Tuesday, May 1, 2012

A year

It's a year today since that horrible day when Isaac suddenly died.

I am glad that he did not suffer (any more than he already was with his allergies). I'm glad I didn't have to watch him deteriorate and not be able to go out on his own and pee. But I can't help but feel robbed. It's not like he died peacefully in his sleep. He had a heart attack (we assume, no autopsy), in the middle of playing, and we frantically and hopelessly tried to revive him. It sucked.

In many ways life is easier without him. But there is still a sadness. And now, the closer I get to completing our family, the knowledge that this is the first baby I will bring home to just one dog waiting at the door. The first baby who will not get Isaac's sniff of approval. The first baby who will only know of him through pictures and our memories. It is hard to explain to people who do not have pets, do not have dogs, do not understand how they become such a large part of your family, but this knowledge fills me with a deep sadness.
Isaac resting on my pregnant belly, 8 years ago.

3 comments:

bakinginmybathingsuit said...

I'm sorry. Hugs.

Blessed Girl said...

Well, my eyes are full of tears!!! I totally understand!

Just One Foot said...

We just found out yesterday that we have about a year, at most, left with our precious poodle. We knew she was 'old' but didnt realize how close to the maximum life span of a poodle she really was. It's easy to just tell ourselves we'll have lots more years with her.
It's funny how we're all (including my teens) so much more aware of her now. She gets more snuggles, more acknowledgments, more attention. None of us can imagine what life will be like without her and yet we know we'll figure it out in such a short time.
I feel your pain, Jen. I will be in your shoes sooner than I want to. And it will suck. I know it will.

Best of luck with that new baby. He's joining a fun, happy family.

Judy (now from Colorado)