not SkyWalker and she is still gaining weight. She now has some chunky thighs like her big sister. And she is a week away from cereal anyway. I decided I didn't need to wait until EXACTLY 6 months, so I'm doing it just one week early--on Thanksgiving so my mom can be there. My mother was there for the other 2 and now she can be there for Chewie's first cereal tasting as well. 

That was a long paragraph. 

I'm pretty flexible with my routines. If Chewie has only napped half an hour in the morning I have no problem letting her nap 3 hours and feeding her a little later. I really don't watch the clock unless she is right on cue and it just happens that way. When you have more than one kid you need some kind of structure though. When we're home we've fallen into a nice routine of me feeding my children all day. Seriously some days it feels like just that:

7:30 feed Chewie

8: feed the Princess breakfast

8:30/9 feed Chewie again so she'll last her nap (this is becoming unnecessary)

11: feed the Princess lunch

11:30 feed Chewie

1: feed Chewie (again, this is up in the air)

3:30: feed Chewie

5-6: make dinner

6:30/7: feed Chewie

I'm trying to keep Chewie from doing nothing but sitting in her high chair or carseat or swing so I need to plan the Princess's lunch before I feed Chewie. I need to have a handle on my day. Of course when we go somewhere it's all up in the air and she gets no tummy time and usually just takes a series of short naps and I feed her way too much trying to get her to just take one long one. 

The Princess has just started whining "Mommy" which in turn has woken Chewie up. It's only 6:20 and I'm ignoring it. I should probably shower while I can.

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Remarkable

I am up before the sun and all the children and dogs and husband are still sleeping and it is glorious. I was only tired for a few minutes and now I am awake and wondering why I couldn't drag my lazy butt out of bed for the last couple of weeks. We have had a rough patch-- Chewie has been eating like a fiend and SkyWalker spent a few days throwing up. And when you have 3 the odds of you being woken up in the middle of the night aren't 3 times as great it's a MILLION times as great. Throw in Scratchy the dog who likes to scratch his skin off or lick himself ad nauseum. Literally--he threw up this week too.

Yesterday was a remarkable day. 

We started with gymnastics in the morning in which the Princess wanted me to hold her the whole time and didn't warm up until half way through. It's always so embarrassing but I wonder if the moms with the kids who are doing stuff but just not what they are supposed to be doing are embarrassed too? Like if a kid is racing to jump on the trampoline instead of doing the bars like she's supposed to, is that Mom secretly thinking "if you're not going to do what you're told just do nothing like that little girl?" and I'm thinking "just do something instead of cling to me?" Perhaps we are all embarrassed of our children. Except the ones who do exactly what's asked of them. 

Anyway, we went to gymnastics and as expected Chewie only slept half an hour there. When we got home I was bursting, literally, to feed her, so I fed her at 10:45 instead of waiting until 11:30. The Princess and I had lunch and Chewie was clearly so tired that I put her down and she fell asleep at 12:30. I figured I was in for it since she would be waking up right when I have to get SkyWalker off the bus--provided she slept 2 hours which was no guarantee. The Princess went up at 1:30 and Chewie was still sleeping. Miraculous. The Princess fought her nap, getting up and playing with lotion and doing all sorts of things. I finally told her I didn't care if she slept but she had to stay in bed and have quiet time. I've been wondering what I'm going to do about quiet time for her if she starts giving up her nap and I think this is it. I'm going to make her have quiet time in her room when Chewie is sleeping. Real quiet time in her bed with just a book. Because guess what happened? She fell asleep around 2. Chewie was still sleeping which was simply amazing. I walked on the treadmill (I gave up couch to 5k. It just doesn't fit my life right now.) I got off the treadmill and both girls were sleeping and I didn't KNOW WHAT TO DO. It was crazy. I was so amazed that they were sleeping and I was alone that I kept checking the monitor and wasting time. I got some dishes done and Christmas presents wrapped. Chewie woke up right before I had to get SkyWalker off the bus but I couldn't get her. She never cried just woke up. And then put herself back to sleep! SkyWalker and I did his homework and the girls still slept. It was UNBELIEVABLE. I wasn't sure if I should wake Chewie since I did still need to feed her. She woke on her own at 3:30, as did the Princess--in a cheery mood, hugging her brother and acting like she hadn't seen him in weeks. 

