I feel good (so good)

Lightrunner and I went to his 4 week/1 month checkup last week. He had gained 2 pounds in the previous two weeks, which was awesome, and everyone was happy with his progress. He's really strong and moves his head a lot & the doc thinks he'll be on the go sooner rather than later. Greaaaattt.

While we were there a curious thing happened. The resident we saw first asked how I was doing and made sure to stress how I needed to take care of myself & that it was okay to let a baby cry & a bunch of crap I already know. And then my doc came in and asked how I was doing. In the same way that I've noticed other people ask how I'm doing. With an almost apprehensive look on their faces. Like gearing up to hear the worst.

The truth is, I feel bad. Bad that I'm going to disappoint them.

Because I feel GOOD. I'm not laying around in my pajamas all day whining about how hard it is with 4 kids. I'm HAPPY I have 4 kids. I'm happy we are where we want to be. Am I tired? Yes. Who gives a crap? I was more tired pregnant. I have more energy now. I'm up before the kids, between 5 & 6 in the morning. My house is relatively clean. We go to playgrounds & have fun and their good behavior jars are getting full of beads. Sure, there are days when one or all drive me crazy, but it's a crazy I chose and a crazy I love. They all love each other and play with each other and it's everything I want it to be.

And now that I'm not pregnant I like my husband again! It's a lovely thing. We've been so happy and content the past month. When I see Vader holding Lightrunner... It's just the best thing ever. We celebrated our 10 year anniversary last week and we really celebrated it. Our family is whole and complete and it's brought a sense of peace and joy to us. Not that we weren't happy with each other before. But we tend to get bogged down in the little details of raising a family. And in the last month I think we--I--have really focused on the bigger picture. We have the family we want! Two boys, two girls, and lots of love.

So don't be afraid you'll hear about sleepless nights or how overwhelming 4 kids are (it's not)... Just prepare yourself for the gushing. We have love, family and friends. Now if we can have working air conditioning we'll be all set.