This weekend a few of my closest friends are doing another Ragnar Relay--Reach the Beach in NH. I'm not doing it with them. I have a perfectly good reason but it's still making me sad and grumpy… I can't believe I feel this way but I wish I was doing it with them! I want to be not sleeping in the van and running in the dark and simultaneously feeling like I will both never poop again and have diarrhea. But alas I can't because this weekend is Skywalker's birthday party. His TENTH birthday party. As in 10.
10.
Ten is big. 1 is big and 5 is big, but 10 is the first amount of years that has its own special name. On Wednesday next week he will have been alive for a whole DECADE. Which means I have been a mother for a decade. I've been changing diapers for a decade (really wish I was done with that one).
Ten years ago I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I had no idea what the future would bring. I had no idea what kind of mom I would be. And then SkyWalker came along and it was ok. It's hard to believe that was ten years ago (harder to believe there have been 3 more babies since him). He was so tiny when he was born--just 5 pounds when we brought him home--and now he is nearly as tall as me. I'm thinking he'll be just as tall if not taller by the end of the school year. He is so smart and reads so much and he is such a good big brother to LightRunner. LightRunner loves him so so much. He's not quite as nice to his sisters as he used to be but they're kind of a pain in the ass sometimes.
So I am feeling all emotional that my first baby is going to be 10 in less than a week… and then today one of my closest friends who also cannot do Reach the Beach (for a very good reason) had her third baby girl. We have been waiting and waiting for this little lady to arrive and now she is finally here. Even my kids are excited. My girls love her older girls and we all love her and now there's a new little baby for us to fawn over and love. I can't wait to meet her. The only thing better than having your own baby is when someone you love has one.
I am feeling ALL THE FEELS.
Showing posts with label skywalker. Show all posts
Showing posts with label skywalker. Show all posts
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
The All in One Post
This summer has been a whirlwind of activity and not much blogging. I have around 3 or 4 in my head but they never make it here.
Running:
Running has been so so nice. My last treadmill run was on July 3. Every single run since then has been outside. Either someone has been home to watch the kids or I've only had LightRunner so we do a stroller run. Once a week I take them all to the high school track and they have a picnic snack while I do speedwork. I paid a kid to watch them and make sure they don't choke but I'm not sure I even really need to. I have done no official cross training, no routines, but I have done a lot of swimming and biking in the driveway and those stroller runs are not easy. I think they definitely count as strength training too! The only downside is that I don't run with my friends anymore and I definitely miss that… but getting up at 4:30 when I can just do a stroller run later is just too hard…
Camp:
Camp has been so so nice. The kids love it. They see their friends, they've gone on great field trips, they have time away from me and each other. Sometimes the rest of the day can be a bit grouchy but not often. Usually they play with each other pretty well since they haven't been bugging each other all day long. I thought I would be so productive while they were at camp… but it hasn't turned out that way. I did go through the papers on the floor of my office, but for the most part I have been running, reading and enjoying the silence during nap time. I don't regret one single thing. I've seen friends, played one-on-one with LightRunner, and gotten a taste of what next school year will bring.
Kids:
LightRunner is now 2 and while he is embracing it wholeheartedly, he is still my happy funny little guy. He wants to be independent but he can't be and that frustrates him. Luckily he is more willing to let his older siblings help him than me. SkyWalker buckles him the car, puts on his shoes, gets him out of the crib when he's home, and today he got him dressed. When I let them watch TV LightRunner sits on SkyWalker's lap and snuggles up. Joy. SkyWalker has been so helpful and I will be sad when he goes back to school. He's gotten so old and mature, but he has recently discovered his love of trains and cars again and has no problem getting down and playing with LightRunner. He is a natural big brother. The Princess is still a bit crazy and we butt heads quite a bit but when she's good, she's really good. She takes care of Chewie and LightRunner. LightRunner loves her and is constantly calling for her and looking for her. Chewie is doing great at camp and I have no worries about her going to kindergarten. She's going to get on that bus with a huge smile on her face ready to conquer the world.
I'm not quite sure how August will go. The idea of the treadmill makes me cry… but so does the idea of getting up in the wee hours of the morning. But I want to do lots of fun things with them before summer is over so I'm going to have to figure something out.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
June: lasts, kids, & stats
June is always such a crazy busy month. Field trips, field day, flag day, last parties, early dismissals, birthdays. This one was no exception. Chewie turned 5 in the beginning of the month and we celebrated by getting her ears pierced and having lunch at Dave & Busters and swimming in our new pool and Mommy not running. Oh well. The girls will be having a joint birthday pool party next week to continue the fun. We also went to another 30th birthday party just to make me feel even older.
Chewie graduated from preschool and had her last gymnastics class (I don't do it once they're in school). I'm not planning on putting LightRunner in gymnastics, partly to save some money next year, but also because if I'm going to put him in anything it will be basketball. He truly loves it and I think he could do really well. I don't think there are any programs for 2 year olds though. Chewie also had her last speech session and that was actually a bit sadder than her preschool graduation. She doesn't need any services over the summer and when she is in kindergarten she will have what SkyWalker did--speech correction once a week. The speech teacher there thinks she probably won't need it for long but after a summer of nothing and with kindergarten so demanding these days, I wanted to make sure someone was keeping an eye on her at school. She is doing SO much better and I would hate for her to lose her progress because they have kindergarteners doing advanced calculus now.
LightRunner will be two in 18 days and is less and less baby-like and more big-boy like every day. It is bittersweet. I eagerly look forward to not changing diapers (10 years is a long time) but he is my last. He plays with cars all the time and says "weeerrrr" and we could probably get rid of all the baby toys we have. He repeats nearly everything we say and calls me "Mama" and sometimes makes me want to have another one. But I don't want to jump the shark. I'd rather end on a high note. He is definitely embracing two and likes to make things difficult sometimes but knows when to use his dimples. I had to stop giving him big boy cups--not because he couldn't drink out of them but because he is a thrower. He intentionally throws his cups of milk across the room and I couldn't stand it anymore. So we're back to sippy cups until he can control himself.
SkyWalker is at basketball camp and will soon be taller than me. He survived 4th grade and pulled it together at the end. His grades in each subject in his last report card went up (except social studies which stayed at 98). He got above 90 in everything and really worked much harder than in the middle of the year. I hope this means 5th grade won't be so tumultuous.
The Princess had an awesome report card and once again got S+ in Art. She's a hard worker in everything and likes to teach Chewie things. She's slightly less batshit crazy, although yesterday she told me sometimes she gets angry for no reason and then she just has to stretch it out. Oookay. I need to get her running longer distances.
They are all going to camp for the next 4 weeks. It was hard for me to fill out the paperwork and actually do it this year, but I am telling myself that it's not babysitting, it's an opportunity for them to all have fun without each other and without me and to do new things. It'll be good for Chewie to make friends with kids going to kindergarten. It'll be good for me to have some time to get boring stuff done (filling/trashing all the paperwork on my office floor!) and to do some stroller runs and have some one on one time with LightRunner. I can't send them everyday because I am odd, but I'm planning on sending them 3 times a week. I wish I could be one of those moms that just says "See ya" and ships her kids off here and there, but I'm not. Even if they drive me crazy, I'll take that crazy over anything else in the world.
I've probably gone over my break time and I still have 3 book reviews to write.
Stats:
Miles: 43.8
Runs: 9
Races: 0
Cross training days: 6 (not including swimming!)
Not my best mileage month, but not my worst. Last June was 28.4 miles!! I've got my half-marathon training plan on the fridge so I should start seeing that mileage go back up.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Those kids I have
I was going to write about yesterday's kickass intervals, but I haven't done a kid-post in a while.
Last month LightRunner turned 18 months old. I can't quite believe so much time has passed. I think it's a bit more bittersweet knowing he is my last and I won't experience those early infant days again (and I do love those early infant days.) But 18 months is also my magic time… I can see his little brain ticking. I can see him absorbing EVERYTHING. It's so unreal how you can just see the difference when their little wheels start turning. He stops and thinks before he does things, he does things to deliberately make me laugh, he remembers things from day to day. He's starting to say a lot more words and repeat a lot of sounds. He helps me unload the dishwasher and hands me each individual item saying "he-ah" (here) after each one and "thank you" after I thank him. He loves his Haze, but he also loves playing with his siblings. The Princess can make him giggle just by looking at him and sticking her hand out to pretend to tickle him. The other day he jumped on SkyWalker and wrestled him. I love this time when he is learning so much and everything is a wonderful new experience for him (and mess for me). Next year it will be just him and me and I am already planning on resurrecting my Preschool Playdates program and really cherishing our last year before preschool starts.
Chewie is doing really well with her speech--twice a week--and enjoying her new preschool. She talks to other kids in gymnastics and at preschool and has come a long way. She and the Princess are always playing make believe and when the Princess is not here Chewie just plays by herself. I frequently hear her talking in the living room living out whatever fantasy she is making up. She is ready for kindergarten and going on the bus with big sister. I'm not sure I'm ready for her to go, but we have 7 months to get ready.
The Princess is as crazy as ever. I've talked to a lot of moms with 6 year old girls and it's almost universal. The happy one minute biting your head off the next syndrome. She has done better with her tantrums, but she is still very quick to anger. Over the most ridiculous things. She's doing very well in school and I have no problems there. She does her homework right away, works hard on everything she does, and is well behaved when she is there. She doesn't seem to involve herself in any of the girl drama. I suppose it's better that she saves her crazy for me, but I look forward to this phase ending.
SkyWalker is not crazy but he is lazy. He is SO smart but he just dislikes doing hard work. And anything that he thinks is going to take more than 5 minutes is hard work. His handwriting is horrible, still, and he will often put the minimum amount of effort into anything (except Minecraft). His first report card was so good--nothing below a 90--but the one he will bring home today will not be as good. His grades have fallen in both math and science, mostly because of the ridiculous common core that's supposed to make things so much better. If he had a worksheet of simple multiplication or division to do the old fashioned way he would get it done no problems. But he can't do it the old fashioned way. He has to use their strategies. Look up number discs. It is the most ridiculous thing in the world. Vader and I don't agree on much but we are in unison when it comes to this common core crap. Anyway, SkyWalker gets annoyed that he has to do this extra work when he already knows what the damn answer is and he tends to skip directions and get points off. In the last couple of weeks he has improved a lot with math and is putting more effort into following directions and labeling. I threatened to take Minecraft away and that seemed to have an effect. This is the first year that he cannot rely on his raw intelligence and he has to actually work. I think his grades going down might actually be beneficial for him (and his low grades are 85s, we're not talking failing). He's playing basketball and seems to enjoy it a lot more than soccer. He's not very good because he's just not an aggressive kid. He told me the other day that there are two boys at his table at school and one was kind of mean to the other and said that he was going to work on a project with SkyWalker and that the other kid had to work alone. SkyWalker said no, they would all work together. So, I'm okay with him not being aggressive enough for sports.
Last month LightRunner turned 18 months old. I can't quite believe so much time has passed. I think it's a bit more bittersweet knowing he is my last and I won't experience those early infant days again (and I do love those early infant days.) But 18 months is also my magic time… I can see his little brain ticking. I can see him absorbing EVERYTHING. It's so unreal how you can just see the difference when their little wheels start turning. He stops and thinks before he does things, he does things to deliberately make me laugh, he remembers things from day to day. He's starting to say a lot more words and repeat a lot of sounds. He helps me unload the dishwasher and hands me each individual item saying "he-ah" (here) after each one and "thank you" after I thank him. He loves his Haze, but he also loves playing with his siblings. The Princess can make him giggle just by looking at him and sticking her hand out to pretend to tickle him. The other day he jumped on SkyWalker and wrestled him. I love this time when he is learning so much and everything is a wonderful new experience for him (and mess for me). Next year it will be just him and me and I am already planning on resurrecting my Preschool Playdates program and really cherishing our last year before preschool starts.
