2014 Clove Run

It's a good thing I'm not stressing out about races anymore since I didn't do nearly as well as I have in the past. I started out just a wee bit too fast for me, totally unsurprising because the race was pretty small this year, and I hoped I could keep it up, but I didn't. I tried to surge a couple of times but I kinda just didn't have it in me. My right heel has been bothering me a bit so it may have been that, but really I think I just petered out. We finished in 28:56.

Side by side

I kinda don't care.

The entire time I ran Vader was by my side. We finished at exactly the same time, but because of age groups and gender differences he wound up with a 2nd place medal! I ran the 1 mile with the Princess before the 5K and that was fun… and long. My mother was there to watch us, as well as my MIL who always volunteers for the race so it was a real family affair.

 Finishing the 1 mile.

We finished in time to get back home so I could cheer my friends on. A couple we saw as we were driving, but we pulled in the driveway just as Sara was coming so I hopped out and was able to give her a high-five. When I was confident my friends had passed I got back in the car and drove back to the start so I could watch them cross the finish line. I am so used to taking pictures on my iPhone though that I screwed up with my camera and instead of hitting the picture I button I turned the damn thing off. So I have very few pictures. But I saw them cross in real life, so that's good. All but Mr. Speedy himself who finished the 10 mile race in 1:03 (I think) and took home 3rd place!

Me, Sara & Melissa.
Sara & Melissa had just finished 6 miles before running the 10! 

Afterwards we took advantage of my mother visiting and Vader and I went out to dinner and a movie (Guardians of the Galaxy in 3D) to celebrate our anniversary a day early. I also decided to check out a new-to-me store at the mall--Track & Trail--and was able to score not one but TWO new pairs of running shoes. My Merrell Dash Gloves are still in good shape but the bottom of them (Vibram soles) are starting to look worn in places. The treads are smoothed over. Since I have nearly 1000 miles on them I thought I could use a new pair. Minimals are great because you don't have to replace them every 300-400 miles, but you can't wear them forever either. I got an updated Dash Gloves pair that I couldn't find online and I also splurged and got the Bare Access Arc 3 for my long runs. It's still minimal with a 0 heel drop but it has a slight bit more cushioning that I hope will be good for my long runs. I kind of forgot that last year when I was training for the half I had to wear the ankle brace which meant I had to wear my thicker Mizunos. So maybe my feet just need a tiny bit more cushioning for those long runs and that's why my heel is starting to irritate me. Let's hope, because I am not prepared for the alternative (I'm not even thinking the PF word!).

Why I can't run long distances

It has nothing to do with the actual distance. Or my tendency to get diarrhea afterwards. But let me back up.

Last night we had our monthly girls night out. I made dinner for the family and when I finished eating I got in the shower and then left. The dishwasher had been running when I left but it doesn't take more than a couple of hours. When I got home, more than a couple of hours later, the dishes in the dishwasher were clean, but they were the same dishes I left. All of the dinner dishes were piled up next to the sink. I suppose I should be grateful they made it to the sink and weren't left on the table. Bedtime is always before 8 so there was plenty of time for someone to unload and reload the dishes.

Before last Sunday's run I had thought about doing a different route--one that was much hillier--but when I drove down that road I remembered that there is no shoulder at all and every time a car comes from the other direction I always think there's going to be a collision. I mentioned the road to Vader who confirmed that it would be a bad idea. He thought I just wanted a different route (I want to work on more hills) so he suggested I run to the state park 5 minutes from our house. I figured, why not? So I ran to the state park. I knew it would be farther and longer than usual. I figured I'd run to the park, pee, and run back. When I got to mile 2 and I hadn't made it there yet I could have turned around but by that point I needed to stop and pee. So I kept going. It was mile 3 when I made it to the bathroom. It was wicked hot and while most of the way was nice and flat, there were some pretty nice hills too. I didn't want to go from running 4 miles for my long run right up to 6, in the heat, because I was pretty sure I'd be in the bathroom the rest of the day. So I took a few walking breaks. I probably ran 5 out of the 6 miles. I got back home more than an hour after I left. What did I come home to? Can you guess? A sink full of dishes! And Vader on the computer, not even pretending to interact with the children. I had to shower and I had brunch to make so I wound up with an even bigger pile of dishes.

There is nothing more frustrating than coming home from a fun experience and being hit with what your absence meant, especially so visually... It almost feels like a punishment. Like, sure you can go out and run for an hour and I'll keep the house from burning down and the kids from escaping, but you'll still have to do all the drudge work only now you'll have much less time to do it. I'm sure that this is not intentional on his part, but this is the message that I get, the feeling that I get, and all of the positive feelings I have from running or being at girls night fly out the window.

How can I train for a 10K so that I can actually run all 6 miles at a decent pace? How could I train for a half-marathon?? It's not enough to have verbal support, it's not enough to say "yeah, go out for a run." I need someone to pick up the slack in my absence and not just watch TV with the kids.

No, you're not crazy

There was a blog post here and now it's not. Those of you who are smart enough to subscribe with google reader or some other blog reader are now in the top secret club. Those of you who don't... sucks for you.

There was just a bit too much detailed info about Vader's job and I was given a gag order last night (and he didn't even know about the blog post!). Luckily he is a luddite.

Balls of Responsibility

Sometimes I feel as if I am riding a unicycle perilously perched at the top trying to keep it moving all while simultaneously juggling a few million balls. At all times one of those balls, it changes which one, but always one of my Balls of Responsibility comes dangerously close to leaving its orbit and throwing the whole thing out of whack. The primary Ball of Responsibility is taking care of my children and their ever increasing school and preschool demands. But there are many other Balls--the upkeep of the House, paying bills, never ending laundry and dishes; the upkeep of ME, running, reading, blogging; and then there's the marriage Ball. This is perhaps the hardest Ball to keep in the air because it depends on two people.

It is hard when one person works outside the home and the other works, albeit unpaid, within it. Our society values the person who is earning money and not the other. It's easy to fall into the "who has it harder?" game. I think the hardest part of being a DGPM is that people think it's easy. That because we have chosen this, because we are happier doing this than working at a job somewhere else, then that automatically means that it is EASY. But it's not. I'm a million times happier at home than when I was working at the library. That is undeniable. But that doesn't mean that I am sitting here all day eating bonbons and watching TV and doing NOTHING. I have responsibilities too. Lots of responsibilities.

This has been a tough week. SkyWalker has been home all week recovering from his surgery. He's had good times and bad times. We've fought over his school work. He's watched movies every single day. We've done what we've had to just to make it through. I can't take them out, can't have playdates or go to the library or even send him outside to run around. He can't have too much activity.

This week has been the perfect illustration of how it is NOT easy. It is not easy to keep all the Balls in the air. SkyWalker cries because his throat hurts and his ears hurt but I need to run and get Chewie off of the kitchen table or yank the dog food out of her mouth. I need to make sure he is drinking enough water and then I hear the splashing of Chewie playing in the toilet bowl--often full of pee because nobody but me flushes in this house. I am blogging now because we are watching a movie. And I will get up in a minute because Chewie has gone in the kitchen alone and that never leads to anything good.

When we have these weeks it reminds me how much I need the acknowledgement that this is NOT EASY. That this is hard. And important. And valued. And it really sucks not getting it.

Yes, I know

It's been a week and you're all clamoring for reports of how school went.

SkyWalker surprised me with quiet tears on Tuesday morning. He couldn't even look at us when the bus passed by, deciding instead to hide his face in his sweatshirt. By Tuesday afternoon he came off the bus with a smile and he's been fine ever since. It wasn't that he didn't want to go to school, but just that he didn't want to leave us. I guess next summer shouldn't be the Summer of Fun, but instead the Summer of Mostly Fun with Some Boredom and Yelling Thrown in So You Miss School.

The Princess, however, surprised me the most. At the playdate she was wrapped around me and didn't talk to any kids and wanted to go home early and I thought I was going to be in for it when it came time for me to actually leave her at preschool. I anticipated a repeat of what happened with SkyWalker and preschool. But, once again, she proved that she's her own self. She wanted me to help her sit at the playdoh table and then she said "if you need to go to the library, I'll let you." And that was that. No crying, no drama. She's been fine each day, talking to her teachers and to some of the kids. She's not so good with remembering names but she's only 3. When Chewie and I pick her up she's on the playground right there with the kids, not off by herself, not running away. She may not be actively playing with them yet, but she's there with them. Which is more than she would ever do before. So that's been one giant big relief.

Chewie and I went to the library and danced. We went food shopping yesterday (!). We decided we would do the shopping so that Daddy could be home Monday nights and Mommy doesn't have to go crazy. Guess what? Daddy worked until 10:30 Monday and Tuesday nights! And he'll do the same on Thursday (Wednesday is Parent's Night at school) and he's going in to work on Sunday too. I won't be getting my outside run. Again. Guess who's kicking myself in the arse for doing the shopping now?

Tomorrow Chewie and I will get new tires put on the van. Joy. I have hope that we will eventually have fun during our one-on-one time.

I will say this--preschool is much easier this time around. I don't have my head in the toilet all morning before we go. Much easier to get ready on time.

Neither divorced nor in jail

Or naked. 

And for those of you not on facebook who have no idea what I'm talking about... sucks to be you!

So after my last locked post I had a lot of time to think and some good friends give me advice. I feel a bit better now--I always feel better when I have plans. I think I'm going to have to A) open myself up a bit more to my friends and make more of a family here and B) suck it up and visit my family more. 

