Grooves

If it weren't for the lack of pooping, Lightrunner would be the easiest baby I have ever had. He caught on to the Eat, Play, Sleep routine really quickly. He sleeps in his crib (or cosleeper at night). When he has good days I can predict when he will need to sleep pretty easily and I usually have to wake him up to feed him. Yes, I wake him up (during the day).

When he doesn't poop, which is often, the whole thing can get out of whack. 2 hour naps become 45 minutes. He cries. He's gassy and cranky. I gave him brown sugar water a couple of times and it worked but it seems to have stopped. Today is day 4 of no poop, after 2 days of brown sugar water. BUT he is happily sleeping in his crib. I will have to go wake him up in 10 minutes or so. He doesn't seem to be quite as bothered as he used to be. The only change is that I'm cutting down on my dairy. I seem to be able to have milk in my tea and cereal in the morning. But a big glass of milk--or two--before bedtime will result in a night of gassiness. I bought American cheese from Organic Valley and it's SO GOOD and I've had that at lunch time and a few times the following nap was less than stellar... I'm still trying to figure out what our limits are... can I have ice cream before bed? Yogurt seemed okay.  Is it just whole milk? It's possible that all those times he was crying and I thought it was not pooping it was actually just dairy-related gas. He's not constipated--breastfed babies are rarely constipated and the signs are more about what's coming out than how often it comes out. So for now I need to forget about big glasses of milk, double up on my Vitamin D, and hope he gets over this soon!

Other than this little hiccup, everything is going swimmingly. The big kids have adjusted to school (well, I shouldn't say swimmingly, homework with SkyWalker is still a battle. He does his math work without hesitation, but he has to write a paragraph a week and it's THE WORST THING EVER.). The Princess is doing well in kindergarten and it feels like she's been in school forever. Chewie is doing GREAT in preschool. It's just what she needed. She's happy to go and listens well and enjoys it. She loves gymnastics and is often one of the best listeners in the class. When we go out she stays in the stroller with Lightrunner and is helpful and listens. It's insane. But once the big kids are home, she once again becomes the little kid and the screaming/crying starts. If she's going to misbehave at any point during the day it is most likely when they are home. Which gets really annoying. Our mornings together are quite nice though... I can run on the treadmill and shower and she entertains herself with Reading Rainbow on the iPad or her toys. She behaves. Doesn't whine or cry for me. It makes things a lot easier to get done.

We're all fitting into our grooves.

Yes, I know

It's been a week and you're all clamoring for reports of how school went.

SkyWalker surprised me with quiet tears on Tuesday morning. He couldn't even look at us when the bus passed by, deciding instead to hide his face in his sweatshirt. By Tuesday afternoon he came off the bus with a smile and he's been fine ever since. It wasn't that he didn't want to go to school, but just that he didn't want to leave us. I guess next summer shouldn't be the Summer of Fun, but instead the Summer of Mostly Fun with Some Boredom and Yelling Thrown in So You Miss School.

The Princess, however, surprised me the most. At the playdate she was wrapped around me and didn't talk to any kids and wanted to go home early and I thought I was going to be in for it when it came time for me to actually leave her at preschool. I anticipated a repeat of what happened with SkyWalker and preschool. But, once again, she proved that she's her own self. She wanted me to help her sit at the playdoh table and then she said "if you need to go to the library, I'll let you." And that was that. No crying, no drama. She's been fine each day, talking to her teachers and to some of the kids. She's not so good with remembering names but she's only 3. When Chewie and I pick her up she's on the playground right there with the kids, not off by herself, not running away. She may not be actively playing with them yet, but she's there with them. Which is more than she would ever do before. So that's been one giant big relief.

Chewie and I went to the library and danced. We went food shopping yesterday (!). We decided we would do the shopping so that Daddy could be home Monday nights and Mommy doesn't have to go crazy. Guess what? Daddy worked until 10:30 Monday and Tuesday nights! And he'll do the same on Thursday (Wednesday is Parent's Night at school) and he's going in to work on Sunday too. I won't be getting my outside run. Again. Guess who's kicking myself in the arse for doing the shopping now?

Tomorrow Chewie and I will get new tires put on the van. Joy. I have hope that we will eventually have fun during our one-on-one time.

I will say this--preschool is much easier this time around. I don't have my head in the toilet all morning before we go. Much easier to get ready on time.

