And vacation is off to a fine start

I meant to clean the kitchen yesterday. I should have.

We woke up late--again--and immediately after breakfast I cleaned the upstairs bathroom. Then I started on the kitchen. I did the stove and the sink but not much else since we still needed to have lunch. I told the jedi that I was cleaning up and to not make any big messes. Ha. They took all of the stools and chairs and made a fort over by the dinner table. Okay. I let it go. SkyWalker has been learning about money so he had a bunch of coins under the table. Okay. When I finished the stove & sink I decided I would take a shower. I put the dogs outside and told SkyWalker he was in charge. What could go wrong?

I came out and discovered that they had moved on from coins and had all of their dollars on the floor too. It tiny pieces. SkyWalker blamed Chewie but I reminded him that he was in charge and she would not have gotten them to rip up if he had not left them in her reach. I told him to start cleaning everything up before we had lunch. The Princess let it slip that they ALL ripped up the dollars. 8 dollar bills. EIGHT. I managed to tape most of them up but I have no idea if they are still legal tender or not. I told them they were not eating lunch until they cleaned everything up--picked up all the loose change on the floor, returned toys to the living room, returned stools and chairs to their proper place and fixed the table cloth they pulled off. SkyWalker started picking up the coins, Chewie dumped them out again, SkyWalker started crying about how he had already cleaned up and he cleans up everything, blah blah blah. He and the Princess turned on each other and blamed the other one for going to slow. My absolute favorite part was when he dramatically said that if she didn't clean up faster he was going to be dead from not eating lunch. She reassured him that he wasn't "EVER going to get dead from not eating lunch." He had an absolute hissy fit when I told him to fix the tablecloth because he didn't know how to do that. I explained for the millionth time that if he doesn't know how to fix something/clean something up that he shouldn't make the mess to begin with.

Nana will be here in a little over an hour. The children are upstairs. Vader is at BJs, actually he's probably playing at Guitar Center. I told them that when naptime was over we would be starting a new day. No arguing, no yelling, just happy listening. Anyone want to bet how well it goes? I've got $8...

The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things

The past few days have not been very good in the Jedi house. I've come to expect Mondays to be extremely difficult, but when it hits on other days it's somehow harder. SkyWalker has been doing his best to get my attention by being a wild crazy naughty boy. He did the same after the Princess was born but I attributed it to other things. He's still very affectionate and wonderful with his sisters, but he's taking it out on me. He's doing bad things, I yell and yell and yell, he laughs when he's in time out and completely disrespects me. I don't have enough time/mental power to devote to him, Vader has worked late every day and has taken work home and has spent VERY little time with us, he doesn't have preschool anymore. There are so many reasons, but in reality these are just excuses. When it comes down to it he's treating me the way he is because I am allowing it. I have somehow lost my way. Somewhere in the lack of sleep and the desperation that comes with fitting a newborn into our lives, I have given up. I've become the nagging cajoling "don't do that again!" mother who is not listened to and is instead laughed at. It's particularly hard when I know that he is such a good boy and this is just not normal for him. He needs structure and I haven't been giving it. 

But that's all over. 

We hit rock-bottom (I hope) on Tuesday when lots of tears from multiple people were shed. Wednesday morning I had a bit of an epiphany thanks to MetroDad (who you really should be reading if you don't already) and then spent a lovely 2 hours at the beach with friends, watching my children play with my mother's helper and being so good, and listening to Chewie snore in the baby bjorn instead of scream, and I realized what I have to do. 

I have to get myself back. If I think for a second that I can't do this--that I can't parent 3 children--that I can't parent a 4 1/2 year old--then he's going to feel it and freak out. He needs reassurance that yes, Mommy actually is in charge, even if he claims otherwise. I've already implemented some new tactics, both philosophical and um, practical, for lack of a better word. In the interest of brevity (ha ha) and because I like lists:

1. Good behavior jar-- I have two little jars (I believe they once held chicken bouillon cubes in them), one for each child. It's mostly for SkyWalker, but the Princess wanted one too and it's good for her as well. When they do something good they get a bead in the jar. When the jar is full they will get a chance to pick a ticket out of another jar for a reward--special treat, alone time with Mommy, extra TV. I'm not specifying what they have to do to be good--my neighbor is doing this but with specific behaviors--not getting out of bed, not hitting, etc--but I really want to focus on overall behavior. Bringing his dishes to the sink gets a bead. Doing something nice for his sister gets a bead. Sharing. The number one thing is listening and doing something the FIRST time I say it. That is ultimately what I'm trying to get to. I'm doing the random reward so that he doesn't just always choose M&Ms. We started for real yesterday and he has over 15 beads already. 