As far as my husband goes.... I have to just accept the fact that he will always have his projects and there is nothing I can do about it. I can't say I knew it when I married him because we didn't have a house, let alone one with almost 6 acres of land. As much as it bugs me I have not said ANYTHING complaining to him about the 80 (yes, it's actually 80 now) trees. And at least he's had SkyWalker outside with him a lot. Right now they are both outside working on it. He has one more day off of work and hoping to be done today. 

The problem is that he spends all of this time doing this stuff on the weekend--our only time with him--and the rest of the time his mother is over! Every single weekend. Unless *she* has plans in which case it is okay to miss. The other night I told Vader that I want to take one weekend a month and do a family fun activity--going to a playground or a park or even a walk in our yard--without his mother. He thought it was a great idea and I couldn't believe I had been expecting a big thing. A few hours later I said "Did you understand when I said without your mother I meant we don't see your mother for the entire weekend? Not for lunch or dinner? One whole weekend without her?". He did not. And everything changed. He never actually said whether he would agree to it or not. So that's where we are now. I told him last night that we would have to have a discussion about our conversation and come to an agreement, but that I understood that he was exhausted from the trees so I wouldn't badger him until that's over. 

I had to tell my family that we couldn't go to my sister's 30th birthday dinner because he needed to plant trees but he can't tell his mother that ONE weekend a month we won't see her? (I wonder if she wasn't in Texas right now would he have told her that he was too busy with the trees, or would she still have come over for lunch. I would bet that she would still come over for lunch and then he would go outside and continue working and leave me alone with her.) Let alone that she often does her church business when SkyWalker is in preschool so she manages to see him during the damn week too. Argh. I think every weekend is too much but it's never mattered what I thought. Ever. I would prefer every other week (hell I'd prefer once a month) but I didn't push it, I just asked for ONE weekend a month. If he seriously can't agree to it I'm going to tell him that I'm going to need to go to some kind of counseling then so I don't wind up hating him in 30 years for feeling like I am second in his life and that her feelings/wishes are more important than mine. Because if that's what it comes down to, I really do think I'm going to need counseling to deal with that. 

And I know that sounds so hypocritical... complaining about lack of family and yet not wanting to see her every weekend. But this woman has invaded my privacy and pushed my buttons for so long now that it's just more work to see her, it's not pleasant for me. There is a whole history here that I can't possibly go into. 

So even though I'm not quite sure where I stand with my husband, I do feel better. I'm not just bitching and moaning. I'm trying to fix this situation. 

Read and post comments

Common sense

My husband is very smart. But sometimes he is very stupid.

A couple of days ago I was explaining to SkyWalker about the Princess's surgery (in less than a week). I said I would have to stay overnight at the hospital but that Daddy and Nana would be home with him. Vader acts totally surprised. He didn't know it was an overnight. He asked if I wanted him to stay instead but I can't do that. I can't leave her. Today it dawned on me to ask him if he took Tuesday off from work too. Nope. He claims that he had asked me what days he had to take off and I said just Monday. If he did I'm sure I thought he meant the whole week which he doesn't need to do since my mom will be here until Thursday. Now, besides the fact that he was sitting in the doctor's office with me when they said she needs surgery again and that it will be an overnight, in what world do you ever get surgery and get released that day? When you're less than 2 years old??!!! This is not a procedure like September's deflux. This is invasive surgery with an incision and a scar and pain meds and the whole shebang. The possibility exists that she might have to stay more than one night, but it was only one night last time (when she was 5 months old). But there is a huge difference between the recovery time of a 5 month old and an almost-2 year old. It might take a lot longer. I'm trying to get Thursday night off from work and naturally I have to work the following weekend, but that's a lost cause. 

It's not like I need him to stay over Monday night, but if he goes in to work on Tuesday that means we'll have to take separate cars on Monday (and I really don't like driving in these situations) and I'll be all alone talking to the doctors Tuesday morning and it will all just be even more of a pain in the ass. Not to mention the fact that if it were me I wouldn't be able to go to work until I knew my baby girl was home and okay. 

It is 8:50 and we should leave for storytime at 9:30 but SkyWalker said he has too much work to do today so he can't go. He then said he wants to just stay at our home and relax. I explained that he's missing next week and he's okay with that. I'm trying to keep the Princess germ-free this week so it looks like we're not going today. Which is fine since I am still in my pajamas and not really in the mood to see anyone right now. 

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Hunger

When I worked full time I had lunch at 1, picked SkyWalker up at 4:45ish and was home by 5:15/5:30. I had just enough time to start dinner before Vader got home at 6. He used to get home at 5:45 and I'm not sure what happened to make it 6. Whatever. Sometimes we didn't eat until after 6 but it was fine.