Chewie is doing really well with her speech--twice a week--and enjoying her new preschool. She talks to other kids in gymnastics and at preschool and has come a long way. She and the Princess are always playing make believe and when the Princess is not here Chewie just plays by herself. I frequently hear her talking in the living room living out whatever fantasy she is making up. She is ready for kindergarten and going on the bus with big sister. I'm not sure I'm ready for her to go, but we have 7 months to get ready.
The Princess is as crazy as ever. I've talked to a lot of moms with 6 year old girls and it's almost universal. The happy one minute biting your head off the next syndrome. She has done better with her tantrums, but she is still very quick to anger. Over the most ridiculous things. She's doing very well in school and I have no problems there. She does her homework right away, works hard on everything she does, and is well behaved when she is there. She doesn't seem to involve herself in any of the girl drama. I suppose it's better that she saves her crazy for me, but I look forward to this phase ending.
SkyWalker is not crazy but he is lazy. He is SO smart but he just dislikes doing hard work. And anything that he thinks is going to take more than 5 minutes is hard work. His handwriting is horrible, still, and he will often put the minimum amount of effort into anything (except Minecraft). His first report card was so good--nothing below a 90--but the one he will bring home today will not be as good. His grades have fallen in both math and science, mostly because of the ridiculous common core that's supposed to make things so much better. If he had a worksheet of simple multiplication or division to do the old fashioned way he would get it done no problems. But he can't do it the old fashioned way. He has to use their strategies. Look up number discs. It is the most ridiculous thing in the world. Vader and I don't agree on much but we are in unison when it comes to this common core crap. Anyway, SkyWalker gets annoyed that he has to do this extra work when he already knows what the damn answer is and he tends to skip directions and get points off. In the last couple of weeks he has improved a lot with math and is putting more effort into following directions and labeling. I threatened to take Minecraft away and that seemed to have an effect. This is the first year that he cannot rely on his raw intelligence and he has to actually work. I think his grades going down might actually be beneficial for him (and his low grades are 85s, we're not talking failing). He's playing basketball and seems to enjoy it a lot more than soccer. He's not very good because he's just not an aggressive kid. He told me the other day that there are two boys at his table at school and one was kind of mean to the other and said that he was going to work on a project with SkyWalker and that the other kid had to work alone. SkyWalker said no, they would all work together. So, I'm okay with him not being aggressive enough for sports.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Sink or swim
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| The ginormous binder my 9 year old has to lug to school each day. |
This is it.
No, not my half-marathon post. That'll be coming.
This is the year that I finally let SkyWalker sink or swim. He is so very very smart but so very very lazy. He has made it this far because I have nagged him to get his work done on time and I have pretty much held his hand each year. I don't do it for him because I'm not that bad. But this year he has to be responsible for himself. He has a giant binder and sees all three teachers and it's kind of like middle school in 4th grade. So he has so much more work to do. I have tried to teach him not to wait until the last minute, not to put off his work just because it's not due yet because he doesn't know how much more he will get by the time it is due. I've tried to teach him to take pride in his work and do a good job.
But I've got to stop holding his hand. I've got to stop checking his homework to make sure he hasn't made stupid mistakes because of rushing to get it done so he can play minecraft. I've got to stop micromanaging and telling him what to get done. I've got to let him be in control. Even if it means his grades suffer and he doesn't live up to his potential. He has to learn to swim or he will sink. And I will have to let him.
He just turned 9 years old. I look at him and see him at 9 months old. But I need to look at him and see him at 19. Confident, indepedent, hard-working people don't wake up that way. They are made that way. I knew when he was first born that if I wanted him to sleep on his own I couldn't feed him, or rock him, or let him sleep in my bed. I had to teach him as a baby to do it by himself. The same is true now. If I want him to work hard and be successful, he's going to have to learn how. He's going to have to learn failure as well as success. I'm not doing him any favors by shielding him from that failure now.
So this is it. This is when I step back so that he may step forward. All I can do is hope that he actually does.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Running update: check. Kids update: check.
It's been all running for a while around this here blog. Which is appropriate since that's what's on my mind now. I promise to talk about other things though. Sometimes. But first two running related things:
A couple of weeks ago I was running on the treadmill, as I often do during the week, and things were going along fine. I was listening to the Another Mother Runner podcast and had just taken my iPhone off the treadmill dashboard to switch to another cast when all of a sudden the treadmill stopped, started up again REALLY FAST, and threw up a big plastic silver ball. I had been pressing the stop button but it took a while to stop. I should have pulled the emergency cord, but didn't think of it. Which is funny because I had a MILLION thoughts at the same exact time. Seriously:
A couple of weeks ago I was running on the treadmill, as I often do during the week, and things were going along fine. I was listening to the Another Mother Runner podcast and had just taken my iPhone off the treadmill dashboard to switch to another cast when all of a sudden the treadmill stopped, started up again REALLY FAST, and threw up a big plastic silver ball. I had been pressing the stop button but it took a while to stop. I should have pulled the emergency cord, but didn't think of it. Which is funny because I had a MILLION thoughts at the same exact time. Seriously:
- I can't drop this iPhone.
- I'm going to die on this treadmill and I didn't shave my legs.
- At least Lightrunner is safe in his crib when he starves to death.
- Will SkyWalker and the Princess get off the bus if I'm not out there?
- Chewie is the LAST person I want responsible for my body.
- She's going to go upstairs, poke Haze in the eye, Haze will nip at her and everyone will blame Haze and I won't be able to defend her.
- If we have to fix this treadmill there goes my damn TV money.
- Where the hell did that ball come from?
Once the treadmill stopped, I turned, looked at Chewie holding the silver ball and said, "Er, ah, eee, uh" and then she said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're okay." Hmmm. I asked if she threw the ball at me and she claims that she did not. It's possible it just rolled over and got sucked up. Possible. But she's not quick to apologize for things. The frame holding the belt was off, but I was able to stick it back on enough to finish my run. Vader glued it back together and we haven't had any problems.
Second, last weekend I did my long run, 4.5 miles, yes, that's long to me right now. That's not unusual. What is, is that I did it with other people! The Princess has joined Girl Scouts and the troop leader is a runner and lives nearby. There's a whole group of them that go out weekend mornings. It was the best 4.5 miles I've had in a while. I like to run alone sometimes, but other people keep you motivated and keep you from listening to your weak inner voice telling you to stop. It was close to my house with nice, fun, ladies and I'm hoping to keep running with them as my long run gets longer (particularly once I start training for the half in October.)
And that's the running.
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The kid updates I haven't done in a while:
SkyWalker gets older and bigger. He's one of the tallest kids in his class now. Who could predict that?? He is constantly bouncing a ball and wants to get a big hoop for outside. I was going to wait until the beginning of the summer to get it in lieu of a birthday gift, but I might get one sooner. If he wants to do physical activity, I've got to support it before he changes his mind! He has decided to be a Syracuse basketball fan and took the bus to his friend's house the other day so he could watch a game. They had soda there and he asked for juice instead knowing that we wouldn't want him to have soda. How many 8 year olds would do that? Not many. I told him I was so proud of him that he could make good choices without me there, even if he did moan and complain that he was the only one who couldn't have it (as it turns out it was special occasion and not a regular occurrence.). He's doing good in school and we have fewer homework battles than we did at the beginning of the year. He is SUPER obsessed with Greek Mythology right now and is currently typing up everything he has learned.
The Princess is loving school. She just joined the Sneaker Tying Club for kids who can tie their own shoes. She has wonderful handwriting and is a hard worker and really coming into her own. She LOVES the Girl Scouts and I get to see a side of her I don't normally see when we go to meetings. She seems to really thrive in a group of girls... she gets so silly and happy. It's nice to see. I still think that she wants a true best friend, like big brother and little sister have, but she has no problem making friends and it's nice to see her in a group.
Chewie has once again gone through the speech evaluation process but this time she qualifies. Most people don't understand her and I am constantly translating, even for her father. She doesn't really let it stop her from talking, but it's better to get it cleared up now and not have to wait until kindergarten. She loves to dress herself and wear mismatching socks. Two different socks, not just socks that don't match her outfit. I have given up fighting. Her hair is a mess constantly. I go back and forth on whether or not I want to get it cut short. She might look really cute... but her crazy hair kind of goes with her spunky personality. And she is without a doubt spunky.
Lightrunner is eating green beans and avocado and peaches and pears and seems to like his greens more than his fruits (yay!). He's gaining weight and happy. He has his two bottom teeth now and I'm sure he'll have more soon. He can be up for hours and still smile. He truly lights up a room and everyone who sees him has no choice but to smile and talk to him. He brings happiness everywhere we go. I am so very lucky I get to go out on a high note... my last kid is just pure joy.
I have ignored the mess in the house for far too long. Dishes need to be done, laundry, cleaning. What else is new? I run, I exercise, I read, I care for children, and then frantically "catch up" on my "rest" day. I gotta start getting up earlier... I repeat, what else is new?
Monday, January 28, 2013
In summary, I am awesome.
Well, that didn't take long.
I was feeling pretty weak after Lightrunner's checkup. Sad that once again one of my kids was going to have to catch up and try to gain weight. Wait, what? Sure, on paper a 6 month old weighing 13 1/2 pounds is little. But we don't live on paper. Lightrunner is bigger than SkyWalker was at 6 months. And guess what? SkyWalker currently weighs about half what I do and I weigh more now that I ever have before (not including pregnancy). When we got SkyWalker's class picture I couldn't find him. He was IN THE BACK ROW. Not sitting down in front. I went to a Girls Night in my neighborhood a couple of weeks ago and one of his friend's moms asked me if he was playing basketball because he's so TALL. I looked behind me to make sure she was talking to me.
I don't make fat babies.
And there's nothing wrong with that. We are such a weight-obsessed society and often a number on the scale is more important than an overall picture. This is the picture I see: a smiling happy baby with chubby legs and fat rolls. I tried to force him to nurse this week and I wound up with a crying overtired baby. When he was younger I had to wake up him up to feed him, but he's 6 months old now. When he's sleeping, he needs to sleep. I'm not going to force him to feed when he doesn't need it, just so he can be on some silly growth chart. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, following him, making sure he is happy and peeing lots and take it from there. If he loses weight, I'll rethink things. He has a bad cold right now and I wound up feeding him at 10 last night, something I haven't done in a long time, and this morning I skipped his cereal and just fed him myself. And now he's taking a nice long nap which is exactly what he needs to get better.
As a parent it's wicked easy to doubt yourself. Sometimes I forget I'm awesome.
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On Saturday, I ran my longest distance in a couple of months. There was anything spectacular, but it was a great run just because I did it. I was tired. It was cold. I had a million things I needed to do. But I got out there anyway. For quite some time my slow runs have been in the 12-13 minute range, so I was buoyed when I looked down and saw I was running in the 10:30 range. I kept it up for 3 miles, stopped for a tenth of a mile when I blew my nose, and then started running against the wind. That slowed me down but I still wound up with a faster average pace for 5 miles than I've been doing. I haven't been running much lately but I think all the cross-training I'm doing is actually paying off. I am determined to be the strongest runner I can be for the half next fall. My immediate goal right now is to keep up the cross-training and run SOMETHING 3 times a week. I've got to be a little flexible with a baby and with kids and school schedules and something always coming up. But I think if I can do this, I can go into my spring training much stronger than I have before.