Transitions

Last week I was not ready for school to begin. I was not ready for the end of summer, of our summer fun, of the routine we had established. I'm still not ready for the end of summer. I know lots of people are doing cartwheels because today was in the low 70s and a "fall day" but I think I should have taken an extra Vitamin D. I don't embrace the fall like others do. I tolerate it because it's not winter, but summer has always been my favorite. I need to feel the sun, to see it, to soak it in. This is the first summer that I actually have a tan, not because I was laying on the beach and tanning myself, but because we were out and about. Sure, I used sunscreen and I don't want to get skin cancer but I am proud of my tan. It is proof that I was outside more than I was inside. That I did what I set out to do. I am happy that I had a good summer and I'm still not ready for summer to end.

But. I think I am ready for school to begin. Vader left on Friday for a wedding in California. I couldn't believe what rotten timing it was--he's not getting back until wicked late Monday night. School starts wicked early Tuesday morning. But maybe, just maybe, it has worked out the way it needed to be. Because after all of this time without Vader, all of this time with just us, I think I am ready for SkyWalker to go back to school and he may be ready to go back too. We've had lots of fun moments--I took them all to a local county fair yesterday--but there have been a lot of arguments and fighting and raised voices. I think we're ready for a break from each other and we really weren't ready for it last week. It's somewhat hard for me to think let alone say. I was that mom who when sick would keep her son home from daycare, instead of leaving him at daycare so I could rest. I couldn't bear the thought of him being somewhere else if I wasn't at work. It wasn't until I was on work bedrest with the Princess that I ever left him in daycare when I was at home. So it's hard for me to say--even though lots of others have said it--that it's time for him to go. Now, I know I'm only sending him to first grade, not to the Hunger Games, but still.

The Princess has been less of a problem. I think her recent tantrums are actually a product of the stress between SkyWalker and me, and knowing that she's going to be starting preschool on Tuesday. She talks about it and knows that I am dropping her off and leaving and she smiles and proudly says "There's my preschool" when we drive by. But when we went to the playdate there on Wednesday she was quiet and shy and withdrawn. It was frustrating when SkyWalker did it because I hadn't experienced it yet. It's just sad when I see it in the Princess because I know what's she's capable of. I see her play with her brother, I see her lively and vivacious and animated. And when he's not with her she is just not herself. I'm glad that she draws strength from him, but it makes me so sad too that she doesn't get that strength from herself. I know that the first couple of months of preschool will be hard. I know right now that she will cry when I leave and that I will have to just keep leaving. But I hope that since I am starting her at 3, that she will open up quicker than her brother did when I started him at 4. He was fine going to kindergarten and he's a completely different kid now. I know it will all be worth it in the end.

The only one who hasn't been giving me trouble is the one I call trouble maker. Chewie had been cranky and frustrated. She screamed at me whenever she wanted anything. The last time we were at the library I opened up a parenting book on babies and talking and flipped to the 15 month old page. I almost took it home but then decided that I didn't need to read a book telling me that my baby was already failing because she wasn't doing ANYTHING she was supposed to be doing. And then just in the last week--the hardest week with the older 2--she has found her groove. She's walking a lot. She's laughing a lot. She's babbling and making sounds. She's not saying recognizable words or trying to repeat anything, but she's making sounds that sound like words. She said Mama and Dada and Nana a while ago, but she would never repeat anything and she wouldn't really use them appropriately. She seems so much happier this week and is much more talkative and much less screaming. Although she does shriek with glee which is almost as bad. I think she will benefit from having some one on one time with Mama.

I have not run outside since the last race. I've run on the treadmill, but it's just not the same. I should actually be running today, but my ankle is a bit sore and I'm just not in the mood for another treadmill run. I ran 5.5 miles last week and the treadmill told me it was 4 something. I know that the Nike+ is not the most accurate and that it will measure somewhat differently on the treadmill than on the road. But that's a big difference. And I FEEL the difference too. I was running at 5.0 which should have been a 12 minute pace. Slow. And it did not feel slow. I'm going to Fleet Feet on Friday to have my running analyzed so I can get a recommendation for the right sneaker. I'm looking forward to running on the treadmill there and comparing it with my Nike+. I want to see how it feels too, to see if my suspicions are confirmed or not. I am secretly terrified that it will feel exactly the same and that my treadmill is accurate and my Nike+ is not and that I haven't been running as much and I'm just a big fraud. I try to always do my long runs outside where I know that it's accurate, but that requires a present husband. If the treadmill at Fleet Feet feels differently I'm going to have to call the treadmill company and see what's going on. I finally found the manual and the lube, so maybe I just have to do some maintenance on it. Or maybe the craft paint the children spilled on it has screwed it up somehow.

