Monday, January 28, 2013

In summary, I am awesome.

Well, that didn't take long.

I was feeling pretty weak after Lightrunner's checkup. Sad that once again one of my kids was going to have to catch up and try to gain weight. Wait, what? Sure, on paper a 6 month old weighing 13 1/2 pounds is little. But we don't live on paper. Lightrunner is bigger than SkyWalker was at 6 months. And guess what? SkyWalker currently weighs about half what I do and I weigh more now that I ever have before (not including pregnancy). When we got SkyWalker's class picture I couldn't find him. He was IN THE BACK ROW. Not sitting down in front. I went to a Girls Night in my neighborhood a couple of weeks ago and one of his friend's moms asked me if he was playing basketball because he's so TALL. I looked behind me to make sure she was talking to me.

I don't make fat babies.

And there's nothing wrong with that. We are such a weight-obsessed society and often a number on the scale is more important than an overall picture. This is the picture I see: a smiling happy baby with chubby legs and fat rolls. I tried to force him to nurse this week and I wound up with a crying overtired baby. When he was younger I had to wake up him up to feed him, but he's 6 months old now. When he's sleeping, he needs to sleep. I'm not going to force him to feed when he doesn't need it, just so he can be on some silly growth chart. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, following him, making sure he is happy and peeing lots and take it from there. If he loses weight, I'll rethink things. He has a bad cold right now and I wound up feeding him at 10 last night, something I haven't done in a long time, and this morning I skipped his cereal and just fed him myself. And now he's taking a nice long nap which is exactly what he needs to get better.

As a parent it's wicked easy to doubt yourself. Sometimes I forget I'm awesome.

On Saturday, I ran my longest distance in a couple of months. There was anything spectacular, but it was a great run just because I did it. I was tired. It was cold. I had a million things I needed to do. But I got out there anyway. For quite some time my slow runs have been in the 12-13 minute range, so I was buoyed when I looked down and saw I was running in the 10:30 range. I kept it up for 3 miles, stopped for a tenth of a mile when I blew my nose, and then started running against the wind. That slowed me down but I still wound up with a faster average pace for 5 miles than I've been doing. I haven't been running much lately but I think all the cross-training I'm doing is actually paying off. I am determined to be the strongest runner I can be for the half next fall. My immediate goal right now is to keep up the cross-training and run SOMETHING 3 times a week. I've got to be a little flexible with a baby and with kids and school schedules and something always coming up. But I think if I can do this, I can go into my spring training much stronger than I have before.

The other night Vader and I went to a local (like 2 minutes away) bar with two couples I intend on spending a lot more time with-- naturally Shinesalot (and husband) and my friend Gina (and husband) who doesn't blog anymore. It was so nice to be out without kids, with our husbands, and just talk and have fun. I think we're going to try to do this every couple of months. We're also having a little Ladies Night this week without the husbands. I'm hoping we can do that every month but our schedules are not that easy to coordinate. I'm trying to focus on spending time with people who want to spend time with me.

I've been reading a lot more and watching TV a lot less. I really think it helps me to relax and get outside of myself. Books truly feed your soul in ways that TV shows just can't. And sometimes my soul is a little too hungry.


anotheryarn said...

Why on earth would anyone think you would make anything but tiny babies? You are awesome.

Anonymous said...

You are awesome. And I love the layout.