Surgery is still sucky, but the Princess is not

I mentioned in my last post that I would be having some minor surgery. I've apparently had an umbilical hernia for the last 3 1/2 years. Oopsies. Because small hernias can lead to big problems in grown ups, they tend to operate rather than wait and see, so I agreed to have it taken care of now rather than later.

Last week, Thursday, was the day of the surgery. It has kicked my ass. I thought out-patient meant "easy". It was anything but for me (and now that I've done my research, a lot of other people too). The CO2 gas from the laparoscopy was excruciating. I got sick from the codeine. Nausea, vomiting, constipation plus pain was super fun. It's been a week and I think I am at the regular soreness that the doctors speak of. If I move the wrong way I can feel the mesh poking me. I have to be super careful and slow and deliberate with all my movements. Sleeping is difficult. What's interesting is that my incisions are fine--very little pain in that area. Most of the soreness is on the opposite side of my abdomen, not even where the mesh is. I'm kind of wondering if the camera bumped into an organ! I am using my oils and they are helping, but it's still pretty hard.

Anyway, this past week has been much tougher than I expected. I'm not anticipating even trying to run for a couple more weeks. I might start biking first. I made my bed today and wiped down the kitchen table and I think I'll be on the couch for the rest of the day, if that's any indication of my energy levels. 

I keep thinking about The Princess and her surgeries and how young she was and whether or not it hurt as bad. She seemed to bounce back pretty quickly. I am so glad that part of our lives is over. I've been thinking about her a lot lately. And how pleasant the last year has been. There was a time when we just bugged each other, pushed each other's buttons, brought out the worst in each other. I say "a time" but it was more like 5 years or so. She was so quick to anger and tantrums and we spent a lot of time yelling. 

I've worked super hard over the last year on myself. On not blaming other people for things that I'm feeling, on taking responsibility for myself and my happiness, on not worrying so damn much, on being positive and grateful. I'll be honest, I think the oils have helped a lot in this. As I've centered myself, I think it has spilled over to her. In the last year she has been calmer, saner, and all together happier. I call her my bright-sider because she is always looking for the bright side of whatever has happened. She is super helpful and loving with her sister. She will still get angry from time to time, which is natural and normal--but she's not throwing huge tantrums. Of all of them she has the most empathy. A little while ago I started doing compliments at dinner time. I compliment the kids and they compliment each other (and sometimes us). She has completely taken to it and puts thought into it and is the first to remind us if we haven't done it. She also listens to everything I say--all the inspirational motivational things I have said over the last year--she takes them to heart. When I think back to how unbalanced she was--how unbalanced I must have been--it is amazing how she has transformed. I'm not sure if it's a temporary reprieve until she's a tween/teen... But so far 8 has been pretty awesome. 

Mondays or how time works differently with kids

This is not a running post. I have a few of those on the back burner, but today I need to just mind-dump. It's been a long time since I've done that here. I've been caught up lately in the "busy" trap & thinking there's not enough time to get everything done. I reread my There's Totally Enough Time post and that helped me a bit, but I was thinking about it more today when at 1 pm I felt like my day was over and all I had done was gone food shopping.

With a 3 year old.

And there's the rub. There's the normal time-space continuum that civilized people have agreed upon and then there's the one that happens when you throw a kid--a toddler/preschooler--into the mix. Time doesn't work the way it always has before. This is my day thus far:

• Wake up around 5ish to the sound of the treadmill. Barely fall back to sleep before waking up to kids in the kitchen and husband shaving his head. 
• Hear alarm at 7 and groan. Lay awake and contemplate ear plugs. 
• Groan more when 3 year old jumps on me--and my full bladder-- and kicks me with his cold feet. Argue over taking off his pull up. Finally get out of bed at 8.
• Make breakfast for myself while 3 year old cries over yogurt that does not magically appear in the fridge. Offer him yogurt we do have. Finally accepts. Sit down to eat my breakfast & 3 year old cries because he wants mine, not a little of mine in a bowl, but all of mine. Muddle through breakfast and wish I liked coffee. 
• Do the dishes left from the early people who think dishes magically get done. 
• Remember to go through the coupons and the shopping list. Listen to 3 year old yell to stop cutting the paper. Pick up all the coupons the 3 year old stole. 
• Get dressed. There's no showering with crazy 3 year old.
• Argue with 3 year old over which toothbrush is his, which toothpaste he can use, and whether or not I can even brush his teeth. Wipe the yogurt off his face while he cries at the injustice. 
• Attempt to get him dressed. He manages to simultaneously have jelly legs and yet also be completely stiff and unyielding. How is that possible? 3 days later I finally have him dressed. Now we argue over shoes and jackets. It is after 10 am. 
• Go to first store for just a few things not available at main store. Turns into more when 3 year old flips out over needed totally unhealthy smoothies because of the cool picture on the bottle. Screw you world. 
• Go to second store and argue over whether or not he should get out of the car. Reevaluate getting groceries delivered. 3 year old desperately wants to go to Panera for lunch. We are not near Panera, nor do I have the money to keep taking him to Panera. Finally convince him we need to go inside and finish food shopping. Manage to get all of our stuff without further incident. It is now 12:00 pm
• Get home and have panic attack when I can't find house keys. Realize the last person who had them was 3 year old. Have bigger panic attack. Luckily, the keys are in his pocket. Unload groceries while he steals the change from my car. Get everything put away so we can have lunch. 
• 3 year old needs the ridiculous smoothies for lunch. I don't even care. Helps himself to two, sees my english muffin and needs one. I make him one. He sees my yogurt and he needs yogurt now too. I make him a small bowl. He rips the english muffin and while banging on the island, all the pieces fall on the floor. He cries that he needs a new english muffin. He gets them himself and nearly grabs two before I can intervene. I relent and let him have a new one. He eats neither the english muffin nor the yogurt. 
• I do the lunch dishes and he helps himself to cereal. 
• Realize I still need to make bread so I get that going in the bread machine while he runs to the bathroom and tells me he's pooped. Argue over washing hands. Argue over whether or not the safety flashlight is a toy. 
• Decide I need to blog while he helps himself to tomatoes. 2 minutes until the big kids bus is here and then it's homework and refereeing and snack time and then I have to think about dinner before basketball practice. 

And just like that my day is over.

The year of me

I got this as a gift years ago. It fit me then.
Now that I've crossed out the NOT, it fits me now. 

As I said last time, this has been an awesome year. I don't mean the last 3 months, I mean since September. When you have school age kids you tend to think of years as Sept-August.

LightRunner is not yet in preschool so there's no rush to get out the door. We get up when we want to, get dressed when we want to, do what we want to. I haven't taken on any extra responsibilities-- no room mom, no special projects. I've said no to things. I'm wrapping up my cookie mom duties and that will be a big relief. I have my preschool playdates, but that's it. This relaxed schedule has definitely made it easier to make my running/biking/exercise a priority. 

I feel like this is my second chance. My opportunity to really enjoy being home with one kid in ways that I couldn't when I only had one kid and I was working full time. Sure, right now he's doing that toddler thing when it takes an hour to do ANYTHING because he has to try to do it himself first (brush teeth, change diaper, get dressed, etc) but we're not on a deadline! If we don't leave for target until 11 am, so what?! The only thing that gets affected is my exercise which is why I don't leave the house on Tuesdays if I can avoid it (speedwork is more important than an easy run, can't miss it).

