Space

Not as in the "final frontier".

When we bought this house over 8 years ago it was SO BIG. I always knew we would have kids so I intentionally didn't do anything in the upstairs rooms, but the rest of the house was still just BIG.

It has gotten smaller.

That's natural when you add three more people (and two dogs). The living room is full of toys. The kitchen is full of toys. The office is full of toys. The part of the office not full of toys is full of guitars and musical equipment. My sewing/puzzle table now houses SkyWalker's computer (the desktop. His laptop is upstairs)  and various other stuff.

I had no space.

I've done pretty good over the last year of creating a mental space for myself. I run 3-4 times a week and I make sure I do child-free whether it's on the road or the treadmill. I read a lot more and book blog and write my examiner articles. I have my monthly girls' nights and make sure that there is a spot in my brain that thinks only about ME and not about the rest of the world.

But I needed a physical space too. When I mentioned this to Vader he was caught up in what I would do with this space. Not that I had to justify it, but for him it was "I want to do puzzles so I need a table" and for me it is "If I have a table I can do puzzles, scrapbooking, whatever." There was NO spot for me. None. There was no room in the office, no room in the kitchen (and I don't consider the kitchen my space. I'm not that interested in cooking.). Finally I looked to our bedroom... that we share with the dogs. We have a large dresser in there but we couldn't move it because of the TV. We just HAVE to have that TV in there. /sarcasm I came up with an idea to move the dresser upstairs into the Princess's closet, take her smaller dresser for Vader's stuff and then have more room in our bedroom. Luckily we didn't have to actually do that. We just slid the dresser down a bit, moved the dogs down a bit, and then opened up a corner. My own corner. I took the craft/homework table from the kitchen--the one that NOBODY does any crafts or homework on and is primarily a climbing tool for Chewie and moved that into the corner. I moved a smaller toddler table into the kitchen so they can still sit and do their playdoh. As of yet I haven't been able to sit down at my table, but it's nice knowing that I have a place to sit.

My space

The kids' space. One of many.

In which my nosiness pays off

For the past few weeks we've been getting phone calls for a particular person. At first I thought it was just a wrong number. But when more than one company started calling looking for the same name we got a little concerned. I had told them they had the wrong number but then other companies started calling and I thought maybe someone was trying to pull a fast one on us (although logically I knew that identity theft would not be someone using our phone number with a different name, it still bothered me). The other morning we received yet another call from yet another company. I explained to the woman how we had been getting phone calls and I was concerned and asked her who she was from and was this all related. She HUNG UP ON ME.

Then I got pissed. 

So I called the 800 # that was on my caller ID and was greeted with a message saying "Your phone # is listed with an account ending in 8568, is this correct?" which kind of freaked me out but I was still in pissed mode. I just hit random numbers until I got a human on the phone. I explained the situation and it turned out he was from HSBC. He was much more helpful than the lady who just hung up on me. He said it wouldn't be identity theft and that it was most likely an incorrect phone number that this lady was giving out. I asked him to confirm the name and he did and then he even spelled it for me which was so helpful. The name sounded like, well, it sounded like it could be on a terrorist list. But when he spelled it I realized that it was not. He removed our number and assured me we wouldn't be called again. 

Then I got curious.

So I looked in the phone book. And there was someone with the last name living in my town. I figured, what the hell? I called the number and got an answering machine with a woman's voice (the phone was in a man's name). I left a message saying that I had been receiving calls for a Blank-Blank and I wanted to make sure that she wasn't missing out on these calls. Blah blah blah. I tried to make it sound like I didn't want her financial info to be messed up, but really I was just letting her know that if this was the first step in anything I was on to her. I didn't say my name or leave my phone number. Half an hour later the phone ran. 

It was her.

She must have caller ID too. Long story short (too late) she's out of work and apparently in debt and they're trying to track her down and are calling old numbers. She had our number roughly 10 years ago. She said she's been getting the calls too, so I would bet that she's ignoring them and that's why they're calling us! Hopefully it will stop now, but if it doesn't I have her new number to share. 