2. Ignore the bad--I really need to focus on the GOOD behavior and ignore the bad. I cannot reinforce it by yelling and repeating myself 20 times. Time out doesn't work for him anymore. Threats don't work. He's looking for attention, I have to give it to him for being good, not for being bad. Even if what he is doing is terribly embarrassing or annoying or he's been told a million times not to do it, I have to not react. Yelling is the worst thing to do. I have to just say "Please don't do that" and then walk away. 

3. Solitude-- I get up at 5/5:30 every morning so that I can have some me time. I have to continue that but I also have to make sure it's ME time. It's not enough to have physical solitude because they are sleeping. I need to have mental solitude as well. That means instead of reading babycenter message boards or researching 6 week growth spurts or potty training or whatever, I need to do something not kid-related at all. My goal in getting up so early is to start the day with a clear head but I really haven't been doing it. So from now on when I get up after I eat breakfast and check my e-mail (I can't give that up), I need to sit on the couch and read a book. That's the only way I ever truly get out of my own head. I need to be engrossed in a book and just relax with a hot cup of tea. No exercise, no cleaning. No pressure. Just some nice quiet solitude. 

4. Quiet time/nap time--I had wanted to do the treadmill in the morning once Chewie is upstairs in her own room, but I don't think I will now. I think I will aim for doing it in the middle of the day when I need that pick me up. I'll shoot for 3 days a week, but once again, no pressure. Some days I will have other stuff to do and that's okay. I don't need to lose 50 pounds, I just want to be healthier in general and have more activity than before. 

5. Leave the crazy behind--our really rough time is after nap and before dinner. When we're really having a hard time I need to change the scenery. Put Chewie in the baby bjorn if she's awake and take them all outside, or to the library, or to a park or call up a friend. Some of this may also be SkyWalker getting bored and needing to burn off steam. I need to give him the opportunity to do so. We have to get outside and if that means dirty dishes and unfolded laundry then oh well. I need to get back on track with my kid and that's more important right now.

I have just yawned 3 times in the last minute and I think that's my cue. Getting up at 5 am for my solitude is important, but so is going to sleep early! 

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Gah

I've been allowing my son to play in the office by himself (or with his sister). I accept the sacrifice of balls and cars everywhere and even marker on their little faces. I had ONE rule. Do not go in the basement. I heard him in there the other day and I explained that there are mouse traps he or his sister could hurt themselves with and any number of inappropriate things. Our office is in the finished part of the basement, separated from the unfinished part by a door.

Today as I was getting ready to come to work I heard the door open and a little voice say "Come here Princess." I ran down there. The first thing I saw was a big wet spot at the bottom of the stairs. From my water bottle... which was in my diaper bag.. which was on the floor down there when it was supposed to be in the living room. Open. Fine, you say. So what? He didn't open the diaper part, he opened the front zipper part and took out all of the gum. They didn't know what the hell it was so they just unwrapped it ALL and left the pieces on the floor. The hand wipes and hand sanitizer on the floor. My SWISS ARMY KNIFE on the floor.

That's not all.

He shows me three little cars (disney CARS) I bought for Christmas. I said "ACK!" I grabbed them from him and went into the basement where the christmas gifts were hidden. In Target bags. He opened EVERYTHING. Tore things out of boxes. He knew they were presents even though they weren't wrapped. He opened his sister's stuff. I am so annoyed.

I don't expect him to be perfect. I'm annoyed that he opened the stuff, but I understand that. What I am most angry about is that I told him to stay out of the basement and he not only didn't do that, he brought his baby sister in there! He is no longer allowed to play in the office by himself. Which is going to suck ass since that's the only way I've gotten any peace lately. I will probably relent after an appropriate amount of time.

And now I have to figure out what the hell Santa is going to get him and his sister.

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Patience

My patience has run out. Coming back from a vacation is always difficult for us. My children go from having LOTS of attention from LOTS of people to um... just me. The very same person who also has to do all of the laundry that built up and all of the cleaning that was ignored and all of the unpacking and generally everything. Leaving little time for two  creatures who want attention every single second. The Princess has been tolerable but SkyWalker has done everything he could to make me crazy. He got up at 6:30 this morning after swearing that his monkey clock said 7 (well, yeah, you MADE it say 7.) He went back upstairs later and stayed up there as the Princess and I ate breakfast. Just as we were finishing up he wanted breakfast. Then we all went upstairs to get dressed and what did I discover? He DREW on the CARPET with MARKER. 