I wish the winter had been a little less frigid and that spring would get here so we could spend more time doing fun things outside. I had such grand plans of weekly playdates & stroller runs while my friend is on maternity leave and instead we hibernated in our houses waiting for the cold to stop.

Everything changes when the bus pulls up and the big 3 get home and we're in crazy homework, dinner, meetings mode. So I've been focusing on being grateful for the one on one time I do have with LightRunner. He talks SO MUCH and we have actual conversations all day. He has a real sense of humor and most of the time he's in a good mood. I think it's partly because most of the time I am in a good mood and we are just happy together (which is why I've put my foot down about the big kid messes!). Grumpiness is contagious, but so is happiness. Toddlers pick up on the things you don't say just as much as the things you do; they read emotions so much better than we think they can. Happy children come from happy parents. 

Next year I will go back to rushing out of the house to do preschool drop off and pickup. Sure, I'll have 2 days a week with 2 1/2 hours to myself... but he'll probably stop napping so I'll actually wind up with less time. So this year I am enjoying our care-free mornings, our spontaneous tickle and cuddle times, and getting up at 8. Ish.

It changes

I'm midway through my half-marathon training plan and things are going really well. I am loving this run-walk method for my weekend long runs, I'm having successful speedwork runs because I've taken a step back and not jumping into speeds that are too fast for me to do properly, I'm enjoying my biking days. I had planned on having one day of separate strength training but as I was driving to the grocery store on Monday (with my workout clothes underneath my regular clothes), I decided that I needed to rethink my schedule. So, rather than strength train on Monday I did some chores that needed to be done. On Tuesday LightRunner and I stayed home, I did my speedwork in the morning with him playing next to me, had a quick lunch, then did a total body workout and then an additional legs workout. Then I put him down for a nap. It was awesome. Unfortunately my afternoon was eaten up by computer network troubleshooting, but in the future it will be even more awesome. It was tough doing the legs workout after intervals, and it's tough being on the bike right now, but I think this will be better for me. I'm not pushing myself on the bike, just recovering. If I had done the legs on Monday and then intervals on Tuesday I'm not sure how well I would have done.

So for now it's: 

Monday: rest (grocery shop, catch up on laundry, blog, read)

Tuesday: speedwork, strength, legs

Wednesday: bike

Thursday: easy run, please with the stroller & not on the treadmill

Friday: bike, strength, arms

Saturday: long run

Sunday: rest

I prefer my long run on Saturdays so I have Sunday to rest, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way.

In addition to being better for my legs, hopefully this will be better for my sanity. As well as my running & biking are going, I feel like I've lost my grip on everything else. I have 3 book reviews I need to write (for myself, no deadline), I'm falling behind on laundry, I have completely lost control of my house, particularly upstairs. I have been very lenient with my kids & their rooms, but I have reached my limit. I'm at the point with the girls that I feel like I need to box everything up & throw it all out. Our new playroom is a distaster. I'm supposed to have a preschool play date on Friday & I don't know how I'm going to (haven't even planned it yet anyway!).

I have never been one of those really anal moms who needs everything dusted and sanitized. But clutter? Stepping on toys? Not being able to sweep up dead flies because of too many toys on the floor? I am losing my mind.

Here's the thing though, it's not the 2 year old.

Mostly it's the girls, but the boys participate as well. It's not just toys either. They leave dirty clothes on the floor, dishes and crumbs on the table, they leave everything. 

Today it changes. 

They are old enough to clean up. They are old enough to pitch in & not say "but I didn't do it". They are old enough to face real consequences if they don't. I will cook & do dishes & laundry & clean toilets. But I am not taking time away from my day to clean up after them anymore. For the most part this has been an awesome year-- the year of me -- and I'm not letting this continue to stress me and ruin it. When I think about how I want to spend today, and tomorrow, it's running, biking, reading, writing, tickling my boy, laughing with my kids, and enjoying each day. It's not cleaning up their messes & yelling at them when they don't. I want to spend my rest days RESTING & reading & blogging.

So. Today. It changes.

Sink or swim

The ginormous binder my 9 year old has to lug to school each day.

This is it.

No, not my half-marathon post. That'll be coming.

This is the year that I finally let SkyWalker sink or swim. He is so very very smart but so very very lazy. He has made it this far because I have nagged him to get his work done on time and I have pretty much held his hand each year. I don't do it for him because I'm not that bad. But this year he has to be responsible for himself. He has a giant binder and sees all three teachers and it's kind of like middle school in 4th grade. So he has so much more work to do. I have tried to teach him not to wait until the last minute, not to put off his work just because it's not due yet because he doesn't know how much more he will get by the time it is due. I've tried to teach him to take pride in his work and do a good job. 

But I've got to stop holding his hand. I've got to stop checking his homework to make sure he hasn't made stupid mistakes because of rushing to get it done so he can play minecraft. I've got to stop micromanaging and telling him what to get done. I've got to let him be in control. Even if it means his grades suffer and he doesn't live up to his potential. He has to learn to swim or he will sink. And I will have to let him.

He just turned 9 years old. I look at him and see him at 9 months old. But I need to look at him and see him at 19. Confident, indepedent, hard-working people don't wake up that way. They are made that way. I knew when he was first born that if I wanted him to sleep on his own I couldn't feed him, or rock him, or let him sleep in my bed. I had to teach him as a baby to do it by himself. The same is true now. If I want him to work hard and be successful, he's going to have to learn how. He's going to have to learn failure as well as success. I'm not doing him any favors by shielding him from that failure now.

So this is it. This is when I step back so that he may step forward. All I can do is hope that he actually does.

Be nice

First, I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented here on the blog and on facebook and in real life about Chewie's speech situation. I want to reiterate that this NOT a mean girl problem at preschool. Every time I volunteer I am surprised by the mellowness of the class and the few problems. There have been some aggressive kids in the past few years but there are NONE this year. This is simply a problem with Chewie's speech, other kids not being able to understand her and her confidence because of it.
*****

As a runner, parent, and human I am so deeply saddened and angered by what happened at the Boston Marathon yesterday. Much like when the Newtown tragedy happened I am left feeling powerless and unable to do anything. Sure, I can donate money and I can run in honor of people and I'm wearing my race shirt today. But what can I really DO?

Be nice.

That's it. It sounds so simple. I can be nice to people. And more importantly I can teach my children to be nice. Not because they want to get something or it's in their best interests, but to just be nice for the sake of being nice. Regardless of race, nationality, religion, regardless of any of our differences we are ALL sons and daughters of this Earth. Every single one of us is a son or a daughter. We are all people. I can teach my children to be a friend to everyone, to fight meanness and bullying with kindness and caring. Maybe if we all teach our kids to be nice and to respect and celebrate life, we can stop having to come together in the face of tragedy.