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The other night Vader and I went to a local (like 2 minutes away) bar with two couples I intend on spending a lot more time with-- naturally Shinesalot (and husband) and my friend Gina (and husband) who doesn't blog anymore. It was so nice to be out without kids, with our husbands, and just talk and have fun. I think we're going to try to do this every couple of months. We're also having a little Ladies Night this week without the husbands. I'm hoping we can do that every month but our schedules are not that easy to coordinate. I'm trying to focus on spending time with people who want to spend time with me.
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I've been reading a lot more and watching TV a lot less. I really think it helps me to relax and get outside of myself. Books truly feed your soul in ways that TV shows just can't. And sometimes my soul is a little too hungry.
I was feeling pretty weak after Lightrunner's checkup. Sad that once again one of my kids was going to have to catch up and try to gain weight. Wait, what? Sure, on paper a 6 month old weighing 13 1/2 pounds is little. But we don't live on paper. Lightrunner is bigger than SkyWalker was at 6 months. And guess what? SkyWalker currently weighs about half what I do and I weigh more now that I ever have before (not including pregnancy). When we got SkyWalker's class picture I couldn't find him. He was IN THE BACK ROW. Not sitting down in front. I went to a Girls Night in my neighborhood a couple of weeks ago and one of his friend's moms asked me if he was playing basketball because he's so TALL. I looked behind me to make sure she was talking to me.
I don't make fat babies.
And there's nothing wrong with that. We are such a weight-obsessed society and often a number on the scale is more important than an overall picture. This is the picture I see: a smiling happy baby with chubby legs and fat rolls. I tried to force him to nurse this week and I wound up with a crying overtired baby. When he was younger I had to wake up him up to feed him, but he's 6 months old now. When he's sleeping, he needs to sleep. I'm not going to force him to feed when he doesn't need it, just so he can be on some silly growth chart. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, following him, making sure he is happy and peeing lots and take it from there. If he loses weight, I'll rethink things. He has a bad cold right now and I wound up feeding him at 10 last night, something I haven't done in a long time, and this morning I skipped his cereal and just fed him myself. And now he's taking a nice long nap which is exactly what he needs to get better.
As a parent it's wicked easy to doubt yourself. Sometimes I forget I'm awesome.
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On Saturday, I ran my longest distance in a couple of months. There was anything spectacular, but it was a great run just because I did it. I was tired. It was cold. I had a million things I needed to do. But I got out there anyway. For quite some time my slow runs have been in the 12-13 minute range, so I was buoyed when I looked down and saw I was running in the 10:30 range. I kept it up for 3 miles, stopped for a tenth of a mile when I blew my nose, and then started running against the wind. That slowed me down but I still wound up with a faster average pace for 5 miles than I've been doing. I haven't been running much lately but I think all the cross-training I'm doing is actually paying off. I am determined to be the strongest runner I can be for the half next fall. My immediate goal right now is to keep up the cross-training and run SOMETHING 3 times a week. I've got to be a little flexible with a baby and with kids and school schedules and something always coming up. But I think if I can do this, I can go into my spring training much stronger than I have before.
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The other night Vader and I went to a local (like 2 minutes away) bar with two couples I intend on spending a lot more time with-- naturally Shinesalot (and husband) and my friend Gina (and husband) who doesn't blog anymore. It was so nice to be out without kids, with our husbands, and just talk and have fun. I think we're going to try to do this every couple of months. We're also having a little Ladies Night this week without the husbands. I'm hoping we can do that every month but our schedules are not that easy to coordinate. I'm trying to focus on spending time with people who want to spend time with me.
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I've been reading a lot more and watching TV a lot less. I really think it helps me to relax and get outside of myself. Books truly feed your soul in ways that TV shows just can't. And sometimes my soul is a little too hungry.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Running partners
I usually run alone. I've run with groups and friends in the past, but I don't live in a central location so it doesn't happen often. Yesterday I had two very special running partners to begin my 3rd week of my back to running plan.
SkyWalker and the Princess finally got a chance to run with me. They have asked for a long time to run on the road. I've run with them in the driveway and the yard and have taken them to a local track where they did a little play-running. But they always want to go on the road. My road is not child-friendly and there's no way I was going to do that. So we all drove to the local state park, Vader put Lightrunner in the stroller and hoped he stayed asleep and walked with an upset Chewie who really wanted to run with the big kids. And probably would have lasted longer. I took SkyWalker and the Princess with me. We ran from the playground on the long road that enters the park. It's nice and flat and straight. Easy to see, not very busy, and very wide. People often bike and run and there isn't a lot of traffic.
The plan was to do 90 seconds of running followed by 30 seconds walking and repeat that 15 times. SkyWalker started out complaining that we were going too slow and I explained that we weren't going for speed, but to build up endurance and if he went too fast he'd burn out too quickly. 3 minutes later he was starting to lag behind. They made it half way without too many problems, although SkyWalker took more and more walk breaks, but once we turned around even the Princess couldn't do it. They are full of such bravado but they couldn't keep up. And I was running SLOW. The Princess did her best, she really gave it her all, and then said that it was too much for her and she needed to walk more. I stopped the timer and we all walked. I told them it was okay to walk in the middle but when we saw the playground we had to finish strong. SkyWalker didn't even want to walk. He wanted to lay down in the road and wait for someone to pick him up. But the Princess kept going. We started running again when we saw the playground, SkyWalker started when he saw his Daddy, and the Princess & I held our hands high like we were finishing a big race. Chewie came running towards us and ran us in the last 30 seconds or so. And then I had to run some more to finish out my plan.
It was definitely a lesson. I thought their youth and energy would make it through, especially with the walking breaks, but it was too much too soon. We'll go out again and I'll make sure I do my run on my own first and just run slower and less with them. The Princess definitely wants to do it again... SkyWalker is not so sure. I had really wanted to go with the Princess to show her that girls can be athletic and do things too. And to keep her from getting her period when she turns 6. But I think SkyWalker really needs to do it too... he needs to learn discipline (as in keeping going when you don't want to) and build up his endurance. I don't care if he plays sports in school, but I want him to be physically fit. I don't want him to wait until he's in his 30s for one of his friends to start a running group before he takes it seriously.
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| Ignore my post-pregnant fat butt. Focus on the cuteness of the running kids. The Princess is wearing a wicking tee from Target. We are both wearing matching Wonder Woman bondi bands. We were adorable. |
SkyWalker and the Princess finally got a chance to run with me. They have asked for a long time to run on the road. I've run with them in the driveway and the yard and have taken them to a local track where they did a little play-running. But they always want to go on the road. My road is not child-friendly and there's no way I was going to do that. So we all drove to the local state park, Vader put Lightrunner in the stroller and hoped he stayed asleep and walked with an upset Chewie who really wanted to run with the big kids. And probably would have lasted longer. I took SkyWalker and the Princess with me. We ran from the playground on the long road that enters the park. It's nice and flat and straight. Easy to see, not very busy, and very wide. People often bike and run and there isn't a lot of traffic.
The plan was to do 90 seconds of running followed by 30 seconds walking and repeat that 15 times. SkyWalker started out complaining that we were going too slow and I explained that we weren't going for speed, but to build up endurance and if he went too fast he'd burn out too quickly. 3 minutes later he was starting to lag behind. They made it half way without too many problems, although SkyWalker took more and more walk breaks, but once we turned around even the Princess couldn't do it. They are full of such bravado but they couldn't keep up. And I was running SLOW. The Princess did her best, she really gave it her all, and then said that it was too much for her and she needed to walk more. I stopped the timer and we all walked. I told them it was okay to walk in the middle but when we saw the playground we had to finish strong. SkyWalker didn't even want to walk. He wanted to lay down in the road and wait for someone to pick him up. But the Princess kept going. We started running again when we saw the playground, SkyWalker started when he saw his Daddy, and the Princess & I held our hands high like we were finishing a big race. Chewie came running towards us and ran us in the last 30 seconds or so. And then I had to run some more to finish out my plan.
It was definitely a lesson. I thought their youth and energy would make it through, especially with the walking breaks, but it was too much too soon. We'll go out again and I'll make sure I do my run on my own first and just run slower and less with them. The Princess definitely wants to do it again... SkyWalker is not so sure. I had really wanted to go with the Princess to show her that girls can be athletic and do things too. And to keep her from getting her period when she turns 6. But I think SkyWalker really needs to do it too... he needs to learn discipline (as in keeping going when you don't want to) and build up his endurance. I don't care if he plays sports in school, but I want him to be physically fit. I don't want him to wait until he's in his 30s for one of his friends to start a running group before he takes it seriously.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Waasup?
There was a time with each of my kids when I realized how utterly in love I was with them and that it was time to have the next one. With SkyWalker and the Princess it was around 18 months old. Not that I don't love them all the time, but there was something about that age with the both of them, that it's just *more*. It was a good signal to me that it was time to start trying for the next, particularly with SkyWalker, because I didn't want that love to start to be smothering. I had been waiting for it to happen with Chewie at the same time and waiting and waiting. And it really didn't. We started trying for the next anyway but I wondered if I had just been split in so many ways already if I wouldn't have that same all encompassing love for Chewie that I did with the other two (this sounds so wrong, like I don't love her or the others all the time. I do, obviously I do, but this is just on a different level.). But the last couple of months it's been there and I realized it had nothing to do with age at all, but with communication. The other two started talking a lot sooner (even SkyWalker) than Chewie. It's taken her a while but she's finally caught up. Sure, you won't understand her and she'll need speech class too, but I understand her and that's what counts. We talk to each other now, and more importantly, she's funny! She's intentionally funny and her personality is just shining now in ways that it couldn't before because she was too busy being angry and screaming. Every single thing she does cracks me up. Everything she says. The way she says "Good job Mommy!" when I flip on a light switch. I am completely and totally in love with her and spend a large part of my day just drinking in her essence. I am glad that it finally happened, and it's good timing since I'm halfway to Quattro's arrival.
The Princess gets older and older. Ready for kindergarten. I was ready for her to go months ago, but I can see it's going to be much harder on me than I thought. She's become so helpful. I could not have survived the early weeks of pregnancy without her. Honestly and truly. Not only did she help take care of Chewie--making her breakfast and lunch and wiping her butt on the potty and brushing her teeth and just caring for her--she helped ME. She cuddled with me and told me that I wouldn't be throwing up forever and that it would be better soon. She supported me, emotionally, in ways that 4 years old usually just don't. She was amazing. Now that I'm feeling better when she's mad at having to clean up or do something she's fond of saying "When this baby comes you're doing everything by yourself!" But, for the most part she's still pretty good. She has tantrums here and there, but nothing like before. She has embraced the big sister role and can't wait for this new baby. Chewie has totally latched on to her and I think it will be hard when she's in school all day. But Chewie will be in preschool twice a week and hopefully she will be distracted by being a big sister herself.