It feels somewhat odd blogging like this here at blogger. I've been with blogger since Jan of 2004, but never personally. I always liked the ease with which I could check out the neighborhood on vox. It's not quite the same when you're reading it through google reader. But, I have to say, I'm liking that the feedjit widget is working. I've always had that on my book blog, but it never worked in vox. Now I can see where all you people are coming from. So who the hell is reading me from Kings Park?? And all of you people keep coming back but I only have one follower??! (Thanks Gina!)

The dogs are doing their nightly "Why isn't Daddy home yet?" barking. 26 more hours.

Graduation

Yesterday was SkyWalker's preschool graduation. I fully expected that at some point during the ceremony he would have to come sit with us because of stage fright. I fully expected no participation at all. Which would have been fine because, quite frankly, I wouldn't want to sing This Land is Your Land in front of a bunch of grownups taking pictures either. It started out with the kids walking in two-by-two and his teacher was smart enough to pair him with his lovely Juliet (this girl has him on a short leash). I'm pretty sure the only reason he made it down the aisle to the front was because lovely Juliet (yes that's what he calls her) was pulling him there. When they got to the front they had to go their separate ways and the teacher had to physically separate their hands because lovely Juliet was determined to just pull him along her way. Luckily he went where he was supposed to and sat where he was supposed to and stayed there. He didn't sing all the words to all the songs or do all the silly hand movements but he did *some* of them and that is a major improvement for him! I really wasn't expecting him to do anything and would have been happy with him just sitting up there the entire time. When it was time to get his diploma I thought he wouldn't come but he did and he waved to the grownups just like he was supposed to. I was really really surprised. I was also really surprised that I had to repeatedly bite my lip to keep from crying. I am seriously sleep deprived and there were lots of moms crying and Grama was crying (Vader also graduated from this preschool a million years ago) but I don't cry at these things. But seeing him actually participate and not being so shy... it was very nice to see.

DSCN0787

It wouldn't be a blog post from me without some mention of poop. Really, look at my tags. I bet poop is the largest one. Anyway, I am happy to report that SkyWalker has been pooping normally for months now without the aid of daily miralax. I thought the new baby might set him back but it hasn't! It's such a relief. We still have the September kindergarten hurdle to get through and I still have the bottle of miralax just in case, but I remain cautiously optimistic that we won't need it. 

The Princess is doing fantastic on the potty. I'm not going all out with the underwear yet. She still happily pees in her diaper/pull-up but she's told us a few times now that she needed to poop on the potty and did it. Every morning when she gets up we put her on the potty and she does her morning poop. If she had a cup of coffee too I'd think she was my father. She almost always produces something when she sits there. I'm not sure if she can physically hold it in yet, but I'm happy enough to have her in pull-ups and have MOST of the dirty work wind up in the potty.

Speaking of diapers, I discovered something amazing the other day. The newborn diapers, the Pampers Swaddlers that actually say newborn with the umbilical cut out part, have a yellow stripe down them. Do you know how long it took me to realize that the yellow stripe turned blue? Far too long! Apparently when there is urine it turns blue! An easy way to count wet diapers. I wish I had realized this last week when I was trying to guess whether there was just too little urine or none at all. Seriously, that's frickin' cool.

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Bullies

suck.

A couple of weeks ago when I was picking SkyWalker up from preschool I saw another boy grab his coat and shake him a bit and there some altercation. I couldn't tell who it was so I wasn't sure if it was just a misunderstanding with one of his friends or not. When he got in the car he told me that "A" punched him. I told him that if it happens again he should tell his teachers because nobody should be punching him. This is the same kid that hit him in the head with a train the very first week. SkyWalker frequently tells me how mean he is. I debated talking to the teachers but I didn't want to be *that* mom, so I just let it go. 

Today the Princess and I got to preschool early again and saw them all on the playground again. SkyWalker is minding his own business playing with a shovel when some boy pushes him and knocks him down! A little later I see the TA bring the boy over to SkyWalker and it's clear she's having "a talk" with them. When we went to collect SkyWalker he was all muddy. I asked him if he fell and he loudly said that "A" pushed him. Luckily "A" and his mother were walking right next to us. I hope she heard. I was strapping the Princess in her carseat when the TA came over with SkyWalker's forgotten backpack. I asked her what happened and she confirmed it and said that she had SkyWalker tell "A" that he didn't like it when he pushed him. I told her that this is the 2nd or 3rd time and she said they are aware of it and keeping their eyes open because it's always out of the blue. It's not the result of some conflict over a toy. He just targets SkyWalker. I'm glad they are aware of it. I might have to kick this little kid's ass at the Valentine's Party on Friday though. 

