Little pangs

Facebook is having their 10 year anniversary and making little movies of highlights for people. The very first picture in mine is of Isaac. Which is fitting since I've been thinking a lot about him lately.

Mostly I've been thinking about how different our lives would be if he were still here. We wouldn't bring Haze down to LI with us. I would have to lock up the dogs whenever Chewie's speech teacher comes or we have playdates or it's nap time and I don't want any barking. The biggest thing though is LightRunner. He and Haze have a bond. They curl up together, he follows her around saying "Heze, Heze." He pets her and grabs her little face and she is the BEST dog ever and tolerates everything he does and just cuddles into him.

Which would never happen with Isaac here. First, Haze wouldn't pay as much attention because she would be too busy licking Isaac. But mostly Isaac wouldn't want LightRunner anywhere near him. Well, that's not true. But he certainly would not tolerate LightRunner crawling on their bed for a snuggle! I would have to jump every time LightRunner went near him. Not that Isaac would seek him  out to hurt him, but that he just did not have the patience for shenanigans that Haze does. It is so unbelievably cute seeing Haze and LightRunner curled up together sitting on our speech teacher's feet. And every time I see it and smile there's a little pang of guilt that it's so much easier without Isaac. Haze is easier to calm down, barks less, there's no play-fighting to scare people away. I don't have to worry as much. Which is really nice, but really sad at the same time. LightRunner will never say "I-a bark" like SkyWalker did but I console myself knowing that Haze and LightRunner wouldn't have the relationship they do with Isaac here and that relationship is pretty special and that sometimes things work out for a reason.