So far so good

So far today has been wonderful. (With the exception of right now when my son is whining instead of taking his nap. But he's not screaming and crying and he's only whining occassionally and I think playing when he stops saying Mommy.)

I did not get up at 5, but that was okay because today is not a step day. My ultimate goal is to get up at 5 everyday no matter what, pump at 5, exercise at 5:30, shower at 6, clean at 6:30 and feed the Princess at 7. Step aerobics 3 days a week and alternate with weight lifting. I haven't started the weight lifting yet. Anyway, I digress. I did get up early enough to pump and shower before 7. SkyWalker must have been already awake (possibly while I was in the shower) and gotten his grumpies out because when I went up there at 7 he was quite pleasant. He laid down in the twin bed in the Princess's room while I fed her. He peed on the potty and put his underwear on himself. I did have a bit of a battle getting his clothes on but  instead of yelling or getting frustrated I just told him I was ready to go downstairs and he could get dressed and come down when he wanted to. I then left the room and he started freaking out and wanted to get dressed. We headed downstairs and had breakfast and instead of getting online like I usually do, I PAID ATTENTION TO MY KID. What a simple and yet mystifying idea. He behaved so much better during breakfast. Immediately after breakfast instead of doing the dishes like I usually do, we went outside and played on the swingset. We had a good hour out there and there was no whining when it was time to come in.

It was now time for the Princess's second feeding. I relaxed my rules a little bit (I can see that smirk The Nice Librarian), and we had brunch on the couch. He had toast (on a monkey tray) and I had waffles as I fed the Princess. We also watched Caillou, his new favorite show. We played a little bit upstairs when we were done and the Princess went down for her second nap of the day. SkyWalker and I went outside again, wicked hot, and he didn't complain too much when it was time to come in. I fed the Princess again while we all sat on the couch and watched another episode of Caillou. Then SkyWalker and I had lunch and headed upstairs to put the Princess down for her next nap. She stayed awake longer than expected even though she was tired. It took a lot of shushing and patting before she finally coaxed herself to sleep. SkyWalker and I read books in his his room, our usual pre-nap routine, but this time we also snuggled on the twin bed in his room. Then we snuggled in his bed. And the little bastard should be napping but is instead saying "Mommy, I want to pee on potty". He's peed plenty. This is progress however because he is in his room and not screaming.

Anyway, it has been wonderful because he has been a good boy and not a wild child trying to get my attention. I have not yelled (except at the dogs). While we were swinging I told him we were having a good day and he was being a good boy. He said "I cry." I said "I don' t think so. You didn't cry today." And he said "I happy! Happy face!". Which just hit home for me. The dishes can wait, laundry can wait, online can wait. I need to pay attention to him FIRST and then he won't feel the need to be a crazy boy. If he would only nap or at least rest a little bit...

I hope the rest of the day goes as well. The Princess has been awake more and falling asleep on her own. We always have problems in the evening and at bedtime so I'm trying something new tonight. I hope tomorrow morning I can say that it was truly a wonderful day and that everything worked as planned.

The Princess needs to be fed soon and SkyWalker has yet to fall asleep. I think I'll have to get him before he wakes her up prematurely and our fussy "evening" begins. "I need to pee on potty." How dramatic. He just peed. He doesn't need to pee again. He can hold it for hours. Oh crikey, now the other one is making noise. Hopefully she will soothe herself and not be bothered by his nonsense.

Break time is over...
  

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The Ups

In an effort to not cry in front of my kid again and to not be so *morose*, I've decided to focus on the positive things in my life right now. Build that wall back up so to speak. So here's what's going right in my life.

I single handedly potty trained my toddler in less than a week while I had a 4 week old baby. That's pretty awesome. Okay it took two hands, but still they were both mine.

I have gotten my almost 8-week old baby to successfully sleep in her crib and be on a structured routine during the day, as well as go 7-8 hour stretches between feedings at night. (Unfortunately it's from 7 pm to 3 am, but I'll take what I can get). She puts herself back to sleep and does not need my boob to do it.

I've trained myself to be a morning person and get up before the children do so I can start the day fresh and not grumpy.

I do step aerobics 3 times a week and am going to be adding in some weights soon. I've lost all of the pregnancy weight and do not look as if I had a baby a mere 8 weeks ago.

