Take 2

I didn't think I was going to be able to do it after yesterday's failure, but I managed to get back on the treadmill tonight after the kids went to bed. I had hoped to use it earlier today but I wound up taking Chewie to the doctor and she spent most of the day complaining to me. She has nothing other than a "virus" which means they don't know what it is. Anyway, I got back on that horse treadmill and I pretended like yesterday never happened. Only it did happen and I was feeling it. I made it through my first run okay, my second run I had to slow down, and my third run I had to cut a minute short. I also had to add an extra minute of walking between the second and third. But considering that A) I have my "little friend" and B) I ran half of it yesterday, I am pretty damn pleased that I survived! I managed to do 3.2 miles* in 40 minutes. Longer than last week, but less than a month ago, so I'll take it. 

* My Nike + that I have calibrated a million times said it was 3.5 miles. I know there will be some discrepancy but either my treadmill is slow or my Nike + is a lying b*tch. Wouldn't it be great if I've been doing more than I thought and the day of the race is a piece of cake because my treadmill has been lying to me this whole time and making me run more but telling me I'm running less? That would be awesome.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Do over please?

I don't know if there are any men-folk that read this, well, actually, I don't know who reads this anymore! Vox seems to be dying a slow blogging death... But anyway, menfolk, you might want to skip today.

Wednesday morning I woke up with a visit from a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. Roughly 20 months including the 8-9 months of pregnancy I had... I am not amused. I know I had a nice long run and this is the longest I've gone without it, but the timing just sucks. I am hoping against hope that I don't have it for the 5k. Ever since I had SkyWalker this particularly monthly friend has been excruciating. Only for the first day or two, but trust me that's enough. I went to the doc (my first OB) to see if I have endometriosis. She didn't examine me and told me to come bak the next time I was experiencing it. The very next month I got pregnant with the Princess. After having the Princess I had the same problem. I was the Matron of Honor at my sister's wedding and I could barely stand. It goes way beyond your normal cramps and discomfort. It's truly painful. I called them again and this time they just prescribed pain meds over the phone. Helpful. The pain meds make me dizzy so I have to lay down. I am trying to be positive and think that there is no reason to believe that they will be that painful again. That maybe whatever it was got fixed in me this last time I gave birth... since I didn't tear or need stitches and had such an easy recovery. From what I remember the last time it took a month before it started to get bad. So even though I am trying to think positive, my fear is that I will be in crippling pain for the 5k.

I felt okay this morning so instead of waiting until the end of the day to run, I got on the treadmill. I have to say that I am super proud that I even got on the damn thing and that I didn't let my mind pysch me out. My plan was to walk 5 mins, run 9, walk 1, run 9, walk 1, run 9, walk 1, then finish with a cool down walk of 5 mins. I did the warmup walk, the first 9 mins of running (I had to slow my speed and that was okay), and I was a third of the way through the second 9 mins when I the Princess started asking me to go upstairs with her. Yes, the Princess was with me. I told her I couldn't. Then she took off her pants and I saw crap in her butt. I paused the treadmill, jumped off, checked her out (there was nothing in her underwear so she must have just not wiped very well). By the time I got back to the treadmill I realized my nike + was still running because I had forgotten to pause that too, and I had totally lost my resolve. I stood on the treadmill and as I tried to work myself up the treadmill reset itself erasing everything I had done. I could have just started over with my second run, but I just lost the fight. I gave up. 

I'm trying to be happy that I got on there at all. Because it has been a difficult day. Chewie is getting her first tooth and has been crying ALL DAY. She's had a fever for most of the day and is just miserable. She's also coughing a little bit and while the logical mama in me knows it's teething and she's okay, the paranoid mama is wondering if she's getting croup.  She's just so miserable. I've fed her more often and she seems to be taking more frequent, but less long naps. I was hoping to hop on the treadmill again later but I don't think it's happening. My plan is to try again tomorrow and hopefully I'll be able to finish it instead of having to take her to the doctor. 

The Princess has been talking since the minute she got up and most of it is preceded by "Mommy!" so I have to pay attention. She is calling Mommy right now, and Chewie is crying, and I would like to sit on the couch and pretend this day is not happening.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Acknowledgment

As is often the case I have about 7 minutes to type... 