It was truly remarkable. 

I have been up for an hour and the sun is still not up. This too is remarkable.

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Balance/Juggling/Why I need to clone myself

Balance. People. The balance, she eludes me. I strive for it everyday and everyday it slips from my fingers. 

SkyWalker is loving school. He's disappointed that he doesn't have more homework (he is so getting beat up). He has been much better behaved at home. He still has his moments but for the most part school has been the answer to everything. He peed his pants 2 days in a row and yet he still wants to go to school and enjoys it. Vader brought cupcakes to the school yesterday morning and passed by his bus. He was able to see SkyWalker smiling and laughing and having a good time. It's such a relief. 

The girls and I are doing well alone. I've filled the Princess's mornings with playdates and storytime and gymnastics. Today was gymnastics. She did much better than her brother years ago, but she did not respond the way I thought she would... maybe she was just in a bad mood. She wanted me to hold her the whole time. Didn't want to do anything. Luckily she had randomly insisted on bringing her baby doll--something I usually don't allow--and I made the baby doll do stuff and then she warmed up a little and did a little jumping and swinging. I KNOW she would love it if she would follow directions. We're going back and hopefully she will be in a better mood next week. It didn't help that Chewie started crying after only a 30 min nap. 

Chewie is doing better at night. I still dream feed her at 10ish and she doesn't wake until 7 (or  6:40 depending on how loud the boys are). She goes to bed at 7:30ish and she doesn't wake for the dream feed so that's pretty good... I'm still getting up at 5(ish) so I look forward to giving up that dream feed. 

The problem now is naps--for both of them. We had such a good routine going for a couple of weeks. I put the Princess down at 1:30, asleep by 2, put Chewie down at 2:15, asleep by 2:30 and then I was good. I could run. It was all good. Now the Princess is fighting her naps. Chewie is all over the place, 45 min naps, getting overtired. By the time I get them both down I have an hour or LESS before SkyWalker gets off the bus. Which leads me to....

Balance.

I have not run in a while. I skipped last week because school messed things up, naps messed things up, and I just don't know when I can do it. I tried on Monday but I went to week 3 when I should have repeated week 2. I couldn't do it. I walked for 20 minutes and was proud that I did that. The whole time I was watching the clock so I wouldn't get too close to bus time. AND my left ankle hurts again. This sucks. SkyWalker is in school all day and I have LESS me time than before! 

I should be folding the clothes and cleaning the house for his party tomorrow, but I needed to just sit and blog. As I type the Princess has STILL not fallen asleep (despite gymnastics this morning) and Chewie has just woken up after 20 minutes and is crying. She's been not pooping for a couple of days and then getting cranky and then pooping a lot. Who does that sound like? I know it's normal for BF babies to go days without pooping but the other 2 never did, so this is new to me. 

Something has got to give. Either I spend less time with the girls in the morning and run while they are awake, or I give doing anything else during any nap time and just run, or I don't know. I think I need to take the next couple of weeks and work on getting a consistent routine and getting both girls to take good naps and THEN fit running/cleaning/me into it. Because I am way too stressed out each day trying to get them down for a nap. 

It is now 2 pm. In 44 minutes SkyWalker will be off the bus. Chewie is crying. I would bet that the Princess is not sleeping either. 

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let me sum up

I *would* have finished the second week of Couch to 5k but my ankles are starting to hurt and I think I need new sneakers. It turned out good that I did not since I forgot to eat lunch and probably would have passed out.

I think I'm going to call it an early night. Here's my quick updates:

1) SkyWalker and Vader rode the bus together for bus safety day yesterday. The Princess and I watched them get on the bus. One of us cried and one of us comforted the other. I'm not telling who did what. SkyWalker was fine and seems to be okay with the fact that Vader will not be on the bus next week. He and his friend sat together on the bus coming back home. That is good. 

2) The Princess speaks and speaks and speaks. And yet still she whines. You'd think being able to communicate would cut down on the whining, but alas, it does not. I do think her molars are coming in though. She's doing okay with the potty training, but I need to find a way to get her to pee on a regular basis without it turning into a fight. She is a stubborn one. 