We've had conflict at playdates before--SkyWalker poked his friend in the eye because they were arguing over whether or not they had bones in their bodies--but it's usually just *conflict* that is easily resolved with some parental involvement and then quickly forgotten. This is targeted bullying. And it pisses me off. 

Did I mention that this is the ONE kid in his class who will be going to kindergarten with him? Yeah. If they are in the same class I'm signing SkyWalker up for karate lessons. And giving him permission to kick his ass if he pushes him around!

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Routine

Today was the first day I left the house since a week ago, that's right 7 days, when Vader and I got our flu shots. While in some ways I am perfectly fine with that, I feel very disconnected. We haven't had a playdate or seen our friends in ages. The Princess found a Christmas card with her friend's picture on it and latched on to it, carrying it around and saying something. When I wasn't looking directly at her I SWEAR she said "Conal". It was quite cute. Yesterday while I was laying on the couch after vomiting a second time SkyWalker told me to get up and get dressed because he wanted to go to Tony's house. Sorry kiddo, not today.

Anyway, today was back to our routine. We got up much earlier than we had been and left the house at a time when we were just eating breakfast the day before. Luckily SkyWalker was excited to go back to preschool and had been asking all week when he was going to go. Unluckily it was my turn to "volunteer" so the Princess and I had to stay the whole time and help. The Princess is all ready for preschool. She played with the playdough and the puzzles and sat in a circle on the rug and stood in line and was all in all pretty good. Except when she took her shoe off and had to try to put it back on herself and very vocally said NO! when I tried to help. SkyWalker played with other kids and participated in everything and was really comfortable there and that was good to see. 

Isaac went to the vet on Saturday and she's pretty sure that he did tear his ligament. She thinks that it is not completely torn though and that there is a *chance* it will repair itself. So for the next month we give him painkillers and keep him on the leash. While this sucks mightily, particularly since it is cold and icy and snowy and who's home to take him out on the leash?, it's not as bad as being confined to the crate. He's free in the house, doped up so he's a *little* less barky, and since he's on leash he can't eat his own poop. Maybe he'll start to stink less. There's only one being in this house who hates the cold and snowy and icy as much as I do, and it's Isaac, so he tends to not want to go out anyway. It's not like the summer when he's outside playing. So it's not as bad as it could be. 

Speaking of cold and snowy, I was actually a little sad when the snow melted all away on Christmas morning. I think I finally understand what I want--I would like it to snow once in the beginning of the season, a big 3 foot storm, and then just keep that snow for the rest of the winter. 

The Princess is a little chatterbox lately, pronouncing words that her brother just started saying correctly. They play together really well and love to hide together and search for bears. They've been playing hide and seek with Daddy which is just as cute as it sounds. I took a little video the other night and will get around to posting it sometime. 

When the Princess was born and SkyWalker kissed her little head whenever he saw her I thought I had seen the cutest thing in the world. Then when the Princess started kissing HIM I thought that had to be it. I particularly love bedtime when I tell her to go say goodnight to Daddy and her brother and she toddles to his room and says "Nite" and gives each a little kiss. But I think I have finally seen it--the Princess giving her baby dolls little kisses. It's even cuter listening to it on the monitor when she's in her crib and I can hear her kiss-smacking noises. 

OH and SkyWalker has been trying new foods! On Thursday I made chicken and rice and broccoli in a completely different way and he refused it and begged for pizza, crying and screaming. I had told him that it was something new and then he could try it and if we didn't like it that I might very well be eating pizza with him. His Daddy did not hear that. So he's whining about the pizza and Vader just YELLS about dinner being dinner and blah blah blah. So now's he's screaming and crying about the pizza, but still hasn't tried the dinner. I felt bad for him because I know exactly how he feels. So I started crying, for him and because Vader yelled at me too. SkyWalker said "Don't cry Mommy" and continued asking for the pizza and then boom, he tries the chicken and the broccoli and says he "kind of likes it" and then eats the rice and pretty much eats everything. I gave him the pizza then. He asked for more pizza and then whined when I said he could have more rice and chicken, but still. When he was all done he said "That was a good dinner Mommy." The next night I made swedish turkey balls with noodles. He ate all his noodles and wanted more. I had given him a tiny meatball on a plate. The Princess had shockingly NOT eaten her meatballs at all and also wanted more noodles. So I said "whoever eats a meatball first, gets more noodles." She immediately sticks one in her mouth and eats it. I look at him and he's got one on his fork and eats one! And says "I KIND OF like it." Saturday night we had turkey hot dogs and he actually ate half a hot dog. He told me that he's going to try things now to see if he likes them and if he doesn't then he'll ask for something else. The something else seems to be bread with butter, so I think I might be okay with that. As long as he gives it a real try instead of taking a tiny bite and immediately saying he doesn't like it. Of course he can't admit to it, so he has to say "kind of" but that's fine with me too. I told him I was very proud of him. 