I have over 100 ounces of frozen breastmilk.

I get along with my siblings and parents now and no longer feel the need to run away from them.

The playset is wicked awesome and I have someplace to swing now. I mean, SkyWalker has someplace to swing.

Isaac's leg is getting better and I don't *think* he will need surgery. My dogs spend most of their day lounging outside, playing outside, and seem happy that I am home and they are not locked in the house.

I am not working. And when I go back in September it will be so part time I don't have to deal with daycare. And Daddy will have time alone with both kids (and get a taste of my life... tee-hee). I will *hopefully* be able to take a step back and enjoy being a librarian and not get entrenched in the political ridiculousness that goes on.

I have a wonderful group of online friends who have supported me through everything and although they are scattered throughout the country their support means everything to me.

I have my Princess and my SkyWalker and any other kids I have will just be icing on the cake. If I have two more boys, yay (although now that SkyWalker is acting like a toddler boy I might have to retract that yay), if I have two more girls yay. I have one of each and that's what mattered to me, as silly as that might seem, And even though SkyWalker is acting like a toddler boy and driving me crazy he is still a million times better behaved than most of the children I've seen at the library. He treats his sister well and for the most part behaves himself. I'm not embarrassed when I bring him to the neighbor's house.

I should take a quick shower while I still can. Oh, Oh, I forgot! One other good thing in my life right now? I don't have frickin pink eye.

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Cake

My sisters have sent me a cake through Fed Ex. So at least I will have cake today. :-)

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One lonely beastie I be

all by myself without nobody.

Sigh.

We've been listening to the Beastie Boys a lot. SkyWalker has taken quite a liking to them. :-)

I am 32 today. My best friend is in New Jersey right now. I will probably never spend another birthday with her. I called  my sister last week and practically begged her to come up and make me a cake. I don't really care about the cake, I'm just feeling alone. She was at my brother's when I called her. Having a BBQ with him and my SIL and she had her boyfriend there. I tried to guilt her and my SIL into coming. I think my sister is coming next week, but my birthday is today. Anyway, when I hung up the phone I cried. For the first time in my life I think I'd get along with my siblings, I think I'd enjoy a BBQ at my brother's house that I have never seen, and I am not there. I am so far away. It used to not matter *that* much because I made my own family here. And now my family is going to frickin' Texas.

I cried in front of my child. Two days in a row. And it wasn't really because he refused to nap and she refused to stay asleep for me to shower. It's not a coincidence that I managed to keep it together in front of him until I found out that BF was moving to Texas. There goes my support system.

I have alternated between wanting to vomit and wanting to cry for nearly a week now. We're not just talking about a friend moving away. She is as much my "soulmate" as my husband is and for the first time in my life I had a friend I truly felt comfortable with and belonged with. And I'll never have that again and you just can't get that on the phone.

And maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it's better to have a bunch of acquaintances and not have any real close relationships. Maybe it's better to just always be alone then to be really close with someone and have it all taken away. To be so emotionally invested in one person that all other friendships pale in comparison. Maybe that's not good. Maybe you're not supposed to  have a best friend. Maybe *I'm* not supposed to have a best friend.

The Princess is making her elephant noises and I'm ignoring her but I think my time is limited.

Here's just a random--donkeys are loud. Two donkeys are louder. SIX donkeys are unfriggenbelieveably loud and obnoxious. If you think having donkeys is cute and fun. Don't.

I'd better attend to The Princess before SkyWalker decides now is a good time to get up.

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+/-

I've got the time but not the energy for a huge post. So here goes:

Pluses:
* SkyWalker is doing wonderfully with the potty and we're leaving the house now.
* The Princess is on a predictable 3 hour routine, napping great, crying less, and sleeping in her crib at night. She went 7 hours without eating last night but that was probably a fluke.
* We played with the neighbor yesterday and had a great time.

Negatives:
* Best friend is moving to Texas.
* The above has left me completely and totally depressed. Now is not a good time for me to be depressed.
* One of the children has just woken up and I still have to poop. Damn.

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Time slips away

I close my eyes and open them again and another week has passed. It's amazing how quickly time goes when you're not cutting it up into work weeks and weekends. Every day is the same and they all speed by...