3) Chewie is doing really well. She really doesn't cry all that much anymore. No more screaming. She smiles a lot and seems so much happier. I moved her to the girls' room at bedtime now. I started on Monday and she has slept longer each night. Last night I gave her a bottle at 11 and she slept until 5:30. I've been giving her bottles to try to get her used to them. But she only takes 2 ounces, whether it's at 10 or 11. Tonight I'm going to skip it and see how she does. The girls do just fine in the same room and both SkyWalker and the Princess seem to be excited to have Chewie up there with them. I'm glad that I had the girls nap together from the first week. I think that helped a lot. I stopped swaddling Chewie since it didn't seem to be the miracle cure it was for the Princess. I just have her in a sleep sack and she's doing great. I kind of miss her at night, but she was in my room longer than the other two so it was really time. She turned 3 months yesterday. 

4) This is not as quick as I thought it would be. 

5) I ran two of the three couch to 5k days this week and I've already improved. I don't see myself ever running a race. I don't like to run in front of people. But I am enjoying the experience. It gives me the energy boost I need in the middle of the day and I am So proud of myself for sticking with it. I might have some scheduling problems once SkyWalker starts school--since the time I normally do it is nap time for the girls and that will be when he gets off the bus. And after being in school all day I don't think I can tell him to just wait for me to run... The Princess is better at entertaining herself so maybe I can actually attempt to do it while she is awake. Or try to get them down for early naps. I'll have to play around with our routines.

6) I need to hook my brain up to the internets so I can blog directly from it. I blog a lot in the shower. And then forget it when I see the screen...

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Home sweet home

We're all done traveling and I am glad to be sleeping in my own bed again. I will be even more glad when Chewie is sleeping in her own bed (her crib upstairs instead of the co-sleeper in our room). She had a couple of really good nights on LI and I think they were both because she was outside in the heat for the majority of the day! We have yet to replicate it. I'm getting really tired of, well, being tired. Being up twice a night is wearing on me. Particularly since I know the Princess was sleeping all night long by now... it's not fair to compare but that's what's in the back of my mind. 

We were on LI for our anniversary so we were able to go out by ourselves and have dinner and walk around Port Jeff. I had an Italian Ice. I don't know if any place up here has Italian Ices... in any event it was nice. Much better than last year when the kids and I went to dinner by ourselves. 

We're still not done with the cleanup from the Yellow Jacket Invasion of '09. My husband is going a little cooky with it. At this rate we will never be done. 

SkyWalker starts kindergarten in 3 weeks. I can't quite believe it. We're going to start getting him up earlier. His bus will come at 6:52. Isn't that crazy? He should be home by 2:45 though. I'm not sure if I want to try getting the Princess down for earlier naps or keep her on her current napping schedule. It might be nice for SkyWalker to have some alone time with me when he gets home. This is assuming the Princess naps. Actually she does okay as long as no one else wakes her up. 

The sun is still not up yet. I haven't gotten up this early in a week and I feel it... I think it was good to get a bit more sleep, but I definitely prefer getting up before everyone else and starting my day in peace. And then going to bed early. 

Shinesalot had her baby Tuesday morning and I realize once again how lucky we were that she was here when Chewie was born... I have been going crazy being so far away. 

On a related note there is a Clutch concert in NYC the day my SIL is due. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could be down there and see the concert and the baby in the same weekend? Would it be even more lovely if Chewie is sleeping the night by then?? Cross your fingers for me.

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Ramble On

It's funny, when your time is split into 2-3 hour chunks it goes amazingly fast. I close my eyes and it's a week later. We've been working really hard on our routine. And by we I mean me. Chewie has been on EASY (the baby whisperer) since I brought her home--I nursed her, changed her diaper to wake her up a little, and then put her down to sleep. Eat, Activity, Sleep. The Y is supposed to be You time, but with 2 older kids there is no You time. She's starting to be awake longer... and thus is now able to get overtired and then have to scream herself to sleep. Joy. In addition to the sudden and random blood curdling screams brought on by gas, she also enjoys crying in her sleep. I am so glad I got that video monitor because I would think that the Princess was sitting on top of her. Oh no. She's completely asleep. Crying. I do think she's been overtired and that I've been misreading her cues a bit and feeding her when she just needs to sleep. Ah well, tomorrow is a new day. She'll be a month old tomorrow and all things considered she's doing really well. I do remember with the Princess that I thought she would never go longer at night and settle into a routine, but she did her first 7 hour stretch at 7 weeks old, followed shortly thereafter by ALL night long. So I have hope. 

