Sleep

Seems so odd that we have to teach babies to sleep. Shouldn't it be hardwired? You're tired, you sleep. Not that hard of a concept. Anyway, everything I've done from day 1 has been to teach the Princess to sleep just like I taught SkyWalker. Well, she's beaten her brother. She's done a few long stretches since she was 7 weeks old. The other night I fed her at 8, she was asleep by 8:45 and didn't wake to feed until 5 (and went back to sleep until I woke her at 7). Last night I fed her at 7:30 and she started fussing at 6 am. I managed to hold her off until 6:40. I didn't want to feed her at 6 and let her think we were starting her day then, and I didn't think it would work to feed her at 6 and then again at 7. But 6:40 was close enough. She was hungry enough to take her whole vitamin (she's been spitting it out), she ate a lot, and went down for her nap beautifully and has made it past the dreaded 45 min mark. We've been battling the 45 min demon for at least a week now I think. She'll be 11 weeks tomorrow, SkyWalker was 11 weeks when he started doing 8 hour stretches.

Isaac is getting dropped off at the specialist tomorrow night, getting surgery on Wed, and being picked up Thursday. Haze will be out of her mind. Isaac will need to be in a crate for 2 months to recover. Haze will be OUT OF HER MIND. I will go crazy if Isaac barks all day. We'll have the tranquilizers so hopefully he'll just sleep and if he's not barking she won't either. But this will still suck.

It's funny--this was supposed to be the best summer ever. Home with my kids and dogs. And while the kids part has been great, now the dogs won't be on the deck in the sun anymore. And my best friend is wicked busy trying to sell her house so she can move away.

We had the neighbors over for dinner Saturday night. It was nice. The boys played together. The daughter is just over a year and was walking around everywhere. The Princess was mostly good although she was a little fussy. The dogs were pretty well behaved but I think they were still a little nervous. At least they've been to our house now, they can make their own decision about whether or not to come over again (without the Dads being home to control the dogs). Although now Isaac will be in the crate and Haze will be mopey so maybe it wouldn't be a problem anyway.

I was going to take the kids to the local indoor playground today in an effort to get SkyWalker around more kids. It fricken closed! There's a new location that's not too close to here and sounds bigger than I really want. There's another place that's smaller and somewhat closer that we can go to, but I'd really like SkyWalker to meet kids that he will eventually be in school with. Although I suppose he can do that when he starts preschool next year. We'll probably go to the smaller place. Less convenient, but there's really no where else we can go.

I am watching Cars for the 3rd time. I am glad I have to take it back to the library today. But I think we'll wind up having to buy it.

I got my new glasses and contacts. My eyes jumped a lot. A 3 power jump. Sigh. I will be blind one day.

I keep trying to get this big hunk of wax out of SkyWalker's ear and he keeps squirming away. Oh, but it's right there. I can get it, just stop moving! Oh yay, he got it himself. :-)

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New day

I'm watching the sun come up.

I don't believe I have ever done that before. At least not sitting in my kitchen with a cup of tea. Maybe on a bus when I was half asleep and not really paying attention.

We had a horrible day yesterday. The Princess was tired but not napping. I spent all day trying to get her to sleep. SkyWalker has given up naps and with the reduced attention for him by dinner time he was just unbearable. At one point The Princess was crying in her high chair and SkyWalker was crying on the floor and I was crying in my chair. And Daddy was mowing the lawn. She finally fell asleep at 8:20. I dream-fed her at 10:45 (she did not wake up). It is now 5:34 and I have not been up to her room yet. She has been sleeping for 9 hours, hasn't eaten for nearly 7. She just did a little fussing so I know she is alive.

I am pumping and drinking my tea and checking my e-mail. When I am done I am not going to do my step aerobics (I have not done that in 2 weeks and feel like crap, but hey), but I am going to read the new Harry Potter. Two or three days ago I was saying that I did not care about HP, I'd get around to it whenever, hadn't requested it or pre-ordered it or whatever. I was at Wal-Mart and there they were so I said sure, why not, I'll buy it. I started it and now I have to read it. And as hard as I tried to get my children to cooperate yesterday they did not, so I will be reading it in the wee hours of the morn.

