The final countdown

I never really liked that song, but naturally it's in my head constantly now. That and for some reason Queen's "I want to break free". I'm thinking the latter is not really coming from *my* head though.

I am 36 weeks today. Officially more pregnant than I've ever been before. Although this weekend has been somewhat iffy. The cramping I've been feeling for  the last month has intensified and leaves me a little light headed. The BH contractions seem to be more frequent. And I just feel like *shit*. I spent most of today in bed. I have a feeling it's going to be soon, but of course 4 weeks from now could be considered "soon."

I still have pink eye and my left eye is tearing so bad that right underneath it the skin is getting sore and chapped. I'm putting aquaphor on it. It spread to my right eye but it's not so bad because I've been using the drops in both eyes since I got them. I would really REALLY like to be done with this pink eye crap. At least it's taught me that I can't think of my glasses as something just to wear in the morning when I'm peeing. I have to be prepared to wear them at any time. Which means updating the damn prescription. And I think I'll get the lens darkening thing so it doesn't hurt quite so bad in the sun.

Vader has been doing very well taking care of SkyWalker this weekend while I've been under duress. Unfortunately he's got a crapload of things to do. He's taking the plow off the tractor now so he can put the mower deck on. No easy thing to do. I really wish we lived a little closer to some place that delivers food because I don't think either one of us really wants to cook, or go pick something up. I don't even know if we have food in the house. Vader has taken care of dinner the last 2 nights. There's only so much spaghetti I can have.

SkyWalker has been quite funny too, which makes things a little easier. I was laying on the couch yesterday and he walks up to me wearing his firehat, Vader's big goggles on his arms (I don't know why Vader has goggles, or two of them), and two mismatched gloves of Vader's that SkyWalker called his "mitts". He then said "Bye Mommy! Bye-bye Mommy. I'm going to work."  He gets in his little car and drives off into the kitchen. It was hilarious. I don't know what kind of work requires him to wear goggles on his arms but whatever. It was funny.

Time for the drops again, At least the drops are much much better than the ointment. I will never use that stuff again.

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Here we go again

My left eye is bloodshot and red and swollen and leaking (although not the normal icky pink eye discharge). I have a doc appt. at 1:45 today. i went to work this morning at 8:45 and left at 9:15. There goes my sick time... I'm sure I won't be allowed to go in tomorrow if it is indeed pink eye again. At this rate I will use all of my sick time before I even give birth.

I'm feeling crampy again and pelvic pressure and all that good fun stuff. I'm 36 weeks on Sunday and I'm ready to go. The bags are packed and in the van. The carseats have been installed. The going home outfits  (for each gender) are packed and in the van. The bottles and pumping supplies are all washed and sterilized. The videocamera is charged. All I need to do now is go into labor. Preferably without the pink eye though.

I am home alone (besides the dogs of course). And for the first time I am grateful. My tummy is rumbling, I have to pee, but I just don't want to get off the couch. I am doing nothing productive and that's okay. I need to rest. I wish I lived closer to my family. I wouldn't have to make my own lunch then.

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What's my name?

Job?

The pink eye has spread from my right eye to my left eye. I should have been putting the damn ointment in my left eye all along, but who wants to do that? Actually what I should have done is go to the damn doctor and get a new prescription for drops and not use the leftover ointment, but I have been home with a sick SkyWalker (ear infection, vomiting, fever). He's barely eaten today, but he's much more lively. In fact he has been throwing things and has been a bit of a pain in the ass. Compared to his laying on the couch with me, burning up, not having the energy to do anything, I guess I'll take the cheeky monkey as he is now. Hopefully he will not vomit his lunch and then perhaps he can go to school (daycare) tomorrow. I have an OB appt so if he can't go Vader will have to be home. I feel like crap from carrying the sick boy and I'm fully expecting to either break my back or go into labor sometime this week.

There's even more going on but I my eyes are tired and hurt and I am hungry.

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Not hungry?

SkyWalker is eating yogurt right now. I have a half sub left from lunch and I am not hungry at all. I should be eating dinner but there just isn't enough space in me right now. I'm sure though that I will get hungry at the worst possible time.