Now that I am home this is just ridiculous! We have lunch anywhere between 11:30 and 12:30 depending on preschool. By 5 we're hungry. Even with a snack. We're hungry. I've laid out a simple dinner tonight since I have to leave at 6:30. It is now 5:30 and I am blogging because I have to wait for it to be close enough to 6 before I start cooking. It's not like Vader works that far away. He doesn't have much of a commute. He just always leaves late. It doesn't matter if he's gotten to work wicked early or on time or late. He still stays until 5:30 every day. (except Thursday because I work). 

Have I mentioned that I am hungry? I'm starting to think the kids and I should just have dinner on our own every night and forget about him. 

Last night I made turkey meatloaf and thought I was screwing it up but it actually turned out pretty good. I gave Skywalker a sliver of it and the carrots and green beans and mashed potatoes that went along with it. He said he didn't like any of it and pushed his plate away. We didn't say anything. He would up eating the carrots because he can't resist carrot math (he counts them and then says "What happens if I take one away/minus one/eat one?" and then counts again until he's eaten them all). He did not try the meatloaf or the mashed potatoes or the green beans that he used to like. His sister ate his meat loaf and his green beans. There was no crying, no drama. Mostly I think because he had had 2 PBJ sandwiches for lunch. On Sunday when it was really bad he had NO lunch because his father gave him orzo with diced tomatoes mixed in. Now, I love tomatoes and I don't like the diced tomatoes in the jar that he gets. SkyWalker has never liked any kind of tomatoes. He did try a grape tomato yesterday (yay!) but didn't like it. Anyway, so naturally he did not eat the orzo & diced tomatoes and was really hungry by dinner but not hungry enough to try the stew I made. Just hungry enough to cry and scream about it. I think I'll keep letting him have control over breakfast and lunch (within the choices I give him) and make sure he's got some food in him and then use dinner time as the try new things time. He won't starve and hopefully if we don't make a big deal out of it and call attention to his whining and crying, then maybe he'll stop whining and crying.

Crikey, I'm hungry.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Surprises

When I got home from a long painful day at work yesterday I was greeted with 2 surprises: one, a car in my driveway and two, my daughter's hair is no longer in her eyes.

My MIL had arrived for the weekly lunch at 11:30 and was still there at 5:20 when I got home. When I get home from work I like to put my hair up, cuddle with my children, eat, and try to wash away the memories of the annoying smelly patrons who talk too much. I don't like to discover guests in my home. I really don't like to discover dinner guests! Luckily I had made baked ziti Friday night and Vader had it in the oven so I didn't have to make dinner on the spot. But that annoyed me even more--I had called at 4:50 to remind him to put the ziti in the oven. Could he have mentioned the fact that his mother was still there then? Apparently not. He didn't know she was staying for dinner until I got home. That is perhaps the stupidest thing he has ever said... how could you not know that? Who would stay that late and NOT expect dinner? If she wasn't staying wouldn't she have left when she usually does? After lunch??? Gah. So he got himself a free day... the Princess napped for nearly 3 hours and SkyWalker was with Grama the whole time. Sometimes the only thing that gets me through the weekend when I have to work is knowing that he's getting a taste of my life...and getting the quality time he needs with his children... and knowing he was doing his own thing yesterday pisses me off even more.

The Princess has needed a haircut and we've discussed that. I did not expect to come home to her hair chopped off. Okay,  it's not all of her hair. He only did the front that was in her eyes, but he said that he didn't want to do it again in 3 weeks, so instead of stopping at her eyebrows and making it look okay he cut it higher.

It does not look good.

I mentioned this and the unevenness and that we would have to take her someplace professional and if she sat still for him it wouldn't be a problem. His fear is that she will get her eyes poked out or her ears cut off. Because he's so much better than a professional at preventing that... sigh. You know what's going to happen right? I'm going to go home today and her hair will be even shorter in the front because he will try to even it out. Right before our Thanksgiving picture. Right before our Christmas card picture. It's only hair and it will grow back. And when it does I will take her to someone who understands the difference between girls' hair and boys' hair.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Blathering

Vader and I are just fine, thank you.

The Princess has transitioned to one nap. This is good, and yet bad. If she sleeps in the car it's got to be early in the morning. If it's too close to her actual nap time it seems to mess things up and then she's not falling asleep until 3:30ish. Which is when she should be waking up. I repeat once again, it is so hard juggling the needs of two children. Let alone my own. 

SkyWalker starts preschool next month. I'm not quite sure how so much time has passed. For the first month I have some playdates lined up for the Princess and I so we don't cry too much. And her storytime will coincide with a preschool day so that's good. I'm debating joining the Y and leaving her in the daycare while I exercise. It would be good for her to be away from me and it would be good for me to exercise. But can I be away from her? I don't know. If I can do it then I can also have SkyWalker and the Princess take swimming lessons and SkyWalker might be able to do soccer again (if he wanted to). If I'm also using the Y I think I can justify the expense to myself. I need to exercise.  I always think the goal of exercise is too lose weight and I don't need to do that so I think I don't need to exercise. But really I need to be healthy and fit. I think I need to change my thinking and have my goal be to kick someone's ass. I'm sure I can come up with a list of people I'd like to ass-kick.

