Looking back and forward... and up

I haven't been blogging much. I also haven't been running all that much. I took a nice long break after the last half-marathon. I continued to run, but felt no guilt at skipping runs to meet a friend for a hot beverage or to do my Christmas shopping or to simply avoid the cold. As such my stats fell WAY down (this is the first year I didn't go up in my yearly stats too).

2015 Running stats

But I can't say I regret it. I feel balanced and in control. I'm not running to lose weight or to make it to the Olympics. I'm running to feel better and to be happier. So if I skip a run here or there and spend that time doing something else that makes me happy? No guilt.

That's not to say that I'm done running or that I don't have future goals or dreams. But I was beginning to feel bogged down by them and I'm glad I took a step back and remembered why I am doing this in the first place.

I'm going to try to stay on a nice routine this winter for as long as I can. At the end of the month I'll be having a little surgery that will put me on the bench for a short time. I'll have to start slow and short and build back up from that.

At the beginning of 2015, I wrote:

I'm keeping my goals for 2015 simple:
1. Run 3 times a week2. Bike 2 times a week3. Cross train (strength, core, etc.) whenever I can4. Run with friends whenever I get the opportunity! 5. Be the best runner I can be
I'm not giving myself any time goals. I would like to PR at both the 5K and half marathon this year. I'll work damn hard to do it. But I'm not going to define myself by that. I'm not going to judge my success on numbers. I'm not an elite, not a pro, I'm just another Strong Running Mama trying to stay sane and be a good example to my kids. If I do the majority of my runs with a smile on my face (or at least in my heart) and run with friends and laugh, I'm doing pretty good. I am a million light years ahead of where I was 5, 10, 15 years ago. 

For most of the year I did run 3 times a week. I fell off the biking over the summer. It's hard to use an indoor stationary bike when your kids are outside playing. Someday I'll be able to add outside biking to the mix, but not quite yet. I did cross train whenever I could. And I ran with friends whenever I could too. 5:15 am runs are just not for me. I need sleep and if I don't have to get up that early to run (because I can run after preschool drop off), well, I'm not going to. But I have tried to run with Jen on the weekends as often as I can.

Running and biking combined. 

I did PR at both the 5K (and broke that a few months after) and the half marathon this year. I actually had a really good racing year and I think keeping everything in perspective helped.

Back in July (after that big birthday of mine) I bought myself a Garmin Vivofit 2. It's an activity/sleep tracker that works well with the Garmin running watch I have. Someday I'll write up a proper review but today is not that day. From July-December I racked up 2,452,591 steps. That's over 2 million steps in 6 months. Since I wear it 24/7 that number naturally includes all my running miles as well. But an awful lot of those steps are just me getting chores done in the house. I shoot for 10,000 steps a day and most days I do more. All the running in the world doesn't mean anything if you go back home and sit on the couch for the next 8 hours. I am a lot more conscious of any inactivity thanks to the Vivofit (it has a red line that gets longer and longer if you don't get up and walk. Long car rides kill me). This is actually one of the reasons I don't blog as much anymore. I hate to sit for extended periods of time now.

In light of the unknowns about the upcoming surgery (it's possible it will take me longer to bounce back) I am hesitant to have concrete measurable goals. It would be great if I could get my mileage back up but if I wind up needing more than a month off, it may not happen. I'm not signing up for any long-distance races (Ragnar not included). So this year, 2016, I'm going to challenge myself in different ways. I'm going to go outside my comfort zone. I'm going to run toward what I always run away from. This year, I'm going to embrace the hill. I'm not concerning myself with speed (yes, I know hills are speedwork in disguise) or overall distance or anything truly measurable. I am simply going to tackle the hill (really, all hills) and go forward and overcome it. By the end of the year I hope to conquer it and be able to say "yeah, I can run anywhere, any race" without stressing over elevation maps.

Progress. Again.

Back in January I wrote this: I made three NY resolutions: a) To get up earlier in the morning instead of running up the stairs when I have to feed the Princess. b) To make a new friend(s) c) To not let myself turn into the bitter, angry, depressed person that I am becoming.