Vader is at some retirement dinner and will be home late. The first time since Monday that he'll be home late. (he goes food shopping on Mondays so he's always late). He came home Monday and told me that he told his boss that he would not be staying late for the rest of my pregnancy. Not only is he not staying late, he's even earlier than before he started staying late... he's been home at 5:45 instead of his "on time" 6:10. Amazing. All I had to do was have a hysterical crying meltdown last Friday. He's also dropping SkyWalker off at daycare everyday now--his idea--which helps me out A LOT. So things are better.

I'm always talking about what I'm worried about in here so I decided to list the things I am not worried about:

1) The pushing part. I'm almost looking forward to it in a sick sort of way. I think I know what I'm doing now.
2) Breastfeeding. I know it will take longer than the 2 days in the hospital to get our rhythm. I'm not going to let them scare me when the baby doesn't latch right away or falls asleep. I know we can do it.
3) The dogs. They did such a great job when SkyWalker was a baby (and continue to do a great job with him). I'm not worried about them feeling left out or neglected. In fact they'll be thrilled because we'll be home all day!
4) SkyWalker. I know it won't be easy, but in general he is a very very good boy. He's very helpful and I think he's going to be a great big brother.
5) Pumping. Even though I won't have to do it as often as I did before, I'll still have to pump a little. I'm not worrying about amounts or anything really.
6) Changing diapers. I had never changed a diaper before SkyWalker. I was actually really worried about it. Not anymore. I've had plenty of practice.

My parents are coming for a visit tomorrow. I wish it was going to be longer but they're only coming for the day. It'll still be nice though.

I had my last Level 2 Ultrasound on Monday. We're up to 4 pounds, 15 ounces. Actually by today I'm sure it's over 5 pounds. That makes me laugh. SkyWalker was 5 lb. 7 oz at 36 weeks. So we're doing good. And the baby's lungs are working which is really good. If I do go early we may not need any NICU time. I got to see a little face and the most amazing thing was seeing its little tongue dart out and lick its arm. Not in a gross way--I think it was hungry and rooting and licking its lips and practicing... and the arm happened to be there. I also saw the big knee that has been hitting the crap out of me. And although I was very tempted I did not see any private bits.

Of course I'm starting to get hungry now. And SkyWalker is no longer eating, but watching a different fire truck movie (for the first time this week!). I wish I knew when Vader was coming home but all I know is late. Bah.

Oh--big news--SkyWalker put his own pants on the other day. On his legs. The right way. Pretty cool. He still prefers taking them off to putting them on, but we are one step closer to him getting himself dressed. :-)

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Pajama Day

I can see why teachers and kids think pajama day is fun. And it is--once a year. Maybe even once every 6 months. We had pajama day today. The last pajama day was less than a month ago, on March 16, I think. Right near St. Patrick's Day.

This is ridiculous. I heard some TA today say something to SkyWalker about "well, at least you didn't have to get dressed today." Huh? Is that what they think we do? Let them get out of bed and just leave? Maybe some parents would send their kids in the pajamas they just slept in, but not me. And actually until he's potty trained and not having huge soaking wet diapers after 12 hours of sleeping, he wears a different pair of pajamas every night. Yes, I know, many parents of non-potty trained kids do not change their pajamas every night. I have enough pajamas. He wears a different pair every night. Even if he doesn't actually pee in them, after a night of having a full diaper they just don't exactly smell fresh... And he drools.. and gets snot all over them. Anyway, so I send him in a brand new clean pair of pajamas for pajama day and all it does is confuse him because he doesn't know why the hell he's wearing pajamas during the day. It's very irritating.

What's also irritating is that he's laying on the couch and has been pointing his ass in my face and farting. At least he's not doing it on purpose like some people that live here. He stinks though. He's been complaining about poop again... he pooped on Wednesday with no assistance, but I don't know if he pooped yesterday. He did eat some bran flakes for dinner tonight so at least he's not refusing to eat like on Tuesday.

