Getting it done

I wanted to post about the great 5 1/2 mile run I did last weekend... but it never happened. I started on Sunday but it was so cold, so much colder than I thought, that I turned around to come home. I thought I'd get back outside later in the day when temps warmed up... but it never happened.

Then Monday I, once again, lost track of time having a fun-filled morning with my friends and by the time we were home I knew there was no run in my future.

Instead of beating myself up about it, I am A) wicked proud that out of this entire snowy cold winter I have only missed TWO outside runs. Only 2! I thought for sure I would be done running outside by December at the latest and that was before I knew it would be the snowiest coldest winter EVER. So the fact that I only missed 2 runs? Is wicked awesome. And B) I decided to take THE WHOLE WEEK off. There is such a difference between not being able to run and choosing not to (for a brief period of time). I think the break will be good for my ankles. I'm already really looking forward to getting out there on Sunday for my long run.

Because I chose not to run all week, I also chose not to write or do any of my normal regular chores (besides the mandatory cooking, dishes & laundry). I dedicated this week to getting all of those pain in the neck tasks done that I never have time for. The ones that eat away at my brain while I am running and writing and trying to keep my head above water. I cleaned out my car (basically straightened it up, I didn't vacuum it), cleaned out the entire fridge, cleaned my toilet and mopped my bathroom floor (it's the one never seen by other people so it's always neglected), and transferred pictures and videos from SD cards to the computer. I still need to clean the stove & sink and the upstairs bathroom, but I'm feeling pretty good about what I've gotten done. So much of what I do each week are things that I do EACH WEEK. I am never done with laundry or dishes. I never have a feeling of accomplishment of "that's done." But I don't clean out the fridge every week that's for sure...  I make my lists so I can cross off laundry when it's done for the day, but it's not quite the same as feeling like I've actually made a difference.

Next week I return to my regularly scheduled activities with a clear head and renewed motivation... or will attempt to with kiddies home from school.

The Darkness

We live in darkness
Blissfully blind
Unaware of what's lurking
in the shadows
Until the Sun
The Sun
with its pompous
self-righteousness
Its rays glaring
and exposing
every crumb and dust particle on my floors.

What? Did you think I was getting a little high-brow with the blog?? Nah.

But seriously? You know what I'm talking about. That time of day when the sun shines through the window the strongest and just highlights EVERYTHING that you have not done. Even if you just swept yesterday, there's a new pile of dust and dog hair and cracker crumbs.

I have chosen not to run during today's nap time (which has yet to occur since Chewie is crawling around her crib and the other 2 are running from room to room) and will hopefully get it done after bedtime. I had to take control of the house. Dishes, the kitchen sink, crumbs. I still have all the kids' laundry to fold. From 2 days ago.

Balance would be so much easier to attain if the children and dogs would stop contaminating my house and just stay in the bubble wrap.

Payback

While SkyWalker was attempting to get his pull-up and pajamas on tonight, the Princess was jumping all over him and  wrestling with him and being a royal pain in the ass. Although I have a headache and I really wanted them to get to bed, I have to say I enjoyed every minute of it. I had to pull her off of him. It was hilarious. All of those times he was in her face when she was too little... all of those times he jumped on my back when I was trying to do something... it was so satisfying seeing him squirm and beg her to get off of him. Of course he was giggling and enjoying it, but still. 

I managed to change all the sheets and clean my bathroom sinks before I went to work yesterday. Instead of farting around Target the Princess and I came home with SkyWalker was in preschool and I did the dishes and a load of laundry that normally would have had to wait until we got home and then had lunch and then put the Princess down for a nap. I got most of what I wanted to get done so that we were able to pick him up, have lunch and not have much clean up to do. Usually the breakfast dishes are still in the sink. Because I got so much done earlier when I put the Princess down for her nap I was able to use my brand-new treadmill! I only did 15 minutes (hey, some of it was uphill) but I figured I'd better take it easy and start slow. The last thing I need is to do too much and wind up bleeding. The toys are all picked up, the dishes are done. I have some more towels to fold but they are easy. Bills are paid. I feel a little more in control today. 

I am totally buying myself an iPod Touch. 

We're refinancing our mortgage and "saving" almost $300 a month. Of course we've had to add 5 years because they don't have a 25 year old, but that's okay. We hope to pay more when we stop buying diapers and get it paid off earlier. Anyway, so there's that. I've been paying $500 a month for our oil budget plan because we started in June when oil was a million dollars a barrel. Between the plummeting prices and turning the heat down in the mornings I have racked up a huge credit. I called a couple of weeks ago and got them to cut my budget payment in half. I think I could have gotten away with paying nothing for the next couple of months, but I'll take what I can get. And today I counted up all my change and I have $129. 

So I am totally buying myself an iPod Touch. 

Not just because I want one. Not just because my current iPod won't hold a charge and is just not reliable anymore. Not just because it would be wicked cool to get on the internets when I'm stuck at the hospital for the Princess's surgery (they have free wi-fi. I checked.) But because I deserve one. I have been working really hard at being more than I am. Being a better person. I completely stepped out of my comfort zone and started the meet-up group and made friends. I have a lot I could be bitter about but I try, everyday, to see the bright side. To see the sunshine. To be the complete opposite of who I've always been. So damnitall, I'm totally buying myself an iPod Touch.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

I have lost control

Not of my children. I don't think I ever really had that. 