SkyWalker is getting old and moody. He waffles between yelling about having to do "everything" when I ask him to do his laundry and then volunteering to cut the broccoli for dinner (that he won't eat) because he's "ready to help you Mommy." He plays with his sisters but not as much as he used to... demanding his alone time and needing silence to do his homework. He's doing well in school but it's clear he'd rather be home. Can't say I blame him. I like being home too. He's so mature about some things and then still very obviously a little kid about others. When I was wondering out loud how we were going to do 4 showers at bedtime in a few years, I realized that he and the Princess probably wouldn't be going to bed at 8 anymore (sigh) so we'd have the younger two go first and get to bed and then the older two. He replied yeah, the Princess should be able to stay up a little later, like to 8:10. Which was so funny, particularly since I can hear him turning pages until well past 10 pm.
Poor little Haze is still limping and confined to the leash. We've had her crated a lot as well, but it doesn't look like her leg is healing on its own. I am torn. I don't want her to have surgery. I cannot deal with it if something goes wrong. I cannot lose her now. But I don't want her to be limping forever. BUT, she doesn't seem to be in any pain. A large part of me wants to just let her go and run and enjoy her life and if her torn ACL starts to cause her real pain then we can go ahead with the surgery. Isaac's death completely took us by surprise. I hate thinking that we're depriving Haze of a quality life because we're worried about her leg. What if we only have a couple of years left with her? This is the cloud in the sky now. The last time Vader and I discussed it he vehemently disagreed about just letting her run. Aren't there tons of dogs that get by with just 3 legs?
I've run a bit here and there, some good some bad. I wore a one-piece bathing suit under my running clothes when I went out on Sunday and it really helped support my growing belly, which helped the back pain. I plan on trying it on the treadmill today. I fantasize about running a half after this baby is born... but first I need to get back to being able to run a 5K. The entire world is training for either a half or a full marathon right now and I am slowly eeking my way through 2 miles. But in 5 1/2 years I will be able to run whenever I want to between the hours of 7 and 2:45 because all of my children will be in school. Maybe I'll even run a marathon.
The Princess gets older and older. Ready for kindergarten. I was ready for her to go months ago, but I can see it's going to be much harder on me than I thought. She's become so helpful. I could not have survived the early weeks of pregnancy without her. Honestly and truly. Not only did she help take care of Chewie--making her breakfast and lunch and wiping her butt on the potty and brushing her teeth and just caring for her--she helped ME. She cuddled with me and told me that I wouldn't be throwing up forever and that it would be better soon. She supported me, emotionally, in ways that 4 years old usually just don't. She was amazing. Now that I'm feeling better when she's mad at having to clean up or do something she's fond of saying "When this baby comes you're doing everything by yourself!" But, for the most part she's still pretty good. She has tantrums here and there, but nothing like before. She has embraced the big sister role and can't wait for this new baby. Chewie has totally latched on to her and I think it will be hard when she's in school all day. But Chewie will be in preschool twice a week and hopefully she will be distracted by being a big sister herself.
SkyWalker is getting old and moody. He waffles between yelling about having to do "everything" when I ask him to do his laundry and then volunteering to cut the broccoli for dinner (that he won't eat) because he's "ready to help you Mommy." He plays with his sisters but not as much as he used to... demanding his alone time and needing silence to do his homework. He's doing well in school but it's clear he'd rather be home. Can't say I blame him. I like being home too. He's so mature about some things and then still very obviously a little kid about others. When I was wondering out loud how we were going to do 4 showers at bedtime in a few years, I realized that he and the Princess probably wouldn't be going to bed at 8 anymore (sigh) so we'd have the younger two go first and get to bed and then the older two. He replied yeah, the Princess should be able to stay up a little later, like to 8:10. Which was so funny, particularly since I can hear him turning pages until well past 10 pm.
Poor little Haze is still limping and confined to the leash. We've had her crated a lot as well, but it doesn't look like her leg is healing on its own. I am torn. I don't want her to have surgery. I cannot deal with it if something goes wrong. I cannot lose her now. But I don't want her to be limping forever. BUT, she doesn't seem to be in any pain. A large part of me wants to just let her go and run and enjoy her life and if her torn ACL starts to cause her real pain then we can go ahead with the surgery. Isaac's death completely took us by surprise. I hate thinking that we're depriving Haze of a quality life because we're worried about her leg. What if we only have a couple of years left with her? This is the cloud in the sky now. The last time Vader and I discussed it he vehemently disagreed about just letting her run. Aren't there tons of dogs that get by with just 3 legs?
I've run a bit here and there, some good some bad. I wore a one-piece bathing suit under my running clothes when I went out on Sunday and it really helped support my growing belly, which helped the back pain. I plan on trying it on the treadmill today. I fantasize about running a half after this baby is born... but first I need to get back to being able to run a 5K. The entire world is training for either a half or a full marathon right now and I am slowly eeking my way through 2 miles. But in 5 1/2 years I will be able to run whenever I want to between the hours of 7 and 2:45 because all of my children will be in school. Maybe I'll even run a marathon.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Catch up
I know.
It's been a while.
Everything has been on repeat... laundry, dishes, etc. I straighten up the house all day long and it's never done. Skywalker's room is fine because he's in school all day and he has to clean it up himself. The girls room is always a mess... The Princess is capable of cleaning up but most of the messes are made by Chewie. The large majority of messes are made by her. Vader's solution is to tell Skywalker and the Princess that they have to clean up her messes, but as the oldest child I just don't think that's fair. So I wind up doing a large part of it. She's napping less and less and in her room... making messes. The other day she put aveeno lotion in her hair and I had to give her a bath when Skywalker came home from school.
We're potty training now... and it sucks. This is the first time I've done it during the school year when we have to leave the house and it's setting us back because I put pullups over her underwear to try to help protect her clothes. She's fine when she's naked. She's getting better about staying dry when she's wearing underwear. But she just does not poop in the potty. When she does it's a fluke. She'll sit and try, but for the most part she's either pooping in her nighttime diaper or in her underwear. In some ways I wish I hadn't waited until I could stay home for an entire week or 2, but I didn't. We did stay home the first couple of days because I was sick. I was just so tired of wrestling with her to change her diaper.
I had Skywalker's Parent/Teacher conference yesterday and he finally has a teacher who understands his strengths and is positive and encouraging. He's doing so well, finally reaching his potential. He's doing his work well, but also finishing it, something he couldn't do last year. She said he takes his time, but she's okay with that because he's doing quality work. He's her strongest reader, she has a range of kids who read 22-108 words per minute and he's the 108. We already knew he was good at math, but he's also good at writing, which shocked me because he doesn't like it. But he says he doesn't like to handwrite because his hand gets hurt, he'd rather type. Apples. Trees. I have an online blog because I don't like to write in journals.... She's going to try to incorporate the computer more since he's so good with it.
The Princess is doing well in preschool and if I could send her to kindergarten now I would. She's driving me a bit crazy. I call her Sibyl... she'll be fine one minute, cleaning the floor for me, and then screaming the next because she doesn't want to pick up a lego. She's been hitting me A LOT. She's been in time out every day for a week now. I'm not quite sure what's going on... she talks like a baby a lot too so it could just be that she thinks she needs to act like Chewie to get attention.
Naptime is all screwy and I haven't been able to run a lot. This week has been the exception because Vader was home yesterday and he'll be home Friday so I'll have 3 outside runs. Last Sunday I ran 7.2 miles. It took me forever, but it was less time that it took me to run 6 the week before. I would like to run a half marathon someday, but I don't see it happening soon.
Haze is still on the leash and taking pain medication for her leg. It's a giant pain in the neck. I don't know how much longer we have to do it.
I have dishes that need to be done and messes that need to be cleaned up and books that need to be reviewed. And a throbbing headache. But I'm getting cuddles from Chewie so it's all good.
It's been a while.
Everything has been on repeat... laundry, dishes, etc. I straighten up the house all day long and it's never done. Skywalker's room is fine because he's in school all day and he has to clean it up himself. The girls room is always a mess... The Princess is capable of cleaning up but most of the messes are made by Chewie. The large majority of messes are made by her. Vader's solution is to tell Skywalker and the Princess that they have to clean up her messes, but as the oldest child I just don't think that's fair. So I wind up doing a large part of it. She's napping less and less and in her room... making messes. The other day she put aveeno lotion in her hair and I had to give her a bath when Skywalker came home from school.
We're potty training now... and it sucks. This is the first time I've done it during the school year when we have to leave the house and it's setting us back because I put pullups over her underwear to try to help protect her clothes. She's fine when she's naked. She's getting better about staying dry when she's wearing underwear. But she just does not poop in the potty. When she does it's a fluke. She'll sit and try, but for the most part she's either pooping in her nighttime diaper or in her underwear. In some ways I wish I hadn't waited until I could stay home for an entire week or 2, but I didn't. We did stay home the first couple of days because I was sick. I was just so tired of wrestling with her to change her diaper.
I had Skywalker's Parent/Teacher conference yesterday and he finally has a teacher who understands his strengths and is positive and encouraging. He's doing so well, finally reaching his potential. He's doing his work well, but also finishing it, something he couldn't do last year. She said he takes his time, but she's okay with that because he's doing quality work. He's her strongest reader, she has a range of kids who read 22-108 words per minute and he's the 108. We already knew he was good at math, but he's also good at writing, which shocked me because he doesn't like it. But he says he doesn't like to handwrite because his hand gets hurt, he'd rather type. Apples. Trees. I have an online blog because I don't like to write in journals.... She's going to try to incorporate the computer more since he's so good with it.
The Princess is doing well in preschool and if I could send her to kindergarten now I would. She's driving me a bit crazy. I call her Sibyl... she'll be fine one minute, cleaning the floor for me, and then screaming the next because she doesn't want to pick up a lego. She's been hitting me A LOT. She's been in time out every day for a week now. I'm not quite sure what's going on... she talks like a baby a lot too so it could just be that she thinks she needs to act like Chewie to get attention.
Naptime is all screwy and I haven't been able to run a lot. This week has been the exception because Vader was home yesterday and he'll be home Friday so I'll have 3 outside runs. Last Sunday I ran 7.2 miles. It took me forever, but it was less time that it took me to run 6 the week before. I would like to run a half marathon someday, but I don't see it happening soon.
Haze is still on the leash and taking pain medication for her leg. It's a giant pain in the neck. I don't know how much longer we have to do it.
I have dishes that need to be done and messes that need to be cleaned up and books that need to be reviewed. And a throbbing headache. But I'm getting cuddles from Chewie so it's all good.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Blathering
School started a few weeks ago and we have yet to fall into a good routine. The girls were sick last week and that screwed things up. Chewie has been taking later naps, leaving me with very little time. She finally fell asleep at 2 (after taking her diaper off. Again. I don't even care if she wets the bed, I just need her to sleep.), I got the Princess up there shortly after and that leaves me with a grand total of 40 minutes. Yesterday we had gymnastics so she was tired enough to fall asleep at 12:30ish and slept a good 2 hours. I was able to run my intervals and shower, and they woke up just as I got SkyWalker off the bus. I'm not sure what's better--to have more time to myself or to have them sleeping when he gets home. I think it's the former. And I think we're going to have to get up a wee bit earlier in the morning so naptime is earlier.
The Princess is ready for kindergarten. She's ready to go and I'm ready to send her. I'm going to have to request a teacher who is very patient with little girls who don't know how to stop talking. Because she can NOT STOP TALKING. My head is going to explode.
