Each time one of my kids has had surgery I've always had a moment of fear that something would go wrong. More so with the Princess's surgeries because they were longer and more complicated. Things go wrong with anesthesia, surgeons cut things they're not supposed to, any number of things can happen. Naturally as a parent you wonder if it will happen to your child and each time I did have those moments picturing the worst news. But the surgeon would come out with a smile and everything would be okay.
One local family is not so lucky. I'm not very close friends with them, but my daughter has played with this little girl at birthday parties and the mom has always been nice and friendly every time I've seen her. This poor little girl, 5 years old, a wee bit older than my Princess, has a tumor in her brain stem. Inoperable. There is nothing they can do. Nothing these parents can do to save their little girl. I do not know them well, but my heart breaks for them. I cannot imagine the pain, the sorrow, the heartbreak of no hope.
They are raising money to help with her last days. If you can spare anything, anything at all, please consider donating:
http://miracle4maddie.bbnow.org/
If you are local to the Capital District, please take a trip to PolkaDots Consignment Shop today February 6, 9-6 and tomorrow February 7, 9-2. All sales will benefit the Musto family.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
It's hard to smile when you're swallowing bile
I haven't run since Christmas and that was a dissatisfying painful measly 2 miles. I think. Most of the distances I've been running have been pretty short--from my bed to the bathroom, from the couch to the bathroom, from the kitchen to the bathroom. I have been stretching--mostly my back and neck as I hunch over the toilet. My abs and ribs are getting a good workout from the heaving and retching.
Yeah. It's that time again.
I truly believed that if I willed myself hard enough and stayed strong that I would not vomit this time. I would RUN it away. Well, that only works if you're, you know, running. At first I intentionally took a couple of weeks off to make sure that things were settling within my body and attaching where they were supposed to and things were progressing normally. And then when I was ready to start running again the vomiting started. I managed to run a race in December at 6+ weeks pregnant and not do too shabby (31:45, my first PPR--pregnant personal record--which is better than my first ever race!) but I was nervous the entire time. After that I tried Zofran for a couple of days--one of which was Christmas--and while I didn't throw up I had horrible painful debilitating gas. Cramping gas. Which is not fun while running. I don't know how I managed to survive Christmas. I stopped taking the Zofran and the next day I vomited three times. Awesome. I haven't attempted to run since. I mostly sit on the couch and wish I could speed this process up. I am now back on promethazine--what I took during my last pregnancy--and as long as I time everything right and keep the perfect amount of food in my belly and get enough rest, I won't vomit. I'm hoping that after a few non vomiting days I can start running again.
Morning sickness is so misunderstood. First of all, the name, is ridiculous. I'm sure that when I'm vomiting at 10 pm that it's morning somewhere, but it's so misleading. Like all you have to do is make it through the morning and then you're okay. Maybe for some women it is, but not for all. It's ALL DAY sickness. There's no relief from vomiting, the nausea is just as bad whether you vomit or not. Avoid aromas and strong odors and certain foods and it's all bull. I vomit when I'm hungry, I vomit when I'm full. I vomit when I've been sleeping for hours, I vomit when I'm tired. I vomit whether I'm having a boy or a girl. I just vomit. It is much much harder when it's the 4th time, because you still have to get up and take kids to preschool and make dinner for your family and make sure the children aren't being too bad.
It's been pretty sucky which um, sucks, because I had such high hopes of enjoying every minute of my last pregnancy.
And then.
Today I had my 12 week ultrasound (or 13 week if the measurements are right). I saw an actual baby with a beating heart, rolling and turning and kicking. Everything is normal, everything looks good. And the joy from seeing and hearing that tiny heart beating is worth every single second of nausea and vomiting and sickness and crappy feelings. Every. Single. Second.
I know there are people that don't understand why we're having a 4th child, that don't agree, that think we are being irresponsible. I don't care. We are not complete without a 4th. And I mean "we." My husband has always wanted a large family and I had to talk him down from 5. My children are so excited to have another on the way (I told them today). My son will be nearly 8 by the time this baby is born and if it's a boy he wants him in his room. The Princess can't wait to have a tiny baby to take care of and hold.
So now I just hope the vomiting and nausea go completely away, the running comes back, and this baby has boy parts.
Yeah. It's that time again.
I truly believed that if I willed myself hard enough and stayed strong that I would not vomit this time. I would RUN it away. Well, that only works if you're, you know, running. At first I intentionally took a couple of weeks off to make sure that things were settling within my body and attaching where they were supposed to and things were progressing normally. And then when I was ready to start running again the vomiting started. I managed to run a race in December at 6+ weeks pregnant and not do too shabby (31:45, my first PPR--pregnant personal record--which is better than my first ever race!) but I was nervous the entire time. After that I tried Zofran for a couple of days--one of which was Christmas--and while I didn't throw up I had horrible painful debilitating gas. Cramping gas. Which is not fun while running. I don't know how I managed to survive Christmas. I stopped taking the Zofran and the next day I vomited three times. Awesome. I haven't attempted to run since. I mostly sit on the couch and wish I could speed this process up. I am now back on promethazine--what I took during my last pregnancy--and as long as I time everything right and keep the perfect amount of food in my belly and get enough rest, I won't vomit. I'm hoping that after a few non vomiting days I can start running again.
Morning sickness is so misunderstood. First of all, the name, is ridiculous. I'm sure that when I'm vomiting at 10 pm that it's morning somewhere, but it's so misleading. Like all you have to do is make it through the morning and then you're okay. Maybe for some women it is, but not for all. It's ALL DAY sickness. There's no relief from vomiting, the nausea is just as bad whether you vomit or not. Avoid aromas and strong odors and certain foods and it's all bull. I vomit when I'm hungry, I vomit when I'm full. I vomit when I've been sleeping for hours, I vomit when I'm tired. I vomit whether I'm having a boy or a girl. I just vomit. It is much much harder when it's the 4th time, because you still have to get up and take kids to preschool and make dinner for your family and make sure the children aren't being too bad.
It's been pretty sucky which um, sucks, because I had such high hopes of enjoying every minute of my last pregnancy.
And then.
Today I had my 12 week ultrasound (or 13 week if the measurements are right). I saw an actual baby with a beating heart, rolling and turning and kicking. Everything is normal, everything looks good. And the joy from seeing and hearing that tiny heart beating is worth every single second of nausea and vomiting and sickness and crappy feelings. Every. Single. Second.
I know there are people that don't understand why we're having a 4th child, that don't agree, that think we are being irresponsible. I don't care. We are not complete without a 4th. And I mean "we." My husband has always wanted a large family and I had to talk him down from 5. My children are so excited to have another on the way (I told them today). My son will be nearly 8 by the time this baby is born and if it's a boy he wants him in his room. The Princess can't wait to have a tiny baby to take care of and hold.
So now I just hope the vomiting and nausea go completely away, the running comes back, and this baby has boy parts.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Catch up
I know.
It's been a while.
Everything has been on repeat... laundry, dishes, etc. I straighten up the house all day long and it's never done. Skywalker's room is fine because he's in school all day and he has to clean it up himself. The girls room is always a mess... The Princess is capable of cleaning up but most of the messes are made by Chewie. The large majority of messes are made by her. Vader's solution is to tell Skywalker and the Princess that they have to clean up her messes, but as the oldest child I just don't think that's fair. So I wind up doing a large part of it. She's napping less and less and in her room... making messes. The other day she put aveeno lotion in her hair and I had to give her a bath when Skywalker came home from school.
We're potty training now... and it sucks. This is the first time I've done it during the school year when we have to leave the house and it's setting us back because I put pullups over her underwear to try to help protect her clothes. She's fine when she's naked. She's getting better about staying dry when she's wearing underwear. But she just does not poop in the potty. When she does it's a fluke. She'll sit and try, but for the most part she's either pooping in her nighttime diaper or in her underwear. In some ways I wish I hadn't waited until I could stay home for an entire week or 2, but I didn't. We did stay home the first couple of days because I was sick. I was just so tired of wrestling with her to change her diaper.