I feel like crap. My back hurts, I've been a little crampy and I've had diarrhea today. Joy. I went to the OB yesterday and they did another non-stress test and everything came out okay and my urine is fine so really there's no reason to believe anything is awry, but as I've said many times there is no room in the pregnant brain for logic. So of course I'm scared and nervous and freaked out. I really hope Vader gets home earlier than his usual late, but I don't see it happening. It's funny, we're making sure that I'm not working alone at the library (even though I wouldn't be in the building alone) but I'm alone every evening with a toddler and two dogs. What am I going to do if I start bleeding then? Or go into early labor? This just sucks.

SkyWalker and I are having a bit of a power struggle right now so I suppose I should get off the computer. He seems to think that if he repeatedly hands me the remotes I'm going to let him watch another movie. Oooh, he "needs" the fire truck movie. Well, then that's just a different story isn't it? If he "needs" it.

Oh man, on top of his stinky farts one of the dog's just ripped one so bad there must be poop somewhere.

Ha! Now he's opened the cabinet door for the DVD player. Like it makes a difference. He is persistent. I'll give him that. The drama is hilarious though. I know half of it is because he needs to poop. But I mean really, to cry because you can't watch any more movies? That's just ludicrous. HA! Now he's saying he wants the coo-coo (choo-choo) movie. Giggle. Dude, how can you go from *needing* the fire truck movie to the coo-coo movie? He's just full of shit. Well, yeah, I guess he is full of shit...

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I am annoyed

You all know by now how much I love my dogs. Probably too much.
We had someone come out today to pump our septic tank. They left the goddamn gate on the fence open. Vader had shut the gate on the deck so I had to go outside when I let the dogs outside so I could open it for them. SkyWalker wanted to see the horses and I didn't want to argue so luckily we did. The dogs are now filthy since they ran in the mud up and down the fence they share with the horses. As SkyWalker and I were walking back towards the house I noticed the fence gate wide open. WIDE open. With a little bungy cord keeping it from swinging shut. Luckily the dogs were so thrilled that we were outside with them that they never went towards it. I was able to shut it before they really noticed. But OMG. What could I do? If they ran what the hell could I do? I have a 2 1/2 year old in my arms and a baby in my womb, what the hell would I do?? Thank the FSM that Vader shut the deck gate forcing me to go outside and that SkyWalker wanted the horses. I am very tempted to have my husband call them and tell them what they did. And they just took the check without leaving a receipt, without leaving any paperwork. Thanks *redacted*. Thanks a lot.
The dogs are still outside since they are covered in mud. It's so nice out and they deserve to run around and I just don't care.
I had a bowl of bran flakes for dinner. SkyWalker, who needs the bran flakes, didn't eat anything. He's really having problems now. He's laying on the couch next to me and he stinks to high heaven but there is no poop. I hate when he gets this way. He'll be like this for a few days and then he won't stop pooping. There's no happy medium with this kid. Maybe I need to spike his milk with benefiber or metamucil to keep him regular. I've had to hold/carry him a lot since we got home and he just clings to me. I even tried to give him juice with dinner.  Pooping should not be so difficult. They really need to come up with a better process.

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Friendship

Hard Hat Harry sucks. Sorry dude, if you're doing a google search for yourself and you come across this post. I'm sure you have some merit since my 2 1/2 year old is glued to the screen right now, but I can do without the whole genie thing. Just show me your helicoptors or trucks or trains or cars or whatever. I don't need the genie backstory.

The dogs have just now quieted down. SkyWalker is calm. Now. Half an hour ago I could feel the blood pressure rising. We're having another poop day, after days of no problems, as I'm making dinner he needs to poop (but doesn't), as I'm trying to eat dinner he needs to poop (but doesn't). It's not his fault. I have the same problems--the urge to go with no result until finally it works. It's just frustrating when it coincides with A) me being pregnant and ravenous and really needing to just eat dinner B) the muddy dogs barking over nothing and C) Vader not being home.

Oh, there they go again. I know they're always on high alert when it's just me and SkyWalker, but sometimes I really wish I had a mute button for them.