The two of them are giggling like crazy in their tent and I almost don't want to go upstairs to make dinner. But #3 is overruling them right now.

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Roller coasters

This Monday started off better than the last one. I got my lazy ass out of bed at 7 and was in the closet getting dressed when SkyWalker came in. Unfortunately he did not get himself dressed which is what I've been telling him to do. But he was still sleepy enough that he was compliant and we went upstairs and got dressed without incident. He had a little bit of play time and we left only slightly later than I had wanted to. Unfortunately when we got to preschool I couldn't leave because it was my day to be the parent volunteer. Oh. Joy. We brought in corn muffins and apple juice for snack. The Princess did everything the big kids did, except for listening and sitting quietly. Other than that she painted, drew with markers, did puzzles, played with the kitchen set and out on the playground. SkyWalker did not play with one single kid inside the classroom. His teacher said he never does. But she said he does talk to them and interact, he just doesn't do cooperative play. But then out on the playground he ran around with a hula hoop chasing the "bad guys" and shouting and playing with the kids. The teacher said it was a first. I only hope that he's okay on Wednesday when I'm not there. 

We had an okay day after that, including riding a virtual roller coaster with Uncle Rye-rye, and then it all went to hell after dinner. He refused to listen to one single thing I said! I threatened to take his beloved bike away--his inside bike that he rides everywhere--he said "take my bike away." I said "no books before bed." No biggie. We all went upstairs and I brushed his teeth for him and wound up throwing his pajamas on the floor and telling him he could sleep naked for all I cared. I shut his light out and put the Princess to sleep and he put his pajamas on. She SCREAMED at the top of her lungs. I still don't know why. He went to bed. Got up. I hear "Mommy. See my poopy." So I had to go up there to congratulate him on his poopy (I have no choice with that) and as I'm up there the Princess starts screaming again. I pick her up, she points, I bring her to the bathroom, she smiles at herself in the mirror. I bring her back to her room, she points, I put her on the changing table, she has nothing. I put her back down, turn her clock radio off and she turns it back on and lays down fine. What the dilly-o?

I have the kitchen organized and cleaned and that's all I'm doing tonight. I'll need to get the bathrooms done tomorrow. The wallpaper removal guy/painter is coming on Wednesday. I have no idea where he's starting but I should at least try to clean the damn toilets. 

I think, yes, it is. My daughter is listening to Pantera now. Classic. My son likes the Beastie Boys but she seems to like the heavier stuff. Excellent.

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I need a synonym for progress

Joy! 

The Princess and I dropped SkyWalker off at preschool this morning and he was the first one in the room and barely looked back. He wanted to show the teacher the alligator he made at the library storytime yesterday. I don't know if that was it or if something just clicked with him, but whatever it was, he was happy and fine. He asked me to sing our goodbye song* but that was it. I got out in 5 minutes instead of 10. It was amazing. He claims he pooped there on Monday and since he was chock full of laxatives and suppositories I think I believe him. Maybe he just needed to poop there to find his comfort zone. 

The Princess and I went to Wal-Mart where I found a black long-sleeve onesie ("creeper") for her for Halloween instead of having to buy it online. There was a time when you couldn't find black clothes for kids. I'm glad I don't live in that time. And I found washable dry erase markers that will hopefully save her sheets and clothes from any more permanent damage. At Target I got an umbrella stroller with a canopy. Score!

She was happy in storytime, although still not as enthusiastic as I thought she would be. She smiles a lot and enjoys it but I really thought she would be up dancing the whole time. She's pretty tired by the time we get there though. I don't know what I can do though. If I took her home for a nap she'd get less than an hour--assuming that she fell asleep the minute we got home. Which she wouldn't because she's not tired at 9:30. If gas wasn't so damn expensive I would drive around and let her fall asleep in the car before storytime. BUT, I am happy to say that she is sleeping now and I had no problems getting her down for a nap today. Is it possible that we've found our rhythm? 