I saw an old friend's new baby today. So small and innocent. The Princess looked like such a big girl compared to him. Time flies. I've been surrounded by baby news. One of the mommy blogs I read is someone I know in real life. Well, I met her once last April, but I've been reading her blog for a while so I feel like I know her! She just had her second baby. Her posts while waiting to deliver reminded me of my own... when you go early the first time and then not the second it feels like FOREVER. I think I was just reaching my breaking point when I finally went into labor. And that was at 38 weeks. I really hope I don't go longer next time around. And finally, another one of my friends is expecting her third baby. She's very newly pregnant so I'm not going into details. If I can coordinate things right #3 will go to kindergarten with her #3. No, I'm not pregnant. We need to get the Princess' kidney straightened out first. 

I have to leave for work in 45 minutes. My hair is still wet and uncombed (but, hey, I showered). I have to change out of my shorts. I have to eat "dinner." And yet, I blog. This working thing sucks.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Happy Anniversary to me

The kids and I went to Denny's alone and they were so well-behaved it was amazing. And then when we got home Vader and I had a "pleasant" conversation that has resulted in us not speaking to each other. Happy Anniversary indeed. 

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

The post I shouldn't write

Six years ago my husband and I were getting married. 

Today my husband is staining the deck. 

I'm pretty sure, unless a miracle occurs, that the jedi and I will be going to dinner alone. SkyWalker has his heart set on going to Denny's. I'm not sure how he knew but he asked on Friday if we could go and I said no and then on Saturday and I said no and I told him that maybe we'd go on Sunday for our anniversary. I could stay home and make a dinner that I don't want to make and watch my husband scarf it down as he goes back outside to finish what he's doing, but what's the point? I decided last month that I was in charge of my happiness right? Rather than be pissed at him I think we're just going without him. It's not like I ask for much. I don't ask for jewelry or presents. I don't expect gifts. All I ask is a card (have yet to see that today) and dinner. We don't go out to eat every weekend. We rarely go out to eat at all actually. So on "special" days I like to have someone else cook and clean up afterwards. 

I'm going to wait until 5:30 and then we're heading out. With or without him.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

This birkett has been chucked

I bought a 3 foot pool when I was on Long Island. One of those blow up the ring and the water sets up the rest types. My MIL heard that you need a permit for it in my wacky town so I dutifully called and checked and sure enough you do. Since I am a law-abiding citizen I got the paperwork online and all the ridiculous stuff I needed (a plot plan?? for a 3 foot pool??) and the jedi and I headed out to town hall this morning. 

We did not get a permit. 

Why? Well, we need an alarm (roughly $40) in case I'm an idiot and let my kid go near the pool without me. We need a fence around it (so the dogs can jump on it and rip a hole in it?? No.) And then the permit fee is $35. So the $100 pool would wind up costing at least $75 more. Um, no. The fee is for the inspector to come out and make sure you did everything okay. No thank you. I was so enraged when I left that I had to call Vader. He agreed to just screw it.

We went to Target to get some stuff including a picnic blanket that folds up nicely with a little "handle" so you can carry it easier when you're also carrying children. Guess what? Nobody goes on picnics anymore. I'm 2 weeks late. All of the back to school stuff is out. I'm sorry, but didn't school just end last friggin' week??

We figured we'd check WalMart (nope, none there either) and I asked about the pool alarm just for the hell of it. They had none and were astonished that I would need one. They had never heard of needing a permit for one of those pools, let alone an alarm. So like I said, screw them.

We came home and got the Princess done for a nap and attempted to put up the pool. We got the ring blown up. That was about it. Apparently there's just no level ground in my back yard. But it's not really obvious until there's already too much water in the pool so that moving it is impossible. We drained it, moved it and tried again. No good. I need Vader to probably put some sand under the pool and even it out. Did I mention that Vader wants NOTHING to do with the pool? He helped me put the filter together last night because he found me crying when I couldn't understand the stupid instructions.

I cannot do the pool myself. Who am I going to call for help now? My 70 year old MIL? The only people who would help (and could help) are hundreds of miles away. 

I'm going to make dinner and get these children to bed early and then I'm going to watch a dumb movie by myself as Vader goes food shopping. Then I'll work on looking as sad and pitiful as I can and cry a little (shouldn't be difficult) so he feels sorry for me and agrees to help just put the pool up.