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Happy Birthday SkyWalker (and me)

SkyWalker turned 4 years old today. I can't quite believe it has been that long. We went to preschool and although I still got the clinging to me hug and the request that I not leave and the sad face, there was no crying. The Princess and I went back less than an hour after we left so we could share the cupcakes. We stayed the rest of the time since his teacher and I agreed that 2 goodbyes would be too much for him. The Princess pretended she belonged there and tried like hell to do the water color painting and everything the big kid's were doing. And screamed at me when she couldn't get a second cupcake. SkyWalker talked to his teachers while I was there and seemed to do okay. He wasn't too distracted by us. 

We went to Denny's for lunch with Grama and then he and I went hunting for leaves as the Princess napped. I'm trying to get him to say he wants to go out for dinner too so I can get out of cooking. He's being a goofball and non-committal right now. 

Would you like to hear how much of a pathetic loser I am?

On Monday the Princess and I went to the Y to join. I filled out the paperwork and the guy gave me a bingo sheet and told me if I took it all home and filled it out (all heath stuff--avoiding soda and TV and things we already do) then he would waive the $100 signing fee. Sweet right? I said sure and left without handing the paperwork in. Great. Only it's not. Because now I've had time to rethink. And second guess myself. 

I can't do it.

I was explaining yesterday why I didn't put SkyWalker in preschool at 3. He had only been home with me for a couple of months at that point, after having been in daycare for nearly 2 years. I wanted my time with him and I am glad I did it. I said that I would probably put the Princess in at 3 since I've been home with her since day 1. I realized today that although I have been home with her I have not had any alone time with her. Not more than half an hour here and there when Vader and SkyWalker are busy outside. I thought back to this last week and farting around Target with her and going to the library and how she's been in the best mood... and we spent one day walking around Target just kissing and singing to each other. And it was the best. 

I have a million good excuses. I only have 2 1/2 hours of SkyWalker being in preschool. I only have 2 days I can go to the gym. Do I really want to spend all that money on an hour a week? Maybe 2 hours? I'm making even less money now (I always type monkey... wouldn't it be funny if we got paid in monkeys?), should I really be spending it? Do I want to do this now when I know I won't be able to go with a newborn next year? 

But really what it comes down to is that I don't want to waste one single minute. I just dropped a night of work. I've been thinking about identity a lot lately--how I'm really not the goddesslibrarian anymore--and what I realized is that above all else, before anything else, I am Mom. And I might be a pathetic loser with high cholesterol, but you know what? I'm okay with that.

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Perception

I can't seem to find my baby. Somehow between last week and today she has disappeared. And in her place is a little girl. She walks everywhere she can. She shakes her head no when she doesn't want something. She's starting to use some signs (she asked for more milk today). She helped Mommy unload the dishwasher--handed me each plate and bowl one by one. Last night while making dinner I got a colander from the cupboard.... she then opened up the cupboard, got another one and handed it to me. She hasn't used a sippy cup since yesterday. Instead she's drinking out of a big girl cup (that just the day before was a big boy cup). She seems to have grown overnight. 

And if she's not a baby anymore... then what does that make SkyWalker? The past few days he's been Daddy's big helper. Making trips to Home Depot and patching the driveway. He tells me he's "working" and to stay inside and take care of the Princess. Today he told me to stay inside and that HE would take care of the Princess and she would take care of him. He's growing like a weed. Talking like a grown up. How could 4 years have gone by so quickly? One week from today he will be in preschool. Two weeks and he will be 4 years old. One year from today and he will be getting ready for kindergarten. 

I heard the funniest thing the other day. K, my neighbor, is a wee bit um, terrified of having her third. She's going to be just fine and if you're not terrified then you'd have to be a little crazy. Anyway, she said something about me always making her feel better because I "have it all together" or some such nonsense. Isn't it funny how people can think you're has it together girl when you don't? Or is it the other way around? Maybe you feel like you're floundering when really you do have it together? It's funny how people's perceptions of you can be so different from the way you see yourself. And who's to say which is the right one?

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