This is the first time I have been the first one up in a long time. Shinesalot and Littleman are here with us and I kept waking up all night long expecting A) a thunderstorm to wake up SkyWalker causing another screaming fit B) the boys to realize they were in the same room and could play at 3 am or C) the Princess to realize she had a guest as well who could get her out of her prison cell, i.e. the crib. I also woke up repeatedly with throbbing pain in my knee from my worst nightmare--my dogs escaping the kitchen with the big garage door wide open and me not being able to do anything because I'm holding my baby. Luckily they were more interested in Shinesalot than in freedom and she could corral them back and get them inside. But I still managed to bust my knee while attempting to grab one while holding on the Princess. Lack of quality sleep has led to a headache. I should have gotten up to take something in the middle of the night but I can't get up in the middle of the night because I am tracking my temperatures. And even though I am not trying to get pregnant right now I "need" accurate information so I can tell when my damn luteal phase goes over 10 days because if it doesn't I will never get pregnant again. Argh.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Ouch
That was a jumbled paragraph and probably why I'm not up at 6 am anymore.
Oh! Exciting news! Yesterday morning the jedi and I went to Big Lots on the recommendation of a friend and guess what I found? I got 4 of those individual straw-like beach mats, a bigger travel beach/picnic blanket, and a better beach tote bag, ALL for under $20. I was very excited.
We went straight from the store to the neighbor-friend's house because SkyWalker insisted. They had called in the morning and I said we'd call when we got back home but it was better to go there than to go home, unload the kids, get the kids back in the car and drive 2 houses away. SkyWalker played with his friend and it didn't take him 2 hours to do it! The only way I got him to go home was by reminding him that we had "people" coming over. I didn't tell him about Littleman's visit partly because I wanted to surprise him and partly because I didn't believe it was true until they were in my driveway. SkyWalker was prepared to stay at the neighbor-friend's house while I took the Princess home. He even said he would nap there. He's full of shit but it was still funny.
I'm so proud of him. He's doing so much better with his friends. I wonder if somehow he can sense that I have finally opened myself up to people again and so he has too?
My head still hurts and I should probably shower while I have quiet in the house. Shit. I always jinx myself. I think I just heard a child. Maybe it's not mine. Never thought I would say that...
****
Edited 6:46 am. The boys are up playing in their room "until 7". I told them to play quiet and not wake up the Princess. Littleman responded "Okay, I have quiet farts" and pushed his little heiney out to illustrate. Classic
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
My brain is in my other bag
We went to the beach today and as usual had a wonderful time. I don't know what we're going to do in the winter. I really hope we don't revert to our hermit ways... but our house is not the easiest to get to and we all know how much I just love driving in the snow. Anyway, SkyWalker played with trainboy and was even social with another boy who joined their party. Social as in didn't run away screaming. He did really well today and I was so proud of him. I still don't understand how he can be shy talking to people and yet pull down his pants and let his ding-dong hang free in front of complete strangers.
The Princess was just unbelievable. She flipped and flopped and did everything she could to try to swim. She played in the wet sand and got as messy as she could. She was in heaven and had to be torn away as it was way past nap time.
Mommy talked to friends and got to pee all by myself and just enjoyed being in the moment. I also discovered some members of my lurking audience...
But I digress.
When we got to the beach and I prepared to show my license I realized that I left my diaper bag at home. With my wallet. I drove 30 minutes away with no license. Luckily SkyWalker was kind enough to remind me to slow down when the speed limit changed. I explained to the girl at the check in station that I left my wallet at home and I gave her 10 dimes. Technically I should have given her 50, but I didn't have a license to show I wasn't a resident. Ha!
I've messed up simple speaking all throughout the day. Instead of saying "I'm glad it was nice today" I said "I'm nice." Um? What? When SkyWalker asked me for the 3rd time why I left my diaper bag and wallet at home I said "I don't know why I left my diaper at home." I guess it was with the wallet bag.
I forgot to give the Princess her amoxicillin before dinner and when I realized it I told SkyWalker to remind me to do it after. We both forgot. Luckily I remembered at bath time so she got it tonight.
Apparently I need to make a list of simple brain functions that I have to remember. Maybe if I write it down I'll remember to breathe and eat and poop.
Good times man. Good times.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Distressing
I have just heard the most distressing news. Vomit-inducing distressing.