Oh and we went couch shopping yesterday, decided on what we want and did NOT buy it despite my saying that we were going out to PURCHASE our couch. Why? Because Vader thought maybe we should get 2 couches since the difference between the loveseat and the couch was only $30 but we had to go home and measure first. And we can't get two couches because we don't have enough room. Had we just done what we had agreed on initially we wouldn't have to find the time to go back. When we got home I got to put two crying children to bed (one of whom did not actually stay in bed until after 10 pm)  all by myself while Vader installed the grounding rod. Happy Birthday to me.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Coincidence

How's this for coincidence? Last year I bought Vader a Mini iPod for the hell of it. I only bought the mini because that's what I could afford. The other night he asked if there was a way to make it bigger. Tee-hee. Like software that would expand it. You know what I did. I bought him an 80G Classic. It came yesterday and SkyWalker and I drooled over it because we just have a 30G. I've noticed some odd behavior from my iPod lately. Today the date/time was wrong and I watched the full battery drain in a minute or 2. Yup, I need a new battery. If I was mean I'd keep the 80G and give Vader my 30G and let him get a battery. But I'm not mean. I'm going to get a battery and kit to do it myself and if I kill the iPod ... I have a birthday coming up.

We went to the foot doctor again on Tuesday. The X-ray came back normal. He suspects that I'm holding my foot wrong when I walk so instead of the ace bandage I was wearing they made a new one that will give more support to the bottom of my foot. And he wants to see me again in 3 weeks. Good times.

The Princess is not only crawling up the stairs, she is now going down. She crawls up while holding on to the pipe-railing we have (a series of pipes between the upper banister and the bottom so that tiny heads cannot get squeezed into it and also so little hands can reach a railing), and then she climbs down a few steps, and then climbs back up a few and then back down a few so that every trip takes twice as long. If I pick her up there is much drama. She's getting good practice going down the stairs though. She's not doing the butt-thing that most kids do. It's hilarious. She won't walk by herself but give her something to climb and she's all over it. I have a feeling in the fall she will be the one doing gymnastics when big brother is in preschool.

I've contemplated taking them both to swimming classes at the Y. I think SkyWalker would benefit from it and I KNOW the Princess would love it. The only thing stopping me is that I would have to pay the sign up fee again since I quit years ago, I would have to pay the monthly fee AND the swim fee. At least I think that's what it is. Maybe I should check first. If all I'm doing is swim classes maybe I don't have to pay the monthly charge. That's a lot of money when you add it all up.... and while I think the Princess will be fine because I'll be with her, what if SkyWalker decides he doesn't want to do it after all? That would be all too familiar... I wonder if we can try it out first.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Color, or lack therof

The husband told me last night to start thinking about colors for the kitchen. We're no where near ready for that but it takes us him a long time to make decisions. I did a little dance inside and started thinking. At bedtime I asked if he wanted to do all one color or to try to separate the dining area of the kitchen from the cooking area. I think that's why there was different wallpaper. He said no, to do it all one color. I mentioned light green. His response? "Are you kidding me? You're joking right? That's ridiculous." He did eventually apologize for his immediate reaction, but his idea of "colors" are white, off-white and beige.

When we moved into the house the only room we painted was our bedroom. White. Before the Princess was born he painted her room. White.

There is one room in the house with color. The living room has some type of rose color that some see as more purplish and some WRONG people see as pink. Anyway, the reason I do not want to have it repainted is because it is the ONLY color in the house and I'm afraid I will wind up with a white living room. I am hoping that Vader's laziness and not wanting to have that repainted will be stronger than his mental institution desires.

I am determined to take control. I am in the house more than he is. I am definitely in the kitchen more since I do all the goddamn cooking. I will have color in my life. So, dear readers. I have light blue counters and wood cabinets. What color would you paint my kitchen?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Chucking a big birkett

The Princess woke up Sunday morning with a 104.3 fever. Called the doc's answering service and was told to just keep watching her, make sure she doesn't have difficulty breathing or get dehydrated. The fever went up and down all day. By dinner time it was 103.7. One of my friends gave me the secret formula for determining the correct dosage of tylenol/motrin (Tylenol should be 15mg per kilogram of weight, Advil/Motrin should be 10mg per kilogram of weight.) and I discovered I could give her a little more. I took her to the doc today. Her urine is not looking so well... looks like a UTI. She's on some fancy antibiotic since she took Amox for so long before. If there is no improvement in 2 days I need to call/bring her in again. They'll be sending the culture out to confirm whether it is indeed a UTI. Because of her history with her kidney surgery it was safer to treat it and find out later. It if is then we'll have to talk to the surgeon and see if he wants to do another ultrasound to make sure that everything is okay. 

Have I mentioned that Vader is in Buffalo for his trial?

Her fever is 103.2 now and she has done nothing but sleep and nurse all day. My little fettucini alfredo eater doesn't even want to eat cheerios. She whimpers and softly cries and my heart shatters in a million pieces. I have never seen her like this. 