We picked up SkyWalker and I had to pee like a racehorse so we used the potty. I made him pee like I always do before we get in the car and he surprised me by pooping there. JOY. (for reals) He's watching Hard Hat Harry right now instead of napping but I don't think the napping thing is working so I don't care. 

It's so nice when things just work out.

In the funny files, this was our one-sided lunch conversation:

"When my room is dark and downstairs is dark I'm scared but in the morning when I'm in my room and downstairs I be fine but when it's dark in my room I'm scared but I'm okay. Was I a little boy when we went to North Carolina? A long time ago when I was a little little boy I pooped in my diaper at night and peed in it and it didn't get in the bed and that's why I love you."

There was even more but sadly I can't remember it all. I wish I had surveillance cameras on him because he is hilarious. And then I would have seen him cutting his sister's hair the other morning. He only did the back and top and it's not even noticeable. But I'd love to know if she just sat there for him. He was in her crib in the morning and used baby nail scissors so it's not as bad as it could have been. He said that her hair looked funny and he thought she should have hair like him. He's right, it does look funny, but I don't think she needs his cut. 

*(To the tune of Frere Jacques)

Mommy loves you.

Mommy loves you.

Yes I do.

Yes I do.

There's no need to cry now.

There's no need to cry now.

I'll be back.

I'll be back.

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Bull. Shit.

Vader took SkyWalker to preschool this morning* and when I called later to see how he did at drop-off, Vader said he was absolutely fine. Not sure if our definitions of fine were the same I asked if he clung to him and asked him not to go and had to pulled off by the teacher. Nope. He sat at the table to do his name like he's supposed to, gave Vader a high five and knuckles and that was it. 

WTH?

Am I just a patsy? It's not like I stick around when he does this. Why does he do this to *me*?? 

Of course he also napped this weekend. When his father put him down and flipped his magic switch. It was either because it was Daddy or because when he's holding in his poop he just wants to lay down. It's easy to hold it in when you're laying down. He is upstairs right now doing everything but napping. He also pooped 3 times today...

Last night I got together with my new friends for board game night. Yes, I am that lame. Instead of boozing it up, I set up board game nights. Aside from the absence of a couple of people who should have been there (*points fingers*), it was great. I hope we can make it a regular thing. 

Vader took the fridge from the garage to the dump on Saturday. He had to use his mother's truck, so SkyWalker couldn't go with him. I explained that we couldn't put a carseat in the truck so that's why he couldn't go. Then I asked if he remembered Daddy's truck and told him that's why we sold it and bought the van. He asked how we got to Japan to buy the van (apparently he knows it was made in Japan). I laughed and said we didn't, they made it in Japan and sent to a car store here. He said "but how did we get it out of the box?". It was hilarious. 

*I slept like crap and had a headache and woke up with a wee bit of diarrhea and dizziness. Vader offered, yes, offered, to take SkyWalker to preschool and I thought that was a fantastic idea. 

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Naps

This preschool thing is killing me. 

I made lunch last night, we ate as soon as we got home, the Princess pooped, and then she went to nap. There is no reason why she should be screaming her head off just an hour later. This. Sucks. 

In addition to that, Vader thinks that if SkyWalker napped during the day he would sleep less deeply at night and then wake himself up when he needed to pee. I think he is wrong. Not only because I think SkyWalker is peeing when he is awake, but also because it's not like I can just flip a switch and make him nap. He's up in his bed right now crying and saying Mommy over and over again. (I put him up there after the Princess started her crying so he's not the one who woke her up.)

Rather than let me blather on about the screaming and crying in my house right now, please enjoy the following videos. They are too long, but I have adorable kids. 

Chairdancing

Shoes

And finally, for once, SkyWalker enjoys Happy Birthday!

Birthdaysong

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Happy Birthday SkyWalker (and me)

SkyWalker turned 4 years old today. I can't quite believe it has been that long. We went to preschool and although I still got the clinging to me hug and the request that I not leave and the sad face, there was no crying. The Princess and I went back less than an hour after we left so we could share the cupcakes. We stayed the rest of the time since his teacher and I agreed that 2 goodbyes would be too much for him. The Princess pretended she belonged there and tried like hell to do the water color painting and everything the big kid's were doing. And screamed at me when she couldn't get a second cupcake. SkyWalker talked to his teachers while I was there and seemed to do okay. He wasn't too distracted by us. 