I have to do storytimes.
Besides the fact that what appeals to me about working part time is NO FREAKIN RESPONSIBILITY and PROGRAMMING, the fact that the programming I have to do is storytimes just makes me want to hurl. I haven't done storytimes in nearly a decade. The last time I did them I worked at another library and often planned storytimes that no one came to so it was all good. When I got to EG I did a couple because of scheduling problems when only two of us worked the damn department. We very quickly decided that I would rather work two nights a week and let my boss (who is no longer at EG to protect me) do all the damn storytimes. And that was it. I never had to argue about it... it was understood that I did not do storytimes.
Until now.
We're talking about the fall and only once a month but I still want to vomit. I should be able to spread the word and discourage people from coming. I'll have to perfect my mean face. Shouldn't take long.
Completely unrelated SkyWalker got up at 6:45 this morning. He came downstairs and got in bed with, coughing in my face, and I said "Dude, it's not even 7. You're supposed to stay upstairs until 7. Go back to bed, you need the sleep!" He left, shut my door and apparently went back upstairs. He came back down at 7, hopped on my bed and said "Look Mommy! I got dressed all by myself." Sure enough the boy who needs to be wrestled and cajoled into putting on clothes picked out his own shorts and shirt and underwear and socks and not only put them all on, he put them correctly. Nothing inside out or backwards like he usually does when he's being silly. He even got his socks right. It was amazing. It was the start to a perfect day.... until we went to the damn library!
When husbands are right
It really really sucks.
Vader was opposed to us getting the pool. He didn't want to do any work, although he wound up doing a lot of it, but didn't complain when he was getting sand and moving sand and doing the physical labor. It is now all up to me. We've had the pool full since Thursday. By the time I get the chemistry right it will be September and we will take it down. I check the chlorine and the pH every day. At first the chlorine was too high (naturally, since our well water is chlorinated) and the pH was too high. I added pH decreaser (acid) and think I finally got that in line. Then the chlorine was virtually non existent so I added some chlorine but it still wasn't enough and the pool analysis I checked online said I had to shock it so I did and now after 2 days the chlorine is still too high. Here's the thing though, I have two different test kits--one is the aqua chem 6 way test strips and the other is the aqua chem OTO chlorine test with the drops and the vials. They both give me different readings.
This is a 3 foot vinyl pool. I really shouldn't have to worry about all of the chemicals. I think I'm going to stop using the test strips and just wait for the chlorine to go down. It would help if we could get some damn sun instead of rain. At least there's no real desire to go in it right now with all this rain. Once the chlorine is safe I'm going to stop obsessing and trying to get it perfect. We have a month and a couple of weeks of potential swimming right? As long as the chlorine and the pH are okay, I really don't care about everything else.
We had friends for dinner last night so I did all of my cleaning yesterday. I am now relaxing on the couch while SkyWalker plays Elmo downstairs on his computer. The Princess is taking an early nap. SkyWalker is coughing today and sounds a little congested, but is not covered in snot like he usually is when he gets a cold so I'm not sure what's going on with him. His train buddy from last week has a cold so I thought we'd be getting it too. Maybe they do have it and it's just mild. The Princess is getting her molars so that could be why she's a little snotty and cranky and tired.
Isaac is limping again. Bad. We had a playdate on Friday and the dogs were in the bedroom and Isaac jumped up on our tub to see out the window. I can only imagine that's what happened. I really hope he has not done permanent damage to his leg. We paid a lot of money for that surgery and if he's screwed it up... ack. I wish we could just keep the dogs out with us and not worry. For the most part we can but they get so excited and want to play with everyone and lick everyone and if anyone is skittish around them (as a couple of people were which is why they were in the bedroom) then it just gets me nervous. One of the kids actually wound up opening my bedroom door on Friday (the one who is the most afraid of them) and let the dogs out and they wound up being outside with us and were "okay". Most of the kids/parents that come for the big kid playdates are actually pretty good with them. They're much better outside when Isaac has his crazy ball and I can throw a stick for Haze. But inside they just get annoying trying to sit on everybody and kiss everyone and when they try to kiss a toddler they can knock him right over. I keep waiting for them to calm down as they get older. It's my fault for being so antisocial for so long and probably for working as well... they used to be alone for 8 hours every day. Now there's people and they get so excited. What I should do is try to tire them out before people come over, but I can't throw the ball for Isaac because of his leg and because he's an idiot who just wants to eat the ball and not give it back. And I can't tell him to play by himself while I throw it for Haze. He'll play with the crazy ball by himself if we're all out there and if I throw a stick for Haze, but if I throw balls he has to be involved. I still want Vader to hang some kind of rope so Isaac can play tug of war, which is what he really likes to do.