Chewie is talking much more and repeats everything and likes to tell me to be quiet and shhh and "top it." She's very rude. She's peeing on the potty again but not doing anything else. She likes to take her diaper off. And her clothes. Big surprise. I don't know why my children always like being naked. I would like to go cold turkey and potty train her, but I don't want to have to stay home. And I can't stay home because of preschool. I need a school break, but I don't want to do that over Thanksgiving or Christmas, so that leaves February. But that seems so far away and I am so very tired of wrestling her to get a diaper on her.
SkyWalker is doing well in school. He has a nice positive teacher so I think things will be good this year. He is getting tired of living in a house with so many girls and gives me guilt trips on a daily basis. He is definitely growing up. He used to be so grateful for anything and this birthday he complained about the books I got him, the legos I got him, everything. I intended on saying "I'm sorry your birthday has been so disappointing." but instead I said "I'm soSOBrry, your SOB birthday SOB has been so disappointing SOB!" (No, I cannot blame this on pregnancy hormones. I am still not pregnant.) He left the room. Vader followed him and I wasn't sure at the time whether or not he told him to be more grateful or not to worry because Mommy does that crap to him all the time too... but he did eventually thank me for everything and seemed to be genuinely happy with it all.
I've done very little. Dishes/laundry/sweep. That's pretty much it. And run. I stopped writing articles because the payback was so little compared to the stress of trying to write multiple articles a week. I generally just read the books I have to review for VOYA now.
Vader and I went to see Primus last night. I didn't recognize many of the songs, but it was a good show nonetheless.
Haze hurt her leg, the same way Isaac did years ago. Vader took her to the vet yesterday who confirmed that she should have surgery. He also said, however, that we could medicate her and keep her on the leash and make her comfortable. At first we both thought there's no point in that if she did completely tear her ACL. But then I came on here and looked up Isaac's SECOND injury and all we did was medicate him and keep him on the leash for months and then he was fine. It was when I was pregnant with Chewie and we really didn't want a second surgery. I would like Haze to be healed... but I don't really want to do another surgery. Besides the fact that it's another $3000 that won't go towards redoing our attic (if we ever redo our attic), I just don't want her to have to go through that. If she has to be in the crate for 2 months and won't be able to lay right next to me... When Isaac hurt his first leg he couldn't even get up the deck stairs. I had to put a ramp out so he could get up. When Vader touched it, he didn't howl in pain, but he definitely yelped a bit. Haze has shown none of that. She'll still run if we let her (we've had her on the leash for over a week), she doesn't yelp or cry or seem in pain. She's just limping and walking funny. I'm kind of leaning towards giving her the medication, keeping her on the leash, and waiting it out. If she gets the surgery she has to be crated for months and then confined to a leash for more months. So we might as well wait and see.
The Princess is ready for kindergarten. She's ready to go and I'm ready to send her. I'm going to have to request a teacher who is very patient with little girls who don't know how to stop talking. Because she can NOT STOP TALKING. My head is going to explode.
Chewie is talking much more and repeats everything and likes to tell me to be quiet and shhh and "top it." She's very rude. She's peeing on the potty again but not doing anything else. She likes to take her diaper off. And her clothes. Big surprise. I don't know why my children always like being naked. I would like to go cold turkey and potty train her, but I don't want to have to stay home. And I can't stay home because of preschool. I need a school break, but I don't want to do that over Thanksgiving or Christmas, so that leaves February. But that seems so far away and I am so very tired of wrestling her to get a diaper on her.
SkyWalker is doing well in school. He has a nice positive teacher so I think things will be good this year. He is getting tired of living in a house with so many girls and gives me guilt trips on a daily basis. He is definitely growing up. He used to be so grateful for anything and this birthday he complained about the books I got him, the legos I got him, everything. I intended on saying "I'm sorry your birthday has been so disappointing." but instead I said "I'm soSOBrry, your SOB birthday SOB has been so disappointing SOB!" (No, I cannot blame this on pregnancy hormones. I am still not pregnant.) He left the room. Vader followed him and I wasn't sure at the time whether or not he told him to be more grateful or not to worry because Mommy does that crap to him all the time too... but he did eventually thank me for everything and seemed to be genuinely happy with it all.
I've done very little. Dishes/laundry/sweep. That's pretty much it. And run. I stopped writing articles because the payback was so little compared to the stress of trying to write multiple articles a week. I generally just read the books I have to review for VOYA now.
Vader and I went to see Primus last night. I didn't recognize many of the songs, but it was a good show nonetheless.
Haze hurt her leg, the same way Isaac did years ago. Vader took her to the vet yesterday who confirmed that she should have surgery. He also said, however, that we could medicate her and keep her on the leash and make her comfortable. At first we both thought there's no point in that if she did completely tear her ACL. But then I came on here and looked up Isaac's SECOND injury and all we did was medicate him and keep him on the leash for months and then he was fine. It was when I was pregnant with Chewie and we really didn't want a second surgery. I would like Haze to be healed... but I don't really want to do another surgery. Besides the fact that it's another $3000 that won't go towards redoing our attic (if we ever redo our attic), I just don't want her to have to go through that. If she has to be in the crate for 2 months and won't be able to lay right next to me... When Isaac hurt his first leg he couldn't even get up the deck stairs. I had to put a ramp out so he could get up. When Vader touched it, he didn't howl in pain, but he definitely yelped a bit. Haze has shown none of that. She'll still run if we let her (we've had her on the leash for over a week), she doesn't yelp or cry or seem in pain. She's just limping and walking funny. I'm kind of leaning towards giving her the medication, keeping her on the leash, and waiting it out. If she gets the surgery she has to be crated for months and then confined to a leash for more months. So we might as well wait and see.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Reluctant reading
When SkyWalker first learned to read it was miraculous. He would read a couple of words, pause to look up at me and smile, and then continue. He was so happy, so proud, so full of joy.
Now it's a battle every day for him to do his reading homework. He doesn't want to read out loud, or he doesn't want to read to himself, or he just doesn't want to do whatever he has to do. He likes shared reading and his definition of that is him reading a line and me reading a page. He absolutely does not like answering comprehension questions. Getting him to summarize what he's read is like pulling teeth. He can't remember details of something he read 15 minutes ago--yet he can recall scenes from movies he saw years ago and places we went to and a bunch of other things. I think he has two problems--he's not paying attention to what he's reading because he just wants to get done with it and he's not paying attention because he doesn't give a crap. I've told him he can read whatever he wants, his encyclopedias, magazines, superhero stuff. Doesn't matter, he just resisted.
For the past couple of weeks he's been getting work back from school with notes saying he didn't finish a particular section or he needs to slow down and read all the directions. He's also been biting his nails and sucking on his lower lip A LOT.
I had the idea that maybe if I could get access to Accelerated Reader at home he'd be more interested because it would be extra computer time, so I figured I'd e-mail his teacher and ask her if that was possible and then also just ask if he was nervous at school. She e-mailed back that they don't offer Accelerated Reader at home (for the record, I actually disagree with AR, but I'm not going to buck the system that much.) and then she called me later to talk about how he's doing. He does NOT seem nervous at all to her, which is good, but he does seem reluctant to do anything that he thinks might be too hard for him, even if it's not. She's had to tell him to go use the AR because she's found him just sitting at his desk, flipping through his anthology and shuffling papers around trying to make himself *look* busy (I actually find that hilarious). Once she tells him to do it, he does it. She said he's not being disobedient or rude or outright saying no, he's just reluctant to do it on his own. He has said the reason he doesn't like the comprehension questions is because he's afraid he's going to get something wrong because he just can't remember, so rather than try and get something wrong, he just doesn't want to try.
Argh.
So, she suggested we take a step back and have him read the earlier readers and really work on the recall so he can build his confidence by getting those questions right. It's hard to remember details when you're also trying to figure out what the words say. Once he knows he can do the recall, then we should work on getting him to read longer and harder books.
So, I took all of his readers, the level 1s and 2s and 3s, and spent Saturday afternoon coming up with comprehension questions for each book. 3-4 questions ranging from easy to hard, and assigned each question a point value. I typed them all up, printed them out, put them in a binder along with some looseleaf paper for him to write his answers. He can earn points and when he gets a certain amount of points he'll get some kind of reward. That was Saturday. He did one that day, did another completely on his own on Sunday, and started another one today. He said he was going to spend quiet time teaching his sister to read (we have yet another snow day). They were pretty quiet until just now, so maybe he actually did.
He has an amazing memory and he *can* read. I know that he can do this. I'm not quite sure what it will take for him to get interested in reading again. I'm hoping that our comprehension binder will help. He gets perfect scores on his math tests almost all the time (I think he's gotten one or two questions wrong out of 12-13 tests) because he's interested in that. He's only in 1st grade and if he's already reluctant to read and not able to remember what he's read... the rest of school is going to be really hard.
Now it's a battle every day for him to do his reading homework. He doesn't want to read out loud, or he doesn't want to read to himself, or he just doesn't want to do whatever he has to do. He likes shared reading and his definition of that is him reading a line and me reading a page. He absolutely does not like answering comprehension questions. Getting him to summarize what he's read is like pulling teeth. He can't remember details of something he read 15 minutes ago--yet he can recall scenes from movies he saw years ago and places we went to and a bunch of other things. I think he has two problems--he's not paying attention to what he's reading because he just wants to get done with it and he's not paying attention because he doesn't give a crap. I've told him he can read whatever he wants, his encyclopedias, magazines, superhero stuff. Doesn't matter, he just resisted.
For the past couple of weeks he's been getting work back from school with notes saying he didn't finish a particular section or he needs to slow down and read all the directions. He's also been biting his nails and sucking on his lower lip A LOT.
I had the idea that maybe if I could get access to Accelerated Reader at home he'd be more interested because it would be extra computer time, so I figured I'd e-mail his teacher and ask her if that was possible and then also just ask if he was nervous at school. She e-mailed back that they don't offer Accelerated Reader at home (for the record, I actually disagree with AR, but I'm not going to buck the system that much.) and then she called me later to talk about how he's doing. He does NOT seem nervous at all to her, which is good, but he does seem reluctant to do anything that he thinks might be too hard for him, even if it's not. She's had to tell him to go use the AR because she's found him just sitting at his desk, flipping through his anthology and shuffling papers around trying to make himself *look* busy (I actually find that hilarious). Once she tells him to do it, he does it. She said he's not being disobedient or rude or outright saying no, he's just reluctant to do it on his own. He has said the reason he doesn't like the comprehension questions is because he's afraid he's going to get something wrong because he just can't remember, so rather than try and get something wrong, he just doesn't want to try.
Argh.
So, she suggested we take a step back and have him read the earlier readers and really work on the recall so he can build his confidence by getting those questions right. It's hard to remember details when you're also trying to figure out what the words say. Once he knows he can do the recall, then we should work on getting him to read longer and harder books.
So, I took all of his readers, the level 1s and 2s and 3s, and spent Saturday afternoon coming up with comprehension questions for each book. 3-4 questions ranging from easy to hard, and assigned each question a point value. I typed them all up, printed them out, put them in a binder along with some looseleaf paper for him to write his answers. He can earn points and when he gets a certain amount of points he'll get some kind of reward. That was Saturday. He did one that day, did another completely on his own on Sunday, and started another one today. He said he was going to spend quiet time teaching his sister to read (we have yet another snow day). They were pretty quiet until just now, so maybe he actually did.