When DGPMs get together one of the things we like to talk about is how demanding our lives are and how very little credit we get for it. When you're working for somebody besides a paycheck you also get performance evaluations, feedback, acknowledgment from your boss. DGPMs work damn hard and in addition to no paycheck we also don't get the feedback and acknowledgment that most people need. Our "bosses" are children. When was the last time your kid said thank you for teaching them to share or for insisting they take a nap?** When do they say "hey, you did a nice job wiping my butt today?" They don't. And our husbands often don't either. They come home and they don't see the whole day--they don't know that you already straightened up the house 3 times when they trip over a toy in the kitchen. They don't know that your toddler has been screaming at you for 2 hours. And often when we try to explain it just never comes out right.

So what do we do? We go online, on facebook, on twitter, and we find other people in the same boat who understand how our days are and how even though the intrinsic rewards and the snuggles and kisses are so worth it, sometimes we need someone else to say "good job!" So all of you DGPMs out there that read this, you know, all 3 of you, I'm saying good job to you! I feel your pain! I share your joy! I hear ya.

**In true make a liar out of me fashion my son just got home from school and he walked in the living room I just straightened up for the 2nd time today. He came back in the kitchen, hugged me, gave me a thumbs up, and said "Did you clean up that mess in there?". I think I just got a raise.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Clutter

The big kids are at swimming and the little one is sleeping. I'm taking this time to chill out after a whirlwind of a couple of weeks. 

Last weekend we surprised my sister with a baby shower. The shower itself was nice and quick. Later that evening we all went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. While there a man in the back started choking.  I heard a woman say "Is there a doctor or a nurse?" and before I could even look towards the end of our table my SIL nurse was up and running. As was my husband. They moved tables out of the way, my SIL did CPR (it had progressed beyond a choking incident). He didn't have a pulse when she got to him, but he did when she left. He might not have much longer (he was pretty old and had parkinsons and other problems), but because of her he didn't die in a Chinese restaurant. And it was really because of HER. No one from the restaurant was over there to help. There was a family doctor there who walked over and then returned to her own table to finish her dinner. My SIL was amazing. But the really impressive part was that once the paramedics came and took over she didn't come back to the table. She stayed with the old man's wife and comforted her and explained what was happening. It would have been easy for her to stay with us, to stay with her baby, to do what the family doctor did and let someone else handle it. But she didn't. She saw what had to be done and she did it. She was truly amazing and I am so SO proud of her. 

We got back from LI on Sunday and back to our routine on Monday. I missed yet another group run since I was in the car on Sunday. We had a busy busy week complete with a trip to the doctor and an x-ray. On Tuesday SkyWalker had an unfortunate incident with a hula hoop and another kid in gym class. The girls and I were at a park and had to rush to get him at school, bring him to the pediatrician, and then bring him to get an x-ray. Nothing is broken, and he's all better now, although he's milking it like crazy. It was a royal pain in the arse taking all 3 kids particularly since the girls and I still needed lunch (luckily I had packed one for the park so we didn't have to get Burger King). And I couldn't bring the girls into the x-ray room so SkyWalker had to go in by himself. I was right out in the hallway but I think a year ago he wouldn't have let me go. The X-ray woman looked at me with Chewie & SkyWalker in the double stroller and the Princess walking and said something like she didn't know how I did it with 3 so young. Is it really that uncommon to have more than 2 kids now? Whenever I have all 3 people look at me like I have a caravan... and then they ask if they're all mine and inevitably say "Wow you have your hands full!" Dear strangers: if you're going to say "you have your hands full" you better follow it up with "and you're doing a wonderful job!". Otherwise I don't need your comments. Anyway, I digress. It was a pain in the neck but we managed and they were all scared enough to behave beautifully. He couldn't go to school on Wednesday which meant he was at gymnastics again. This time he had to stay in the stroller with Chewie (I figured I wouldn't carry her in the sling if he was there with her). It was nerve wracking checking the waiting area all the time and relying on the kindness of strangers (the grandmothers there made sure they didn't get kidnapped), but we did it. He cried and screamed Thursday morning but he went to school. By then I was a big ball of stress. 