I had Skywalker's Parent/Teacher conference yesterday and he finally has a teacher who understands his strengths and is positive and encouraging. He's doing so well, finally reaching his potential. He's doing his work well, but also finishing it, something he couldn't do last year. She said he takes his time, but she's okay with that because he's doing quality work. He's her strongest reader, she has a range of kids who read 22-108 words per minute and he's the 108. We already knew he was good at math, but he's also good at writing, which shocked me because he doesn't like it. But he says he doesn't like to handwrite because his hand gets hurt, he'd rather type. Apples. Trees. I have an online blog because I don't like to write in journals.... She's going to try to incorporate the computer more since he's so good with it.
The Princess is doing well in preschool and if I could send her to kindergarten now I would. She's driving me a bit crazy. I call her Sibyl... she'll be fine one minute, cleaning the floor for me, and then screaming the next because she doesn't want to pick up a lego. She's been hitting me A LOT. She's been in time out every day for a week now. I'm not quite sure what's going on... she talks like a baby a lot too so it could just be that she thinks she needs to act like Chewie to get attention.
Naptime is all screwy and I haven't been able to run a lot. This week has been the exception because Vader was home yesterday and he'll be home Friday so I'll have 3 outside runs. Last Sunday I ran 7.2 miles. It took me forever, but it was less time that it took me to run 6 the week before. I would like to run a half marathon someday, but I don't see it happening soon.
Haze is still on the leash and taking pain medication for her leg. It's a giant pain in the neck. I don't know how much longer we have to do it.
I have dishes that need to be done and messes that need to be cleaned up and books that need to be reviewed. And a throbbing headache. But I'm getting cuddles from Chewie so it's all good.
It's been a while.
Everything has been on repeat... laundry, dishes, etc. I straighten up the house all day long and it's never done. Skywalker's room is fine because he's in school all day and he has to clean it up himself. The girls room is always a mess... The Princess is capable of cleaning up but most of the messes are made by Chewie. The large majority of messes are made by her. Vader's solution is to tell Skywalker and the Princess that they have to clean up her messes, but as the oldest child I just don't think that's fair. So I wind up doing a large part of it. She's napping less and less and in her room... making messes. The other day she put aveeno lotion in her hair and I had to give her a bath when Skywalker came home from school.
We're potty training now... and it sucks. This is the first time I've done it during the school year when we have to leave the house and it's setting us back because I put pullups over her underwear to try to help protect her clothes. She's fine when she's naked. She's getting better about staying dry when she's wearing underwear. But she just does not poop in the potty. When she does it's a fluke. She'll sit and try, but for the most part she's either pooping in her nighttime diaper or in her underwear. In some ways I wish I hadn't waited until I could stay home for an entire week or 2, but I didn't. We did stay home the first couple of days because I was sick. I was just so tired of wrestling with her to change her diaper.
I had Skywalker's Parent/Teacher conference yesterday and he finally has a teacher who understands his strengths and is positive and encouraging. He's doing so well, finally reaching his potential. He's doing his work well, but also finishing it, something he couldn't do last year. She said he takes his time, but she's okay with that because he's doing quality work. He's her strongest reader, she has a range of kids who read 22-108 words per minute and he's the 108. We already knew he was good at math, but he's also good at writing, which shocked me because he doesn't like it. But he says he doesn't like to handwrite because his hand gets hurt, he'd rather type. Apples. Trees. I have an online blog because I don't like to write in journals.... She's going to try to incorporate the computer more since he's so good with it.
The Princess is doing well in preschool and if I could send her to kindergarten now I would. She's driving me a bit crazy. I call her Sibyl... she'll be fine one minute, cleaning the floor for me, and then screaming the next because she doesn't want to pick up a lego. She's been hitting me A LOT. She's been in time out every day for a week now. I'm not quite sure what's going on... she talks like a baby a lot too so it could just be that she thinks she needs to act like Chewie to get attention.
Naptime is all screwy and I haven't been able to run a lot. This week has been the exception because Vader was home yesterday and he'll be home Friday so I'll have 3 outside runs. Last Sunday I ran 7.2 miles. It took me forever, but it was less time that it took me to run 6 the week before. I would like to run a half marathon someday, but I don't see it happening soon.