We went to Denny's for lunch with Grama and then he and I went hunting for leaves as the Princess napped. I'm trying to get him to say he wants to go out for dinner too so I can get out of cooking. He's being a goofball and non-committal right now. 

Would you like to hear how much of a pathetic loser I am?

On Monday the Princess and I went to the Y to join. I filled out the paperwork and the guy gave me a bingo sheet and told me if I took it all home and filled it out (all heath stuff--avoiding soda and TV and things we already do) then he would waive the $100 signing fee. Sweet right? I said sure and left without handing the paperwork in. Great. Only it's not. Because now I've had time to rethink. And second guess myself. 

I can't do it.

I was explaining yesterday why I didn't put SkyWalker in preschool at 3. He had only been home with me for a couple of months at that point, after having been in daycare for nearly 2 years. I wanted my time with him and I am glad I did it. I said that I would probably put the Princess in at 3 since I've been home with her since day 1. I realized today that although I have been home with her I have not had any alone time with her. Not more than half an hour here and there when Vader and SkyWalker are busy outside. I thought back to this last week and farting around Target with her and going to the library and how she's been in the best mood... and we spent one day walking around Target just kissing and singing to each other. And it was the best. 

I have a million good excuses. I only have 2 1/2 hours of SkyWalker being in preschool. I only have 2 days I can go to the gym. Do I really want to spend all that money on an hour a week? Maybe 2 hours? I'm making even less money now (I always type monkey... wouldn't it be funny if we got paid in monkeys?), should I really be spending it? Do I want to do this now when I know I won't be able to go with a newborn next year? 

But really what it comes down to is that I don't want to waste one single minute. I just dropped a night of work. I've been thinking about identity a lot lately--how I'm really not the goddesslibrarian anymore--and what I realized is that above all else, before anything else, I am Mom. And I might be a pathetic loser with high cholesterol, but you know what? I'm okay with that.

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Goofballs

I am completely lacking in focus right now. I intended on making a bookmark on discipline books or doing some other work-related work but I just can't focus. I am tired beyond tired and the only thing I can attribute it to is spending all day at the hospital yesterday. And thinking about all the things I still have to do. Like clean and bake cupcakes and more cupcakes and more cupcakes.

The Princess was amazing yesterday. They delayed her surgery so she had to wait even longer with an empty tummy and she was SO GOOD it was just, well, amazing. I did let her have her pacifier towards the end because she was getting tired as well as hungry. They took her away and she didn't cry, just calmly let them hold her. The surgery itself was only half an hour. She came out of the anesthesia crying and screaming and really unhappy. She refused to drink any water. She finally just screamed herself to sleep in my arms and slept for at least half an hour and then when she woke up she was much calmer. She cried when they took out the IV and the blood pressure thing, but got over it quickly. When we got home she drank water and ate chinese food and jumped on Mama and went to sleep without any medication. Today she has been a complete goofball, jumping on the bed, sticking her hand in the toilet, and wrestling her brother whenever she got the chance.

We won't know if it was successful until November when she has her VCUG and Ultrasound. The surgeon sounded confident but couldn't commit to anything. So now we just wait and see.

SkyWalker seems to be doing just fine in preschool. He's talking about some of the kids and while I'm sure he's not playing with them yet, he's willingly going there and doesn't seem traumatized. He's having a hard time with his poop again but I think that's because of the Princess yesterday and not because of preschool. It's possible it's preschool, I'm pretty sure he's not going to poop there and once he holds it in it's never good, but I would bet that it has more to do with worrying over his sister. Hopefully he'll get it out tonight.

Today my son said: "You need to see my butt crack", bent over, dropped pants, and showed me his butt crack. Good times.

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So far so good

SkyWalker had his "first" day of preschool on Monday. The Princess and I were right down the hall, but I didn't tell him that. He was only there for an hour but he did pretty good. He talked to his teacher and did what he was supposed to do and told my mom that he made friends with a couple of kids. Vader just left to take him for his first official day. 

They scheduled the Princess's surgery for noon. We have to be there at 10:30. This pretty much sucks, BUT it's going much better than I thought it would. I went upstairs at 11:30 last night with a cup of yogurt and some milk. She had just a little milk but she ate most of the yogurt, proving once again that she is her father's daughter and can eat at anytime, anywhere. She smiled and talked and kept looking at me like "Is this for real?". I hope tonight I don't hear "Where's my yogurt woman?" through the monitor. She woke up slightly before 7, I changed her diaper and acted like it was the middle of the night. I put her back down and she went back to sleep. Or at least stayed quiet enough that I could eat and shower. She woke up again at 8:30 and I gave her the water she was allowed to have. We are downstairs in the office now and she is trying to ride a bike AND play the ukuele at the same time. So far she doesn't seem to have realized that we have not eaten. We still have a little less than an hour to go before we have to leave though. I think once she's in the car she will be okay and then she will be distracted in the hospital. I am so glad I gave her that yogurt. 