Snow Day

Vader left the house at shortly before 5 am to go across the state for work. He won't return until late tomorrow night. He's the one who gets up with SkyWalker in the morning and gets him on the school bus at 6:50. Which meant I was going to have to do it this morning and tomorrow. But, luckily for us, we had a snow day. So instead of waiting for the bus at 6:50 I got to lay in bed awake wondering if Vader was in a ditch somewhere and if my dogs would EVER stop barking at the plow guy. I had contemplated getting up at 5 when I was wide awake, but I didn't and sure enough I fell back to sleep right around 6:30 and woke up at 6:45 when the dogs declared war on the plow guy (one of the best decisions we ever made was having someone plow our driveway. Totally worth the money.)

Everyone was excited that it was a snow day and happy to be together. I posted an article while we were all still in pajamas just after breakfast, we quickly got dressed and did math homework and the older two played a little and then we had lunch. Chewie slept okay, SkyWalker and the Princess played in his room and I had just enough time to run 3 miles and shower. Then I brought the laundry up there and without saying anything SkyWalker started to help me sort it and put his own clothes away. So the Princess put her clothes away--which fell short of making it into the dresser, so SkyWalker picked THOSE up and put them away too. Usually it takes me so long to put their stuff away because the three of them like to climb all over the clean clothes and me and cause a ruckus. But today it was done in no time. After that we made corn muffins and then we all went outside and played in the snow. They shoveled and fell down and jumped and I had to drag Chewie in crying. She would have stayed out much longer. We ate our corn muffins, had breakfast for dinner (french toast for them and an omelette for me), and then headed upstairs for bed.

It was an amazing day.

I take for granted, sometimes, how lucky I am that I have kids who get along so well with one another. SkyWalker has always played on the Princess's level, even when she was a baby, but now that she is older they've really become companions. It's so nice to see. They often giggle and laugh. I can leave them together to play outside in the snow and not worry. Not everyone can do that. I am so lucky that they are so good to each other.

But today was not all about luck. I worked hard when they were younger to set routines so that they have alone time and so do I. I remember when SkyWalker gave up his nap and I... just let him. It was so stupid of me, but he had been in daycare and now he was home and it was kind of nice having alone time with him while the Princess napped. It wasn't until I was pregnant with Chewie and couldn't physically keep up anymore that I started the Quiet Time Experiment--something that turned out to be a lifesaver. Because I enforced it with him, the Princess doesn't fight it. During the summer we had some struggles because they wanted to play together but they were too loud and would often wake Chewie. But now that SkyWalker is back at school the Princess has settled into her routine of being in her room quietly while Chewie is sleeping. Last week she played with her new doll house and then "got tired" and took a nap herself. On the weekends when Daddy is home I am not as vigilant about quiet time and it's okay. And on special days like today I let them play together and they are often so happy for the chance that it works out. And I am glad that Chewie sleeps in her crib giving me the freedom to run on the treadmill or take a shower or go out to the mailbox. I honestly do not know what I would do without that alone time. We're all so much better off because of it.

Today was one of those days when the little things clicked, like a sign saying "You did it right!" It's not often that one ever feels that way with parenting, so when it happens it's nice to have a record of it...

Balls of Responsibility

Sometimes I feel as if I am riding a unicycle perilously perched at the top trying to keep it moving all while simultaneously juggling a few million balls. At all times one of those balls, it changes which one, but always one of my Balls of Responsibility comes dangerously close to leaving its orbit and throwing the whole thing out of whack. The primary Ball of Responsibility is taking care of my children and their ever increasing school and preschool demands. But there are many other Balls--the upkeep of the House, paying bills, never ending laundry and dishes; the upkeep of ME, running, reading, blogging; and then there's the marriage Ball. This is perhaps the hardest Ball to keep in the air because it depends on two people.

It is hard when one person works outside the home and the other works, albeit unpaid, within it. Our society values the person who is earning money and not the other. It's easy to fall into the "who has it harder?" game. I think the hardest part of being a DGPM is that people think it's easy. That because we have chosen this, because we are happier doing this than working at a job somewhere else, then that automatically means that it is EASY. But it's not. I'm a million times happier at home than when I was working at the library. That is undeniable. But that doesn't mean that I am sitting here all day eating bonbons and watching TV and doing NOTHING. I have responsibilities too. Lots of responsibilities.

This has been a tough week. SkyWalker has been home all week recovering from his surgery. He's had good times and bad times. We've fought over his school work. He's watched movies every single day. We've done what we've had to just to make it through. I can't take them out, can't have playdates or go to the library or even send him outside to run around. He can't have too much activity.

This week has been the perfect illustration of how it is NOT easy. It is not easy to keep all the Balls in the air. SkyWalker cries because his throat hurts and his ears hurt but I need to run and get Chewie off of the kitchen table or yank the dog food out of her mouth. I need to make sure he is drinking enough water and then I hear the splashing of Chewie playing in the toilet bowl--often full of pee because nobody but me flushes in this house. I am blogging now because we are watching a movie. And I will get up in a minute because Chewie has gone in the kitchen alone and that never leads to anything good.

When we have these weeks it reminds me how much I need the acknowledgement that this is NOT EASY. That this is hard. And important. And valued. And it really sucks not getting it.

Clicking

I woke up this morning with a slight headache that was made much worse by the Princess screaming and crying because I wasn't holding her hand down the stairs. Of course I was supposed to guess that she wanted me to hold her hand. We had plans to go to an art museum across the river so I really didn't want to start the day on the wrong foot, but alas, she did not cooperate. We managed to leave the house on time, then I drove past the 1 way road I was supposed to take and had to navigate other 1 way roads to get back. So we wound up 10 minutes late. Not that it really mattered since the art museum was kind of a bust. It was nice to see our friends, but the entire time we were there there was a staff member following us so she wouldn't miss an opportunity to say "Don't touch that!". Apparently the signs with the text explaining what the exhibit is was just as valuable as the actual exhibit. Whatevs. We found the playroom and the kids at least got a chance to release some energy there. I was venting about everything I had to get done today, or wanted to get done, because I had "lost" a day yesterday. We had an awesome time at a state park halfway between here and LI and met my family there. But it meant that I didn't get my article written yesterday and I had really wanted to get a 4th run in today. And my house was a mess. I was lamenting that something was going to have to go today. Not really complaining, just lamenting. 

We got home early, made lunch, I did the lunch dishes as the kids were still finishing up, and then got them all upstairs earlier than usual because Chewie was tired. She fell asleep around 1, I read to the other two and almost fell asleep myself. When I got back downstairs I started working on my article. I got it done relatively quickly and heard... silence. Chewie was still asleep. There were no loud dangerous noises from upstairs. It was almost 2:30 and I didn't know how much time I had left. It had been a couple of hours since I had eaten which is not ideal running conditions for me. I think I really do have a fast metabolism. I need to eat constantly. But I needed to try to get a run in... I couldn't let this opportunity pass! I had a spoonful of peanut butter while I restarted my iPod (I have to restart it before each run in order to hear the Nike+ voice feedback) and then a banana while I tried to find something to wear. All of my running clothes were in the washing machine. Well, not all, but I wasn't wearing pants even if I do have air conditioning. The good thing about a treadmill in your house though is that no one sees what you are wearing. I mostly wear just sports bras and I found an old one, and then I grabbed a pair of "shorts" that are really some kind of boxers but did the job. I got my shoes, grabbed my "strong running mama" bracelet that I always run with, and headed downstairs. I had been trying to run 3 miles each time (or run/walk it) but that was eating up so much of my free time... so I decided to cut down on my miles but run more often. Which is why I really wanted to get my 4th run in (the run I did at the park to get clean underwear for the peeing Princess didn't count.). I've been aiming for 2 miles this week, but it was so late when I started out today that I figured I would just do a mile and be happy with it. Since I was just doing a mile I thought I'd try to push it a little and really make it a good one. I got it done in 9:29 which was really good for me. 

