Faith

What do you call it when an agnostic/atheist starts doubting her beliefs? Would that still be a crisis of faith? ;-)

I made my communion and went to religion for as long as I was forced to (not long) but I was never a "true believer" and have been agnostic for as long as I can really remember. But now... I find myself needing something more. Perhaps it's being a mother, perhaps it's my husband losing his father and not knowing what to say to my son. Perhaps it's just getting older and realizing my own mortality. In any event, when I lay awake at night unable to sleep because I am having yet another panic episode in which I realize that I will one day die and I am so terrified that I will die in my sleep that I just don't let myself fall asleep, I would really like to be able to believe in *something*.

I know I don't believe in any man-made church and I don't believe in religion and its rules. But maybe I don't have to. Maybe I can believe in some higher power, something responsible for all of us, who will accept everyone with open arms, regardless of religion or faith. Something greater than we are. *Something*.  

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Breaking the rules again

My personal rule is that I will read Vox while at work, but not post. Reading can be work-related if I'm reading authors. Posting is not. But today, today is Saturday, a rainy rainy Saturday and there is NO ONE in the children's room and I do not feel well but I am here anyway, so I am breaking my rules.

Isaac will be just fine. The results for the cyst came back and it was benign and I think the vet said something about getting it all so it shouldn't grow back. Yay! He and Haze have been acting completely normal.

I am eating grapes at the desk. I might as well break as many rules at once as I can.

I understand that Vox is in beta or whatever and constantly tweaking but it seems like everytime I log in it's totally different and I have to search for my damn friends page. Or neighborhood page, whatever.

SkyWalker peed on the potty the other night. Can't really say "in" the potty. But he was sitting on it and mostly got his legs and probably me. Totally freaked him out. He cried and cried. I took him off, he flushed and was happy. I put him in the tub and he's crying and crying. Wants to sit back on the potty. So I put his wet heiney on the potty. Cries and cries. Wants to get off. Put him back in the tub. Pees in the tub, but cries while doing it. I think he knew he had more pee, and wanted to do it on the potty, but was scared when he got on the potty and then was upset when he peed in the tub. I don't think he'll ever be potty-trained. I'll be changing his diapers when he's 30.

I finally watched Lost last night. Vader is too "busy" Wednesday night to watch it, so we DVR it and watch it together later. Which is funny because last year Veronica Mars was on at the same time and I had to record Lost and I was looking forward to this year when I wouldn't have to. Oh well. But because I'm watching it later, I'm missing out on all the discussions. Everybody talks about it on Thursday, nobody cares on Saturday.

It is raining. Bad. There is no way I would take my toddler out in this. I bet someone brings a newborn here today.

I am tired. And seriously thinking about playing the lottery. I need to win me some money fast.

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