Vader is taking Isaac to a specialist today. He should have been healed by now and is not. He will probably need surgery. It will probably cost $2-3k. It might happen to his other back leg in the future. I'm sure they won't do surgery today.

Oops, there she goes.

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So far so good

So far today has been wonderful. (With the exception of right now when my son is whining instead of taking his nap. But he's not screaming and crying and he's only whining occassionally and I think playing when he stops saying Mommy.)

I did not get up at 5, but that was okay because today is not a step day. My ultimate goal is to get up at 5 everyday no matter what, pump at 5, exercise at 5:30, shower at 6, clean at 6:30 and feed the Princess at 7. Step aerobics 3 days a week and alternate with weight lifting. I haven't started the weight lifting yet. Anyway, I digress. I did get up early enough to pump and shower before 7. SkyWalker must have been already awake (possibly while I was in the shower) and gotten his grumpies out because when I went up there at 7 he was quite pleasant. He laid down in the twin bed in the Princess's room while I fed her. He peed on the potty and put his underwear on himself. I did have a bit of a battle getting his clothes on but  instead of yelling or getting frustrated I just told him I was ready to go downstairs and he could get dressed and come down when he wanted to. I then left the room and he started freaking out and wanted to get dressed. We headed downstairs and had breakfast and instead of getting online like I usually do, I PAID ATTENTION TO MY KID. What a simple and yet mystifying idea. He behaved so much better during breakfast. Immediately after breakfast instead of doing the dishes like I usually do, we went outside and played on the swingset. We had a good hour out there and there was no whining when it was time to come in.

It was now time for the Princess's second feeding. I relaxed my rules a little bit (I can see that smirk The Nice Librarian), and we had brunch on the couch. He had toast (on a monkey tray) and I had waffles as I fed the Princess. We also watched Caillou, his new favorite show. We played a little bit upstairs when we were done and the Princess went down for her second nap of the day. SkyWalker and I went outside again, wicked hot, and he didn't complain too much when it was time to come in. I fed the Princess again while we all sat on the couch and watched another episode of Caillou. Then SkyWalker and I had lunch and headed upstairs to put the Princess down for her next nap. She stayed awake longer than expected even though she was tired. It took a lot of shushing and patting before she finally coaxed herself to sleep. SkyWalker and I read books in his his room, our usual pre-nap routine, but this time we also snuggled on the twin bed in his room. Then we snuggled in his bed. And the little bastard should be napping but is instead saying "Mommy, I want to pee on potty". He's peed plenty. This is progress however because he is in his room and not screaming.

Anyway, it has been wonderful because he has been a good boy and not a wild child trying to get my attention. I have not yelled (except at the dogs). While we were swinging I told him we were having a good day and he was being a good boy. He said "I cry." I said "I don' t think so. You didn't cry today." And he said "I happy! Happy face!". Which just hit home for me. The dishes can wait, laundry can wait, online can wait. I need to pay attention to him FIRST and then he won't feel the need to be a crazy boy. If he would only nap or at least rest a little bit...

I hope the rest of the day goes as well. The Princess has been awake more and falling asleep on her own. We always have problems in the evening and at bedtime so I'm trying something new tonight. I hope tomorrow morning I can say that it was truly a wonderful day and that everything worked as planned.

The Princess needs to be fed soon and SkyWalker has yet to fall asleep. I think I'll have to get him before he wakes her up prematurely and our fussy "evening" begins. "I need to pee on potty." How dramatic. He just peed. He doesn't need to pee again. He can hold it for hours. Oh crikey, now the other one is making noise. Hopefully she will soothe herself and not be bothered by his nonsense.

Break time is over...
  

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The Ups

In an effort to not cry in front of my kid again and to not be so *morose*, I've decided to focus on the positive things in my life right now. Build that wall back up so to speak. So here's what's going right in my life.

I single handedly potty trained my toddler in less than a week while I had a 4 week old baby. That's pretty awesome. Okay it took two hands, but still they were both mine.

I have gotten my almost 8-week old baby to successfully sleep in her crib and be on a structured routine during the day, as well as go 7-8 hour stretches between feedings at night. (Unfortunately it's from 7 pm to 3 am, but I'll take what I can get). She puts herself back to sleep and does not need my boob to do it.