My routine has pretty much remained the same. I get up at 5:30 every morning. Pump, eat, check the internets, shower if I can, sometimes do laundry, and enjoy the quiet. Lately the quiet has been interrupted by either a crying Chewie or a wandering SkyWalker who says that 6:45 is "close enough" to 7. I hope to add some treadmill time in the morning as soon as Chewie is sleeping upstairs in her crib. It's one thing for me to leave her in the co-sleeper while I'm in the kitchen and the dogs are still sleeping in our room, but I don't want to go downstairs and be too far away (the co-sleeper is attached to our bed with one of the sides off so that I can "roll over," and pick her up to nurse her. But I discovered I can attach the 4th side while it's still attached to our bed so it functions as a bassinet. It's safer for me to leave the room.) 

It is almost my bedtime. It is also almost my birthday. My son thinks I need a bicycle for my birthday. 

I am fading fast right now so I leave you with this: I frequently tell SkyWalker that he needs to eat his meat and vegetables if he wants to grow big. Whenever he's eating or drinking something he'll ask if that will help him grow big. He really doesn't eat a lot of meat so I'm constantly telling  him that's what he needs. At bedtime tonight we were all in the girls' room and I was feeding Chewie, as usual, Vader was teaching the Princess how to do math on her fingers, and SkyWalker was sitting on the floor with me. He asked me what tomorrow is and I told him that Chewie was going to be 1 month old tomorrow. He asked if she was going to get bigger and I said that she was getting bigger everyday. And he said "from your breastmilk and meat. Your meat milk. Haha. The meat in your milk. Haha." 

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what time is it?

My children alternated crying last night. For the entire night. And when I mean entire night, I mean it. I think I slept for roughly 2 hours. I finally just turned the monitor off at 4 but since I already had a splitting headache it really didn't help. SkyWalker peed his bed 3 times. They both have runny noses. SkyWalker is not that bad... I have to decide now if I want to send him to preschool or not. I hate to see him miss so early on when he's still getting used to it. But I don't want anyone else getting sick. 

head. pain.

I have more cupcakes to make and bathrooms to clean and crap to do today and I have a feeling I am going to need to take a nap. 

And my daughter is covered in yogurt and cheerios. 

What a fine start to the day.

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Wow

I've come back to work to two surprises. One I knew was coming but didn't really think I'd see it... a vending machine in the staff room. This will good. And bad. The second I also knew was coming but didn't think I'd see it so soon... the director is resigning. Crazy days at the library.

I know I'm pretty strict about our sleep schedule. I let the kids stay up for the wedding but that's it. No 4th of July or New Year's Eve. No staying up late because we're out at a friends or at dinner or something like that. Which is why it constantly amazes me when I see people bringing their little kids in at 8:30. Dude! And you wonder why your kids are having a tantrum now? Could it be that they are supposed to be in bed? Hmmm....

I called the doc today to schedule the deflux for the Princess. Hopefully we'll get a call with the date soon. Hopefully it will not be on a day I work or my boss will hate me forever. I think he does things on Tuesdays though, so it should be okay.

I cannot wait until I am just working one night a week. I may actually see my husband during the week! Woo-hoo!

I think my brain might be officially fried.

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It continues

I went to bed at 9:30 and was asleep before 10. 

At 10:30 SkyWalker woke me up crying. Took care of him, got back to sleep. 

At 12:30 the Princess woke me up crying. Gave her ibuprofen this time and that seemed to work better. Went back to sleep. 

At 2:30 SkyWalker woke me up crying, proceeded to SCREAM while in the bathroom saying he needed Mommy and gagging and making me think he was going to vomit. He finally calmed down. Went back to sleep

At 5:45 my alarm went off to take my morning temp. I went back to sleep, determined to let the kids sleep late.