I couldn't believe that I got to write an article AND run during the same nap/quiet time! But wait, there's more! 

I showered, including shaving my legs! I got the clothes from the dryer and put more in the wash. My article was the most popular one on the website for a short amount of time. By then it was 3:30 and that's when quiet time is over. Chewie woke up, SkyWalker came downstairs and told me that the Princess had fallen asleep! Great Odin's Beard! The Princess had fallen asleep! Unfortunately Chewie had just woken her up and the Princess was now crying about... something. We had snack, I did some online research into DVD recorders, and then I put them all in the pack n play and trained the dogs. I've been having problems, particularly with Isaac, getting the dogs to listen. It's not enough that I have to constantly tweak my parenting skills with my damn kids, now I have to work on the dogs too. There was a time when I didn't even have to use words. I made hand motions and Isaac just did what he had to do. But that time is long gone. In an effort to reassert my authority, since I'm the one that's home with them most often, I'm going back to the beginning and spending a little time each day "training." By training I mean telling them to sit or lay down or stay and giving them treats. Isaac did really well, better than Haze even, and Haze is usually my good listener. After I did all the treats I did one more command and then I brushed each of them. We don't really do that because they don't have an awful lot of hair, despite how much is all over my house. And then while the kids were still in the pack n play I swept! Without babies crawling in the dirt! It was awesome. 

SkyWalker had made a big mess in his room during his quiet time and I was expecting problems but while I was "making" dinner (Fridays are frozen pizza and salad) he went upstairs and cleaned it up! And the Princess's room! They went a little nuts during dinner, but I can't really blame them. It's hard to tow the line all day long. You've got to let out your inner crazy at some point. 

It was one of those days when everything just clicked into place. I had been anticipating not being able to get anything done and instead I got everything done. (Well, okay, not everything. My bathroom is still disgusting & I have to pay bills, but the important things were done today!)

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Go ahead and roll your eyes

I know that people probably roll their eyes when they hear me talk about daily schedules and what I do with my kids. I could make things easier. I could have the TV on all day. I could let them do whatever they want. I could send them all away and let someone else take care of them. But that's not how we do things. We like to be together. We like to do things together. There's just a small part of the day when I need a break and they get crazy. It's only been 2 days but this daily schedule is working GREAT. I think SkyWalker really responds to a structured day. He's said many times that he misses school. Yesterday we did our morning fun at a new local indoor play area since the weather was so muggy and there was a threat of thunderstorms. We came home for lunch and then went upstairs and read together and did some gymnastics and then I had all 3 of them napping or having quiet time for 2 hours. No problems. After nap time we did our A is for Apples stuff and SkyWalker showed the Princess how to write a letter A and she did it. Mondays are always so difficult, but yesterday was just great from start to finish. He asked that we add 30 minutes to the schedule--for cuddling and kissing. For serious. Today was less great--they got a little crazy in their rooms while I was making dinner, but nothing horrible. They had their nap/quiet time long enough for me to run and shower. I don't even really care if the Princess sleeps, as long as she doesn't wake up Chewie. The important thing is giving me a break so I can run. 

Speaking of. 

A couple of Sundays ago I went to the local high school track to calibrate my Nike+. I ran my fastest mile (9:18). I ran another mile to make sure it worked and it did. I was curious to see how my treadmill would compare to my calibrated Nike+. I expect them to be a little off because they measure differently, but I was shocked at how off they were. The treadmill said I did 3/4 mile LESS than the Nike+. That is a HUGE difference. Let's say that it's not really that far off... even if it's 1/2 mile that's still a pretty big difference. I've often felt that my treadmill was harder than it should be. I know when I was in college I walked at a much faster speed than I can now, but I figured I was just old now. When I ran on my SIL's treadmill there was a definite difference in speed. I don't know if the kids putting paint on the treadmill can affect it or if it needs a tune up... I don't really care all that much. It works. I just don't pay attention to the distance now. And I don't kill myself trying to run at a higher speed. Since I've discovered this it's given me extra motivation. When I went out this past Sunday I ran the whole way on my road--a first for me--and finished in just less than my race time. When I ran today on the treadmill I ran for 30 minutes straight because I wasn't trying to maintain an inflated higher speed. I had been looking at my running friends and their facebook statuses and wondering why I wasn't able to do as much or keep up... and now I know! When I thought I was running at a 6 speed (10 minutes per mile) it was really much faster. I can't keep that up! Not yet anyway. I'm pretty excited that I've been doing more than I thought I was and I'm eager to keep running. I'm trying to figure out how I can add another day of running to the week and still write my articles and take care of my children. And do laundry. OH and this past week? All the running I did? I had my girlie monthly visitor. And it was bad. The only relief I had was while running. I can't stand at the sink to do dishes without being in pain, but I can run. Funny, no?

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Summer of Fun

Tomorrow is the last day of school. I'm not quite sure how that happened, but then again I'm not quite sure how we got to the first day of school. Whoooosh. I'm both excited and frightened. It will be nice to not have to make lunch the night before or to schedule everything around bus drop off time. But the last 2 days have been half days and they've been... challenging. The Princess has absolutely refused to nap with SkyWalker home. But she's also refused to stay in her room for quiet time. I let them have quiet time together yesterday and that was mistake. But they didn't wake up Chewie and I really needed her to sleep so I could run. Today I insisted they be in their own rooms... and they caused more problems. I shut their gates but they can both climb over them so it really didn't matter. I watched the Princess walk over to Chewie's crib and wake her up. She had a spray bottle from the bathroom in her hand. I don't know if she sprayed her or not. I wound up taking all of them to Wal-Mart and then Home Depot to look for a bird feeder just so we were out of the house and I wasn't tempted to throw them out the window. 

The half days have caused definite problems. We haven't been able to go anywhere in the morning because the bus has come early. I am hoping that after tomorrow, the last half day, that we can get on track. The Princess has been fighting her naps anyway, but with SkyWalker home it's just ridiculous. And if he's not listening, she won't even pretend to listen to me. And the two of them together is just well, maddening. 