He has an amazing memory and he *can* read. I know that he can do this. I'm not quite sure what it will take for him to get interested in reading again. I'm hoping that our comprehension binder will help. He gets perfect scores on his math tests almost all the time (I think he's gotten one or two questions wrong out of 12-13 tests) because he's interested in that. He's only in 1st grade and if he's already reluctant to read and not able to remember what he's read... the rest of school is going to be really hard.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Balls of Responsibility
Sometimes I feel as if I am riding a unicycle perilously perched at the top trying to keep it moving all while simultaneously juggling a few million balls. At all times one of those balls, it changes which one, but always one of my Balls of Responsibility comes dangerously close to leaving its orbit and throwing the whole thing out of whack. The primary Ball of Responsibility is taking care of my children and their ever increasing school and preschool demands. But there are many other Balls--the upkeep of the House, paying bills, never ending laundry and dishes; the upkeep of ME, running, reading, blogging; and then there's the marriage Ball. This is perhaps the hardest Ball to keep in the air because it depends on two people.
It is hard when one person works outside the home and the other works, albeit unpaid, within it. Our society values the person who is earning money and not the other. It's easy to fall into the "who has it harder?" game. I think the hardest part of being a DGPM is that people think it's easy. That because we have chosen this, because we are happier doing this than working at a job somewhere else, then that automatically means that it is EASY. But it's not. I'm a million times happier at home than when I was working at the library. That is undeniable. But that doesn't mean that I am sitting here all day eating bonbons and watching TV and doing NOTHING. I have responsibilities too. Lots of responsibilities.
This has been a tough week. SkyWalker has been home all week recovering from his surgery. He's had good times and bad times. We've fought over his school work. He's watched movies every single day. We've done what we've had to just to make it through. I can't take them out, can't have playdates or go to the library or even send him outside to run around. He can't have too much activity.
This week has been the perfect illustration of how it is NOT easy. It is not easy to keep all the Balls in the air. SkyWalker cries because his throat hurts and his ears hurt but I need to run and get Chewie off of the kitchen table or yank the dog food out of her mouth. I need to make sure he is drinking enough water and then I hear the splashing of Chewie playing in the toilet bowl--often full of pee because nobody but me flushes in this house. I am blogging now because we are watching a movie. And I will get up in a minute because Chewie has gone in the kitchen alone and that never leads to anything good.
When we have these weeks it reminds me how much I need the acknowledgement that this is NOT EASY. That this is hard. And important. And valued. And it really sucks not getting it.
It is hard when one person works outside the home and the other works, albeit unpaid, within it. Our society values the person who is earning money and not the other. It's easy to fall into the "who has it harder?" game. I think the hardest part of being a DGPM is that people think it's easy. That because we have chosen this, because we are happier doing this than working at a job somewhere else, then that automatically means that it is EASY. But it's not. I'm a million times happier at home than when I was working at the library. That is undeniable. But that doesn't mean that I am sitting here all day eating bonbons and watching TV and doing NOTHING. I have responsibilities too. Lots of responsibilities.
This has been a tough week. SkyWalker has been home all week recovering from his surgery. He's had good times and bad times. We've fought over his school work. He's watched movies every single day. We've done what we've had to just to make it through. I can't take them out, can't have playdates or go to the library or even send him outside to run around. He can't have too much activity.
This week has been the perfect illustration of how it is NOT easy. It is not easy to keep all the Balls in the air. SkyWalker cries because his throat hurts and his ears hurt but I need to run and get Chewie off of the kitchen table or yank the dog food out of her mouth. I need to make sure he is drinking enough water and then I hear the splashing of Chewie playing in the toilet bowl--often full of pee because nobody but me flushes in this house. I am blogging now because we are watching a movie. And I will get up in a minute because Chewie has gone in the kitchen alone and that never leads to anything good.
When we have these weeks it reminds me how much I need the acknowledgement that this is NOT EASY. That this is hard. And important. And valued. And it really sucks not getting it.
Monday, November 8, 2010
I'm aware
that more than a month has passed by since I have last visited this blog.
1. Skywalker just had his tonsils/adenoids out this past Friday. Right now he is outside shoveling snow. I told him the doctor said no strenuous activity, but he did his schoolwork for the day and he's been doing nothing but watching TV, so I relented. He and the Princess are out in the snow and I am hoping the activity will help him poop. He did okay with the surgery, not so great coming out of it, and is doing okay right now. He's actually bouncier and smiling more than he has the past couple of days. But I still anticipate a long week ahead.
2. The Princess is doing wonderful in preschool and everywhere else. She's not so shy anymore and talks to people. We saw our friends last week and she immediately played with her buddy instead of waiting until right before we had to leave. She seems to be sane now which is good timing since...
3. Chewie is incapable of sitting down. She is ALWAYS on the move. Pushing stools and chairs so she can climb on higher tables and reach things she shouldn't. But she's happy *most* of the time.
4. I'm still running. Three times a week. I have some winter gear now so I can run in the cold on Sundays. I want to keep that up as long as I can. I just got a Garmin Forerunner watch for Christmas.
5. I'm blogging a lot over at my book blog. I spend a lot of time reading and blogging. If I could only get paid for it we'd be all set. If you haven't checked it out, you should: http://goddesslibrarian.blogspot.com
And that is all I can update since I need to find pants for the two little snow shovelers and remind them that nap time for Chewie is a drumming-free time (SkyWalker inherited Pop's unwanted drums this weekend.)
1. Skywalker just had his tonsils/adenoids out this past Friday. Right now he is outside shoveling snow. I told him the doctor said no strenuous activity, but he did his schoolwork for the day and he's been doing nothing but watching TV, so I relented. He and the Princess are out in the snow and I am hoping the activity will help him poop. He did okay with the surgery, not so great coming out of it, and is doing okay right now. He's actually bouncier and smiling more than he has the past couple of days. But I still anticipate a long week ahead.
2. The Princess is doing wonderful in preschool and everywhere else. She's not so shy anymore and talks to people. We saw our friends last week and she immediately played with her buddy instead of waiting until right before we had to leave. She seems to be sane now which is good timing since...
3. Chewie is incapable of sitting down. She is ALWAYS on the move. Pushing stools and chairs so she can climb on higher tables and reach things she shouldn't. But she's happy *most* of the time.
4. I'm still running. Three times a week. I have some winter gear now so I can run in the cold on Sundays. I want to keep that up as long as I can. I just got a Garmin Forerunner watch for Christmas.
5. I'm blogging a lot over at my book blog. I spend a lot of time reading and blogging. If I could only get paid for it we'd be all set. If you haven't checked it out, you should: http://goddesslibrarian.blogspot.com
And that is all I can update since I need to find pants for the two little snow shovelers and remind them that nap time for Chewie is a drumming-free time (SkyWalker inherited Pop's unwanted drums this weekend.)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Yes, I know
It's been a week and you're all clamoring for reports of how school went.
SkyWalker surprised me with quiet tears on Tuesday morning. He couldn't even look at us when the bus passed by, deciding instead to hide his face in his sweatshirt. By Tuesday afternoon he came off the bus with a smile and he's been fine ever since. It wasn't that he didn't want to go to school, but just that he didn't want to leave us. I guess next summer shouldn't be the Summer of Fun, but instead the Summer of Mostly Fun with Some Boredom and Yelling Thrown in So You Miss School.
The Princess, however, surprised me the most. At the playdate she was wrapped around me and didn't talk to any kids and wanted to go home early and I thought I was going to be in for it when it came time for me to actually leave her at preschool. I anticipated a repeat of what happened with SkyWalker and preschool. But, once again, she proved that she's her own self. She wanted me to help her sit at the playdoh table and then she said "if you need to go to the library, I'll let you." And that was that. No crying, no drama. She's been fine each day, talking to her teachers and to some of the kids. She's not so good with remembering names but she's only 3. When Chewie and I pick her up she's on the playground right there with the kids, not off by herself, not running away. She may not be actively playing with them yet, but she's there with them. Which is more than she would ever do before. So that's been one giant big relief.
Chewie and I went to the library and danced. We went food shopping yesterday (!). We decided we would do the shopping so that Daddy could be home Monday nights and Mommy doesn't have to go crazy. Guess what? Daddy worked until 10:30 Monday and Tuesday nights! And he'll do the same on Thursday (Wednesday is Parent's Night at school) and he's going in to work on Sunday too. I won't be getting my outside run. Again. Guess who's kicking myself in the arse for doing the shopping now?
Tomorrow Chewie and I will get new tires put on the van. Joy. I have hope that we will eventually have fun during our one-on-one time.
I will say this--preschool is much easier this time around. I don't have my head in the toilet all morning before we go. Much easier to get ready on time.
SkyWalker surprised me with quiet tears on Tuesday morning. He couldn't even look at us when the bus passed by, deciding instead to hide his face in his sweatshirt. By Tuesday afternoon he came off the bus with a smile and he's been fine ever since. It wasn't that he didn't want to go to school, but just that he didn't want to leave us. I guess next summer shouldn't be the Summer of Fun, but instead the Summer of Mostly Fun with Some Boredom and Yelling Thrown in So You Miss School.
The Princess, however, surprised me the most. At the playdate she was wrapped around me and didn't talk to any kids and wanted to go home early and I thought I was going to be in for it when it came time for me to actually leave her at preschool. I anticipated a repeat of what happened with SkyWalker and preschool. But, once again, she proved that she's her own self. She wanted me to help her sit at the playdoh table and then she said "if you need to go to the library, I'll let you." And that was that. No crying, no drama. She's been fine each day, talking to her teachers and to some of the kids. She's not so good with remembering names but she's only 3. When Chewie and I pick her up she's on the playground right there with the kids, not off by herself, not running away. She may not be actively playing with them yet, but she's there with them. Which is more than she would ever do before. So that's been one giant big relief.
Chewie and I went to the library and danced. We went food shopping yesterday (!). We decided we would do the shopping so that Daddy could be home Monday nights and Mommy doesn't have to go crazy. Guess what? Daddy worked until 10:30 Monday and Tuesday nights! And he'll do the same on Thursday (Wednesday is Parent's Night at school) and he's going in to work on Sunday too. I won't be getting my outside run. Again. Guess who's kicking myself in the arse for doing the shopping now?
Tomorrow Chewie and I will get new tires put on the van. Joy. I have hope that we will eventually have fun during our one-on-one time.
I will say this--preschool is much easier this time around. I don't have my head in the toilet all morning before we go. Much easier to get ready on time.
Monday, September 6, 2010
First day of school Eve
Tomorrow is the first day of 1st grade for SkyWalker and preschool for the Princess. When I said I would miss him, SkyWalker said: "I know, but I always come home at 3." Then he said "When the Princess is in preschool, don't cry. Try to just have fun with Chewie."
At bedtime he said he was going to miss me and that he just wishes he could stay home all the time. I said "Nah, we would just fight all day." He said "Did we fight today?" I said, "No, not too bad." He said, "yeah, the other days were badder. I was trying today." I guess trying not to fight. We've actually only had a few really bad days. The vast majority of the summer was really really good. And even with those few bad days, and even though I know we're ready for a break right now, I'm still going to miss him. He's really, just, I don't know, something else.
At bedtime he said he was going to miss me and that he just wishes he could stay home all the time. I said "Nah, we would just fight all day." He said "Did we fight today?" I said, "No, not too bad." He said, "yeah, the other days were badder. I was trying today." I guess trying not to fight. We've actually only had a few really bad days. The vast majority of the summer was really really good. And even with those few bad days, and even though I know we're ready for a break right now, I'm still going to miss him. He's really, just, I don't know, something else.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Transitions
Last week I was not ready for school to begin. I was not ready for the end of summer, of our summer fun, of the routine we had established. I'm still not ready for the end of summer. I know lots of people are doing cartwheels because today was in the low 70s and a "fall day" but I think I should have taken an extra Vitamin D. I don't embrace the fall like others do. I tolerate it because it's not winter, but summer has always been my favorite. I need to feel the sun, to see it, to soak it in. This is the first summer that I actually have a tan, not because I was laying on the beach and tanning myself, but because we were out and about. Sure, I used sunscreen and I don't want to get skin cancer but I am proud of my tan. It is proof that I was outside more than I was inside. That I did what I set out to do. I am happy that I had a good summer and I'm still not ready for summer to end.
But. I think I am ready for school to begin. Vader left on Friday for a wedding in California. I couldn't believe what rotten timing it was--he's not getting back until wicked late Monday night. School starts wicked early Tuesday morning. But maybe, just maybe, it has worked out the way it needed to be. Because after all of this time without Vader, all of this time with just us, I think I am ready for SkyWalker to go back to school and he may be ready to go back too. We've had lots of fun moments--I took them all to a local county fair yesterday--but there have been a lot of arguments and fighting and raised voices. I think we're ready for a break from each other and we really weren't ready for it last week. It's somewhat hard for me to think let alone say. I was that mom who when sick would keep her son home from daycare, instead of leaving him at daycare so I could rest. I couldn't bear the thought of him being somewhere else if I wasn't at work. It wasn't until I was on work bedrest with the Princess that I ever left him in daycare when I was at home. So it's hard for me to say--even though lots of others have said it--that it's time for him to go. Now, I know I'm only sending him to first grade, not to the Hunger Games, but still.
The Princess has been less of a problem. I think her recent tantrums are actually a product of the stress between SkyWalker and me, and knowing that she's going to be starting preschool on Tuesday. She talks about it and knows that I am dropping her off and leaving and she smiles and proudly says "There's my preschool" when we drive by. But when we went to the playdate there on Wednesday she was quiet and shy and withdrawn. It was frustrating when SkyWalker did it because I hadn't experienced it yet. It's just sad when I see it in the Princess because I know what's she's capable of. I see her play with her brother, I see her lively and vivacious and animated. And when he's not with her she is just not herself. I'm glad that she draws strength from him, but it makes me so sad too that she doesn't get that strength from herself. I know that the first couple of months of preschool will be hard. I know right now that she will cry when I leave and that I will have to just keep leaving. But I hope that since I am starting her at 3, that she will open up quicker than her brother did when I started him at 4. He was fine going to kindergarten and he's a completely different kid now. I know it will all be worth it in the end.
The only one who hasn't been giving me trouble is the one I call trouble maker. Chewie had been cranky and frustrated. She screamed at me whenever she wanted anything. The last time we were at the library I opened up a parenting book on babies and talking and flipped to the 15 month old page. I almost took it home but then decided that I didn't need to read a book telling me that my baby was already failing because she wasn't doing ANYTHING she was supposed to be doing. And then just in the last week--the hardest week with the older 2--she has found her groove. She's walking a lot. She's laughing a lot. She's babbling and making sounds. She's not saying recognizable words or trying to repeat anything, but she's making sounds that sound like words. She said Mama and Dada and Nana a while ago, but she would never repeat anything and she wouldn't really use them appropriately. She seems so much happier this week and is much more talkative and much less screaming. Although she does shriek with glee which is almost as bad. I think she will benefit from having some one on one time with Mama.
I have not run outside since the last race. I've run on the treadmill, but it's just not the same. I should actually be running today, but my ankle is a bit sore and I'm just not in the mood for another treadmill run. I ran 5.5 miles last week and the treadmill told me it was 4 something. I know that the Nike+ is not the most accurate and that it will measure somewhat differently on the treadmill than on the road. But that's a big difference. And I FEEL the difference too. I was running at 5.0 which should have been a 12 minute pace. Slow. And it did not feel slow. I'm going to Fleet Feet on Friday to have my running analyzed so I can get a recommendation for the right sneaker. I'm looking forward to running on the treadmill there and comparing it with my Nike+. I want to see how it feels too, to see if my suspicions are confirmed or not. I am secretly terrified that it will feel exactly the same and that my treadmill is accurate and my Nike+ is not and that I haven't been running as much and I'm just a big fraud. I try to always do my long runs outside where I know that it's accurate, but that requires a present husband. If the treadmill at Fleet Feet feels differently I'm going to have to call the treadmill company and see what's going on. I finally found the manual and the lube, so maybe I just have to do some maintenance on it. Or maybe the craft paint the children spilled on it has screwed it up somehow.
It feels somewhat odd blogging like this here at blogger. I've been with blogger since Jan of 2004, but never personally. I always liked the ease with which I could check out the neighborhood on vox. It's not quite the same when you're reading it through google reader. But, I have to say, I'm liking that the feedjit widget is working. I've always had that on my book blog, but it never worked in vox. Now I can see where all you people are coming from. So who the hell is reading me from Kings Park?? And all of you people keep coming back but I only have one follower??! (Thanks Gina!)
The dogs are doing their nightly "Why isn't Daddy home yet?" barking. 26 more hours.
But. I think I am ready for school to begin. Vader left on Friday for a wedding in California. I couldn't believe what rotten timing it was--he's not getting back until wicked late Monday night. School starts wicked early Tuesday morning. But maybe, just maybe, it has worked out the way it needed to be. Because after all of this time without Vader, all of this time with just us, I think I am ready for SkyWalker to go back to school and he may be ready to go back too. We've had lots of fun moments--I took them all to a local county fair yesterday--but there have been a lot of arguments and fighting and raised voices. I think we're ready for a break from each other and we really weren't ready for it last week. It's somewhat hard for me to think let alone say. I was that mom who when sick would keep her son home from daycare, instead of leaving him at daycare so I could rest. I couldn't bear the thought of him being somewhere else if I wasn't at work. It wasn't until I was on work bedrest with the Princess that I ever left him in daycare when I was at home. So it's hard for me to say--even though lots of others have said it--that it's time for him to go. Now, I know I'm only sending him to first grade, not to the Hunger Games, but still.
The Princess has been less of a problem. I think her recent tantrums are actually a product of the stress between SkyWalker and me, and knowing that she's going to be starting preschool on Tuesday. She talks about it and knows that I am dropping her off and leaving and she smiles and proudly says "There's my preschool" when we drive by. But when we went to the playdate there on Wednesday she was quiet and shy and withdrawn. It was frustrating when SkyWalker did it because I hadn't experienced it yet. It's just sad when I see it in the Princess because I know what's she's capable of. I see her play with her brother, I see her lively and vivacious and animated. And when he's not with her she is just not herself. I'm glad that she draws strength from him, but it makes me so sad too that she doesn't get that strength from herself. I know that the first couple of months of preschool will be hard. I know right now that she will cry when I leave and that I will have to just keep leaving. But I hope that since I am starting her at 3, that she will open up quicker than her brother did when I started him at 4. He was fine going to kindergarten and he's a completely different kid now. I know it will all be worth it in the end.
The only one who hasn't been giving me trouble is the one I call trouble maker. Chewie had been cranky and frustrated. She screamed at me whenever she wanted anything. The last time we were at the library I opened up a parenting book on babies and talking and flipped to the 15 month old page. I almost took it home but then decided that I didn't need to read a book telling me that my baby was already failing because she wasn't doing ANYTHING she was supposed to be doing. And then just in the last week--the hardest week with the older 2--she has found her groove. She's walking a lot. She's laughing a lot. She's babbling and making sounds. She's not saying recognizable words or trying to repeat anything, but she's making sounds that sound like words. She said Mama and Dada and Nana a while ago, but she would never repeat anything and she wouldn't really use them appropriately. She seems so much happier this week and is much more talkative and much less screaming. Although she does shriek with glee which is almost as bad. I think she will benefit from having some one on one time with Mama.
I have not run outside since the last race. I've run on the treadmill, but it's just not the same. I should actually be running today, but my ankle is a bit sore and I'm just not in the mood for another treadmill run. I ran 5.5 miles last week and the treadmill told me it was 4 something. I know that the Nike+ is not the most accurate and that it will measure somewhat differently on the treadmill than on the road. But that's a big difference. And I FEEL the difference too. I was running at 5.0 which should have been a 12 minute pace. Slow. And it did not feel slow. I'm going to Fleet Feet on Friday to have my running analyzed so I can get a recommendation for the right sneaker. I'm looking forward to running on the treadmill there and comparing it with my Nike+. I want to see how it feels too, to see if my suspicions are confirmed or not. I am secretly terrified that it will feel exactly the same and that my treadmill is accurate and my Nike+ is not and that I haven't been running as much and I'm just a big fraud. I try to always do my long runs outside where I know that it's accurate, but that requires a present husband. If the treadmill at Fleet Feet feels differently I'm going to have to call the treadmill company and see what's going on. I finally found the manual and the lube, so maybe I just have to do some maintenance on it. Or maybe the craft paint the children spilled on it has screwed it up somehow.
It feels somewhat odd blogging like this here at blogger. I've been with blogger since Jan of 2004, but never personally. I always liked the ease with which I could check out the neighborhood on vox. It's not quite the same when you're reading it through google reader. But, I have to say, I'm liking that the feedjit widget is working. I've always had that on my book blog, but it never worked in vox. Now I can see where all you people are coming from. So who the hell is reading me from Kings Park?? And all of you people keep coming back but I only have one follower??! (Thanks Gina!)
The dogs are doing their nightly "Why isn't Daddy home yet?" barking. 26 more hours.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
So what about...?
The Princess:
When I was 20 weeks pregnant with the Princess I had an ultrasound to see if there was anything wrong with the placenta because of the partial abruption I had with SkyWalker. The placenta was fine, but they saw dilation (backed up fluid) in the right kidney. That was roughly 3 1/2 years ago and we have been dealing with it ever since. She's been on antibiotics every day since the day she was born. She was taken off after her first surgery but developed reflux and got a UTI within just 2-3 months and put back on them.
Today was her latest ultrasound. There's still some dilation around the ureter they fixed, but it looks exactly the same as it did 6 months ago. Not better, but also not worse. We finally heard the words we've been waiting to hear--she can go off the medication. We'll have to be super vigilant about preventing UTIs from all the other ways little girls get them--holding in pee too long, not wiping correctly, etc. I am sure I will be more paranoid than ever now. I think I'll probably get those at home UTI test kits so I don't have to drag her to the doctor every time I panic. She'll have yearly ultrasounds to make sure that nothing is changing but other than that she should be okay.
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SkyWalker:
We had some bad days and got into some serious altercations, but for the most part it's been great having SkyWalker home. I almost don't want him to go back to school. Our problems always stem from the same thing--he makes some kind of mess or does some crazy thing and then when I tell him it's time to stop he refuses to listen and is disrespectful and rude and doesn't take me seriously. Until I explode and then he's hysterical. How quickly it takes me to explode seems to vary a lot lately. We've been doing pretty well recently. And when I put things in perspective, we only have these blowups at home, never in public. When we are out he is always very well behaved. He's a great big brother. How many almost 6 year olds do you know who willingly take their 3 year old sisters outside and push them on a swing? With a smile? He's always coming and getting Chewie out of the dishwasher and taking her to her toys and distracting her so she'll stop crying. He loves his sisters and I know I can always trust him with them.