At 7 SkyWalker woke up needing Mommy. He woke the Princess up. I took care of him, gave him tylenol to try to get him to go back to sleep. I fed the Princess, put her back down and she actually fell asleep at 7:30 and is still sleeping now (9 am). SkyWalker did not go back to sleep. He came downstairs and laid with me in my bed but he did not sleep. A couple of times he snuggled up to me but mostly he played with his flashlight. Then he got out of bed, went in my closet, took his clothes off and made a mess. At 8:30 the dogs couldn't stand it anymore and told me to get out of bed. 

Vader will probably be home tomorrow, I have no idea when, so I will have another night of this. Then I will have to work on Saturday. Then we have Easter on Sunday. Then Vader will go back to work on Monday. And I will never sleep again. 

I'm going to take them to the doctor today. I'm sure she has an ear infection and if it's interrupting her sleep now then it must be painful. I don't think there's anything I can do for SkyWalker unless he too has an ear infection. I think he just has a cold and has to tough it out, but he's being a big sissy instead. 

It is raining and gloomy and the poor dogs are sleeping on the kitchen floor instead of being a pain in the neck. Even they must be tired from last night's shenanigans. It would be a perfect day to stay in bed and read a book. Instead I will wipe snot and take temperatures and try to forget that I need someone to take care of me too. 

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Day 3

Day 3 of no Daddy. I don't know how people do this all the time. Granted, their kids aren't sick all the time, and they probably don't have 2 dogs, but still. 

I have been trying to get my kids to sleep for an hour now. It started out okay--the Princess was asleep by 6:50 (her choice, not mine). At 7 she was screaming. I put SkyWalker down at 7:15, comforted the Princess and left. She cried off and on. At 7:40 I went up there and SkyWalker was peering into her room saying "Don't cry." He claimed his nose hurt and he needed saline solution. We took care of that, I went and fed the Princess as a last resort, and SkyWalker decided the tag in his diaper was bothering him so he took it off. There are no tags in diapers. I put the Princess down, put a pull up on SkyWalker and put him back in bed. The Princess continued to cry. I went downstairs and looked up ear infections and the proper dosage of tylenol. The Princess continued to cry. At 8, all was quiet. And then I heard "I pooped!". I walked up there and SkyWalker was sitting on the potty. (We leave his gate open now so he can go to the bathroom.) I took care of him and hoped the Princess would not wake up. At 8:10 I see the light is on in the bathroom again. He has the saline solution ... and the Princess's nose-snot-sucker and has it up his nose. I got his and said "You want me to suck the snot out of your nose?" and he said yes. So I did it. I just put him back in bed. It is now 8:20 and the Princess has just started crying again. There is nothing more I can do for her. I've fed her. Given her tylenol. Wiped her nose. She has a slight fever and has been pulling on her ear as well as the snot-nose, so I'm pretty sure we're headed to the doc tomorrow for an ear infection. 

Good frickin times. 

Tonight I was a sneaky chef and hid pureed sweet potatoes in the macaroni and tomato soup we had for dinner. SkyWalker ate it right up. So did I. I decided I'm going to trick myself with this stuff too! Ha! That'll teach me.

8:23 and SkyWalker has just walked in to the bathroom. The Princess is still crying. Good times man. Good times.

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It's the little things

that keep me sane.

During snack time SkyWalker and I discussed what he wanted to get Vader for Christmas. He said "train." I laughed. Here we go again. I said "Are you sure he wants a train?"
"Yes. Gordon. Daddy and SkyWalker like Gordon."
Then I said "What about a CD?"
"A CD??"
"Yeah. Music that he likes."
"We have one CD, we don't need two" as he holds up one finger for emphasis.

This from the boy who wanted to get another Stepney train for his father's birthday.

There's all sorts of crap going on with FIL that I don't want to get into here. Short version: I don't think there's much time left.

The Princess has been rolling over on her tummy at naptime. What's so unusual about that? She's still FULLY SWADDLED. This is supposed to be impossible. At the very least it is not safe. So I've begun the unswaddling process... I tried cold turkey yesterday and nearly went insane. Today I've been leaving one arm out. It took her over an hour to fall asleep for her second nap. It was not a pleasant afternoon.