I printed up a daily schedule and laminated it and put it on the fridge. I'm putting it here so I can remember it for next year when I freak out about summer again:

8 am: Breakfast

8:30/9: dressed

10-12: active play time--parks, playgrounds, beach, pool, etc

12: lunch

1:30-3:30: nap/quiet time. Mommy runs/showers, writes articles

3:30-5:30: quiet play time--arts & crafts, reading books. Mommy makes dinner

6: dinner

7:30/8: bedtime

I have something planned every single morning of next week. I am hoping to tire them out! Most of the time we will be eating lunch at whatever park or beach we are at and then just going home for naps. I'm planning on doing the preschool lesson plans that I did with the Princess during their quiet play time and also having them practice their writing and reading then too. The after nap time is the hardest time in our house (especially if nap time has been stressful!). They seem to just get crazy. I'd like to harness them a bit and have them slow down and focus on something. Especially since I won't be able to send them outside by themselves once the pool is up. Even though we have a huge front yard and driveway I refuse to let them play out front by themselves. You never know when UPS will come. So I can't throw them out of the house when they get too wild but I still have to make dinner. 

Last summer was pretty tough because Chewie was a newborn and she wasn't exactly happy. I had to feed her a lot and she screamed a lot and the other two took advantage a lot. This summer I am down to 2 feedings a day (that are quickly going away. She squirms out of my arms more often than not. Sigh.), she's happy and can stay awake and doesn't get overtired. She's getting into everything and discovered the dogs' water dish today which is oh so much fun. She's more work in that I can't just put her down and assume she's safe. But she's happier and more independent. She sleeps all night long. When I'm tired it's my own fault, not hers. So I think that I can be strong this summer and demand obedience. 

We started the good behavior jars again (they kind of fell by the wayside during the school year). Hopefully by having a plan from the get-go we can avoid any major yelling and screaming. I probably should not have tried to implement the schedule during the half days without having those running around active play time hours in the morning. I don't think I will tomorrow. Friday starts our Summer of Fun with our first visit to the town park. I will keep control this summer! Even if I have to run them ragged to do it!

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Newborns

A friend recently asked what was so hard about having a newborn. She wanted a detailed specific answer. Unfortunately twitter only lets you use 140 characters. I've been thinking about it ever since. 

The quickest obvious answer is the sleep deprivation. 

But that's not it.

There's crying. Explosive poop. Constant feeding. 

But that's not it.

I kept thinking of my own recent experience and what was hard was trying to meet her demands while also taking care  of two other children. I had to think way back, 5 1/2 years back, to when SkyWalker was a newborn to realize what was really so hard about newborns. 

All the self-doubt. The second-guessing. The not knowing if I was making the right decisions or not. The floundering without a plan. Am I feeding enough or too much? Should I wake him or let him sleep? Is this poop normal? 

I think that's why I was so attracted to The Baby Whisperer. It gave me the plan. The framework I could use to better understand him and know what he wanted. And when things started to fall into place it gave me the confidence to continue. When the Princess was a newborn it was hard juggling two kids and we didn't really do all that much. I was a new SAHM (and I stayed at home), so I was adjusting to being home with my son, having a new baby, and my best friend moving a million miles away. But I was somewhat confident in myself by then (with her, not so much with SkyWalker). With Chewie I knew what I had to do I just couldn't necessarily do it because I had two older children who needed to leave the house and be entertained. Or needed to be taken care of. It was frustrating. Annoying. And yes, it was hard. But not in the same way. If I had other people to entertain my kids (which I sometimes did) the newborn was "easy." 

I'm not saying that your 3rd or 4th newborn experience is a piece of cake, but I knew she would sleep, I knew I could breastfeed, I knew poop came in all different shapes, sizes & colors. I had faith in my skills. And that makes a world of difference. Even when Chewie was napping for only 45 minutes I knew the likely reasons (overtired, undertired, or hungry) and just had to tweak things to fix it. Sometimes tweaking wasn't always possible because of the other two, so we just dealt with it the best we could.

Once you have faith and confidence in yourself, all of the newborn stress and problems are just inconveniences. I'll take newborns over big kids and their crazy half-logical thinking anyday!

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A-ha! Not the band

I *should* be on the treadmill right now but I am not. But I am also not eating the bag of cheese doodles in my closet so I think it's okay.

I've had a breakthrough. One of those breakthroughs I have to blog about right away. One of those breakthroughs that make me say "Duh." The best part of my new life--the social talking to people one--is that every once in a while one of  my mom friends will say something or do something that is so obviously want I need to hear (most often said unintentionally).

I've always felt that I had more control over SkyWalker when he was younger than I do over the Princess now and I never really understood why. I know that they are different children. He was much calmer than she is now (although he's CRAZY now). But I think I finally realized that I did this to myself. I'm not saying that she is out of control--she's not--or that she is "in charge"--she's not. But I often feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her or that everything is a struggle. Anyway, this is not an excuse, but I realized today that when I got pregnant with Chewie she was only 17 months old. 17 months! From that time until she was 2 I spent much of it with my head in the toilet. Pregnancy is hard enough without "morning" sickness that lasts for months. So at the very same time that she started to test the limits, I was at my weakest. I didn't have the energy. I couldn't fight TWO children when I was running to the bathroom. So I didn't. And there's also the fact that I have worried about her since I was 20 weeks pregnant with her--she has had THREE surgeries. She has gone under anesthesia THREE times. Been cut open. I think it's natural for me to want to just make her happy. She's also way more emotional than SkyWalker ever was and prone to tantrums over the most ridiculous things. So when I go upstairs in the morning to feed Chewie and she starts whining that she wants to go downstairs and I know what she really wants to do is watch Curious George and I really don't want her to, I wind up feeding Chewie downstairs even though I don't want to because I don't want to deal with a tantrum in the morning. I don't ever want to deal with a tantrum. There are so many things going on--I don't want the tantrum; she's more emotional and prone to it; she talks so damn well I forget she's only 2 1/2 and I think she will listen to reason; I just want her to be happy. I will frequently say "Stop the whining, I don't want any more whining!" as I am fulfilling whatever request she is whining about.

And then my friend mentioned how when her daughter is whining or crying she does not respond at all. Seems simple really. She just doesn't even listen/talk to her daughter at all. She doesn't try to reason or explain. So the last two days I have been standing my ground a lot more and I have been completely ignoring the tantrums. And we have had the most pleasant time. She eventually gets over it and moves on. I'm not rewarding her with the attention she's looking for with the crying. I think I keep forgetting that she's only 2 1/2 because of how well she speaks and I'm also forgetting that I can't use the same techniques on both her and SkyWalker. He's 5. He needs the explanation, he listens to reason most of the time, he's a big boy. She's still very much a little girl. 

I focus so much of my parenting behavior on SkyWalker and sometimes forget my Princess. Someone remind me of this 2 years from now when Chewie starts going crazy.

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What Month is it?

Really need to work on that brain-blog hook up. Or vox needs to play nicely with my iPod touch. 

1. SkyWalker loves school. Loves the bus. There's supposedly a bully on it, but he wants to ride everyday and gets annoyed if we have to pick him up for doc visits. He's reading to us at bedtime and is so much better behaved. I think it's a combination of him not being bored anymore and me not having to deal with it all day long. Craziness at 5 pm is much easier to handle when you haven't been dealing with it since 7 am!

2. The Princess misses him a lot but is doing really well without him. She's doing better on the potty since he is not home to distract her. She is so good about entertaining herself. And she makes much fewer and smaller messes than he does... She's definitely getting her 2 year molars and one of them is a bit bloody and has a big flap of gum. This does not please her. But I would say for 90% of the day she is happy and pleasant and funny and a joy to be around. She is "farting" with "my mouth" on my arm right now--blowing raspberries is farting in her mind.