So dinner last night was great. The Princess's little jobber friend came over, with his Mom and Dad, for pizza and wings. The Princess played with her friend when she wasn't clinging to me regretting not napping very well. We had a great time and as I was getting the Princess ready for bed I heard Vader say to SkyWalker "Wasn't that fun?". I think the funniest part of the whole evening was at 7 pm when both babies said "Enough's enough, we need to sleep!". The Princess started rubbing her eyes and yawning. The little jobber walked to his Mommy and fussed and all but said "It's bedtime woman!"
SkyWalker was a complete goofball throughout all of dinner trying to hide under the table and being shy because there was someone new. He'd never met the Dad before and he told me earlier he was nervous. He didn't say nervous. He said "I don't want his Dad coming." But then after dinner as we played in the living room the Dad broke his shell with a measuring tape and the next thing I knew SkyWalker was giggling and being silly asking him to measure every body part imaginable and being a total goofball but in a good way this time. It was so nice to see... SkyWalker is so shy but I'm glad that he can be reached. In less than 3 months he will be in preschool without Mommy and it will be a bit of sink or swim for him I guess. He's going to have to talk to his teacher and talk to other kids and not be so shy.
I cannot believe the Princess is still napping. She never naps this early. The dogs are napping. SkyWalker is still downstairs. There is an eerie quiet except for the occasional sound of Elmo or Oscar the Grouch that finds its way up the stairs.
I was going to lament my dying iPod but I can hear the Princess stirring. I'd better get the laundry in the dryer before it's too late.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Renovating
In addition to renovating my psyche I am also renovating my house. Not so much renovating as sprucing up. We've gotten the floors done and I had the wallpaper removal guy come today to give us a couple of estimates. One for just removing the wallpaper, one for that AND painting. In theory Vader could paint... it will just take a year. Or two. I think we should just spend the damn money and get it all done now. We'll see how much it winds up being. I said I could wait until October because he can give us a better price then. It's not like we're painting because we're selling the place. I want it to be done before I'm pregnant again and before it snows because the dogs will have to be outside a lot. I should hear from him in a couple of days.
We also need to replace our curtains in both the kitchen and living room. I'm really not a fan of curtains and the way my dogs and children play with them let's just say my curtains are not long for this world... I'm *thinking* about getting blinds instead. I know what you're thinking. But I'm thinking VERTICAL blinds. Faux wood vertical blinds. Just for the windows that face the front yard. The sliding glass door will have to be curtains because I'm not having floor length blinds. I guess I don't really need to replace anything until after the painting is done but I'm itching to do it now.
Particularly since today was the day I have been waiting for for a long long time. No, that's not messed up, read it again slowly.
Our new couches came today. Sofa and loveseat. I loves them I do! Aren't they pretty in their leatherness?
This is how they are now:
Yes, we had to cover up the lovely leatherness. But I splurged (in a big way) and got suede covers that have TWO parts. The main cover and then a separate slip cover for the cushions. Why? For little boys (and eventually girls) who pee on the couch. (See the one trying to figure out how she can do some damage?) Now I can just take the cushion cover off and wash that instead of taking the whole thing off. Sweet!
(A horde of teenagers just came in here and tried to get me to eat bugs. No, I'm not at home. That would be *really* weird.)
In just 3 long weeks we can put the ottoman back in the living room and it will look like a real living room again! Once the floors "cure" or harden we can put the little rugs and such back on it.
Anyway, the couches came at the *same* time as the wallpaper removal guy. That was fun. My MIL was over so she helped with that. Despite saying that they couldn't move my old couch because of insurance reasons, they moved my old couch to the office for me (all I needed was a pretty smile.... and some money). So Vader didn't have to do anything. Which was great since it was a surprise to him. He obviously knew we were getting them but when they called for delivery he wasn't home and SkyWalker thought it would be great to surprise him. And it was! So now we have a couch in the office/playroom.
The bugs are back and strangely I am hungry. But I am going to the vending machine.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
This might be rambly
Feel free to get yourself a drink and pee first. Or you know, skip reading altogether. :-)
Things are going really well.
It's amazing how a simple change in perspective can change things. But it's more than that. I think for a long time that I always had this picture in my head of what happiness was and how I had to get there. I always needed more. When Vader and I were first together I needed to get married in order to be happy. When we got married, I needed a house. When I got a house, I needed a dog (or two). When I got the dogs, I needed a baby. When I had one baby, I needed another. And so on and so forth. In addition to that I had this vision of my life's path--drinking a cup of tea while my kids and Shinesalot's kids played. I put all of my friendship eggs in that one basket. And when that was taken away from me I was pretty much devastated because my life's happiness depended on that.
A new friend's signature is this quote : Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. ~Abraham Lincoln
I think this is the key element. I always relied on outside events or other people to determine my happiness. And those things are not reliable. The only person I can truly rely on is myself. (Of course I can rely on my husband, but not to keep me happy.) I am the only person who can truly keep myself happy. And by happiness I don't mean the blissfully ideal happiness I once thought of... I mean a more realistic down-to-earth happiness.
I've made a new friend and although she has some sadness in her life right now I think it's going wonderfully. And on Friday our neighbor-friend is bringing her kids to my bi-weekly big kid playdate. I have a close friendship with someone I never would have expected but we chat a lot (when my kids don't interfere and her job doesn't interfere). I have great co-workers. I'm trying to spread out my friendship eggs instead of concentrating them in just one person and I think it's working. I think I resisted making real friends out of some kind of loyalty to Shinesalot, that I would be betraying our friendship if I let myself be friends with other people. But I can't think like that anymore. Shinesalot will always be my best friend forever but I need local friends too. And not just local playdates but local *friends*.
And since my life-changing attitude my luck is changing too. Of course it's not to my luck, just my perception of it, but whatever. The couch is being delivered on Thursday--the day we were scheduled to go to the beach with my meetup. I was afraid we'd miss it so I asked my new local friend if she wanted to go on Tuesday with just us. We met there and I brought my mother's helper and it was wonderful. SkyWalker had a great time without me. The Princess and the little jobber swam in the water and held hands occasionally and I talked to my friend and I let myself just be happy in the moment. It was a great day. And what's happened? Looks like it's going to thunderstorm all day on Thursday. We got our beach day in perfectly. And normally I would be upset about rain ruining my plans... but I could use the rain to fill up the pool and not drain my well dry! It's all how you look at things.
Today I babysat a 2 1/2 year old for the first time. Trainboy has been mentioned here before... and SkyWalker did GREAT. He's so much better one on one. He played so nicely and talked to him and played WITH him. There were no arguments or awkward moments at all. It went really well and I think it helped us as much as his mom!
The only thing not going well right now is the Princess is refusing to take a second nap. I think I'll have to get her up for snack and try again after. I've let her whine for quite a bit now and she's just not giving up. Despite her rubbing her eyes and being cranky. I will be glad when these molars are done!
Monday, July 21, 2008
crashing
I took an imitrex about 15 minutes ago and it's hitting me now. It's a preventive measure. I have a headache but not a migraine yet and I'm hoping to avoid it. But the imitrex just beats the crap out of me anyway. I should leave all the typos in here instead of fixing them because it would illustrate the serious lack of mental functioning I have right now.
Random things in my head:
Our power went out Friday night around 11 and didn't come back on until 1 pm Saturday. And then went back off Saturday night. That sucked.
The pool collapsed. That sucked too, but it wasn't looking so good, hence the imminent collapsing, so at least we got a chance to fix it. We have to wait to start filling it up again because our water is all dark and cloudy now. We took too much out of the well at once and the F86 filter system couldn't keep up.
Why can't I find beach stuff in July? Don't people go to the beach in July? All I wanted was a foldable beach blanket that I could carry easily. I guess I should look in February. Screw you NYS wacky retail stores. I wonder if they have this problem anywhere else. Can you get seasonal stuff in their proper season in states that don't have more than one season? Hmmmmm
i am definitely crashing now. methinks it's time for some sleepy-sleep before i fall asleep with the laptop on my lap and get discovered my vader when he gets home frm shoppping. won't that be funny?
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