For those of you dying to know... I have chosen the celadon color for my matron of honor dress. Now I need to find a little dress in the same color for the Princess. Because I am one of "those moms."

Speaking of "those moms", I am wearing capris that don't look like capris because I'm so short and me legs are cold but I am wearing them anyway because SkyWalker picked them out. He picks out my clothes for work. Usually he's pretty good, but he insisted on the capris today. And a black sparkly shirt that he's been eyeing all week.

Both of them were up last night. I am SO TIRED. That is the hardest part about having two kids...trying to synchronize naps so you can get something done... hoping that they both sleep through the night. If one does, the other is up for some reason. Last night they alternated. It was ridiculous.

We need to leave the house at 8:45 tomorrow morning to make it to soccer on time. I will be getting home around 9:30 tonight, watching Scrubs and the Office and I'll need to shower. Argh. I hope they sleep tonight...

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Tick Tock

This has been the longest Saturday ever. Probably not *ever*, but you know what I mean. If I were home right now I would be saying, "I can't believe it's after 3 already! I have so much more to do!" But alas, I am working and I am saying "I can't believe it's only 3!"

I just love parents who think the library is free daycare. And that I am a secretary who will go looking for a kid... if you're that concerned how about you come to the library with him? Instead of dumping him for HOURS?

Our playdate yesterday went well. We enjoyed ourselves and SkyWalker said he wanted to go back, so that's good. It's funny though, whenever I say "we're going to go play with [whoever it may be]" he says "okay. and littleman?". Sigh.

I've fixed the Princess's sleeping problem (eating at night... not eating during the day... then eating at night), but now she likes to wake up at 5:30, roll over to her tummy and SCREAM until Vader goes upstairs to roll her back over. Once she's rolled over she's usually okay to go back to sleep. I hope she remembers how to roll over to her back soon... she did that first but once she started rolling to her tummy there was no stopping her and she just forgot how to fix herself. Vader has to go up though because if she sees me she'll only want one thing. At least that's what I'm telling him...

We've gotten SkyWalker to say "Bada Bing Bada Boom." It is HILARIOUS.

We are leaving at 7 am on Wednesday morning. I think I might be crazy. But it works better for the kids to travel in the morning. We have 10:30 ferry reservations and hopefully we'll make them. SkyWalker did okay last time, not needing to stop and pee so it should be okay. If it's early enough he hasn't had a full day of drinking...

Pumping break is over... back to "work."

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I am sleepy

I am sleepy... I am sleepy.. why aren't you?? Yawn.

Things have been going okay. I've been keeping my shit together which is the important thing. It's quite ironic that SkyWalker has chosen now when his baby sister has just arrived and I am up every 2 hours, to have his vocabulary EXPLODE. He has not stopped talking. At all. I don't know when he breathes. Really, I don't. If he's not talking to me he's just talking in general. He's awfully cute with what he is saying and he's doing so so so well with his pronounciation and repeating what we say. But he also has the tendency to repeat what he has just said, about a million frickin times. "Daddy go back outside?" I think he's missing his short-term memory. I answer him each time, without using the f-word, and I don't want to stifle his development. But man, when you haven't been sleeping sometimes all you want is a little quiet.

The Princess is doing better about the night feedings. I've been getting her up every 2 hours during the day and feeding her, regardless or whether she wakes on her own or not. I've also been mostly feeding her just one side, for as long as she wants, except for in the morning after I pump when she gets both sides to get even more of the "hind milk." She's so much more efficient than her brother was--she can finish in 10 minutes or sometimes even less. If she continues to go every 2 hours at night (or longer) than I'll stop waking her during the day and let her tell me when she wants to eat. She had been eating every hour or less at night and that just sucked. She also tends to have her big poopies at night. Thanks.

Speaking of poopies--SkyWalker pooped on the potty intentionally this morning! And he's been peeing on the potty. He's wearing Hulk pull-ups right now. Mostly because it's easier for me to change him standing up with those than with diapers. I think he'd be potty trained if I was seriously doing it, but I can't seriously do it if I'm nursing every 2 hours. I think in a few weeks we might try. But who knows?