By the end of today, in the last 4 years I will have had to be in the waiting room 3 times as my children went through surgery. I think that's more than my fair share, don't you? Funnily enough I've also had to go through 3 dog surgeries--all for Mr. problem dog Isaac. I would like to be done with surgeries now. 

I need to somehow pack some snacks for myself and a sippy cup for the Princess without her seeing. I cannot believe how calm and good she is being, but I'm sure that will change if she sees some food. 

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Sigh

We had our playdate at the preschool today. Vader stayed home with the Princess so I could concentrate on SkyWalker. That had been our plan when we thought she was going to be recovering from surgery and we decided to just stick with it. Half of the class met first and then the other half met. It will be the same on Monday, so he won't see the entire class until Wednesday. There were about 10 kids there including him. I would say 9 of them were sitting at the tables, next to each other, drawing with markers or playing with playdough. Guess who wasn't? Guess who was in a corner playing with trucks by himself? When the playdate was over all the kids had to sit on the blue line on the rug. 9 of them did. Guess who didn't want to? The teacher saw and took pity and announced that parents could sit too and then he did. He refused to talk to her, refused to answer any questions. Refused to play with anyone. 

I know that it will get better. When we did our first playdate with our meetup group he hid in the bathroom. And now he asks to go to people's houses, he plays with other kids and tells me he loves them, he talks to other moms and tells me to go away. So I know that he will settle in and be comfortable. It was only a 45 minute playdate. Maybe it wasn't long enough for him to get comfortable. I know it's only a matter of time before he's making friends. 

That doesn't mean it doesn't suck watching it. I'm stuck wondering why he's like this and none of the other kids seem to be. Why he's so shy. What did I do wrong? Is it just nature? During his 8 months in the womb, did he somehow sense my inner distrust of people?

Monday will be an hour and 15 minutes with me down the hall in an orientation. The first day that he is left there by himself will be Wednesday. The very same Wednesday that my baby will be going under anesthesia and having surgery. Possibly at the same time. Yeah, that will be fun.

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Blathering

Vader and I are just fine, thank you.

The Princess has transitioned to one nap. This is good, and yet bad. If she sleeps in the car it's got to be early in the morning. If it's too close to her actual nap time it seems to mess things up and then she's not falling asleep until 3:30ish. Which is when she should be waking up. I repeat once again, it is so hard juggling the needs of two children. Let alone my own. 

SkyWalker starts preschool next month. I'm not quite sure how so much time has passed. For the first month I have some playdates lined up for the Princess and I so we don't cry too much. And her storytime will coincide with a preschool day so that's good. I'm debating joining the Y and leaving her in the daycare while I exercise. It would be good for her to be away from me and it would be good for me to exercise. But can I be away from her? I don't know. If I can do it then I can also have SkyWalker and the Princess take swimming lessons and SkyWalker might be able to do soccer again (if he wanted to). If I'm also using the Y I think I can justify the expense to myself. I need to exercise.  I always think the goal of exercise is too lose weight and I don't need to do that so I think I don't need to exercise. But really I need to be healthy and fit. I think I need to change my thinking and have my goal be to kick someone's ass. I'm sure I can come up with a list of people I'd like to ass-kick.

I saw an old friend's new baby today. So small and innocent. The Princess looked like such a big girl compared to him. Time flies. I've been surrounded by baby news. One of the mommy blogs I read is someone I know in real life. Well, I met her once last April, but I've been reading her blog for a while so I feel like I know her! She just had her second baby. Her posts while waiting to deliver reminded me of my own... when you go early the first time and then not the second it feels like FOREVER. I think I was just reaching my breaking point when I finally went into labor. And that was at 38 weeks. I really hope I don't go longer next time around. And finally, another one of my friends is expecting her third baby. She's very newly pregnant so I'm not going into details. If I can coordinate things right #3 will go to kindergarten with her #3. No, I'm not pregnant. We need to get the Princess' kidney straightened out first. 

I have to leave for work in 45 minutes. My hair is still wet and uncombed (but, hey, I showered). I have to change out of my shorts. I have to eat "dinner." And yet, I blog. This working thing sucks.

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