Anyway. I have  no idea how much time I have to write since the Princess has refused a nap and SkyWalker just fell asleep nearly half an hour ago. Maybe I won't write in complete sentences so I can update everything that needs updating. There should be a new rushed mom blogger language. Ha.

1. The Princess had her ultrasound and VCUG yesterday. She does not have reflux. What she does have is a duplicated system on the right kidney. Which means that instead of one ureter coming out of the right kidney she has two. And one of those is a little messed up. We'll do another ultrasound in 3 months and if the dilation has gotten worse then we may need to think about surgery. But for now it's so slight that they are willing to "wait and see". The fact that she has two ureters doesn't matter. Lots of people have them (and in telling the in-laws this we discovered my FIL has it. Umm.... hmmm we could have used that information...). She's doing quite well, gaining a lot and starting to sleep in longer chunks at night. We're getting a good day routine going (which of course she is rebelling against by not napping right now.)

2. FIL's cancer has not gone away. The radiation did nothing. In fact the tumor may have grown a bit. He's getting another round of chemo. If that doesn't do it I don't know how many options are left.

3. We bought one of those playsets today. Well, we picked it out and put it on the credit card and the in-laws will be paying the bill. Which is a good thing since if we were paying the kids would have an imaginary playset. It was over $3k. That's a lot.

4. Isaac hurt his leg. We thought it was a torn ligamant and that he might need surgery but the radiologist said it looked more like a soft tissue injury so we're just giving him pain pills and hoping it will get better in 2 weeks. He's been limping bad. He is my problem puppy. :-( And this comes on the heels of my brother putting his dog down (the dog he got right after we got Isaac).

5. Big changes at the library. Seems as if when I go back in September Bossman will not be there. I'm surprised but not surprised. I didn't think he would ever really leave. But he's been doing things lately that I didn't think he would ever do so I guess I'm not really all that surprised. I hope whoever gets hired fits in because we are a funky department.

6. Finally, since I just heard SkyWalker start whining, potty training! It took just a few days but they were hard. SkyWalker is now potty trained, wearing big boy underwear. Still in diapers at night but getting drier and drier and waking up in the middle of the night wanting to pee on the potty. I tried to do that every 30 minute scheduling thing and it was a nightmare. He held in his poop and screamed and cried. Finally I told him he could poop in a diaper he just had to ask me for one. So he did. And then he proceeded to poop in the potty and just wear underwear. As long as he thinks he's in control... We haven't had any accidents in a while. But he has a habit of getting up prematurely and walking out of the bathroom with a turd in his crack. Because he just goes potty by himself and then tells me about it later. Which is somewhat helpful when I'm feeding the Princess, except when he leaves turd trails. He's doing really really well though and looks amazingly cute in his cars underwear.

I try to get on vox whenever I can and read even if I'm not posting. Crikey, the Princess must be hungry sooner than she should be (the nerve!). SkyWalker has momentarily quieted down. I'd better take care of her while I have the chance.

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Boobalicious

The average weight gain for newborn babies according to kellymom.com (a fantastic site for breastfeeders) ranges from 5-8.5 ounces a week depending on the source of the information. The little Princess went for her weight check yesterday. She gained 2 pounds since her last checkup, 16 days before. Do the math people, she's gained twice as much as the average. Hilarious. She is now 8 pounds, 15 ounces. Or well, she was that at 1 pm yesterday. I'm sure she's over 9 pounds now. Keep in mind that although she was 7 lbs, 4 oz at birth she dropped down to 6 lbs 11 oz when we brought her home. In conclusion, my boobs are magic.

Is it any wonder I'm so frickin' tired? I feed her A LOT. But I'm wearing my smallest shorts today, shorts that didn't fit me just last week (although I lost all the weight immediately except for a few pounds in my boobs, my belly was still somewhat flabby and I couldn't wear things that should have fit.).

My mother is here visiting and SkyWalker has conned her into getting up very early and taking care of him. I am, ashamedly, letting him get away with it. I can hear him over the monitor but I am in bed blogging. I am showered and dressed and relaxing a little while the Princess sleeps next to me in her co-sleeper. She's stretching and waking up and ha, right now she is putting her little hands on the sides of her head in a "why do I have to get up now?" manner which is precisely what I do at 3:30 am when she is demanding to be fed.

I should probably rescue my mother and bring the Princess upstairs to get dressed. It is 7:12 am. How on earth am I awake?

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