We went to a fire truck museum yesterday and SkyWalker loved it. He got to wear a firefighter jacket and hat and ride on a few of them. It was nice doing something fun as a family. We never do that. This is Vader's last week at home and while I keep thinking "what am I going to do when he goes back to work?" there really won't be much of a difference since he's been outside most of the time doing his landscaping or mowing the lawn. Right now he is having lunch with his friend.

My dogs are outside and want to come in but I am being lazy and not getting up to open the door. I wish we had a doggie door, but then again I don't.

A few days ago I put The Princess in her crib for her first nap there. At the same time that SkyWalker was napping. It was wonderful! I took a shower! I can't get anything done until she's napping in her crib so I've got to get that established early. The Princess is 2 weeks old, 2 1/2 actually, and already she has cried herself to sleep. Unintentionally. We were all upstairs (by all I mean me and them) and I was in the bathroom with SkyWalker. The Princess was in her crib and she started crying. But I was in the middle of helping SkyWalker on the potty and couldn't leave. Then all of a sudden she was quiet. I checked in on her and she was asleep. She woke up briefly and then put herself back to sleep.  She's napped twice in her crib today and put herself to sleep there. Woo-hoo! She sleeps so much that she's often asleep when she finishes nursing. Even after I change her diaper. She's rarely awake so it's tough to put her down when she is awake so she can learn how to fall asleep on her own. I don't nurse to sleep and I don't rock to sleep and I really believe in babies learning how to do that themselves so they can soothe themselves at 3 am without needing my boob or something else from me to get back to sleep. So it's good that we're heading in the right direction.

I've been up since 5:30. And I mean up. I nursed her at 5:30, got out of bed at 5:45, was pumping and sewing a shirt that ripped at 6, ordered new nursing camis at 6:30 and was in the shower by 7. And nursing again by 7:30. I am very much ready for a nap right now. Unfortunately with the exception of Miss Sleeps All Day, no one else is ready for a nap. Would it be really bad if I started slipping benedryl in his lunch? Or just be direct and give him sleeping pills? Really, would it be so wrong?

Aside from the normal sleeplessness and stress of "Am I doing anything right?" things are going really well. SkyWalker is wonderful with his sister. He wants to hug her all the time and truly loves her. He shares his old toys and will much more readily give HER something than me. He plays by himself and is not constantly whining for my attention. He's so much better than I would have expected, but then again he's generally so well-behaved I shouldn't be surprised. He has his moments and there have been some times when he's been pretty whiny or too hands on with The Princess. Like 2 seconds ago, he just dopped her pacifier on her even though she is asleep and I told him she doesn't need it. But that's much better than smacking her in the face right?

I should probably start paying attention to them all again. Especially since someone is squeezing my bog toe and oh, he just kissed my foot. Tee-hee. Oh--quick funny--SkyWalker thinks me pumping is fascinating to watch (um, please don't!) but the funniest is him saying that The Princess is drinking from my "belly." We've both told him that she gets her milk from my "breast" but he insists that it's my belly and he pokes me there and says "belly!" It is hilarious.

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I could get used to this

And by "this" I mean this staying home thing. I have had a lovely 3 days off of work (not including the normal Sat & Sun). My mom and sister came on Saturday and left yesterday morning and that certainly helped. We bought a new combo changing table/dresser. My mom cooked dinner Monday night. There are loads of leftovers. Vader finally finished painting #2's room. He still has to take all the plastic down and move the furniture back and get the dresser up there before I can do anything else.

SkyWalker and I have had a lovely time. He didn't nap yesterday and then had a bit of a breakdown when we were downstairs and I was printing pictures. The trouble with digital pictures is that they're digital...sure I make albums and upload them and share them, but SkyWalker's photo album stopped when he was 10 months old! So I went through all my digital albums to choose pictures to print. I thought maybe 30-40. Ha. 118. I got 25 done before SkyWalker got really bored with his toys and wanted to play with the pictures. As it turned out I am on the last printer ribbon and I don't think I have enough paper either (for the Kodak Easyshare printer) so it was taking a while to figure out how the hell to save my list of pictures without having to either manually write them down or just start from scratch. I finally figured it out but not after much cranky no-nap whining and crying. Once we went back upstairs and I started making dinner he was okay.

