Race goals & minimalist shoes

In just 4 days I will run in the Freihofer's Run for Women. For the second time.

I've been doing a lot of running lately. Not as much as I was supposed to, but a lot more than I had been. In March I ran 39.9 miles (more than the 26.8 I did in February). April was similar with 40.1 miles, but for May I have run 58.2 miles. That's more than I have run in a month ever. I'm not sure how I managed that because I feel like I skipped a lot of runs.

My time in last year's race was 33:18. So, my goals:

A. 28 minutes or faster
B. Beat 29:25 (my last 5K time)
C. Beat 33:18

The biggest goal has nothing to do with time or pace. I want to run smiling. I want to look like I'm actually enjoying myself instead of like I'm going to pass out at any second. I want to embrace the Run Smiley Collective. And I want to finally get a good picture of me running.

My new shoes (Merrell Pace Glove) will be getting here on Friday. Just in time. I will NOT be wearing them for the race since it will take a good 6-8 weeks to transition to them! Kinda crazy. But they are minimalist shoes and totally different than the cushioned Mizuno's I'm wearing now. I flirted with the idea of barefoot running, but I'm just not there yet. I also thought about the Vibram's Five Fingers, but decided against them. These shoes have the Vibram soles so I can still feel the road and get the feedback by feet need, but it's more of a traditional shoe than the VFF. I wear the Injinji toe socks so my toes get a little more individual action, just not as much as the VFF. I had to order them online so I'm hoping I got the right size. I've got a general idea of how to transition to the shoes (very slowly) but I need to sit down and come up with a weekly plan for the summer.

As much as I'm not ready for barefoot running, I think I'm going to do it down the driveway getting SkyWalker off the bus.

One day

Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since Isaac has died. In many ways it seems like an eternity has passed, but yet I still feel like I am out there on the deck watching helplessly.

It's not easy to grieve for a dog. Or a pet. People don't expect you to do it. They don't quite get it. There are no funerals or rituals or ceremonies to help you grieve and move on. So it tends to linger.

We move through our days. Quietly. Trying not to notice the absence. Trying not to feel the emptiness.

Haze sleeps a lot. She wants to be close always. She lays under the table as we eat, not begging, just being close. I let her.

I am glad that I am home. Glad that I have filled my house with loud children for her to follow and love. If I were working I am sure I would have quit by now just to stay with her. She has always been a people-dog. I am sure that one day she will be fine. We both will. One day.

Isaac

I never realized how much a presence he had in this house. The house was always quiet when the dogs were at the kennel, but both dogs were gone. And when he had his surgeries and spent the night at the vet, it was brief and we were distracted. But now it is just so clear that he is missing. He was always under my feet. I couldn't cook, load the dishwasher, check the fridge, or do anything without him right there waiting for me to drop something. He loved the steam of the shower and would often lay down on the bathroom rug as I showered. Anytime I was in the bathroom it was the perfect opportunity for him to come and lay his head in my lap. He was just always there. I always knew where he was because I could hear him breathing and wheezing 3 rooms away. Scratching. Shaking. Licking his balls. He filled an entire house with his noise.

Haze spends most of her time laying down, watching us, wondering. The first night she eagerly ran to the door when Vader came home from work, thinking he would be bringing Isaac home. Every once in a while she walks around and just looks. I can see it in her eyes. She is very very quiet. She doesn't bark. She looks confused at feeding times and waits as long as she can before she gives in and eats.

He was only 8. I'll never know what happened. We were on the deck. One minute he was fine, the next he was laying down and dead. SkyWalker saw him lay down, heard him whining, told me and I said he was fine. He said "No, there's something wrong", and I went to him and he wasn't moving or responding. Vader tried to get his heart to start again, he tried chest compressions, tried everything we could think of. We're guessing that he had a heart attack. But we'll never know for sure. Vader took him to the vet the next morning to be cremated and he chose not to have him examined. He chose not to bring home his ashes. So we'll always have this question hanging over us. Wondering if the tapeworm he'd had the week before had done more damage than we thought before he got medicine. Wondering if something else had been going on. Wondering.

Quiet

For a long time I have told Isaac to be quiet. To stop barking. To stop shaking. To stop scratching. To just be quiet.

I will never hear his barking, or shaking, or scratching again.

It is too damn quiet.

Isaac and Haze slept every night curled up together.