Monday, September 27, 2010


I'm always so good at making plans... and monkey wrenches always get thrown into them and screw it all up.

In July I was running shorter distances but doing them more frequently. It worked out well and I was able to write at least 2 articles each week for the examiner. Then I decided I'd train for a 10K and started running longer distance and then came August and all of a sudden my usual naptime runs were getting interrupted and I was getting frustrated. I switched to running after bedtime because I needed to get those miles in. But by the time bedtime rolls around I am WIPED OUT. I don't want to run. I want to watch TV or read or just do nothing. But I kept going and running in the evening. I made a strength training routine for 2 nights a week to add into the mix. And then September came. First Vader was gone and then he was working A LOT and school interfered and my mileage has gone way down. And I'm just TIRED at night. I had been saying that I was waiting for SkyWalker's tonsil surgery date before I committed to running the 10K but I think I knew the week before that I wasn't going to do it. A friend's husband asked if I was planning on it and then immediately said "No pressure" in response to the look on my face that I didn't even know was there. I pretty much knew right then and there that the idea of the 10K was stressing me out. I had already run it on my own on my road (with a tiny bit of walking in the middle) so I knew I could do it physically but mentally I just wasn't there. I wasn't interested. And then I got the surgery date, which is after the 10K, but I know if I'm not mentally into it now it's going to be worse the closer I get to the surgery. So I decided I'm not running the 10K. And I'm going back to what was working out for me before--shorter runs, faster times, more often. I need to run at naptime (which is easier now that SkyWalker is in school and the Princess is either falling asleep or truly staying quiet) so I can have my evenings to watch TV and read and not do anything.

I've been staying up too late and getting up too late and stuck in this cycle. I hope by going back to what I was doing before I can get to bed earlier and get up earlier.

I wasn't planning on running today because I ran yesterday, but I had the girls in their room early and had the time and managed to run a mile at naptime. The girls weren't actually asleep so I couldn't do the 2 miles I thought I was going to do, but it was okay because I know I'm running tomorrow too. Today was all a mess because both girls didn't get up until after 8:30, something I never let them do, and it's just messed the whole day up.

The other part of my plan is to stop writing twice a week for the examiner. I've been doing this since January and I still haven't had enough page views to get the minimum needed for a check--$25. I've received 3 checks since I started and that all came from the local incentive (they give $1 for each local article) and referring a friend. They're having major site issues right now and keep publishing my articles in Albany GA instead of Albany NY. The site itself seems to be more focused on ads than on articles now. I took the articles that I had been writing to build a resource of information for YA lit and put them on my book blog. I think I'm going to try to really focus on that instead, read a lot more, review a lot more, and blog a lot more. And forget about the examiner for now.

Right now, my immediate plan is to make dinner and get these children to bed early. But Chewie is taking a late nap. See, monkey wrenches?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Yes, I know

It's been a week and you're all clamoring for reports of how school went.

SkyWalker surprised me with quiet tears on Tuesday morning. He couldn't even look at us when the bus passed by, deciding instead to hide his face in his sweatshirt. By Tuesday afternoon he came off the bus with a smile and he's been fine ever since. It wasn't that he didn't want to go to school, but just that he didn't want to leave us. I guess next summer shouldn't be the Summer of Fun, but instead the Summer of Mostly Fun with Some Boredom and Yelling Thrown in So You Miss School.

The Princess, however, surprised me the most. At the playdate she was wrapped around me and didn't talk to any kids and wanted to go home early and I thought I was going to be in for it when it came time for me to actually leave her at preschool. I anticipated a repeat of what happened with SkyWalker and preschool. But, once again, she proved that she's her own self. She wanted me to help her sit at the playdoh table and then she said "if you need to go to the library, I'll let you." And that was that. No crying, no drama. She's been fine each day, talking to her teachers and to some of the kids. She's not so good with remembering names but she's only 3. When Chewie and I pick her up she's on the playground right there with the kids, not off by herself, not running away. She may not be actively playing with them yet, but she's there with them. Which is more than she would ever do before. So that's been one giant big relief.

Chewie and I went to the library and danced. We went food shopping yesterday (!). We decided we would do the shopping so that Daddy could be home Monday nights and Mommy doesn't have to go crazy. Guess what? Daddy worked until 10:30 Monday and Tuesday nights! And he'll do the same on Thursday (Wednesday is Parent's Night at school) and he's going in to work on Sunday too. I won't be getting my outside run. Again. Guess who's kicking myself in the arse for doing the shopping now?

Tomorrow Chewie and I will get new tires put on the van. Joy. I have hope that we will eventually have fun during our one-on-one time.

I will say this--preschool is much easier this time around. I don't have my head in the toilet all morning before we go. Much easier to get ready on time.

Monday, September 6, 2010

First day of school Eve

Tomorrow is the first day of 1st grade for SkyWalker and preschool for the Princess. When I said I would miss him, SkyWalker said: "I know, but I always come home at 3." Then he said "When the Princess is in preschool, don't cry. Try to just have fun with Chewie."

At bedtime he said he was going to miss me and that he just wishes he could stay home all the time. I said "Nah, we would just fight all day." He said "Did we fight today?" I said, "No, not too bad." He said, "yeah, the other days were badder. I was trying today." I guess trying not to fight. We've actually only had a few really bad days. The vast majority of the summer was really really good. And even with those few bad days, and even though I know we're ready for a break right now, I'm still going to miss him. He's really, just, I don't know, something else.