I got the steamvac to clean it and when I went to the tub to fill up the thing what did I discover? POOP. I *think* it was  from last night's bath and Vader didn't see it. I could be wrong. The steamvac worked so-so on the marker. 

All day long he has been a pain in the neck. Playing with things he's not supposed to, spilling water on the new floors, not listening. I put him to bed at 6:45 because I couldn't stand it anymore. He not only refused to clean up his room, he REFUSED. He screamed "NO" at me. It's not about picking up puzzle pieces. It's about not listening and making me repeat myself a million times and showing a total lack of respect. 

It is 7:39 now. I just heard the all-too familiar "I poooooooped" in his after-bed sing-song way. I went up there. There was no poop. He tried but he didn't really have to poop. What caught my attention though was the first aid kit in the sink. He opened it all up and wasted band-aids and tape and all sorts of things. Luckily he did not realize there were packets of tylenol in there. And then. Oh man. And then. I see the suppositories. He opened up a box of baby suppositories and squeezed out 3 or 4 of them. On his shirt. He claims they were nowhere near his mouth or any body parts. I told him that he could get sick or hurt from playing with this stuff. Tomorrow I will clean out the ENTIRE medicine cabinet since he is clearly not to be trusted. 

I put him back to bed and told him he'd better clean up his puzzle pieces tomorrow morning when he gets up and he said "I will. I'll be a GOOD BOY." in such a sweet voice. I swear he's trying to drive me completely crazy.

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The Jedi and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

Written at 3:30 before Vox died:

No, it's not really that bad.

We did not go to our weekly picnic lunch because SkyWalker caught the Princess's cold and is coughing. More that that he was a whiny pain in the neck who did not want to get dressed and go anywhere. Since I had/have to pack for tomorrow and I'm working tonight I decided not to fight with him and to just skip it. 

The evil duo pulled all of the Princess's clothes out of her dresser as I was trying to pack. They jumbled everything I had put aside to pack with all of the stuff from the drawers. The Princess did not take a morning nap. Instead she ate a piece of dog food. SkyWalker has spent most of the day whining and yelling at me. 

Right now we are all in the office, listening to Beastie Boys. SkyWalker is playing Elmo on his computer. The Princess was playing nicely but is now prying my fingers off the keyboard. 

We have to leave at 8 am tomorrow. Just took her upstairs for another nap. She slept 2 hours and I had expected more but she did have a poopy diaper. I guess despite her jumping up and down in her crib she still needed more sleep. Silly me. Anyway, we have to leave at 8 in order to catch the ferry. Which means that when I come home from work at 9:30 tonight I'll be running around like crazy. I hate that *I* have to pack for 3 people. I mentioned this to Vader last night and he sympathetically said "that does suck." He was very nice and not sarcastic, but dude maybe you can HELP. Why do I have to think of everything? I hate packing. I hate traveling. 

You have to fight for your right to party.

Why can't I have Front Row running in the background while I do other things on the computer? That sucks. 

I need to get ready for work. I need to get more things organized to pack. I hate working Thursday nights. 

Good times.

Added at 5:40:

It continues! 5 minutes before I have to leave for work the phone rings. It's my MIL. Long story short she was calling to tell me she was bringing people to my house. Um. No. You don't do that. So I said "No, you're not." She said "Why not?" Really? Do I have to explain that it is rude to call someone and say "I'm bringing people to your house."? That's bad enough, but at the last minute no less? My house is a mess, my kid is in dirty pajamas, they need to be fed and put to bed early and my husband has to pack. Tonight is not a good night for visitors. Even without a good reason to say no, it's rude for her to not ASK, but to TELL me. Anyway, I get off the phone, Vader tells me *I* was rude. I explain, his voice changes (like he agrees with me) when I say she wanted to bring people over, he asks who, I tell him and it turns out it's relatives from South Carolina. See, she always calls this cousin by her maiden name and then on the phone she used her married name. I thought she wanted to bring church people or neighbors or something ridiculous like that. So he called her back and said okay. And now I'm sure I look rude, but really, wouldn't it have been better to call up and say "Remember so-and-so? She's in town and since you're leaving tomorrow can we come over tonight so she can see the kids?" Wouldn't that have been the polite courteous thing?

Gah!

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