Haze is still on the leash and taking pain medication for her leg. It's a giant pain in the neck. I don't know how much longer we have to do it.
I have dishes that need to be done and messes that need to be cleaned up and books that need to be reviewed. And a throbbing headache. But I'm getting cuddles from Chewie so it's all good.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Blathering
School started a few weeks ago and we have yet to fall into a good routine. The girls were sick last week and that screwed things up. Chewie has been taking later naps, leaving me with very little time. She finally fell asleep at 2 (after taking her diaper off. Again. I don't even care if she wets the bed, I just need her to sleep.), I got the Princess up there shortly after and that leaves me with a grand total of 40 minutes. Yesterday we had gymnastics so she was tired enough to fall asleep at 12:30ish and slept a good 2 hours. I was able to run my intervals and shower, and they woke up just as I got SkyWalker off the bus. I'm not sure what's better--to have more time to myself or to have them sleeping when he gets home. I think it's the former. And I think we're going to have to get up a wee bit earlier in the morning so naptime is earlier.
The Princess is ready for kindergarten. She's ready to go and I'm ready to send her. I'm going to have to request a teacher who is very patient with little girls who don't know how to stop talking. Because she can NOT STOP TALKING. My head is going to explode.
Chewie is talking much more and repeats everything and likes to tell me to be quiet and shhh and "top it." She's very rude. She's peeing on the potty again but not doing anything else. She likes to take her diaper off. And her clothes. Big surprise. I don't know why my children always like being naked. I would like to go cold turkey and potty train her, but I don't want to have to stay home. And I can't stay home because of preschool. I need a school break, but I don't want to do that over Thanksgiving or Christmas, so that leaves February. But that seems so far away and I am so very tired of wrestling her to get a diaper on her.
SkyWalker is doing well in school. He has a nice positive teacher so I think things will be good this year. He is getting tired of living in a house with so many girls and gives me guilt trips on a daily basis. He is definitely growing up. He used to be so grateful for anything and this birthday he complained about the books I got him, the legos I got him, everything. I intended on saying "I'm sorry your birthday has been so disappointing." but instead I said "I'm soSOBrry, your SOB birthday SOB has been so disappointing SOB!" (No, I cannot blame this on pregnancy hormones. I am still not pregnant.) He left the room. Vader followed him and I wasn't sure at the time whether or not he told him to be more grateful or not to worry because Mommy does that crap to him all the time too... but he did eventually thank me for everything and seemed to be genuinely happy with it all.
I've done very little. Dishes/laundry/sweep. That's pretty much it. And run. I stopped writing articles because the payback was so little compared to the stress of trying to write multiple articles a week. I generally just read the books I have to review for VOYA now.
Vader and I went to see Primus last night. I didn't recognize many of the songs, but it was a good show nonetheless.
Haze hurt her leg, the same way Isaac did years ago. Vader took her to the vet yesterday who confirmed that she should have surgery. He also said, however, that we could medicate her and keep her on the leash and make her comfortable. At first we both thought there's no point in that if she did completely tear her ACL. But then I came on here and looked up Isaac's SECOND injury and all we did was medicate him and keep him on the leash for months and then he was fine. It was when I was pregnant with Chewie and we really didn't want a second surgery. I would like Haze to be healed... but I don't really want to do another surgery. Besides the fact that it's another $3000 that won't go towards redoing our attic (if we ever redo our attic), I just don't want her to have to go through that. If she has to be in the crate for 2 months and won't be able to lay right next to me... When Isaac hurt his first leg he couldn't even get up the deck stairs. I had to put a ramp out so he could get up. When Vader touched it, he didn't howl in pain, but he definitely yelped a bit. Haze has shown none of that. She'll still run if we let her (we've had her on the leash for over a week), she doesn't yelp or cry or seem in pain. She's just limping and walking funny. I'm kind of leaning towards giving her the medication, keeping her on the leash, and waiting it out. If she gets the surgery she has to be crated for months and then confined to a leash for more months. So we might as well wait and see.
The Princess is ready for kindergarten. She's ready to go and I'm ready to send her. I'm going to have to request a teacher who is very patient with little girls who don't know how to stop talking. Because she can NOT STOP TALKING. My head is going to explode.
Chewie is talking much more and repeats everything and likes to tell me to be quiet and shhh and "top it." She's very rude. She's peeing on the potty again but not doing anything else. She likes to take her diaper off. And her clothes. Big surprise. I don't know why my children always like being naked. I would like to go cold turkey and potty train her, but I don't want to have to stay home. And I can't stay home because of preschool. I need a school break, but I don't want to do that over Thanksgiving or Christmas, so that leaves February. But that seems so far away and I am so very tired of wrestling her to get a diaper on her.
SkyWalker is doing well in school. He has a nice positive teacher so I think things will be good this year. He is getting tired of living in a house with so many girls and gives me guilt trips on a daily basis. He is definitely growing up. He used to be so grateful for anything and this birthday he complained about the books I got him, the legos I got him, everything. I intended on saying "I'm sorry your birthday has been so disappointing." but instead I said "I'm soSOBrry, your SOB birthday SOB has been so disappointing SOB!" (No, I cannot blame this on pregnancy hormones. I am still not pregnant.) He left the room. Vader followed him and I wasn't sure at the time whether or not he told him to be more grateful or not to worry because Mommy does that crap to him all the time too... but he did eventually thank me for everything and seemed to be genuinely happy with it all.
I've done very little. Dishes/laundry/sweep. That's pretty much it. And run. I stopped writing articles because the payback was so little compared to the stress of trying to write multiple articles a week. I generally just read the books I have to review for VOYA now.
Vader and I went to see Primus last night. I didn't recognize many of the songs, but it was a good show nonetheless.
Haze hurt her leg, the same way Isaac did years ago. Vader took her to the vet yesterday who confirmed that she should have surgery. He also said, however, that we could medicate her and keep her on the leash and make her comfortable. At first we both thought there's no point in that if she did completely tear her ACL. But then I came on here and looked up Isaac's SECOND injury and all we did was medicate him and keep him on the leash for months and then he was fine. It was when I was pregnant with Chewie and we really didn't want a second surgery. I would like Haze to be healed... but I don't really want to do another surgery. Besides the fact that it's another $3000 that won't go towards redoing our attic (if we ever redo our attic), I just don't want her to have to go through that. If she has to be in the crate for 2 months and won't be able to lay right next to me... When Isaac hurt his first leg he couldn't even get up the deck stairs. I had to put a ramp out so he could get up. When Vader touched it, he didn't howl in pain, but he definitely yelped a bit. Haze has shown none of that. She'll still run if we let her (we've had her on the leash for over a week), she doesn't yelp or cry or seem in pain. She's just limping and walking funny. I'm kind of leaning towards giving her the medication, keeping her on the leash, and waiting it out. If she gets the surgery she has to be crated for months and then confined to a leash for more months. So we might as well wait and see.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I should have gone for that run
I've gotten into the habit of taking a week off after I run a race. It's not so much for recovery, but more so that I can theoretically get all the things done that I neglected in my pre-race frenzy. This doesn't usually happen, but I like to do things theoretically. What does happen is that by the time I do my first post-race run I am eager for it. I have been looking forward to today all week long.
It didn't happen.
My kids have gotten some strange quick moving virus. Skywalker started with a dry sore throat and then got a fever. The Princess followed with a fever and headache and a little vomiting yesterday morning. Chewie had a fever on Friday. They all have a cough but no other symptoms. I've been drinking emergen-C like crazy, but to no avail. Last night I succumbed and had a fever ALL night long. Literally all night long. Not just a fever but crazy head pain too. It was horrible. At 5ish I thought there's no way I'm running today. I got up around 8 and my fever had broken but my head still hurt and I was starting to cough and I was just wrecked from not getting any good sleep. Vader suggested I skip my run. I shouldn't have listened but I figured if he was suggesting it then there was a good reason not to run, it wasn't just me wimping out.