I've lost control of my house. I am too embarrassed to have playdates. It's just beyond a mess. I can't keep up. There are always more dishes, more laundry, more piss on the toilets. I've never cared about dust or the little nooks and crannies but there are crumbs on the floor that just don't go away. I sweep and they come back. I sweep and Isaac scratches his skin off and Haze drops her dark fur all over. The Princess's poor baby dolls are covered in Haze hair because she leaves them on the dirty floor. Whenever I feel like I've made a dent I have to deal with a crisis somewhere (Daddy's cds thrown on the floor! out of their cases!) and then I have no energy anymore to do anything else. I have no energy to do anything really. In addition to being mom of 2 kids-tired, I also have pregnant-tired, and then medication-tired so I'm pretty friggin' tired. If I do too much I vomit. 

For a while I was has-it-together-girl. I have a spreadsheet of all the rooms and what's required in them and I'd check it off as I cleaned each toilet and changed the sheets and vacuumed and whatnot. Now it is just a painful reminder of my inadequacy. I keep thinking it will get easier. As I go more days without vomiting, I'll be able to keep up. But it just doesn't happen. I cleaned the toilets on Wednesday and already it's like I never did it. 

I'm thinking that instead of asking for a treadmill for Christmas (which finally came today) I should have asked for a maid. Just once, just to get the house cleaned once, and then I could stay on top of it. You know, after I tie up the children and the dogs.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

It was 80 degrees today

And my son wore his snow boots to the post office. He also had chapstick ALL over his face so he had a nice shiny complexion. Oh and the snow boots were on the wrong feet. With no socks. And yes, I did allow him to leave the house like this. The post office was just down the road and we needed stamps and more importantly needed to just leave the house for a few minutes. A lady was there and all she said was "What good children". I had to point out to her the snow boots and she hadn't even noticed them she was too engrossed in the cute well-behavedness of my children. Too funny. 

On Friday SkyWalker and I were musing about the staircase wallpaper and whether or not we could do it ourselves. The Princess woke up so I went to get her and when I came down... SkyWalker had started without me. He got quite a bit of it done too. It wasn't in a destructive way... he honestly wants to help me. Unfortunately it didn't come down as well as the kitchen bit did so it looks like crap right now. But that would have happened whether it was him or me. In fact it wasn't until I started pulling some off that we realized that it wasn't easy. 

We rode on Thomas the Tank Engine on Saturday and it was totally worth the 2 hour drive and $18 tickets. SkyWalker was less impressed with Sir Topham Hatt and tried to run away rather than take his picture with him, but other than that it was great. He got a new shirt, a new hat, a placemat and a balloon (Nana went with us). The Princess got a balloon and has been very happy with it. SkyWalker really wanted the Thomas shaped balloon and we walked all over the place when finally they blew up more and we got one. It was SO windy I held on tight to both balloons and wouldn't let him have it till we got to the car. Everyone got in and just as I was about to I looked and all I had was a blue string. No balloon. It just broke from the string and was up in the air. If I could have flown I would have. My mother thought I had lost my wallet from the look on my face. And then I saw the look on SkyWalker's face... My mother went back down and got another balloon and held on to the actual balloon and SkyWalker was happy. He could have had a wonderful day but he was so set on that balloon that not getting it would have ruined the entire thing.

I heard the most shocking thing yesterday morning. We had a guy come out to look at our floors and give us an estimate on refinishing them. The dogs were outside at the door. His exact words were: "What well-behaved dogs you have! I'm sure they want to come in and jump on me but they're being so good." I was in shock. They weren't barking, they weren't even whining too much. They were scratching at the door a bit but he was right, they were okay. Either they really liked him or more likely it was the 80 degree weather and they were too hot and tired to be a pain. They've actually been pretty good today too. They like being outside and hot as much as I do. 

We have a playdate on Friday so we've been cleaning the house today. I wasn't sure if I was going to do the bathrooms just yet when SkyWalker told me that he had peed on the wall. I went in there and sure enough he peed on the wall. Next to the sink. On the opposite side of the toilet. I said "um, how?" and he said "I peed in the sink but I got the wall." My husband claims that he has not done this in front of our child but since he has done the same exact thing I will still blame him for passing on his ridiculousness gene to his son. 

