I am glad that he did not suffer (any more than he already was with his allergies). I'm glad I didn't have to watch him deteriorate and not be able to go out on his own and pee. But I can't help but feel robbed. It's not like he died peacefully in his sleep. He had a heart attack (we assume, no autopsy), in the middle of playing, and we frantically and hopelessly tried to revive him. It sucked.
In many ways life is easier without him. But there is still a sadness. And now, the closer I get to completing our family, the knowledge that this is the first baby I will bring home to just one dog waiting at the door. The first baby who will not get Isaac's sniff of approval. The first baby who will only know of him through pictures and our memories. It is hard to explain to people who do not have pets, do not have dogs, do not understand how they become such a large part of your family, but this knowledge fills me with a deep sadness.
|Isaac resting on my pregnant belly, 8 years ago.|