Two out of three isn't bad right? I just cannot get myself up in the morning. My alarm goes off at 6, I take my temperature and stay right where I am until SkyWalker comes down at 7. Each morning I think I could get up and have a cup of tea before I see my children and check my e-mail in peace and just be me. And each morning I am a lazy piece of crap who does not get out of bed. I will have to soon enough when SkyWalker is in preschool 3 days a week and I'll need to have myself dressed and ready before breakfast so I can concentrate on getting them dressed and ready. 

But I'm doing pretty damn well on the other two. It took me 7-8 months but I think I can officially say I have new friends now. And I have been much happier and much less angry and bitter. 

I also wrote this in January:

1. I will get up at 6 am every day. I will start the day on my own. With a cup of tea and some me-time. 

2. I will read books again. We will have family reading time. 

3. I will NOT do dishes or cleaning during any simultaneous nap time. I will do things that are fun and never get done. 

4. I will NOT stay home when I'm feeling so stressed out. Even if we just go to Target, or the library, I will change the scenery. And it doesn't matter if there are dirty dishes in the sink and I just started a load of laundry. 

5. I will NOT be a drama queen. I do not want my children to overreact and cry at everything, and I won't either. 

6. I will express myself. If I don't want my husband to go to work on a Sunday, I will say so instead of playing the passive-aggressive bitch and just whining when he gets home. 

7. I will tell my siblings (including sister-in-law) how much I love them. 

8. I. Will. Not. Waste. One. More. Single. Day.

1. As already discussed I have miserably failed at number 1. 

2. I'm reading again. Family reading time has kind of gone by the wayside since we're doing so many playdates. 

3. I don't get simultaneous naptime anymore since SkyWalker hasn't napped since January!

4. We've been doing pretty well with this too. We've actually been spending more time not at home than at home lately!

5. No more drama.

6. Mostly. I just can't let go of the passive-aggressive sarcasm. Sue me.

7. Did that.

8. I think so. This doesn't necessarily mean filling every day with activities, but just enjoying what we're doing, whether it be nothing or a playdate. 

Ironically as I am typing this my son is whining about wanting me to go downstairs in the office with him and my daughter is refusing to nap even though she's yawning and tired. This *could* be one of those times when I would get stressed and annoyed and unhappy. But we had a GREAT morning when our new friends came over for a spontaneous playdate. It was just what we needed and we had SUCH a good time that I am still at peace and not letting the whininess of my children overwhelm me. And there, the whininess is done so I'm off to play.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Desperation

Desperate times call for desperate measures right?

I e-mailed the local mom's club asking how to be involved. Blah blah blah. Why is this significant? Because I'm quite sure half of the people in this damn group know me from the library and have some sort of preconceived notions about how much of a stuck-up bitch I am because of former co-worker who is a part of the group. Bah.

But it gets worse.

I also joined 3 meetup groups at meetup.com. Two are parenting--one sounded great--a thirtysomething group just across the river but it's going to disappear in 3 days if no one steps up to organize and you all know that ain't me. The second one has to "approve" me first. The third one is not as local as I'd like and is not parenting but calls themselves Goddess Girls and how can I not join that?

This sucks.

I will make reach out and make the first move (like with the neighbor) but then I like to let other people take control. Plan things and I will be there. Call and invite me. E-mail and invite me. But if I'm expected to always do it then I just... don't. If I don't call the neighbor months can go by. That just sucks. Once I reach a certain level of comfort then I can start saying "hey, I'm doing this, wanna come?" I do remember back in the day having New Year's Eve parties at my house and having a semi-social life. But it takes a while.

I made three NY resolutions: a) To get up earlier in the morning instead of running up the stairs when I have to feed the Princess. b) To make a new friend(s) c) To not let myself turn into the bitter, angry, depressed person that I am becoming.

It's only the 3rd day of the new year. I've got time right?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend