New adventures

This is not a running post. I know this isn't exactly a running blog, but I feel compelled to say that because it's been all running for a while.

I'm doing new things. 

About a month and a half ago, my wonderful friend Felice (The happy Runner and Essentially Happy Living) messaged me to let me know one of her friends was looking for people to sell Usborne children's books. I immediately said no. In my defense, it was right after my surgery and I was tired. Tired from surgery but also tired of people assuming that I'm just waiting for LightRunner to get to school so I can go back to work. Tired of the jokes that I need to get back to work (because I've been vacationing for the last 7 years). Tired of people (and society) trying to make me feel "less than" because I am not earning an income. 

So, I said no thanks. But, it got me thinking. I looked into it a bit and I realized this could be perfect for me. I don't want a 9-5 job. I need summers off and flexibility during the day. I need to go to afternoon music performances and be a guest reader and be home when they get off the bus. I need homework done after school and not at 7 pm. Full-time employment is not an option for the kind of life we want to have. But neither is traditional part-time. Part-time in libraries means nights and weekends. I have 2 girls in Girl Scouts with monthly meetings, sports practices during the week and games on the weekend. Nights and weekends are not an option either. 

I need to work at home.

And here was an opportunity to do just that. I wasn't looking for anything yet, but what does that matter? The beauty of these work at home direct selling jobs is that they are completely flexible. I fit it into my existing schedule and when my schedule opens up more, I fit in more. So I reached out and decided to ease into it--I'd do some home parties here and there and some Facebook parties and then when LightRunner starts kindergarten I'd expand into schools and libraries. But then I got my "kit" of sample books and I was added to the Facebook groups of other Independent Consultants and something happened. I found myself excited. I started to see how I can really make this work for me. I'm doing reader's advisory and research and helping people again. I'm connecting readers and children's books-- high quality children's books! I'm doing most of it from my couch or my bed. I think this job was made for me.

I thought I'd wait to do schools and libraries but I wound up adding on the Educational Consultant kit. I had to take an online quiz before I could be certified to sell to libraries! I got one wrong because I misread the question. It's slightly odd to be on the other side of the library-book rep relationship... Particularly since I was often the one answering the phone and saying "No, we buy from reviews not reps." But these books speak for themselves and I already have one library account! 

This isn't the first time I've said no to Felice and then changed my mind. Things tend to work out pretty well when I step out of my comfort zone and I have every reason to believe that this will too. 

I'd link to all my stuff but I try really hard not to keep my name off of this blog... So if you're interested in buying some books or joining my team, send me a message. When I confirm you're not a secret psycho killer, we'll talk.

Goals but not the kind with nets and pucks (or balls)

Oh Time, how you fly. I keep meaning to post something here but I'm too busy living. Minutes, hours, days, they all blend into one. I blink and it's 2013 already.

Lightrunner is 5 months old and continues to be the source of light and joy in this house. We all hover about him like flies above a lamp hoping to get a bit of his luminescence. He smiles at everyone and even on his cranky days is just so happy. It's infectious. Impossible to ignore. He's been sleeping all night (11-12 hours) for quite some time now. I'm trying to hold out until 6 months for cereal. I think we'll make it. He tries his hardest to sit up when he's in his carseat or bouncy. He's never in one spot in his crib. I'm afraid he's going to be a mover.

The rest of the Jedi gang are doing well. Christmas break was not quite long enough. Vader took the whole week off and that was the best present I could have gotten... we played in the snow and watched movies and just had fun.

I'm taking the rest of this week to wrap up things that need to be done--badges on girl scout vests, mountains of laundry, etc--but next week my vacation is over. I have a 2 month exercise schedule (January/February) on the fridge, a combination of running and cross training (Jessica Smith's Thin in 10 routines), and once March hits I'm in 5K mode with a long plan culminating in getting me a PR by June. And then I focus on building my mileage and training for the half marathon in October. I got up to 9 miles before I got pregnant. I have no doubt that I can do the half (13.1) by October. I'll be down to just two nursing sessions by July (wake up and bedtime) so I can go out and run for 2 hours and not feel like I have to get back to feed or pump. I'm hoping all of the cross training I'll do will help.

My goal for 2012 was to just keep running. I've felt like I failed it because I stopped. But, in reality, I only stopped running for 4 months at the end of my pregnancy (a good reason to stop) and I started up again as soon as I could. So I'm going to say it was a win.

I'm keeping it relatively simple for 2013:

1. Run (at least) 3 times a week.
2. Cross train 6-7 days a week.
3. Run a 28 minute 5K in April. (pre pregnant PR is 27:35)
4. Run a 26 minute 5K in June.
5. Run the 10 mile Clove Run in August.
6. Run the Mohawk Hudson Half Marathon in October.

Non running-related:

1. Read more books!
2. Fold and put the laundry away when it comes out of the dryer... not 3 days later.
3. To live life fully and spend my time doing the things I want to do.
4. To see more of the people who bring out the best in me and to return the favor by being a positive encouraging friend.

Coming out

I'm coming out.

Of the closet.

The running closet, that is. 

I know. I've been doing this running thing since March, or well, really since September when I started (and failed) the Couch to 5k. And I know I ran my first 5k in June. And here it is, the last week in July, and I am just now coming out. When I first started in September I did it because of my friends was so happy, so in LOVE with running, that I wanted to experience that. But it wasn't the right time for me. Chewie and I were still struggling with our routine (i.e. naps) and school had just started. So I quickly failed. But I kept getting on that treadmill. Then in March when my happy running friend organized a group of moms to train them to run a 5k, I thought it would be good to try again and it would help in my friendship quest. I followed my directions and ran what I was supposed to run (for the most part). I did the race, peed my pants, and decided to keep getting on the treadmill and going outside for my weekly Sunday run and I was proud of that. The last few weeks I've been doing less mileage because I have a MILLION things to do and just not enough time. And I was okay with that. And then. 

And then.

Last Thursday night I went for an evening run with my strong running mama friends. It. Was. Awesome. I ran 3.5 miles (okay, 3.49) and it was great. It was nice to run without the sun shining in my eyes, but it was more than that. It was so nice running with these people. They pushed me to continue when I would have given up on my own. They made it fun. They made it awesome. 

Since then I have registered to run another race (in my hometown! in August), I've upped my miles on the treadmill again, I've researched yoga for runners and am waiting for my Yoga-teacher sister to get me a plan so I can do some cross-training to help me improve, and I've reached out to people to find a running partner closer to home. Through the magic of the internets and social media I have actually found one and will be doing a run with her on Sunday. (My strong running mamas don't live in my town and while I would definitely drive to where they are again, it's nice to have somebody right here so I don't have to add a 25 minute drive to the time I need coverage for the kids.)

And I realized that I am, without a doubt, a Runner now. If I were to get pregnant tomorrow (which I am absolutely not) I would still keep running. That is HUGE for me. I want to have some more time and get some more miles in so that I feel absolutely comfortable running while pregnant, so I won't be running for two anytime soon. That's okay. I'm having fun running for one. For me.

I have a MILLION things to do, who doesn't?, so I need to rearrange my life/schedule a little bit. I go out every Sunday morning for a run on my road. This past Sunday I also wrote my examiner articles for the week so all I had to do was publish them. I'm planning on running Monday, Wednesday, Friday and then doing the yoga and some strength weight training on Tuesday, Thursday. I need to get up earlier in the morning and make better use of my evening time so that I can devote my nap time and not feel overwhelmed because of laundry or dishes or the dogs. I fritter a lot of time away during the day, 5 minutes here and there checking facebook and whatnot because I think it's only 5 minutes. But it adds up. That's 5 minutes I could fold the laundry still sitting in the basket in my bedroom. I think that if I stay on target I can make this work. And if I can't, well, don't look at my toilet when you pee in it because I'll be running and not cleaning it.

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Making it official

The past couple of years I have been reinventing myself or finding myself. Transitioning from being completely focused on work to being a working mom to "just" a mom. I've learned to rely on myself for happiness and to make things the way I want them to be instead of just waiting around for the good things to happen. I've lowered my expectations so that I'm not always needing things to be perfect and all my ducks in a row before I feel happy. But at the same time I've increased my plans for a fulfilling life. I've tried to not automatically say No, even when my gut is telling me I should. Starting the mom's group was HUGE for me. And it's worked out pretty well. I never would have done something like that a few years ago. But I went through with it and I'm glad I did. Sending that first e-mail to one of the moms and asking her to go steady be a friend not an acquaintance was BEYOND HUGE. But it worked out really *really* well. 

When my friends all started running and preparing for a 5k I really wanted to do it but I just couldn't. Except that, well, I could. So for the last couple of weeks I've been running three times a week following the directions of my happy runner friend and I've been doing more running than walking. I've upped my speed and shaved some minutes off my final time. I'll be running the 5k with them. Unless of course I forget to register.

My gut is telling me there is no way I can do this. 

• I am afraid of being last. (as long as there is at least one person walking the whole way, I won't be last)
• I am afraid all my friends will be faster and will leave me behind.
• I am afraid I will get lost (there will be thousands of women, I'm sure I can find my way)
• I am afraid I will have a panic attack because there will be THOUSANDS of women. 

But I'm doing it. Much like that movie (Yes Man), I need to just say yes instead of always saying no. 

I have yet to run outside with the group because of scheduling conflicts. And I don't really want to run outside by myself because I'm afraid I'll run too fast and burn out or too slow. So I bought the Nike+ for my iPod to encourage me to run outside. I really don't *want* to which is why I really *need* to. 

After I ran today I jumped in the shower. The Princess witnessed it since she refused to take a nap. As I was getting in the shower she said "When I get bigger & bigger I'm going to run and take a shower!". Which is much better than "When I get bigger I'm going to sit on the couch and facebook all day." don't you think?

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Running... and no one is chasing me

I set out on Monday to make this week my bitch (really, it was my facebook status) and I think I did okay. It's amazing how perception and perspective and some other per word really affects our day to day lives. My children didn't act any differently this week than they have in the past. We had some good napping days and some bad ones. Had some fun & some tantrums. But because I got up when I wanted to all week long (for the most part) and because I changed my reactions, everything was okay. I changed. Not them. I set small goals for myself and I completed them. And because I wasn't stressed out about trying to do more I wasn't snapping at anyone and they weren't picking up on my stress and reacting to it. Sure, my house is a mess, but who cares? I think that I need to focus on things that I can actually DO and get DONE. The Princess and I made a magazine holder out of an old cereal box today. It was a nice little project and now it's DONE. (Sure, I'll make more, but that one is done.) There is no point in me cleaning the back glass door when I have 3 kids and 2 dogs. It will never be done. I will always have to do it again and again and again (insert cleaning toilets, scrubbing cabinets, etc.). I would rather do the things that I can finish and then leave other stuff for when we're having company. I said on twitter once that when I started to feel like I wasn't has-it-together-girl that I was going to just change my definition of together. I think that's really been the key this week. I'm not going to get EVERYTHING done. I'll get the important stuff done and anything else is just extra. 

One of the things I did do this week was get on the treadmill. I've been using it but not as regularly as I should have. This week because of my change in the napping department & my more relaxed attitude I was actually able to use it 3 days. On Monday I walked for 20 minutes and ran for 5. On Wednesday I walked for 20 minutes and ran for 10 (walk, run, walk, run. Not consecutive.). Today, Friday, I walked for 20 minutes and ran for 15! For those that are scoffing, remember that A) I have 3 kids so getting 35 minutes on a treadmill is amazing and B) I failed gym class in high school. And I am now RUNNING. On a treadmill. 

A bunch of my mom friends are all training to run one of the local 5ks in June. They're being led by one of friends who is an amazing runner. I can't do it. Partly because I know I'm not going to get the time on the weekends to really train with them, partly because I can't run the race anyway (it's June 5, and I will either be at the Belmont with my father or at home with a visiting Shinesalot ), and partly because I am doing so well with everything that if I failed at this and embarrassed myself it would really set me back. But here's the thing. This friend, this capital R Runner, makes me WANT to run. She loves it so much and is just so inspiring that I find myself really wanting to do it. Go back to that last paragraph. I FAILED GYM CLASS. And this friend has me wanting to run! So, even though I am not really a part of the group, I am using them as inspiration and I am thinking of them as I spur myself on through each minute and I like to think I'm running with them in spirit.

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Planets

This was going to be a post about how hard it is to balance everything and how DGPMs* need time off too and when Dads disappear and nap while you're running around trying to cook and clean for THEM it's really annoying. 

But this turned out to be a really good day.**

I've been beating myself up about getting up at 6:30... today I bit the bullet and got up at 5:30. I showered. I had time to myself. When I got Chewie up at 7:30 I was relaxed and ready to face the day. We got to the library on time, saw great friends, the Princess left my lap and played. She cried leaving the library because we didn't get a new book, but I kept my cool and it was over before we left the parking lot. She cried when we got home because of something so ridiculous I can't even remember but once again I just ignored her and it stopped. Chewie went down for her nap later than I liked. The Princess was still awake and playing in their room but luckily Chewie slept. I brushed the dogs and paid attention to them and had no time at all to use the treadmill before I had to get SkyWalker off the bus. When we walked in the house the Princess was still awake and I thought I was screwed. But a miracle happened. SkyWalker and I went downstairs, I got on the treadmill, he got on the computer, and the girls both slept! I managed 25 minutes on the treadmill which was unbelievable. SkyWalker did tell me to "slow it up" because he couldn't hear Mr. Rogers on the computer very well. But it was almost surreal how things worked out. I was all done when Chewie woke up, the Princess slept a little longer so I was done feeding Chewie when she did wake up and didn't have to deal with her whining because I couldn't get her right away. We had a good dinner and bedtime and everything was okay. 

I'm always joking that the planets have to be aligned for things to work out but today I think I aligned them myself. I took everything in stride and just made what I had work. I've been trying to get the girls to nap before SkyWalker gets home and use the treadmill then, but it's not working anymore. But he seems to be much less needy now than he was when he first started school. He didn't need me to pay immediate attention to him. He had a snack and was fine using the computer while I was on the treadmill. I didn't have to worry about cutting it short because I had to race to get him off the bus. It was so much less stressful I was able to jog and just not worry.

I've been trying to squeeze too much into my nap times and then when I don't get a nap time I get nothing done and I get cranky. I really REALLY need to get up wicked early and start my day off with the right frame of mind and then use my nap times as a bonus. If I'm not worrying about what I'm going to do during nap time I won't feel so pressured to get the girls sleeping before SkyWalker gets home.  

And now, because I was up at 5:30 I am falling asleep at 9:30. PERFECT.

*What? You don't remember what DGPM is? You suck.

*Although it was a really good day in our universe, a friend had something really rotten happen today and as happy as I was with all of us, it was tinged with a sadness for her loss. It was a very very sad day for her.

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Please don't call me Pollyanna

The more we get together together together The more we get together the happier we'll be. Because my friends are your friends and your friends are my friends. The more we get together the happier we'll be. 

I kind of overbooked myself this week. I still have towels to fold from Monday, but it has been such a great week it was totally worth it. Monday we wound up at the library because we were rained out of the beach and both of my  children mostly behaved. They each had friends to see. On Tuesday we had a spontaneous unscheduled playdate which was exactly what we needed. On Wednesday we went to the beach for approximately 4 hours and SkyWalker was barely by my side. He played in the sand and ran around with trainboy and forgot I existed. We went to a school playground today and the same thing happened. They ran and ran and sang ring around the rosie and had the best time. I was able to talk to my friends and enjoy just watching my kids play. Tomorrow we have a playdate which means I'll be cleaning the house after work tonight. 

I feel like it was a long long road to get here but we've finally made it. 

[aside--my daughter can never have enough Nilla Wafers. She has 2 hands and just one mouth and yet 2 wafers are not enough for her. She whines and points and wants as many as she can grab.]

Not everything is wonderfully peachy... I'm pretty sure my place of employment is sitting on the hellmouth... but the important things are good. The Princess goes in for her deflux procedure on September 3 but I just have to have faith that she's going to be okay and this will be the end of it. It's a pain in the neck, but it's not heart surgery or brain surgery. It's not fatal. She has working kidneys. She'll be okay. 

This weekend is our wedding anniversary. It's been 6 years we've been married. But next month, on SkyWalker's 4th birthday, we will celebrate 15 years of being together. I can't quite believe it's been that long. I was just 18 when I met him which means I'm in my 30s now and that's just not right. 

Snack time is nearly over and I have less than 2 hours before I have to leave for work. I haven't gotten a nap out of the Princess yet. I'm hoping that now that her belly is full she will at least sleep long enough for me to shower. Otherwise I might be a little stinky at work tonight. Sorry Bee. 

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New beginning

Whenever I start my new life it's usually on a Monday and never works out, so I figured I'd mix it up a bit and start on a Thursday.

Some crap is going to happen in the next month or 2. The Princess will be having surgery. The best friend will be moving thousands of miles away and I'll bet it will be before the surgery. I am NOT going to let this get me down. If I want my children to grow up happy and well adjusted I need to be a good role model. I'm not saying that I want them sheltered or that it's better to be in denial about things... but I need to be more positive. I am the happiest I have ever been being at home with them. I am where I belong. I kick ass. SkyWalker loves learning and we do the letter of the week and we're having a great time and not just watching TV. The Princess is happy and content. I am doing a good job as a mom and I'm going to stop pretending I'm not. It sucks that the Princess will be having surgery, but it's good that we're getting this done now. I don't want her on amoxicillin for the rest of her life! It sucks that my best friend is moving. I don't believe that she's coming back even if that's what they're saying now. And that sucks. But it's not the end of the world. We'll survive. Our friendship will survive. I will survive. SkyWalker will survive. There are worse things in life. I have a wonderful husband who loves me and is my everything. I have the family I've always wanted and needed. I have a good life. And goddamnit I'm going to be happy about it.

And if I don't get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning and exercise who cares?! I am going to stop beating myself up. I am a mom with 2 young kids and 2 dogs, one of whom is still recovering from surgery. I'm doing pretty damn good. I'm only going up from here.

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