My entire routine had been thrown out the window. And I *need* my routine! With Easter, and then traveling, and then the hula hoop incident, I was all out of whack. I haven't written an article in weeks, I don't have my preschool playdate planned, I had bills to pay! We went to the library Thursday morning--I know, why didn't I just stay home and get things done?--and I just let the stress go. The examiner articles are not a *job* with deadlines. They can wait. I have the preschool playdate mostly planned in my head just not on paper. I'll get it done. The thing that was really REALLY stressing me out was the clutter in my house. I don't care about the dust on my banister or that my bathroom is gross. But the kitchen was out of control. I had a huge pile of paperwork on the counter. The homework table was growing papers and playdoh and the kids' toys were just everywhere. So Thursday after lunch I put the computer to sleep and I attacked the kitchen. I did the paperwork and threw out stuff and sorted others and now have a pile down in the office that needs to be filed, but I'm okay with that. And once I got that done it was like a breath of fresh air. I know my house is not *clean*. But I really can't stand clutter. It makes me feel out of control. I would rather have dirty windows than papers piled up on the counter. 

I'm hoping to get back into my regular routine next week. Actually as I type this I realize I probably won't... my routine is usually running MWF and article writing T/TH. But this week I might be running on Tuesday, so I have to run on Sunday just in case. Hmmm. Okay, well, in any event, poor innocent blog reader who has to read my thoughts as they actually happen, I hope to get back to some routine. Crap, yeah, I have an Earth day playdate on Thursday too and have to make magazine holders. Hmmm. 

There's a rumbly in my tumbly and I hear a little girl stirring in her crib, so I will leave you with this: I registered for the 5K. We all know how cheap I am so I pretty much have to do it now right?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Making it official

The past couple of years I have been reinventing myself or finding myself. Transitioning from being completely focused on work to being a working mom to "just" a mom. I've learned to rely on myself for happiness and to make things the way I want them to be instead of just waiting around for the good things to happen. I've lowered my expectations so that I'm not always needing things to be perfect and all my ducks in a row before I feel happy. But at the same time I've increased my plans for a fulfilling life. I've tried to not automatically say No, even when my gut is telling me I should. Starting the mom's group was HUGE for me. And it's worked out pretty well. I never would have done something like that a few years ago. But I went through with it and I'm glad I did. Sending that first e-mail to one of the moms and asking her to go steady be a friend not an acquaintance was BEYOND HUGE. But it worked out really *really* well. 

When my friends all started running and preparing for a 5k I really wanted to do it but I just couldn't. Except that, well, I could. So for the last couple of weeks I've been running three times a week following the directions of my happy runner friend and I've been doing more running than walking. I've upped my speed and shaved some minutes off my final time. I'll be running the 5k with them. Unless of course I forget to register.

My gut is telling me there is no way I can do this. 

• I am afraid of being last. (as long as there is at least one person walking the whole way, I won't be last)
• I am afraid all my friends will be faster and will leave me behind.
• I am afraid I will get lost (there will be thousands of women, I'm sure I can find my way)
• I am afraid I will have a panic attack because there will be THOUSANDS of women. 

But I'm doing it. Much like that movie (Yes Man), I need to just say yes instead of always saying no. 

I have yet to run outside with the group because of scheduling conflicts. And I don't really want to run outside by myself because I'm afraid I'll run too fast and burn out or too slow. So I bought the Nike+ for my iPod to encourage me to run outside. I really don't *want* to which is why I really *need* to. 

After I ran today I jumped in the shower. The Princess witnessed it since she refused to take a nap. As I was getting in the shower she said "When I get bigger & bigger I'm going to run and take a shower!". Which is much better than "When I get bigger I'm going to sit on the couch and facebook all day." don't you think?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Snapshots

Blah blah blah. Blahbitty blah. 

Okay, then. I was having trouble starting but it's all better now. I remember back when I had command of the English language and could write in complete sentences. I was an English major, you know. Now I don't even finish my sentences... in my head. 

Chewie:

She is beyond amazing and I am so happy I decided to keep her after those first couple of scream-filled months. She is so unbelievably happy and content. She was up for 4 hours yesterday morning and was totally fine at gymnastics. It just boggles my mind. Of course at home today she was asking for a nap after only 3. I'm afraid to mention the t-word, but she was a bit cranky for no obvious reason... and her brother was 11 months old when he got his first tooth. She seems to be his little clone so I wouldn't be surprised if she follows him. She's sitting nicely now and pushes herself up which is very convenient. She's content to just sit and play and let me go to the kitchen. She's not crawling yet although she gets up on all fours and rocks. She made a couple of tentative forward movements but has not repeated them. She's just too content to crawl. She was 16 pounds at her last checkup a couple of weeks ago. Please note that I do not need to hear about your uncle's brother's cousin's kid who has a baby that's 16 pounds and only 1 day old. I don't care. I have small babies. I have size 2 pants. That fit me. Her pediatrician is not concerned at all. And here's why I love my pediatrician--a lot of them would look at the number and tell me to use formula. Not ours. I'm doing something unheard of here and using her real name now--Dr. Melinda Clark @ Albany Med--is the BEST. She looks at the whole picture. She looks at our history and she looks at Chewie and she's not worried. I was starting to worry about solids but Dr. Clark is pro-breastfeeding too. So I'm back to feeding her 4 times a day and I'm not worrying about the solids at all. She's still getting 3 meals but I'm not trying to shove it in her. She's getting distracted while feeding so I thought it was time to cut out one of the nursings and drop down to 3... and then I was up with her at night because she was so constipated. So I'm back to 4 but I'm spacing them out a little more (4 1/2 hours now). I pureed peas and pears together and now she's eating pretty well. She has her brother's poop problems so the more green veggies I can get her to like, the better. Aside from the regular constipation issues, she's doing great.

The Princess:

We're doing really well. We've cut down on the tantrums a lot. She's able to stop crying and whining and repeat herself in her big girl voice when she wants something. And she is such a big girl! On Monday we went to the library and she actually participated and danced and did what the other kids were doing. She did great at gymnastics yesterday and I am so glad I signed her up for the next session. I had been wondering if I had made a mistake because the weather is getting better but she did SO well yesterday. I think she really needs the consistency to feel comfortable. It didn't hurt having big brother there a couple of weeks ago. There was no school so he came along and she was a different kid. One of the grandmas there said something about her being so animated and into it. Even though they have normal sibling problems for the most part I can honestly say that he brings out the best in her. She feels comfortable and safe with him and lets herself have fun and enjoy things. It's amazing and beautiful to see. She's a little chatterbox and talks ALL THE TIME. Except to strangers. She was convinced there was a crocodile under her bed the other night and woke up crying. The next day she told me that it had opened up the kitchen window with its mouth and walked up the stairs to her room. And then it left when I got up there. And that it was "so funny". Didn't seem funny when she was sitting on my glider chair crying for Mommy. It took me all day yesterday to get her to admit it was a pretend crocodile and not real. 

SkyWalker:

He still has random crazy outbursts but it's been easier to bring him out of them. Yesterday they were fighting and whining and I managed to end it with a game of Simon Says. His moods are still very much tied to his bowel movements. And he stills likes to eat nothing so it's a tough battle. I try to make at least one thing at each meal that he does like so that he will eat something, but sometimes it's not possible. Or he will just decide that he doesn't want it no matter what. He's gone to bed without eating anything plenty of times. It gets frustrating because I'm not making exotic dishes! I'm picky too and if I can eat it, he should be able to! But he's not crying about it. He just doesn't eat and sits there. Other than that, he's doing great. He did so well at gymnastics with the Princess. It was so much better than his first attempt when he was 3. He has completely embraced the big brother role and looks out for his little sisters. He takes the Princess outside to play. They stay in the fenced yard and he pushes her on the swing or they run around and climb on the bilco doors. I wish I could keep the dogs out at the same time and truly have some peace but Isaac is too much of a pain in the butt. 

Most days are filled with happiness and laughter. Every once in a while I have to stop and think and realize what a gift I have been given. Working was just not for me... I was miserable after SkyWalker was born and I had to work full time. It was better when I was part time, but... it is so nice to just not have to worry about going to work. To not have to interrupt our daily flow. I am incredibly lucky that I can do this. I honestly never thought I would be able to. It was always a dream--one that I wished for every day but never let myself truly believe I could have it. These are pretty good days and I'm not missing them.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Damn it, I had something to say

I have 4 or 5 blog posts running around in my head and they're all really good. This isn't one of them.

I'm working on borrowed time--as usual--Chewie is set to wake up any minute. The older 2 are watching Curious George. They just came in from playing outside, by themselves, so I think it's okay. And apparently SkyWalker knows how to use the new TWC navigator now since he just turned it on himself. The dogs are not barking. I figure I have a  good 10 minutes to myself and I've already peed. 

Crap, apparently I had 10 seconds. Ha!

Read and post comments | Send to a friend