I've trained myself to be a morning person and get up before the children do so I can start the day fresh and not grumpy.

I do step aerobics 3 times a week and am going to be adding in some weights soon. I've lost all of the pregnancy weight and do not look as if I had a baby a mere 8 weeks ago.

I have over 100 ounces of frozen breastmilk.

I get along with my siblings and parents now and no longer feel the need to run away from them.

The playset is wicked awesome and I have someplace to swing now. I mean, SkyWalker has someplace to swing.

Isaac's leg is getting better and I don't *think* he will need surgery. My dogs spend most of their day lounging outside, playing outside, and seem happy that I am home and they are not locked in the house.

I am not working. And when I go back in September it will be so part time I don't have to deal with daycare. And Daddy will have time alone with both kids (and get a taste of my life... tee-hee). I will *hopefully* be able to take a step back and enjoy being a librarian and not get entrenched in the political ridiculousness that goes on.

I have a wonderful group of online friends who have supported me through everything and although they are scattered throughout the country their support means everything to me.

I have my Princess and my SkyWalker and any other kids I have will just be icing on the cake. If I have two more boys, yay (although now that SkyWalker is acting like a toddler boy I might have to retract that yay), if I have two more girls yay. I have one of each and that's what mattered to me, as silly as that might seem, And even though SkyWalker is acting like a toddler boy and driving me crazy he is still a million times better behaved than most of the children I've seen at the library. He treats his sister well and for the most part behaves himself. I'm not embarrassed when I bring him to the neighbor's house.

I should take a quick shower while I still can. Oh, Oh, I forgot! One other good thing in my life right now? I don't have frickin pink eye.

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Cake

My sisters have sent me a cake through Fed Ex. So at least I will have cake today. :-)

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One lonely beastie I be

all by myself without nobody.

Sigh.

We've been listening to the Beastie Boys a lot. SkyWalker has taken quite a liking to them. :-)

I am 32 today. My best friend is in New Jersey right now. I will probably never spend another birthday with her. I called  my sister last week and practically begged her to come up and make me a cake. I don't really care about the cake, I'm just feeling alone. She was at my brother's when I called her. Having a BBQ with him and my SIL and she had her boyfriend there. I tried to guilt her and my SIL into coming. I think my sister is coming next week, but my birthday is today. Anyway, when I hung up the phone I cried. For the first time in my life I think I'd get along with my siblings, I think I'd enjoy a BBQ at my brother's house that I have never seen, and I am not there. I am so far away. It used to not matter *that* much because I made my own family here. And now my family is going to frickin' Texas.

I cried in front of my child. Two days in a row. And it wasn't really because he refused to nap and she refused to stay asleep for me to shower. It's not a coincidence that I managed to keep it together in front of him until I found out that BF was moving to Texas. There goes my support system.

I have alternated between wanting to vomit and wanting to cry for nearly a week now. We're not just talking about a friend moving away. She is as much my "soulmate" as my husband is and for the first time in my life I had a friend I truly felt comfortable with and belonged with. And I'll never have that again and you just can't get that on the phone.

And maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it's better to have a bunch of acquaintances and not have any real close relationships. Maybe it's better to just always be alone then to be really close with someone and have it all taken away. To be so emotionally invested in one person that all other friendships pale in comparison. Maybe that's not good. Maybe you're not supposed to  have a best friend. Maybe *I'm* not supposed to have a best friend.

The Princess is making her elephant noises and I'm ignoring her but I think my time is limited.

Here's just a random--donkeys are loud. Two donkeys are louder. SIX donkeys are unfriggenbelieveably loud and obnoxious. If you think having donkeys is cute and fun. Don't.

I'd better attend to The Princess before SkyWalker decides now is a good time to get up.

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+/-

I've got the time but not the energy for a huge post. So here goes:

Pluses:
* SkyWalker is doing wonderfully with the potty and we're leaving the house now.
* The Princess is on a predictable 3 hour routine, napping great, crying less, and sleeping in her crib at night. She went 7 hours without eating last night but that was probably a fluke.
* We played with the neighbor yesterday and had a great time.

Negatives:
* Best friend is moving to Texas.
* The above has left me completely and totally depressed. Now is not a good time for me to be depressed.
* One of the children has just woken up and I still have to poop. Damn.

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