Sunday, September 5, 2010


Last week I was not ready for school to begin. I was not ready for the end of summer, of our summer fun, of the routine we had established. I'm still not ready for the end of summer. I know lots of people are doing cartwheels because today was in the low 70s and a "fall day" but I think I should have taken an extra Vitamin D. I don't embrace the fall like others do. I tolerate it because it's not winter, but summer has always been my favorite. I need to feel the sun, to see it, to soak it in. This is the first summer that I actually have a tan, not because I was laying on the beach and tanning myself, but because we were out and about. Sure, I used sunscreen and I don't want to get skin cancer but I am proud of my tan. It is proof that I was outside more than I was inside. That I did what I set out to do. I am happy that I had a good summer and I'm still not ready for summer to end.

But. I think I am ready for school to begin. Vader left on Friday for a wedding in California. I couldn't believe what rotten timing it was--he's not getting back until wicked late Monday night. School starts wicked early Tuesday morning. But maybe, just maybe, it has worked out the way it needed to be. Because after all of this time without Vader, all of this time with just us, I think I am ready for SkyWalker to go back to school and he may be ready to go back too. We've had lots of fun moments--I took them all to a local county fair yesterday--but there have been a lot of arguments and fighting and raised voices. I think we're ready for a break from each other and we really weren't ready for it last week. It's somewhat hard for me to think let alone say. I was that mom who when sick would keep her son home from daycare, instead of leaving him at daycare so I could rest. I couldn't bear the thought of him being somewhere else if I wasn't at work. It wasn't until I was on work bedrest with the Princess that I ever left him in daycare when I was at home. So it's hard for me to say--even though lots of others have said it--that it's time for him to go. Now, I know I'm only sending him to first grade, not to the Hunger Games, but still.

The Princess has been less of a problem. I think her recent tantrums are actually a product of the stress between SkyWalker and me, and knowing that she's going to be starting preschool on Tuesday. She talks about it and knows that I am dropping her off and leaving and she smiles and proudly says "There's my preschool" when we drive by. But when we went to the playdate there on Wednesday she was quiet and shy and withdrawn. It was frustrating when SkyWalker did it because I hadn't experienced it yet. It's just sad when I see it in the Princess because I know what's she's capable of. I see her play with her brother, I see her lively and vivacious and animated. And when he's not with her she is just not herself. I'm glad that she draws strength from him, but it makes me so sad too that she doesn't get that strength from herself. I know that the first couple of months of preschool will be hard. I know right now that she will cry when I leave and that I will have to just keep leaving. But I hope that since I am starting her at 3, that she will open up quicker than her brother did when I started him at 4. He was fine going to kindergarten and he's a completely different kid now. I know it will all be worth it in the end.

The only one who hasn't been giving me trouble is the one I call trouble maker. Chewie had been cranky and frustrated. She screamed at me whenever she wanted anything. The last time we were at the library I opened up a parenting book on babies and talking and flipped to the 15 month old page. I almost took it home but then decided that I didn't need to read a book telling me that my baby was already failing because she wasn't doing ANYTHING she was supposed to be doing. And then just in the last week--the hardest week with the older 2--she has found her groove. She's walking a lot. She's laughing a lot. She's babbling and making sounds. She's not saying recognizable words or trying to repeat anything, but she's making sounds that sound like words. She said Mama and Dada and Nana a while ago, but she would never repeat anything and she wouldn't really use them appropriately. She seems so much happier this week and is much more talkative and much less screaming. Although she does shriek with glee which is almost as bad. I think she will benefit from having some one on one time with Mama.

I have not run outside since the last race. I've run on the treadmill, but it's just not the same. I should actually be running today, but my ankle is a bit sore and I'm just not in the mood for another treadmill run. I ran 5.5 miles last week and the treadmill told me it was 4 something. I know that the Nike+ is not the most accurate and that it will measure somewhat differently on the treadmill than on the road. But that's a big difference. And I FEEL the difference too. I was running at 5.0 which should have been a 12 minute pace. Slow. And it did not feel slow. I'm going to Fleet Feet on Friday to have my running analyzed so I can get a recommendation for the right sneaker. I'm looking forward to running on the treadmill there and comparing it with my Nike+. I want to see how it feels too, to see if my suspicions are confirmed or not. I am secretly terrified that it will feel exactly the same and that my treadmill is accurate and my Nike+ is not and that I haven't been running as much and I'm just a big fraud. I try to always do my long runs outside where I know that it's accurate, but that requires a present husband. If the treadmill at Fleet Feet feels differently I'm going to have to call the treadmill company and see what's going on. I finally found the manual and the lube, so maybe I just have to do some maintenance on it. Or maybe the craft paint the children spilled on it has screwed it up somehow.

It feels somewhat odd blogging like this here at blogger. I've been with blogger since Jan of 2004, but never personally. I always liked the ease with which I could check out the neighborhood on vox. It's not quite the same when you're reading it through google reader. But, I have to say, I'm liking that the feedjit widget is working. I've always had that on my book blog, but it never worked in vox. Now I can see where all you people are coming from. So who the hell is reading me from Kings Park?? And all of you people keep coming back but I only have one follower??! (Thanks Gina!)

The dogs are doing their nightly "Why isn't Daddy home yet?" barking. 26 more hours.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Vox to Blogger

In case anyone is interested in how I got from Vox to Blogger...

Vow lets you export your blog to Wordpress (after you sign up for a wordpress account). From Wordpress you can export your old Vox blog as an xml file. Theoretically you should be able to import the xml file into Blogger directly but I kept getting a "This didn't work" message. Yeah, that's pretty much all it said. So then I used a Wordpress to Blogger converter. But the file that it saved on my hard drive had an unneccesary .html that screwed things up. So I deleted the .html so that the file now simply said .xml And voila, I was able to import that into blogger. It copied everything, including pictures that were supposed to be private. Oh well. But I didn't lose anything.