3. Chewie is happy and done with her screaming. I think she's going through a growth spurt right now, but for the most part she sleeps all night. She does not like to nap when we go out. She doesn't scream and cry, she just doesn't sleep. It's not a problem until we get home and then she's overtired. Because of this I need to stay home at least 2 days a week. We have storytime on Weds and gymnastics on Fridays so I *really* need to force myself to stay home on Tues/Thurs. Luckily my every other Thursday preschool group is cool with always doing it at my house. It is so hard juggling the needs of a toddler with the needs of an infant. 

4. I started running again--sticking with week 2 although at a faster speed. I hope to get up to week 3 soon. 

5. I've been thinking a lot about the type of parent I want to be. This deserves a bigger post. But in short: my big problem has always been wanting SkyWalker to listen--which really means I want instant obedience. But now that he's in school I'm starting to feel differently. Do I really want him to just automatically do what's he's told--whatever he's told? No. I want him to make good choices and decisions. I'm focusing on him but really this extends to all my kids. So I have been trying very hard to not just bark commands and give orders but instead to treat my kids with a little more respect than that and try to help them understand WHY I'm telling them to do things. Instead of shouting "get in your seat" I'm saying "please get in your seat so we can eat dinner now." And I'm trying to pick my battles--there are some things that are really important--don't touch the stove, hold my hand in the parking lot, don't run away, etc. And there are some things that are not important--going to wash hands, putting away toys, etc. I want to raise smart thinking adults--not sheep who follow orders. I want to be a parent, not a drill sergeant. This is only remotely related, but I'm also trying not to focus on little things just because everyone else does. My son can say "More milk" in a nice respectful tone. Does he really have to say please? He's saying it with his tone. I'd rather have that than have him say please but in a rude way. My husband can make the words "Excuse me" sound like "Get the hell out of my way" just with his tone of voice--I'd rather him say "move" but say it nicely. But society has hammered the please and thank you in our brains and we think we have to go along. So I'm trying to really focus on my kids and listen to them and not do things just because someone else decides it's a good idea.

6. Pediatrician visit yesterday: SkyWalker is now 35 pounds, 42 inches. Chewie is 12 lbs, 5 oz and 24 1/2 inches. The Princess did not get weighed since it was not her checkup. 

7. I need to click on the arrow to see what happens with Elmo next.

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The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things

The past few days have not been very good in the Jedi house. I've come to expect Mondays to be extremely difficult, but when it hits on other days it's somehow harder. SkyWalker has been doing his best to get my attention by being a wild crazy naughty boy. He did the same after the Princess was born but I attributed it to other things. He's still very affectionate and wonderful with his sisters, but he's taking it out on me. He's doing bad things, I yell and yell and yell, he laughs when he's in time out and completely disrespects me. I don't have enough time/mental power to devote to him, Vader has worked late every day and has taken work home and has spent VERY little time with us, he doesn't have preschool anymore. There are so many reasons, but in reality these are just excuses. When it comes down to it he's treating me the way he is because I am allowing it. I have somehow lost my way. Somewhere in the lack of sleep and the desperation that comes with fitting a newborn into our lives, I have given up. I've become the nagging cajoling "don't do that again!" mother who is not listened to and is instead laughed at. It's particularly hard when I know that he is such a good boy and this is just not normal for him. He needs structure and I haven't been giving it. 

But that's all over. 

We hit rock-bottom (I hope) on Tuesday when lots of tears from multiple people were shed. Wednesday morning I had a bit of an epiphany thanks to MetroDad (who you really should be reading if you don't already) and then spent a lovely 2 hours at the beach with friends, watching my children play with my mother's helper and being so good, and listening to Chewie snore in the baby bjorn instead of scream, and I realized what I have to do. 

I have to get myself back. If I think for a second that I can't do this--that I can't parent 3 children--that I can't parent a 4 1/2 year old--then he's going to feel it and freak out. He needs reassurance that yes, Mommy actually is in charge, even if he claims otherwise. I've already implemented some new tactics, both philosophical and um, practical, for lack of a better word. In the interest of brevity (ha ha) and because I like lists:

1. Good behavior jar-- I have two little jars (I believe they once held chicken bouillon cubes in them), one for each child. It's mostly for SkyWalker, but the Princess wanted one too and it's good for her as well. When they do something good they get a bead in the jar. When the jar is full they will get a chance to pick a ticket out of another jar for a reward--special treat, alone time with Mommy, extra TV. I'm not specifying what they have to do to be good--my neighbor is doing this but with specific behaviors--not getting out of bed, not hitting, etc--but I really want to focus on overall behavior. Bringing his dishes to the sink gets a bead. Doing something nice for his sister gets a bead. Sharing. The number one thing is listening and doing something the FIRST time I say it. That is ultimately what I'm trying to get to. I'm doing the random reward so that he doesn't just always choose M&Ms. We started for real yesterday and he has over 15 beads already. 

2. Ignore the bad--I really need to focus on the GOOD behavior and ignore the bad. I cannot reinforce it by yelling and repeating myself 20 times. Time out doesn't work for him anymore. Threats don't work. He's looking for attention, I have to give it to him for being good, not for being bad. Even if what he is doing is terribly embarrassing or annoying or he's been told a million times not to do it, I have to not react. Yelling is the worst thing to do. I have to just say "Please don't do that" and then walk away. 

3. Solitude-- I get up at 5/5:30 every morning so that I can have some me time. I have to continue that but I also have to make sure it's ME time. It's not enough to have physical solitude because they are sleeping. I need to have mental solitude as well. That means instead of reading babycenter message boards or researching 6 week growth spurts or potty training or whatever, I need to do something not kid-related at all. My goal in getting up so early is to start the day with a clear head but I really haven't been doing it. So from now on when I get up after I eat breakfast and check my e-mail (I can't give that up), I need to sit on the couch and read a book. That's the only way I ever truly get out of my own head. I need to be engrossed in a book and just relax with a hot cup of tea. No exercise, no cleaning. No pressure. Just some nice quiet solitude. 

4. Quiet time/nap time--I had wanted to do the treadmill in the morning once Chewie is upstairs in her own room, but I don't think I will now. I think I will aim for doing it in the middle of the day when I need that pick me up. I'll shoot for 3 days a week, but once again, no pressure. Some days I will have other stuff to do and that's okay. I don't need to lose 50 pounds, I just want to be healthier in general and have more activity than before. 

5. Leave the crazy behind--our really rough time is after nap and before dinner. When we're really having a hard time I need to change the scenery. Put Chewie in the baby bjorn if she's awake and take them all outside, or to the library, or to a park or call up a friend. Some of this may also be SkyWalker getting bored and needing to burn off steam. I need to give him the opportunity to do so. We have to get outside and if that means dirty dishes and unfolded laundry then oh well. I need to get back on track with my kid and that's more important right now.

I have just yawned 3 times in the last minute and I think that's my cue. Getting up at 5 am for my solitude is important, but so is going to sleep early! 

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Day 2 of the QTE

I just got out of the shower. The sun is still shining (!) and there were no children in the shower with me or in front of the TV. There were also no dogs and that was kind of weird. I digress. It is day 2 of the Quiet Time Experiment. Why didn't I stick to my guns before? 

We had a playdate this morning--we made bell shakers with pipe cleaners and jingle bells--and then went outside. It was a wonderful morning (aside from my poor friend being allergic to my house!). When everybody left I cleaned up the mess (it's always funny--the house is a disaster after a playdate, but no more so than when it's my 2 kids alone. And because everyone made the mess I don't fight with my own kids to clean it up. I just do it and they help and there's no yelling and fighting or time-outs. And it gets done so much quicker. Ironic.) and SkyWalker said "I don't have to get off my feet today so I don't need quiet time." Good one. Yes, I know where he got the "get off my feet today" from. I told him that he's going to have quiet time every day now because it's good for him and good for me. Strangely enough when it was time to go upstairs he didn't argue. He is upstairs now, after an hour, and I can hear him playing with his legos. Yesterday he made a mess of the legos and his puzzles but he didn't pull the sheets off the bed or the clothes out of his dresser. It was just a normal mess of using his stuff. I told him today to clean up after himself but I can deal with having to put legos back in the bin if he doesn't do it on his own...

In conjunction with the QTE I'm also trying to get the Princess napping at a normal time again. Lately she's been going down at 2 or later and then sleeping well past 4. Bedtime can be a hassle. And when SkyWalker starts kindergarten he'll be getting home in the afternoon... it would be better for her to nap at 1 for a couple of hours. Yesterday and today I've gotten her down at 1:30. So we're moving there. I'm not sure if I'll be able to do 1 or not because of preschool and lunch. But 1:30 is better than 2:30. 

If it weren't for the "get off my feet" thing right now I would fold the clothes and do the dishes and be productive now but I can honestly say that I am enjoying just sitting here. The dogs are sleeping. Isaac has finished scratching himself. The house is quiet and peaceful but not empty and lonely. I really hope I stick to my guns this time so that QT is firmly established when this baby comes and I need all the quiet I can get.  

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Quiet time

The Princess and I had a playdate the other day while SkyWalker was in preschool and what often happens at playdates these days, we started talking about pregnancies and having babies and all that. There was one mom who said she would have a bunch of babies except for the fact that she really hated being pregnant. And my friend responded that she loved being pregnant. And I started thinking. Because that's what I do. I hear little things and then the thinking train takes over for the next few days until I drive myself crazy. I think I have a problem of seeing things in black/white, all/nothing, instead of shades of gray. Or grey. However you prefer. I think I touched on that when I decided to radically change my way of thinking. 

See, I set myself up for disappointment by expecting things to be ALL one way or ALL the other. I was so determined for this to be a happy pregnancy, that I would be one of those glowing happy pregnant women, that when I started vomiting again (and continued until 30 some odd weeks, albeit not everyday at that point), I blamed myself for failing. In my last post I realized that this has been a pretty uneventful pregnancy--vomiting is just going to be a part of it for me and the sooner I realize that the better--there have been no rushes to the hospital, no weekly non-stress tests or L2 ultrasounds, no big drama. Enjoying my pregnancy and being happy does NOT mean I have to be happy every single day or all day long. Who can be happy vomiting? I don't have to enjoy every minute. I'm allowed to complain about my back hurting and BH contractions and pelvic pressure and still be allowed to say that I'm happy I'm pregnant. I'm enjoying feeling my baby practice walking on my abdomen. There are so many women who have to go though so much to get pregnant--who may not be able to get pregnant at all--that I always feel guilty complaining. Like I have no right to do so because they would love to be in my shoes. But it's okay for me to complain. Complaining about it doesn't mean I don't want it. 

The same thing with being a SAHM. When I worked full time I wanted to be a SAHM so much that I set it up as the answer to everything. Everything would be blissful if only I could be home with my kids. When is anything ever blissful all the time? People who are CONSTANTLY blissfully happy are either on drugs or in serious denial. And when things were not blissful I felt like I was doing something wrong or that I didn't deserve to be home and if I complained about it I would be admitting this failure. That if I dared to say things were hard it would mean that I should be working instead. But that's not what it means. It just means that some days things are really hard and that's that. I'd still rather be here than working. That's for damn sure. 

Right now the Princess is taking her nap and SkyWalker is upstairs in his room having "quiet time" for the first time in AGES. We've been having lots of little squabbles and battles and I feel like I just repeat myself all day long and yell and get nowhere. Vader has worked late every day this week and may even go in on Saturday (because why would we want a 3 day weekend??) and it's been hard. I don't know how so many of my friends do it on a regular basis (have husbands who work late all the time or travel for work all the time). SkyWalker and I are clearly just not listening to each other. I'm going to enforce quiet time every day, even if it starts out with tears, because we need it. I need to believe I am in charge and when he's up my ass every single minute saying he needs someone to play with him or he needs someone to clean up with him, I can't get my head straight! I need to not feel guilty about not being able to do as much because of my big fat womb. I need to not overcompensate for Vader not being home. And SkyWalker needs to remember that he can be alone. He can play alone. He can entertain himself. He used to do it all the time and now if he doesn't have his beloved baby sister he's bugging me to drop everything and be with him. He's been upstairs in his room for an hour now. I hope, I really really hope, that he hasn't pulled his clothes out of the dresser or ripped the sheets off his bed or done something else equally annoying. I know I heard him playing with his legos and reading books. I hope he has taken advantage of this time to recharge. 

I still haven't done the lunch dishes. I have two loads of laundry to fold. The house is a complete mess and I'm pretty sure that I will have to hold his hand to get him to clean up the mess I've been telling him to clean up for 2 days. But I am sitting on the couch with my feet up and I am recharging and clearing my head so that I can say "Clean this up" ONCE and say it with authority and have it be done. I am enjoying the silence--mostly silence aside from Isaac's unbelievably loud breathing--and I am going to make the most of this time and do nothing but remember who I am. 

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Sometimes you just have to let go

Yesterday was one of those roller-coaster days. The Princess and I had a great morning at the park full of sunshine and friends. We picked up SkyWalker, had lunch and she readily went down for her nap and said Bye and waved me out of the room. I had so much to do--laundry is backed up, the bathrooms haven't been cleaned in a while, there were toys everywhere. I got a little done and then she woke up and we all went outside and I just had to let it go. Let the towels stay in the dryer, let the clothes stay in the laundry basket. They played in the sand box and then whined for me to push them in the swing. I did for a short time and had to tell them swing time was over. SkyWalker whined and moaned and the Princess found her own solution. She threw herself on the big swing and rode it like an airplane. I sat on the deck and filmed them (she got her brother to do it too) and it was the perfect afternoon moment. The dogs were outside--both of them--laying in the shade of the playset completely content. We've been trying to let Isaac off the leash a little bit. I don't know if it was because it was the first time I had let him just be outside in MONTHS or if it was the extreme heat, but he just relaxed and had a nice time. 

And then they all fought me when it was time to come inside and when I had to make dinner and when I asked them to clean up their rooms. While I was going through SkyWalker's clothes looking for some bedtime shorts and pulling stuff that's too small and trying to organize them he decided to dump the box of shoes that I had just looked through to find sandals for his sister. I told them they were all too small, but he insisted on trying them on, and then saying "No, doesn't fit" and THROWING them across his room. So the Princess sat down, grabbed some shoes, "tried" them on and did the same exact thing. And they both refused to clean it up. 

OH! And the biggest thing! Luckily the Princess was naked during this... they both decided that paper is overrated and drew on themselves with marker. All over the Princess's belly. All over both of their hands and hair. Everywhere. That, in addition to the sand from being outside meant Mommy had to give them a bath. I usually skip Monday nights because it's so hard for me to do it alone. 

While they were trying to get on my last nerve I was trying really hard to just let it go and not let them drive me crazy. I'm not saying I didn't raise my voice... but I tried to keep the image of them on the swings finding their own entertainment and giggling by themselves in my head. I was really ready for bedtime and Heroes (argh!) but I tried really hard to just let them be. 

Right now they are downstairs by themselves probably doing some kind of damage. I have laundry in the washing machine and more to do. I have to clean up after snack and figure out what's for dinner. I'm sure I will want to explode when I go downstairs and see what I have sacrificed--despite the warning to not make any big messes. But sometimes I just have to let it go and let them be crazy and not sweat the small stuff. Because even the biggest mess is really small stuff. After how many surgeries we've gone through I need to remind myself of that every once in a while. 

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So far so good

So far today has been wonderful. (With the exception of right now when my son is whining instead of taking his nap. But he's not screaming and crying and he's only whining occassionally and I think playing when he stops saying Mommy.)

I did not get up at 5, but that was okay because today is not a step day. My ultimate goal is to get up at 5 everyday no matter what, pump at 5, exercise at 5:30, shower at 6, clean at 6:30 and feed the Princess at 7. Step aerobics 3 days a week and alternate with weight lifting. I haven't started the weight lifting yet. Anyway, I digress. I did get up early enough to pump and shower before 7. SkyWalker must have been already awake (possibly while I was in the shower) and gotten his grumpies out because when I went up there at 7 he was quite pleasant. He laid down in the twin bed in the Princess's room while I fed her. He peed on the potty and put his underwear on himself. I did have a bit of a battle getting his clothes on but  instead of yelling or getting frustrated I just told him I was ready to go downstairs and he could get dressed and come down when he wanted to. I then left the room and he started freaking out and wanted to get dressed. We headed downstairs and had breakfast and instead of getting online like I usually do, I PAID ATTENTION TO MY KID. What a simple and yet mystifying idea. He behaved so much better during breakfast. Immediately after breakfast instead of doing the dishes like I usually do, we went outside and played on the swingset. We had a good hour out there and there was no whining when it was time to come in.

It was now time for the Princess's second feeding. I relaxed my rules a little bit (I can see that smirk The Nice Librarian), and we had brunch on the couch. He had toast (on a monkey tray) and I had waffles as I fed the Princess. We also watched Caillou, his new favorite show. We played a little bit upstairs when we were done and the Princess went down for her second nap of the day. SkyWalker and I went outside again, wicked hot, and he didn't complain too much when it was time to come in. I fed the Princess again while we all sat on the couch and watched another episode of Caillou. Then SkyWalker and I had lunch and headed upstairs to put the Princess down for her next nap. She stayed awake longer than expected even though she was tired. It took a lot of shushing and patting before she finally coaxed herself to sleep. SkyWalker and I read books in his his room, our usual pre-nap routine, but this time we also snuggled on the twin bed in his room. Then we snuggled in his bed. And the little bastard should be napping but is instead saying "Mommy, I want to pee on potty". He's peed plenty. This is progress however because he is in his room and not screaming.

Anyway, it has been wonderful because he has been a good boy and not a wild child trying to get my attention. I have not yelled (except at the dogs). While we were swinging I told him we were having a good day and he was being a good boy. He said "I cry." I said "I don' t think so. You didn't cry today." And he said "I happy! Happy face!". Which just hit home for me. The dishes can wait, laundry can wait, online can wait. I need to pay attention to him FIRST and then he won't feel the need to be a crazy boy. If he would only nap or at least rest a little bit...

I hope the rest of the day goes as well. The Princess has been awake more and falling asleep on her own. We always have problems in the evening and at bedtime so I'm trying something new tonight. I hope tomorrow morning I can say that it was truly a wonderful day and that everything worked as planned.

The Princess needs to be fed soon and SkyWalker has yet to fall asleep. I think I'll have to get him before he wakes her up prematurely and our fussy "evening" begins. "I need to pee on potty." How dramatic. He just peed. He doesn't need to pee again. He can hold it for hours. Oh crikey, now the other one is making noise. Hopefully she will soothe herself and not be bothered by his nonsense.

Break time is over...
  

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Parenting is a pissing contest

I overslept today. That's not exactly true. I was awake, I just didn't get out of bed until I hit the "Oh crap I have no time" mark. Friday mornings are especially hard because I work Thursday nights. Anyway, I had to ask the husband (Vader) for help this morning. I was in the bathroom getting myself ready and I could hear him going up the stairs. Through the monitor I heard my son (SkyWalker) start saying "Mama!!" because he heard footsteps on the stairs. Then I heard the gate swing open, and he said "Mama!" again and Vader said "Nope, it's Daddy." And I'm pretty sure SkyWalker responded with "Mama?".

And this all amused me. For many months the answer to any question was "Daddy!". When Daddy comes home SkyWalker runs screaming "Hi Daddy!". Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. But now it's Mama!! I won the pissing contest this morning.

I don't answer those QOTD things, but interestingly enough I was going to talk about neighbors anyway. Three houses down from us there is a kid. I know I saw someone sitting on the front porch with a baby-like person. There is now one of those wooden playsets in the backyard that I've been coveting. And when I passed by last night there was a box out with the trash that was for one of those big plastic car things I've been wanting to get SkyWalker, so I'm wondering if the kid is close to his age. To put this in more perspective, all of the lots around my house (including mine) are on 6 acres. So I can't get a real good view of how old the kid is or what these people look like. I've been wanting to stop by because how cool would that be to have a kid close to SkyWalker's age that he could be friends with? That he would go to school with? Maybe even be in the same grade. And it would be nice for me too, since I am lacking in the friends department and if/when my best friend moves away I will be alone again.

But going over there and introducing myself and SkyWalker would take A) initiative B) more walking than I'm used to and C) friendliness. I have no idea who these people are. I can't call ahead. And as a mom, I really don't want to just stop by. What if it's nap time? What if the kid is younger than I thought and it's nursing time or bottle time? What if they're mean? What if they don't like us? What if they're too friendly and we don't like them? And despite my no-holds barred public persona that you all know, I'm somewhat quiet and shy and not the friendliest with people I don't know. Do I bite the bullet and be nice for my kid's sake? Because I don't want him to have a hard time making friends. Do I leave a note in the mailbox introducing myself and saying I didn't want to interrupt a nap time by just showing up uninvited and then leave it in their hands? Do I get insulted if they don't respond?

It's hard enough making friends as an adult, but making friends as a parent is even harder. But boy would I like to play on that wooden playset.

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