He is playing with his cars and blocks right now, very nicely by himself, although he keeps asking for a truck movie. I wasn't aware we had a truck movie. We watched the Baby Einstein On the Go and he was happy with that but it's clear that he has a specific truck movie in mind. I'm not sure if maybe one of the Thomas episodes had a truck in it and that's what he's referring to, or if my mom or sister called something a truck movie, or if he just wants me to make one up.

He's been sleeping great, aside from the lack of nap yesterday, and I even changed the sheets on his bed. He still has the Thomas blanket and pillow though. He doesn't actually sleep on the pillow, it's just in the bed so I don't think it needs to be washed every week. Hopefully by the time something happens to it (I shrink it, it gets stained, etc) he will have retrained himself to sleep and it won't matter. He may have already done so but I'm too damn tired to experiment.

He's sitting on the potty a lot more but saying he's done after less than a minute. Dude, you're my kid there's no way you're done. You need to put a little effort in. He's also asking for a "new diaper" which is absolutely hilarious. I can't believe how much he is talking now.

I should probably take advantage of his independent playing and get dressed. I considered going to Target for a few things but I really don't feel like leaving the house. Tomorrow is going to royally suck and I want as much relaxing time at home today as possible. At least it's just 2 days at work this week and then we'll have the weekend together. I fantasize about being home all the time. There are times when I'm pulling my hair out (neither one of us is perfect--SkyWalker gets naughty & whiny and I get frustrated) and I wonder if I can really do it and then I remember that those times are rare and that yes I can do it. I know, deep down I know, that this is what I'm *supposed* to be doing.

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Bribery & other things

I know I've bored you all ad nauseum with SkyWalker's sleeping problems of late. I bought a Thomas the Tank Engine fleece blanket to entice him to his bed. No go. My mother bought him an entire Thomas toddler bedding set and a little Thomas flash light. I put the comforter on his bed and the sheets in the wash. He slept with the flash light, on the floor, but once Vader put him in bed under the comforter he did stay there all night. So it was progress. I finally did his laundry yesterday and put the sheets on the bed. The fitted sheet, the flat sheet, and I even got one of the pillows from the other room and put the pillowcase on it. He's never slept with a flat sheet or pillow, but I figured what the hell? I put the fleece blanket and comforter back on so the entire bed was just THOMAS. Apparently while I was at work he napped for 2 hours. In his bed. Okay, fine. We put him to bed last night, he said "I want night-night", crawled in his bed and stayed there.

I can no longer hate Thomas the Tank Engine. Even if he is a whiny baby.

We're having snack time right now and for some unknown reason SkyWalker flipped out when he caught sight of the old Veggie Puffs in the closet. He hasn't had these since he was a baby, but I brought them down for him, in addition to his animal crackers and Nilla Wafers. I made the mistake of letting him pour some of the puffs on his tray. And then leaving the canister within reach. He has emptied the entire thing on his tray. It is hilarious. Luckily these are really baby snacks, a serving size is 80 pieces, so I don't think it'll spoil his dinner.

We went to the OB for my regular checkup. He was such a good boy. Every once in a while I have to take him out in public to remind myself of how good he really is. The OB didn't seem too concerned when I told him what happened at the ultrasound on Friday. He's glad that it's being monitored with the ultrasounds, but is under the impression that a lot of cases clear up on their own. I did some research myself and found an article written by the surgeon who would do it (the one who did SkyWalker's hypospadious surgery) and the article says the same thing--surgery is a last resort and it was comforting to read that this doctor doesn't advocate immediate surgery. So I feel a little bit better than I did last week.  He also said that there's no reason for us not to have more kids.

I'll have to do that glucose gestational diabetes icky drink test soon. As well as get a shot in my ass again. We're up to visits every 2 weeks now. I can't believe I'm at that point already. Although by this time last time (25 weeks) I was only 11 weeks away from delivering. Kinda scary when I think about it. I have to be prepared to go at 36 weeks again, actually I should be prepared to go at 34, but man I am so NOT prepared.

SkyWalker has the hiccups and it's amusing me. Looks like someone is playing with his massive tray of puffs now, I should probably pay attention...

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