Vader called from Buffalo. He'll be home on Wednesday (so I took the days off for nothing, but now with the Princess sick I'm glad I'm not working this week). He has to go back next week. Wed & Thursday. So I'll have to take NEXT week off now too. And the following week we'll be in North Carolina. AND on top of that, the trial won't be done next week and who the hell knows when it will be scheduled again. I'm sure it will be on a day that I work. 

I am about to give my kid Ellios pizza for dinner because I don't have the energy for anything else. He had Burger King for lunch. Again. 

I must have done a lot of bad shit in my former life to have karma like this.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

I just love you all day

SkyWalker has been very lovey lately. He's constantly telling me that he loves me (and the Princess and Daddy and the dogs). He'll say "I just love you" and I'll say "I love you too." and then he says "I love you too!" It's very sweet. Yesterday he looked at me and said "I just love you all day!" It was the funniest thing ever.

I dropped my car off this morning to get it inspected and an oil change and I got a ride to the library from one of the guys. I thought I was going to have to walk and run in at the last minute. Instead I got here 30 minutes early.

The meetup playdate went well yesterday. SkyWalker hid in the bathroom at first. I had 5 moms each with one kid. The oldest was a 2 year old boy who loved trains. SkyWalker did not play with him. But he did sit next to him at lunch time. There was a 17 month old girl who liked looking at all of our toys and playing SkyWalker's guitar. A 12 month old boy who had a bit of a mad scientist look with crazy hair and wild eyes who SHRIEKED at me (in a funny way, not a whiny way) the entire time. It was hilarious. Then the 10 month old the Princess played with at the library and the museum. And then a 2 month old. Who weighed 8 pounds. He was 4 lbs 11 ounces at birth, only one week early. I thought SkyWalker was small! I was a little stressed because SkyWalker was so antisocial and because the Princess cried every single time I put her down. She just wanted me to hold her. It was so odd. She's a mama's girl, but it was different. She was off the entire day so I think it had more to do with her top teeth coming in. We wound up having lunch, or at least the kids had lunch. I had a turkey sandwich but none of the moms actually ate anything. They must have some eating secret... if I don't eat when my kids do I don't get a chance to eat. I'm looking forward to the time the Princess drops her morning nap and we can do things earlier without needing to worry about lunch. The dogs were in the bedroom since it was wet and rainy outside. They only barked when people came and left. Otherwise they were pretty good. I was hoping we could play outside but it was too wet. Although there were mostly little ones and we only have 2 infant/toddler swings... I hope we get some older kids for SkyWalker to play with. Had he not been a nut he probably would have enjoyed playing with the 2 year old. After he hid in the bathroom he decided to play downstairs by himself. We all went downstairs, he came upstairs by himself. Then he ran around the house with his trucks. Part of the reason I decided on having lunch, besides trying to quiet the Princess down, was to get him to sit down and maybe socialize.

I've been thinking that once Vader is through this week (he leaves tomorrow for the trial) that I can breathe again and things will change. He says he knows he needs more than 2 days for the trial, so he had me take this week (my two nights) off from work just in case. He just told me that the other attorney told him she's booked for the rest of the week so there's a good chance that the trial won't even be done. There's a chance that she's bluffing to try to get it postponed because of the MOUNTAIN of documents that he sent her that she has to go through. Anyway, once the trial is actually done he has to write the brief. He has THREE huge boxes of paperwork. He has a month to do the brief and knowing him it will take that long. I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can't even tell it's a tunnel right now. It just looks like a big dark hole. I might have to chuck a birkett.

The library is now open so it's off to work I go.

( chuck a birkett )  

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Randomosity

Teething really needs to be changed. This whole process is just not fun for anyone. Not for baby, and not for mama and DEFINITELY not for breastfeeding mama. All 4 of the Princess's top teeth are swollen and the gums are white and they are just minutes from breaking through but they just aren't breaking through. Gah. She cried and cried as I left for work today, coupled with her brother's crying that he "just want you to stay home." Good times. You scientists really need to come up with a better teething method. Because this one just sucks.

Speaking of sucking, I am barely getting 2 ounces while pumping at work. I counted how much I have left and how many bottles I will need before I make the switch. I have enough to make it, unless there's an emergency. I haven't been pumping in the morning because I have been sleeping and then letting the Princess have both sides. She's actually been more interested in nursing than solids lately. I think it's the teething. Maybe I'll start pumping in the morning again to have a little backup and then stop pumping at work. I've already fed her 3 times today.