Yesterday at 11:30 SkyWalker and I went to the neighbor's house. When we first got there the boys immediately ran to the playset outside and started swinging and sliding. Without saying one word to each other of course. It was a bit muddy so we got them to stop and went inside. The first thing SkyWalker saw was the pug puppy in the crate and he flipped out. "Doggie!!!!". He was totally smitten. They played with some trucks and then we went downstairs to the ginormous play room. It was like toys 'r us. They continued playing separately and not even talking to each other. Then SkyWalker starts heading up the stairs (he made himself completely at home) because he wanted to see the doggie again. I'm trying to get him to go back downstairs when K, J & little baby come upstairs. I say "Well, it's getting late (12:30) maybe we should go home for lunch and a nap. That's all I had to say. J, the toddler, pouts and says he wants SkyWalker to play more. SkyWalker has no desire to go home. They both run up the stairs to the 3rd floor to see J's room and to run to the windows and scream. They had a blast. We got them back downstairs and wound up having lunch there and they played with the doggie (still in the crate). We had to bribe SkyWalker to leave by taking the puppy out of the crate and on a walk outside. Instead of going in to the open car door SkyWalker ran to the playset and went down the slide one more time. We didn't get home until 2 p.m.! K. and I talked the whole time, obviously about kids and being pregnant, but also about living in the country and taxes and being away from family and just everything. It was reassuring to hear that J. is NOT potty trained and that SkyWalker is a normal toddler and doing normal toddler things. J. was also premature--at 34 weeks--and is just a couple months older than SkyWalker. And when K. was pregnant with the second one she wound up on bedrest and in the hospital for 3 weeks. She started having the BH contractions at 23 weeks! She had to get shots to stop contractions. She kept the new baby inside until 37 weeks and then had a C section. Just amazing. Anyway, so she totally understands how much I am freaking out right now. It was a really nice visit. We both said we'd do it again soon and that over the summer when I can put the dogs outside they would come over to our house. As much as I love and trust my dogs I realize that not everyone does and I'm not going to invite them over if they feel uncomfortable but I told them that so they don't think we're just playing with their toys. :-)

It's so hard to make friends, but I think the older you get the harder it is. When you're young and in your 20s and going out to bars or going to college there are more people you have things in common with. And then you get to that point where people's lives start taking different paths--either you settle down and get married or you're still single and hanging out at bars. And there's still division between the married group too--either you have babies or you don't. And having babies throws a total wrench into the going out to make friends scenario. You need babysitters. And even if you get a babysitter you wind up talking about the kid the whole time and/or falling asleep at 10 p.m. So you look for other people with kids who will understand. Your potential friend market gets smaller and smaller and smaller.

Case in point--there are all of a sudden a bunch of young people working at the library. My age and younger. 5 years ago that would have been a perfect opportunity for me to make friends. Now? Um, yeah, wanna hang out with me and my toddler? And I have to be home early ... and there's certainly no couple hanging out if you don't have an outside babysitter. So all of these young people are about 5 years too late. 

If my dogs run to the door barking one more time I think I will scream.

I love them all. I love them all. I will not physically harm any of them. I love them all. Gasp! Is Daddy home??? YAY!

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Acting out

I knew it was just a matter of time. Mommy can't do as much as I did, not paying enough attention, can't play... etc. It's natural to act out, but chewing a marker cap when we're home is just unacceptable! Haze has been particularly naughty lately--chewing pencils and markers and papers and things that she had seen everyday for months and was never tempted by. The kicker was yesterday though when we discovered a cap that had been destroyed in the living room while we were in the kitchen. Vader didn't even yell at her (he's done enough of that), just shoved the remnants in her nose and asked her why. She was shaking, literally shaking, to the point that I thought she was having a reaction to the marker chemicals.

Last night when I went to bed I hugged and kissed them both, difficult because of the bending, and I gave her some extra little loving and told her to stop being so destructive. It doesn't help that it's been so wet outside that they can't really run around like they should. And of course it's going to rain all week and Vader will be home late and I don't want to deal with the mud.

SkyWalker and I had a playdate yesterday with the neighbor. It was a lot of fun... I have stories... but I am tired and my "break" is over so they'll just have to wait.

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