He has huge tonsils and probably huge adenoids and will see an ENT in September who will probably recommend surgery. This will royally suck since as we all know surgery sucks, but more so because he will be a big baby about the recovery. And this is the first time I have a kid having surgery who can actually say the words "I don't want surgery." So that's fun.
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Chewie:
She walks. I fought it, but she walks. She doesn't run and she still crawls more than walks, but she is putting one foot in front of the other on a regular basis. She also screams. She makes sounds and can say Mama and Dada and Nana and bababababababa. But for the most part her preferred method of communication is "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" very loudly. She can hear, she copies her brother's humming and singing, and she sometimes follows directions. She is just LOUD. Perhaps when she has me all to herself she will find her inside voice. It must be inside of her somewhere.
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Running:
I had to cut down to 3 times a week, which is the funniest thing I think I've ever written. I have yet to do any yoga and probably won't. I do have a weight lifting routine that I will start after my race this Saturday. I am training for a 10K in October, but since I am pretty sure SkyWalker's surgery will be in October I'm kind of doing it for the training and expecting to not actually do the race. Whatever happens, happens. I ran my longest distance (4.5 miles) last Sunday and thought "I only have to do 1.5 more" not "holy crap how am I going to do 1.5 more?" So that's good. Oh! And my girlie problem turned out to be nothing more than some low-down cramping so I just have to take motrin 800 and I'm all good. It won't interfere with my running at all.
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Working:
I've been thinking a lot about when I have to go back to work when my last baby is in school. I have no desire whatsoever to go back to work. But I'm sure Vader will have a heart attack if I say that. If I could find a library job that will let me work 9-1 that would be great. I want to get the kids off the bus and be here when there are here. I don't want nights or weekends. I just don't want that anymore. Ideally, I would like to find a job that will let me work from home. Even though I get paid crapola from the examiner I've been doing lots of articles. I'm trying to build up a resource between that and my book blog and establish my presence online again. If I can do some kind of freelance writing or even librarianing (I know that's not a word but I like it.) through the internets I think we'd be okay. Vader's school loan is paid off. Mine will be paid off by then. We won't be spending money on diapers. The only debt we have is the van and the house. And by the time the last baby is in school SkyWalker might be old enough to start mowing lawns. So, if you haven't been reading my examiner articles or going through my book blog to get to amazon, you're dead to me.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Clutter
The big kids are at swimming and the little one is sleeping. I'm taking this time to chill out after a whirlwind of a couple of weeks.
Last weekend we surprised my sister with a baby shower. The shower itself was nice and quick. Later that evening we all went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. While there a man in the back started choking. I heard a woman say "Is there a doctor or a nurse?" and before I could even look towards the end of our table my SIL nurse was up and running. As was my husband. They moved tables out of the way, my SIL did CPR (it had progressed beyond a choking incident). He didn't have a pulse when she got to him, but he did when she left. He might not have much longer (he was pretty old and had parkinsons and other problems), but because of her he didn't die in a Chinese restaurant. And it was really because of HER. No one from the restaurant was over there to help. There was a family doctor there who walked over and then returned to her own table to finish her dinner. My SIL was amazing. But the really impressive part was that once the paramedics came and took over she didn't come back to the table. She stayed with the old man's wife and comforted her and explained what was happening. It would have been easy for her to stay with us, to stay with her baby, to do what the family doctor did and let someone else handle it. But she didn't. She saw what had to be done and she did it. She was truly amazing and I am so SO proud of her.
We got back from LI on Sunday and back to our routine on Monday. I missed yet another group run since I was in the car on Sunday. We had a busy busy week complete with a trip to the doctor and an x-ray. On Tuesday SkyWalker had an unfortunate incident with a hula hoop and another kid in gym class. The girls and I were at a park and had to rush to get him at school, bring him to the pediatrician, and then bring him to get an x-ray. Nothing is broken, and he's all better now, although he's milking it like crazy. It was a royal pain in the arse taking all 3 kids particularly since the girls and I still needed lunch (luckily I had packed one for the park so we didn't have to get Burger King). And I couldn't bring the girls into the x-ray room so SkyWalker had to go in by himself. I was right out in the hallway but I think a year ago he wouldn't have let me go. The X-ray woman looked at me with Chewie & SkyWalker in the double stroller and the Princess walking and said something like she didn't know how I did it with 3 so young. Is it really that uncommon to have more than 2 kids now? Whenever I have all 3 people look at me like I have a caravan... and then they ask if they're all mine and inevitably say "Wow you have your hands full!" Dear strangers: if you're going to say "you have your hands full" you better follow it up with "and you're doing a wonderful job!". Otherwise I don't need your comments. Anyway, I digress. It was a pain in the neck but we managed and they were all scared enough to behave beautifully. He couldn't go to school on Wednesday which meant he was at gymnastics again. This time he had to stay in the stroller with Chewie (I figured I wouldn't carry her in the sling if he was there with her). It was nerve wracking checking the waiting area all the time and relying on the kindness of strangers (the grandmothers there made sure they didn't get kidnapped), but we did it. He cried and screamed Thursday morning but he went to school. By then I was a big ball of stress.
My entire routine had been thrown out the window. And I *need* my routine! With Easter, and then traveling, and then the hula hoop incident, I was all out of whack. I haven't written an article in weeks, I don't have my preschool playdate planned, I had bills to pay! We went to the library Thursday morning--I know, why didn't I just stay home and get things done?--and I just let the stress go. The examiner articles are not a *job* with deadlines. They can wait. I have the preschool playdate mostly planned in my head just not on paper. I'll get it done. The thing that was really REALLY stressing me out was the clutter in my house. I don't care about the dust on my banister or that my bathroom is gross. But the kitchen was out of control. I had a huge pile of paperwork on the counter. The homework table was growing papers and playdoh and the kids' toys were just everywhere. So Thursday after lunch I put the computer to sleep and I attacked the kitchen. I did the paperwork and threw out stuff and sorted others and now have a pile down in the office that needs to be filed, but I'm okay with that. And once I got that done it was like a breath of fresh air. I know my house is not *clean*. But I really can't stand clutter. It makes me feel out of control. I would rather have dirty windows than papers piled up on the counter.
I'm hoping to get back into my regular routine next week. Actually as I type this I realize I probably won't... my routine is usually running MWF and article writing T/TH. But this week I might be running on Tuesday, so I have to run on Sunday just in case. Hmmm. Okay, well, in any event, poor innocent blog reader who has to read my thoughts as they actually happen, I hope to get back to some routine. Crap, yeah, I have an Earth day playdate on Thursday too and have to make magazine holders. Hmmm.
There's a rumbly in my tumbly and I hear a little girl stirring in her crib, so I will leave you with this: I registered for the 5K. We all know how cheap I am so I pretty much have to do it now right?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Snapshots
Blah blah blah. Blahbitty blah.
Okay, then. I was having trouble starting but it's all better now. I remember back when I had command of the English language and could write in complete sentences. I was an English major, you know. Now I don't even finish my sentences... in my head.
Chewie:
She is beyond amazing and I am so happy I decided to keep her after those first couple of scream-filled months. She is so unbelievably happy and content. She was up for 4 hours yesterday morning and was totally fine at gymnastics. It just boggles my mind. Of course at home today she was asking for a nap after only 3. I'm afraid to mention the t-word, but she was a bit cranky for no obvious reason... and her brother was 11 months old when he got his first tooth. She seems to be his little clone so I wouldn't be surprised if she follows him. She's sitting nicely now and pushes herself up which is very convenient. She's content to just sit and play and let me go to the kitchen. She's not crawling yet although she gets up on all fours and rocks. She made a couple of tentative forward movements but has not repeated them. She's just too content to crawl. She was 16 pounds at her last checkup a couple of weeks ago. Please note that I do not need to hear about your uncle's brother's cousin's kid who has a baby that's 16 pounds and only 1 day old. I don't care. I have small babies. I have size 2 pants. That fit me. Her pediatrician is not concerned at all. And here's why I love my pediatrician--a lot of them would look at the number and tell me to use formula. Not ours. I'm doing something unheard of here and using her real name now--Dr. Melinda Clark @ Albany Med--is the BEST. She looks at the whole picture. She looks at our history and she looks at Chewie and she's not worried. I was starting to worry about solids but Dr. Clark is pro-breastfeeding too. So I'm back to feeding her 4 times a day and I'm not worrying about the solids at all. She's still getting 3 meals but I'm not trying to shove it in her. She's getting distracted while feeding so I thought it was time to cut out one of the nursings and drop down to 3... and then I was up with her at night because she was so constipated. So I'm back to 4 but I'm spacing them out a little more (4 1/2 hours now). I pureed peas and pears together and now she's eating pretty well. She has her brother's poop problems so the more green veggies I can get her to like, the better. Aside from the regular constipation issues, she's doing great.
The Princess:
We're doing really well. We've cut down on the tantrums a lot. She's able to stop crying and whining and repeat herself in her big girl voice when she wants something. And she is such a big girl! On Monday we went to the library and she actually participated and danced and did what the other kids were doing. She did great at gymnastics yesterday and I am so glad I signed her up for the next session. I had been wondering if I had made a mistake because the weather is getting better but she did SO well yesterday. I think she really needs the consistency to feel comfortable. It didn't hurt having big brother there a couple of weeks ago. There was no school so he came along and she was a different kid. One of the grandmas there said something about her being so animated and into it. Even though they have normal sibling problems for the most part I can honestly say that he brings out the best in her. She feels comfortable and safe with him and lets herself have fun and enjoy things. It's amazing and beautiful to see. She's a little chatterbox and talks ALL THE TIME. Except to strangers. She was convinced there was a crocodile under her bed the other night and woke up crying. The next day she told me that it had opened up the kitchen window with its mouth and walked up the stairs to her room. And then it left when I got up there. And that it was "so funny". Didn't seem funny when she was sitting on my glider chair crying for Mommy. It took me all day yesterday to get her to admit it was a pretend crocodile and not real.
SkyWalker:
He still has random crazy outbursts but it's been easier to bring him out of them. Yesterday they were fighting and whining and I managed to end it with a game of Simon Says. His moods are still very much tied to his bowel movements. And he stills likes to eat nothing so it's a tough battle. I try to make at least one thing at each meal that he does like so that he will eat something, but sometimes it's not possible. Or he will just decide that he doesn't want it no matter what. He's gone to bed without eating anything plenty of times. It gets frustrating because I'm not making exotic dishes! I'm picky too and if I can eat it, he should be able to! But he's not crying about it. He just doesn't eat and sits there. Other than that, he's doing great. He did so well at gymnastics with the Princess. It was so much better than his first attempt when he was 3. He has completely embraced the big brother role and looks out for his little sisters. He takes the Princess outside to play. They stay in the fenced yard and he pushes her on the swing or they run around and climb on the bilco doors. I wish I could keep the dogs out at the same time and truly have some peace but Isaac is too much of a pain in the butt.
Most days are filled with happiness and laughter. Every once in a while I have to stop and think and realize what a gift I have been given. Working was just not for me... I was miserable after SkyWalker was born and I had to work full time. It was better when I was part time, but... it is so nice to just not have to worry about going to work. To not have to interrupt our daily flow. I am incredibly lucky that I can do this. I honestly never thought I would be able to. It was always a dream--one that I wished for every day but never let myself truly believe I could have it. These are pretty good days and I'm not missing them.
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