I should have run.
Not just today, but all week. Perhaps I could have avoided even getting this if I had been running all week! I definitely should have run today. Even if all I could do was a mile or so, it would have been better than the moping I've done all day. Although I am pretty achy right now and I laid down TWICE which is something I never do. I would go out right now and run but the boys are fishing and I am home alone with the girls. One of which is coughing on me right now. And the other has just woken up from her nap.
So I guess I just have to look forward to next week. I'll try to get out at some point during the week and I may have to resort to the treadmill, but it's Sunday's run that I always get to do outside and look forward to.
It didn't happen.
My kids have gotten some strange quick moving virus. Skywalker started with a dry sore throat and then got a fever. The Princess followed with a fever and headache and a little vomiting yesterday morning. Chewie had a fever on Friday. They all have a cough but no other symptoms. I've been drinking emergen-C like crazy, but to no avail. Last night I succumbed and had a fever ALL night long. Literally all night long. Not just a fever but crazy head pain too. It was horrible. At 5ish I thought there's no way I'm running today. I got up around 8 and my fever had broken but my head still hurt and I was starting to cough and I was just wrecked from not getting any good sleep. Vader suggested I skip my run. I shouldn't have listened but I figured if he was suggesting it then there was a good reason not to run, it wasn't just me wimping out.
I should have run.
Not just today, but all week. Perhaps I could have avoided even getting this if I had been running all week! I definitely should have run today. Even if all I could do was a mile or so, it would have been better than the moping I've done all day. Although I am pretty achy right now and I laid down TWICE which is something I never do. I would go out right now and run but the boys are fishing and I am home alone with the girls. One of which is coughing on me right now. And the other has just woken up from her nap.
So I guess I just have to look forward to next week. I'll try to get out at some point during the week and I may have to resort to the treadmill, but it's Sunday's run that I always get to do outside and look forward to.
Monday, August 15, 2011
I've been wrong before
So. Yeah. About that race?
And I made it in 27:35 (official time), 8:53 avg pace, 24/54 people, first in my age group of 4 people (yeah, 4 people) earning me my first and most likely only medal. I thanked every single volunteer I saw and enjoyed the race from start to finish.
It must have been the shoes.
I smiled a lot:
I ran hard:
And I gave it my all:
 |
| Yes, I'm still heel striking. It happens when I run fast and overstride when I see the finish line. I'm okay with that. |
It must have been the shoes.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Another month, another race
I'm running another 5K tomorrow. It was the second race that I ran last year and I remember it very clearly and swear I just did it yesterday. I swear someone is messing up my time/space continuum.
I haven't done any regular consistent speedwork since June so I have no expectations that I will beat my last PR. All that I have focused on is transitioning to the Merrell Pace Gloves so I could run the race in them and not my Mizunos. I'm glad to say I got up to 3 miles (and a little more) in them so that's what I'll be wearing tomorrow morning. Even though I don't intend on beating my PR, I'm looking at this race as an automatic PR for me. These shoes are so different from traditional cushioned racing shoes that it's like I'm starting all over again... so my PR should too!
I don't have any real goals for this race. Whatever happens, happens. All of my friends are running the 10 mile instead of the 5K, so I'm kind of solo for this one. I'm just hoping to run fast enough to make it back home to watch them all run by since the 10 mile goes past my house.
I haven't done any regular consistent speedwork since June so I have no expectations that I will beat my last PR. All that I have focused on is transitioning to the Merrell Pace Gloves so I could run the race in them and not my Mizunos. I'm glad to say I got up to 3 miles (and a little more) in them so that's what I'll be wearing tomorrow morning. Even though I don't intend on beating my PR, I'm looking at this race as an automatic PR for me. These shoes are so different from traditional cushioned racing shoes that it's like I'm starting all over again... so my PR should too!
I don't have any real goals for this race. Whatever happens, happens. All of my friends are running the 10 mile instead of the 5K, so I'm kind of solo for this one. I'm just hoping to run fast enough to make it back home to watch them all run by since the 10 mile goes past my house.
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