We're going to the state museum tomorrow for another meetup. I hope it's fun. I hope SkyWalker is a good boy and has a good time. Want to know how he did at soccer today? So would I. But he did not want to go. He wanted to stay home. I told him if we stayed home I was cleaning the house (i.e. not playing with him) and he said "Okay, let's go to soccer" and we got all ready and we had some extra time so I played trains with him and... he said he didn't want to go, he just wanted to stay home. We'll be missing another one when we're in North Carolina. If we don't go next week this will be a big waste of my money. Which means it will be coming out of his account. I just don't know what his problem is now. Well, I would bet anything it has to do with Daddy working 24/7 and never having two parents in the same room together anymore. If I'm eating dinner with him Daddy is not. If Daddy's there Mommy is not. (Doesn't it sound like we're divorced? We're not. Really.)

At least I got the house somewhat cleaned today.

Our garage door opener has stopped working. It's not the batteries, the chain looks fine. I can't figure it out. I tried to reset it by unplugging it but that didn't do anything. When you press the button it just clicks and the lights come on and it almost sounds like it's trying but it doesn't actually get the door up at all. We probably need a new one. Which will involve me buying one and having it installed unless I rent a husband for the weekend. That would be a good business. Renting husbands. Maybe I can get one to install the baby stair gate I bought in February. By the time that's up the Princess will be having her own children.

FIL will be buried on the 19th. MIL is having some type of service, I don't know exactly what because Vader didn't think to ask for any details. I'm torn. I have nothing to do with my kids. It's been too long since we've seen the friends who watched them for the funeral and I feel bad asking them again when it's been so long. I'm not sure what's going on so I don't know if I can bring the kids. I'm not sure I'd want to anyway. It looks like I will probably just stay home with them. I can't believe we have to go through this all over again.

Prick your finger/it is done/the moon has now eclipsed the sun/the angel has spread its wings/the time has come for bitter things.

I think that's the best Marilyn Manson there is, certainly better than his newest stuff, but maybe even the best of all of it.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

All I wanted

was a new couch, new computer and to get the wallpaper taken down. Vader also threw in getting the floors refinished before the walls get painted, but that's not on my list. Is that so much to ask? When we've lived here for over 5 years and haven't done anything besides emergency things like a new roof and new pipes? Is it really that much? 

F@ck you Eliot Spitzer.

If he resigns (he has to. He's going to be indicted.) we'll have to worry about Vader's job all over again. Chances are the Lt. Gov will take over. Chances are he won't make any changes. But until we know for sure you can bet that my already-cheap ass husband is going to be a pain in my ass anytime I want to spend any kind of money. 

He just got another raise. He's making a decent amount of money for the job he has. The past few months he's been preparing for a trial, something he doesn't do often (the last one was 5 years ago). He's been working 12 hour days, weekends, and generally not home. This would be the norm if he were in the private sector. And there's no guarantee that he would make as much money... 

So we're back in limbo. I didn't think we'd be there for another 8 years or so. Once again, F@ck you Eliot Spitzer.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

The final countdown

I never really liked that song, but naturally it's in my head constantly now. That and for some reason Queen's "I want to break free". I'm thinking the latter is not really coming from *my* head though.

I am 36 weeks today. Officially more pregnant than I've ever been before. Although this weekend has been somewhat iffy. The cramping I've been feeling for  the last month has intensified and leaves me a little light headed. The BH contractions seem to be more frequent. And I just feel like *shit*. I spent most of today in bed. I have a feeling it's going to be soon, but of course 4 weeks from now could be considered "soon."

I still have pink eye and my left eye is tearing so bad that right underneath it the skin is getting sore and chapped. I'm putting aquaphor on it. It spread to my right eye but it's not so bad because I've been using the drops in both eyes since I got them. I would really REALLY like to be done with this pink eye crap. At least it's taught me that I can't think of my glasses as something just to wear in the morning when I'm peeing. I have to be prepared to wear them at any time. Which means updating the damn prescription. And I think I'll get the lens darkening thing so it doesn't hurt quite so bad in the sun.

Vader has been doing very well taking care of SkyWalker this weekend while I've been under duress. Unfortunately he's got a crapload of things to do. He's taking the plow off the tractor now so he can put the mower deck on. No easy thing to do. I really wish we lived a little closer to some place that delivers food because I don't think either one of us really wants to cook, or go pick something up. I don't even know if we have food in the house. Vader has taken care of dinner the last 2 nights. There's only so much spaghetti I can have.

SkyWalker has been quite funny too, which makes things a little easier. I was laying on the couch yesterday and he walks up to me wearing his firehat, Vader's big goggles on his arms (I don't know why Vader has goggles, or two of them), and two mismatched gloves of Vader's that SkyWalker called his "mitts". He then said "Bye Mommy! Bye-bye Mommy. I'm going to work."  He gets in his little car and drives off into the kitchen. It was hilarious. I don't know what kind of work requires him to wear goggles on his arms but whatever. It was funny.

Time for the drops again, At least the drops are much much better than the ointment. I will never use that stuff again.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend