Sunday, December 19, 2010
1. It was 20 degrees outside
2. It was 20 degrees outside
3. It was 20 degrees outside
"It was cold" is kind of an understatement. I had wanted to wait until later in the day when it might warm up (it's 30 now) but Isaac's ear is a mess and I didn't want to jeopardize my run because of him needing to go to the animal hospital (we think the outer flap of his ear is infected but not the inner ear. That's what we hope. He's wearing his old cone-collar from his last surgery and looks pretty pitiful.), so I decided to run when I could. Even if that meant in 20 degrees. I could have run on the treadmill and once it starts snowing I'm sure I will, but the road was clear so I had to brave the cold. Our road is never plowed very well so I'm quite sure that when the snow and ice comes I will be inside for my Sunday runs. To reward myself for running in the cold (have I mentioned it was cold?) I ran further than normal partway down one of the big hills, which meant coming back UP the hill. I have been avoiding the hills since I started running outside, but I recently decided that I should challenge myself in some way. My friends are running a half-marathon in the spring and training for that. I have NO DESIRE to run 13 miles. I have NO DESIRE to run more than 3-4 to be honest. But that doesn't mean I have to keep doing the same thing all the time. My last goal was to to come in under 30 minutes for my last 5K and I did that. So now I'm going to try to work on my endurance more and run those hills. Even if it's slower.
I think I deserve a cookie.
But the rat bastards in this house--the ones who don't do ANY OF THE BAKING--ate them all.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Irony: I blog here much less than when I was working. And yet I'm book-blogging much more than when I was working.
Last Saturday I ran my 3rd race. It was another 5K--I've decided I'm sticking to those--3 miles is enough for me, thank you. I had wanted to beat 30 minutes. I came close in my 2nd race with 30:52. But I really really wanted to do it this time. It was wicked cold (although not as cold as it's been today!) and there were unexpected hills and wind in my face, but I did it. I came in at 29:40. Which is not terribly fast, but it's the best that I have done, and when you consider that I started out last March taking roughly 45 minutes to do 3 miles, I'm pretty happy with 29:40.
The Princess and SkyWalker ran in the kids' race before mine. For most of the race they looked like this:
I'm sure Chewie would have loved to run as well, but she probably would have run right into the pond. So she was strapped in her stroller and could only watch.
We have an appointment
She is sleeping pacifier-free and has done so for a month. It takes her longer to fall asleep, but once she does she stays there. It really wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. We're all sleeping well... too well. The girls will sometimes sleep past 8 and without them waking me up, well, I don't get up. It's been HORRIBLE. I remember waking up at 5:30 and starting my day alone and being totally energized and now I am just tired all the time and full of SLOTH. I have little motivation to do anything, which is quite problematic. I stay up late and then get up late and then stay up late. I need a newborn to give me energy!
I remember last winter being the first winter that was tolerable in a long time. I was taking Vitamin D to make up for the lack of sun, I was having the preschool playdates every 2 weeks, gymnastics, we were out and about. We're still busy now, but it's less fun. Lots of grocery shopping and doctor visits. I'm not sure if it's the lack of regular fun playdates or my Vitamin D levels aren't where they should be, but I am feeling the HIBERNATE urge big time. I keep thinking I need to call my friends and set things up and then... another day goes by, another week goes by. Time just zips by and I've done nothing productive. I've gotten the milk and I've done laundry and dishes, but I just have to do those things again. It never feels productive to me. I never feel DONE. We are not even out of December and this winter feels very very long already.
Friday, November 12, 2010
It is hard when one person works outside the home and the other works, albeit unpaid, within it. Our society values the person who is earning money and not the other. It's easy to fall into the "who has it harder?" game. I think the hardest part of being a DGPM is that people think it's easy. That because we have chosen this, because we are happier doing this than working at a job somewhere else, then that automatically means that it is EASY. But it's not. I'm a million times happier at home than when I was working at the library. That is undeniable. But that doesn't mean that I am sitting here all day eating bonbons and watching TV and doing NOTHING. I have responsibilities too. Lots of responsibilities.
This has been a tough week. SkyWalker has been home all week recovering from his surgery. He's had good times and bad times. We've fought over his school work. He's watched movies every single day. We've done what we've had to just to make it through. I can't take them out, can't have playdates or go to the library or even send him outside to run around. He can't have too much activity.
This week has been the perfect illustration of how it is NOT easy. It is not easy to keep all the Balls in the air. SkyWalker cries because his throat hurts and his ears hurt but I need to run and get Chewie off of the kitchen table or yank the dog food out of her mouth. I need to make sure he is drinking enough water and then I hear the splashing of Chewie playing in the toilet bowl--often full of pee because nobody but me flushes in this house. I am blogging now because we are watching a movie. And I will get up in a minute because Chewie has gone in the kitchen alone and that never leads to anything good.
When we have these weeks it reminds me how much I need the acknowledgement that this is NOT EASY. That this is hard. And important. And valued. And it really sucks not getting it.
Monday, November 8, 2010
1. Skywalker just had his tonsils/adenoids out this past Friday. Right now he is outside shoveling snow. I told him the doctor said no strenuous activity, but he did his schoolwork for the day and he's been doing nothing but watching TV, so I relented. He and the Princess are out in the snow and I am hoping the activity will help him poop. He did okay with the surgery, not so great coming out of it, and is doing okay right now. He's actually bouncier and smiling more than he has the past couple of days. But I still anticipate a long week ahead.
2. The Princess is doing wonderful in preschool and everywhere else. She's not so shy anymore and talks to people. We saw our friends last week and she immediately played with her buddy instead of waiting until right before we had to leave. She seems to be sane now which is good timing since...
3. Chewie is incapable of sitting down. She is ALWAYS on the move. Pushing stools and chairs so she can climb on higher tables and reach things she shouldn't. But she's happy *most* of the time.
4. I'm still running. Three times a week. I have some winter gear now so I can run in the cold on Sundays. I want to keep that up as long as I can. I just got a Garmin Forerunner watch for Christmas.
5. I'm blogging a lot over at my book blog. I spend a lot of time reading and blogging. If I could only get paid for it we'd be all set. If you haven't checked it out, you should: http://goddesslibrarian.blogspot.com
And that is all I can update since I need to find pants for the two little snow shovelers and remind them that nap time for Chewie is a drumming-free time (SkyWalker inherited Pop's unwanted drums this weekend.)
Monday, September 27, 2010
In July I was running shorter distances but doing them more frequently. It worked out well and I was able to write at least 2 articles each week for the examiner. Then I decided I'd train for a 10K and started running longer distance and then came August and all of a sudden my usual naptime runs were getting interrupted and I was getting frustrated. I switched to running after bedtime because I needed to get those miles in. But by the time bedtime rolls around I am WIPED OUT. I don't want to run. I want to watch TV or read or just do nothing. But I kept going and running in the evening. I made a strength training routine for 2 nights a week to add into the mix. And then September came. First Vader was gone and then he was working A LOT and school interfered and my mileage has gone way down. And I'm just TIRED at night. I had been saying that I was waiting for SkyWalker's tonsil surgery date before I committed to running the 10K but I think I knew the week before that I wasn't going to do it. A friend's husband asked if I was planning on it and then immediately said "No pressure" in response to the look on my face that I didn't even know was there. I pretty much knew right then and there that the idea of the 10K was stressing me out. I had already run it on my own on my road (with a tiny bit of walking in the middle) so I knew I could do it physically but mentally I just wasn't there. I wasn't interested. And then I got the surgery date, which is after the 10K, but I know if I'm not mentally into it now it's going to be worse the closer I get to the surgery. So I decided I'm not running the 10K. And I'm going back to what was working out for me before--shorter runs, faster times, more often. I need to run at naptime (which is easier now that SkyWalker is in school and the Princess is either falling asleep or truly staying quiet) so I can have my evenings to watch TV and read and not do anything.
I've been staying up too late and getting up too late and stuck in this cycle. I hope by going back to what I was doing before I can get to bed earlier and get up earlier.
I wasn't planning on running today because I ran yesterday, but I had the girls in their room early and had the time and managed to run a mile at naptime. The girls weren't actually asleep so I couldn't do the 2 miles I thought I was going to do, but it was okay because I know I'm running tomorrow too. Today was all a mess because both girls didn't get up until after 8:30, something I never let them do, and it's just messed the whole day up.
The other part of my plan is to stop writing twice a week for the examiner. I've been doing this since January and I still haven't had enough page views to get the minimum needed for a check--$25. I've received 3 checks since I started and that all came from the local incentive (they give $1 for each local article) and referring a friend. They're having major site issues right now and keep publishing my articles in Albany GA instead of Albany NY. The site itself seems to be more focused on ads than on articles now. I took the articles that I had been writing to build a resource of information for YA lit and put them on my book blog. I think I'm going to try to really focus on that instead, read a lot more, review a lot more, and blog a lot more. And forget about the examiner for now.
Right now, my immediate plan is to make dinner and get these children to bed early. But Chewie is taking a late nap. See, monkey wrenches?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
SkyWalker surprised me with quiet tears on Tuesday morning. He couldn't even look at us when the bus passed by, deciding instead to hide his face in his sweatshirt. By Tuesday afternoon he came off the bus with a smile and he's been fine ever since. It wasn't that he didn't want to go to school, but just that he didn't want to leave us. I guess next summer shouldn't be the Summer of Fun, but instead the Summer of Mostly Fun with Some Boredom and Yelling Thrown in So You Miss School.
The Princess, however, surprised me the most. At the playdate she was wrapped around me and didn't talk to any kids and wanted to go home early and I thought I was going to be in for it when it came time for me to actually leave her at preschool. I anticipated a repeat of what happened with SkyWalker and preschool. But, once again, she proved that she's her own self. She wanted me to help her sit at the playdoh table and then she said "if you need to go to the library, I'll let you." And that was that. No crying, no drama. She's been fine each day, talking to her teachers and to some of the kids. She's not so good with remembering names but she's only 3. When Chewie and I pick her up she's on the playground right there with the kids, not off by herself, not running away. She may not be actively playing with them yet, but she's there with them. Which is more than she would ever do before. So that's been one giant big relief.
Chewie and I went to the library and danced. We went food shopping yesterday (!). We decided we would do the shopping so that Daddy could be home Monday nights and Mommy doesn't have to go crazy. Guess what? Daddy worked until 10:30 Monday and Tuesday nights! And he'll do the same on Thursday (Wednesday is Parent's Night at school) and he's going in to work on Sunday too. I won't be getting my outside run. Again. Guess who's kicking myself in the arse for doing the shopping now?
Tomorrow Chewie and I will get new tires put on the van. Joy. I have hope that we will eventually have fun during our one-on-one time.
I will say this--preschool is much easier this time around. I don't have my head in the toilet all morning before we go. Much easier to get ready on time.
Monday, September 6, 2010
At bedtime he said he was going to miss me and that he just wishes he could stay home all the time. I said "Nah, we would just fight all day." He said "Did we fight today?" I said, "No, not too bad." He said, "yeah, the other days were badder. I was trying today." I guess trying not to fight. We've actually only had a few really bad days. The vast majority of the summer was really really good. And even with those few bad days, and even though I know we're ready for a break right now, I'm still going to miss him. He's really, just, I don't know, something else.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
But. I think I am ready for school to begin. Vader left on Friday for a wedding in California. I couldn't believe what rotten timing it was--he's not getting back until wicked late Monday night. School starts wicked early Tuesday morning. But maybe, just maybe, it has worked out the way it needed to be. Because after all of this time without Vader, all of this time with just us, I think I am ready for SkyWalker to go back to school and he may be ready to go back too. We've had lots of fun moments--I took them all to a local county fair yesterday--but there have been a lot of arguments and fighting and raised voices. I think we're ready for a break from each other and we really weren't ready for it last week. It's somewhat hard for me to think let alone say. I was that mom who when sick would keep her son home from daycare, instead of leaving him at daycare so I could rest. I couldn't bear the thought of him being somewhere else if I wasn't at work. It wasn't until I was on work bedrest with the Princess that I ever left him in daycare when I was at home. So it's hard for me to say--even though lots of others have said it--that it's time for him to go. Now, I know I'm only sending him to first grade, not to the Hunger Games, but still.
The Princess has been less of a problem. I think her recent tantrums are actually a product of the stress between SkyWalker and me, and knowing that she's going to be starting preschool on Tuesday. She talks about it and knows that I am dropping her off and leaving and she smiles and proudly says "There's my preschool" when we drive by. But when we went to the playdate there on Wednesday she was quiet and shy and withdrawn. It was frustrating when SkyWalker did it because I hadn't experienced it yet. It's just sad when I see it in the Princess because I know what's she's capable of. I see her play with her brother, I see her lively and vivacious and animated. And when he's not with her she is just not herself. I'm glad that she draws strength from him, but it makes me so sad too that she doesn't get that strength from herself. I know that the first couple of months of preschool will be hard. I know right now that she will cry when I leave and that I will have to just keep leaving. But I hope that since I am starting her at 3, that she will open up quicker than her brother did when I started him at 4. He was fine going to kindergarten and he's a completely different kid now. I know it will all be worth it in the end.
The only one who hasn't been giving me trouble is the one I call trouble maker. Chewie had been cranky and frustrated. She screamed at me whenever she wanted anything. The last time we were at the library I opened up a parenting book on babies and talking and flipped to the 15 month old page. I almost took it home but then decided that I didn't need to read a book telling me that my baby was already failing because she wasn't doing ANYTHING she was supposed to be doing. And then just in the last week--the hardest week with the older 2--she has found her groove. She's walking a lot. She's laughing a lot. She's babbling and making sounds. She's not saying recognizable words or trying to repeat anything, but she's making sounds that sound like words. She said Mama and Dada and Nana a while ago, but she would never repeat anything and she wouldn't really use them appropriately. She seems so much happier this week and is much more talkative and much less screaming. Although she does shriek with glee which is almost as bad. I think she will benefit from having some one on one time with Mama.
I have not run outside since the last race. I've run on the treadmill, but it's just not the same. I should actually be running today, but my ankle is a bit sore and I'm just not in the mood for another treadmill run. I ran 5.5 miles last week and the treadmill told me it was 4 something. I know that the Nike+ is not the most accurate and that it will measure somewhat differently on the treadmill than on the road. But that's a big difference. And I FEEL the difference too. I was running at 5.0 which should have been a 12 minute pace. Slow. And it did not feel slow. I'm going to Fleet Feet on Friday to have my running analyzed so I can get a recommendation for the right sneaker. I'm looking forward to running on the treadmill there and comparing it with my Nike+. I want to see how it feels too, to see if my suspicions are confirmed or not. I am secretly terrified that it will feel exactly the same and that my treadmill is accurate and my Nike+ is not and that I haven't been running as much and I'm just a big fraud. I try to always do my long runs outside where I know that it's accurate, but that requires a present husband. If the treadmill at Fleet Feet feels differently I'm going to have to call the treadmill company and see what's going on. I finally found the manual and the lube, so maybe I just have to do some maintenance on it. Or maybe the craft paint the children spilled on it has screwed it up somehow.
It feels somewhat odd blogging like this here at blogger. I've been with blogger since Jan of 2004, but never personally. I always liked the ease with which I could check out the neighborhood on vox. It's not quite the same when you're reading it through google reader. But, I have to say, I'm liking that the feedjit widget is working. I've always had that on my book blog, but it never worked in vox. Now I can see where all you people are coming from. So who the hell is reading me from Kings Park?? And all of you people keep coming back but I only have one follower??! (Thanks Gina!)
The dogs are doing their nightly "Why isn't Daddy home yet?" barking. 26 more hours.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Vow lets you export your blog to Wordpress (after you sign up for a wordpress account). From Wordpress you can export your old Vox blog as an xml file. Theoretically you should be able to import the xml file into Blogger directly but I kept getting a "This didn't work" message. Yeah, that's pretty much all it said. So then I used a Wordpress to Blogger converter. But the file that it saved on my hard drive had an unneccesary .html that screwed things up. So I deleted the .html so that the file now simply said .xml And voila, I was able to import that into blogger. It copied everything, including pictures that were supposed to be private. Oh well. But I didn't lose anything.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Today two of my strong running mama friends and I ran a 5K in my neighborhood. It started and finished at SkyWalker's elementary school. I had been hoping to finish in less than 30 minutes, but my primary goals were to run the whole way, not pee my pants, and to do better than I did in my last race. I did not finish in under 30 minutes. But I ran the whole way, I stayed dry, and I did better than my last race. I think the last one was 33:18 and this time I came in at 30:52. There weren't many people running so it was easy to start running right away. Too easy. I started out way too fast and then couldn't keep it up. A few times I wanted to just stop altogether, but I didn't, and I think I'm happier about that than I am about not finishing in under 30. I came close anyway. And I had been under the impression that my Nike+ needed calibrating again since it told me I ran 4.9 miles last Sunday and I was sure I had only done 4.5. But it was exactly what it should have been, which means I ran 4.9 miles on Sunday! That's only a mile and change away from a 10K.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
When I was 20 weeks pregnant with the Princess I had an ultrasound to see if there was anything wrong with the placenta because of the partial abruption I had with SkyWalker. The placenta was fine, but they saw dilation (backed up fluid) in the right kidney. That was roughly 3 1/2 years ago and we have been dealing with it ever since. She's been on antibiotics every day since the day she was born. She was taken off after her first surgery but developed reflux and got a UTI within just 2-3 months and put back on them.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
This is not about running.
Monday, July 26, 2010
I'm coming out.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I swear this isn't turning into a running blog. Remember when all I blogged about was poop? I could do that again.
Friday, July 16, 2010
I woke up this morning with a slight headache that was made much worse by the Princess screaming and crying because I wasn't holding her hand down the stairs. Of course I was supposed to guess that she wanted me to hold her hand. We had plans to go to an art museum across the river so I really didn't want to start the day on the wrong foot, but alas, she did not cooperate. We managed to leave the house on time, then I drove past the 1 way road I was supposed to take and had to navigate other 1 way roads to get back. So we wound up 10 minutes late. Not that it really mattered since the art museum was kind of a bust. It was nice to see our friends, but the entire time we were there there was a staff member following us so she wouldn't miss an opportunity to say "Don't touch that!". Apparently the signs with the text explaining what the exhibit is was just as valuable as the actual exhibit. Whatevs. We found the playroom and the kids at least got a chance to release some energy there. I was venting about everything I had to get done today, or wanted to get done, because I had "lost" a day yesterday. We had an awesome time at a state park halfway between here and LI and met my family there. But it meant that I didn't get my article written yesterday and I had really wanted to get a 4th run in today. And my house was a mess. I was lamenting that something was going to have to go today. Not really complaining, just lamenting.
Friday, July 9, 2010
For the past few weeks we've been getting phone calls for a particular person. At first I thought it was just a wrong number. But when more than one company started calling looking for the same name we got a little concerned. I had told them they had the wrong number but then other companies started calling and I thought maybe someone was trying to pull a fast one on us (although logically I knew that identity theft would not be someone using our phone number with a different name, it still bothered me). The other morning we received yet another call from yet another company. I explained to the woman how we had been getting phone calls and I was concerned and asked her who she was from and was this all related. She HUNG UP ON ME.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I know that people probably roll their eyes when they hear me talk about daily schedules and what I do with my kids. I could make things easier. I could have the TV on all day. I could let them do whatever they want. I could send them all away and let someone else take care of them. But that's not how we do things. We like to be together. We like to do things together. There's just a small part of the day when I need a break and they get crazy. It's only been 2 days but this daily schedule is working GREAT. I think SkyWalker really responds to a structured day. He's said many times that he misses school. Yesterday we did our morning fun at a new local indoor play area since the weather was so muggy and there was a threat of thunderstorms. We came home for lunch and then went upstairs and read together and did some gymnastics and then I had all 3 of them napping or having quiet time for 2 hours. No problems. After nap time we did our A is for Apples stuff and SkyWalker showed the Princess how to write a letter A and she did it. Mondays are always so difficult, but yesterday was just great from start to finish. He asked that we add 30 minutes to the schedule--for cuddling and kissing. For serious. Today was less great--they got a little crazy in their rooms while I was making dinner, but nothing horrible. They had their nap/quiet time long enough for me to run and shower. I don't even really care if the Princess sleeps, as long as she doesn't wake up Chewie. The important thing is giving me a break so I can run.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tomorrow is the last day of school. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but then again I'm not quite sure how we got to the first day of school. Whoooosh. I'm both excited and frightened. It will be nice to not have to make lunch the night before or to schedule everything around bus drop off time. But the last 2 days have been half days and they've been... challenging. The Princess has absolutely refused to nap with SkyWalker home. But she's also refused to stay in her room for quiet time. I let them have quiet time together yesterday and that was mistake. But they didn't wake up Chewie and I really needed her to sleep so I could run. Today I insisted they be in their own rooms... and they caused more problems. I shut their gates but they can both climb over them so it really didn't matter. I watched the Princess walk over to Chewie's crib and wake her up. She had a spray bottle from the bathroom in her hand. I don't know if she sprayed her or not. I wound up taking all of them to Wal-Mart and then Home Depot to look for a bird feeder just so we were out of the house and I wasn't tempted to throw them out the window.
Monday, June 7, 2010
I did it.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
I was going to write a post about how Saturday is the race and how I've come from running for 5 minutes straight to running for 30 minutes, how I've been taking the time to run outside by myself and enjoy some alone time in addition to training. I was going to write about meeting my new nephew this past weekend and seeing my less-than-new niece. I had so many different things to say.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I am currently listening to the sounds of my two eldest not napping or having quiet time like they were told to do. (Today was a half day of school.) But I am not hearing the screaming and tantrum crying that I've heard out of the Princess the last few days, so I don't really care. As long as no one wakes up Chewie I'm pretending I don't know what's going on.
Friday, April 30, 2010
I didn't think I was going to be able to do it after yesterday's failure, but I managed to get back on the treadmill tonight after the kids went to bed. I had hoped to use it earlier today but I wound up taking Chewie to the doctor and she spent most of the day complaining to me. She has nothing other than a "virus" which means they don't know what it is. Anyway, I got back on that horse treadmill and I pretended like yesterday never happened. Only it did happen and I was feeling it. I made it through my first run okay, my second run I had to slow down, and my third run I had to cut a minute short. I also had to add an extra minute of walking between the second and third. But considering that A) I have my "little friend" and B) I ran half of it yesterday, I am pretty damn pleased that I survived! I managed to do 3.2 miles* in 40 minutes. Longer than last week, but less than a month ago, so I'll take it.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I don't know if there are any men-folk that read this, well, actually, I don't know who reads this anymore! Vox seems to be dying a slow blogging death... But anyway, menfolk, you might want to skip today.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
As is often the case I have about 7 minutes to type...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
The big kids are at swimming and the little one is sleeping. I'm taking this time to chill out after a whirlwind of a couple of weeks.
Monday, April 5, 2010
The past couple of years I have been reinventing myself or finding myself. Transitioning from being completely focused on work to being a working mom to "just" a mom. I've learned to rely on myself for happiness and to make things the way I want them to be instead of just waiting around for the good things to happen. I've lowered my expectations so that I'm not always needing things to be perfect and all my ducks in a row before I feel happy. But at the same time I've increased my plans for a fulfilling life. I've tried to not automatically say No, even when my gut is telling me I should. Starting the mom's group was HUGE for me. And it's worked out pretty well. I never would have done something like that a few years ago. But I went through with it and I'm glad I did. Sending that first e-mail to one of the moms and asking her to go steady be a friend not an acquaintance was BEYOND HUGE. But it worked out really *really* well.
- I am afraid of being last. (as long as there is at least one person walking the whole way, I won't be last)
- I am afraid all my friends will be faster and will leave me behind.
- I am afraid I will get lost (there will be thousands of women, I'm sure I can find my way)
- I am afraid I will have a panic attack because there will be THOUSANDS of women.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Blah blah blah. Blahbitty blah.
I have 4 or 5 blog posts running around in my head and they're all really good. This isn't one of them.
Monday, March 15, 2010
A friend recently asked what was so hard about having a newborn. She wanted a detailed specific answer. Unfortunately twitter only lets you use 140 characters. I've been thinking about it ever since.