I should be cleaning but I am not. I really hate cleaning. It's never done. I'm not very good at it. I like doing things that get done. When I rip a piece of wallpaper I will NEVER rip that piece again. It's gone. It's done. When I do a load of laundry I still have another to do tomorrow. Same with the dishes. And sweeping and the bathrooms and all the other crap. I have a checklist on my fridge of what needs to be done and I check it off each time I do it. It's partly to remind me that I have to dust or vacuum or whatever but it's mostly so I can see that I did actually clean the kitchen sink even if it's a mess again the next day. So I can see some kind of progress. I'm not a housekeeper. I'm a SAHM and there's a difference. I don't want to waste all my time cleaning when I'm supposed to be with my kids. But at the same time I can't live in filth and neither can they. I don't run out of clean clothes and the dishes don't pile up for days. We don't have ants or creatures eating off our floor. Well, besides the dogs. I know that I'm not as bad as I could be but I still look around and see all of the dust and wish that I could wave my magic wand and have it all gone.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Sacrifice

Mothers are no strangers to sacrifice. We sacrifice everyday to make sure our children's needs are met. I have recently switched to whole-grain pasta and bread so the kids and I eat the same things. Sigh. I sacrifice sleep and brain power on a regular basis. Today I sacrificed a box of tissues:

100_3018

100_3019

My house is never clean and straightened up at the same time and this is why. I had the audacity to spend time in the kitchen cleaning today and then to fold laundry. The kids' laundry ironically enough and this is how they repaid me. It was mostly the little one but big brother was only too happy to help.

My kitchen counters are now clean. The floor? Not so much. Those are the fridge letters that the little Princess thought would be really funny thrown around the room.

100_3021

Apparently in my house clean and straightened up are mutually exclusive properties. If I clean something you can bet there are toys all over the place in the living room. If the toys are straightened up you can beg there's piss on the bathroom floor. This also works between the different levels of my house. If the first floor living room is okay, the basement "office" that is quickly becoming a playroom is a mess. If the office is okay the kids' upstairs bedrooms are a mess. My house is proof of entropy. I think. I'm not sure if I remember what entropy means.

I realized today that my children are perfect counterparts. I make a turkey sandwich. SkyWalker removes the turkey and eats the bread. The Princess removes the turkey, eats it, and throws the bread on the floor. Perhaps I should just let them share one sandwich.

I have been attempting to work tonight. I have music CDs I need to buy for the department. I finally got an account to do so... and the vendor sucks ass. The searching is horrible. They don't have anything on my list. I am very discouraged. I'm going to eat some string cheese and try again.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Firsts

Last week we had a meetup at the state museum. The Princess went on her very first carousel ride. She seemed to enjoy it, as did SkyWalker (also 10 months old when he went on HIS first carousel ride). The meetup was fun and it's nice to do these things with other people.

Later that day the Princess had another first.... she crawled all the way up the stairs! She got to the top, turned around to look at me like "That's right yo!" and then realized "Crap, where the hell do I go from here?". I brought her back downstairs. She crawled right back to the top. SkyWalker was over a year when he did that.

She is also decided to stop being a baby and get her hands on some real grub. I haven't given her a baby food jar at all this week. She's eaten fettucini alfredo, grilled chicken, oven baked chicken, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, as well as her vegetables because she is a good child. I wonder how she's done tonight with Vader. She's still nursing 3-4 times a day. She's a bit behind with the sippy cup. I give her water but she doesn't really know what to do with it. I don't know how breastfeeding moms are supposed to do sippy cup training. I don't give my kid a bottle, I give her a boob. And I'm not replacing my boob until I have to. I split her bottle tonight so Vader can give her the sippy and then her bottle later. I'm sure she'll get the hang of it once we switch to whole milk and I stop boob-feeding during the day.

Last week I was sure I was going to get a cleaning lady because I just couldn't keep up with the bare minimum of cleaning. This week I have washed all the windows, including the outside ones I could reach, washed the living room floor (!) with the floormate thingy (!) and cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms. We're having our first playdate at our house on Friday and it looks like rain so I'll have babies crawling around the living room. Unless I can keep everyone downstairs in the office/playroom. I hope there's someone for SkyWalker to play with since he is why I am doing these meetup things.

I'm not sure if I actually came out and said this or not, but I started my own meetup. The one I joined before is great, but there are 90 moms in it and a lot of the events are kinda far from us. So I decided to go completely against my nature and started one for over here. I have 21 moms now. We've had a few meetups and it seems to be going well.

SkyWalker was very funny today. He told me "Don't you dare run out of napkins!" at lunch time. I should really jot things down when he's saying them because it's hilarious and then by the time I post I have forgotten most of what he said.

Part of the wallpaper in the kitchen is peeling off. I have this really strong urge to just start ripping and see how far I get. What's the worst that can happen? I'm either paying someone to take it all down or I'm paying someone to fix what I mess up right? I just want to see how much I can get off. It almost seemed like it would just pull off.

Yesterday I had to drag my kid out of the library screaming. He didn't want to leave but the Princess was cranky. GAH--interrupted by North Greenbush Granny knocking on the door! GAH! Anyway, we left the library and we didn't even get out of the parking lot before he was completely fine. He's the bipolar one. He begged me to go to Denny's but we couldn't. I did get Burger King for him and the Princess though. Which means driving past Littleman's former home. I try to avoid that as much as possible. He once again said "That Littleman's home?" I said "It used to be. He doesn't live there anymore remember?" which is what we said last week. He said "Who lives there now?" I said "people. Do you remember where Littleman lives now?" He didn't answer. I repeated. He said "Don't tell. I don't want to talk about it." It was funny in how mature he sounded, but really really sad.

Gah. I didn't even get to my yogurt. The ONE time I forget to put the sign on the desk.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend