Here we go again

I have tried to remain positive and optimistic. My baby is having surgery again but at least she has surgery available to her--she doesn't have a fatal disease. This will all be over and she will live a normal life. My husband's job is in jeopardy once again but I am trying to have faith that it will all work out as it has before. 

But this is just too much.

Isaac came in last night limping. He could barely make it up the stairs. I hoped it was just the cold and maybe he had jumped up too quickly. It hasn't gotten any better. Here's the kicker--it's his OTHER leg. Back in August 2007 Isaac had surgery for a torn ACL. They told us there was a good chance it would happen to his other leg too. I will bet anything that this is what it is. We're taking him to the vet on Saturday and then we'd have to take him to the specialist again and he'd have to have another surgery. Which would involve him being in the crate and confined to a leash for 2-3 months. 

So, right now I am 14 1/2 weeks pregnant and taking medication so I don't throw up but even with the medication I still sometimes throw up especially when I do too much like try to vacuum. SO, let's say Isaac gets his surgery in January. Who's home all day to take him out on the leash? Me. He'll be confined to the crate until March? Maybe. What's in March? The Princess's surgery. So I will go from taking care of Isaac to taking care of the Princess. By March I will be 5-6 months pregnant. 

And I'm not even getting into the financial ramifications of having to pay for another surgery. Let's hope Vader doesn't lose his job.

I have way too many posts tagged surgery. 

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Vacation

I don't know what to do with myself. 

Vader took some time off from work (shocking!) so he's been home since Christmas. It has been lovely, although noisy. I have been sleeping late and napping a lot. I took my meds last night instead of this morning because I did NOT want to nap again today. So I'm not. The Princess is sleeping and Vader and SkyWalker are downstairs bowling and I don't know what to do with myself. I made all the phone calls I had  to do today. I folded the laundry and started another load. The dishwasher is running. I'm sure there is something productive I can do but instead I am wasting time on the internets because I can. 

Christmas was good. Vader was very impressed with "Santa", aka, me, and the lack of presents under the tree. I got a lot of small stuff from the dollar spot at Target. SkyWalker is so happy to get anything that he really didn't notice. He was just as thrilled with the long johns as with the firetruck... The Princess nearly jumped up and down waiting for me to open up her baby doll box. I felt a little bad that underneath the tree looked so empty, but they didn't notice and when you're planning on 4 kids you really have to think about tomorrow as much as today. We won't be able to keep up with crazy Christmases... so it's better not to start. Anyway, all that worry was for naught because I think they got more the next day from my family than they did from Santa! SkyWalker got another bowling set and he was just as happy as he was on Christmas. And it's actually perfect because he sets both up next to each other and he and Daddy pretend they are at a bowling alley and bowl at the same time. He also got two Cranky the Cranes and before I could grab the second one to return/exchange it, he had the box opened and it was too late. But he likes having two. The Princess got a second baby doll and now has her hands full. She's carrying both around now and it's adorable. She now has her own guitar and takes "lessons" with her brother from Daddy at bedtime. I think she will be the one to actually do it. 

Also adorable--she has started saying Mommy. She's said "mama" for a while now, usually while crying, but she just started saying "Mommy!" the other day. When she's looking for me or she wakes up from her nap or if I heaven forbid close my eyes she will come up and yell "Mom-MY!". The first "mama" is always special and nice, but there's something about Mommy that's just so much more... until it's 4 years later and you're hearing it every 2 seconds. 

At dinner the other night she pointed at Daddy and said "Daddy", pointed at me and said "Mommy", and pointed at SkyWalker and said "brother". It was so cute. She has finally said his name but seems to prefer calling him brother. I'm trying to get her to say her own name but I'm not quite sure she's doing it. 

I am still taking the promethazone... and still throwing up every once in a while. I guess I just have to take it easy no matter what and hope it passes soon. Every once in a while is much better than 2-3 times a day. I am beyond tired and looking forward to being really pregnant. I hate the beginning stages. Besides the vomiting, I hate not really feeling pregnant. Not being big, not feeling movement. Although I have felt the um, I don't know what you'd call it, the whole baby sac since the beginning (the benefits of being thin), I don't feel right until I can feel the actual baby moving. I still haven't heard the heartbeat. It doesn't feel real yet. 

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Clever titles elude me. Once again.

I have spent the entire day on the phone. I do not LIKE being on the phone. Gah. I had to call the SOBs that gave me a defective laptop battery so I can get a new one sent to me. For some reason I decided to call the school to see when I have to do the kindergarten registration forms... oh, Dec.1! Gah. It's not like they won't accept him, but maaaan. I almost had to call his doc to get the fax number so I could fax the health forms but I found that online. I had to call the pharmacy because they printed up the wrong label on the amoxicillin last night so it went from 26 refills to 1. Um, no. Yesterday I had to call about refinancing our mortgage and learned that the interest rate went up from Sunday to Monday. I had to call about a $438 bill for the Princess's deflux procedure that didn't even work. Luckily that was just a mistake and we owe nothing. 

I am sick of being on the phone. If I can't do it online I don't want to do it. 

I discovered something about the Princess's naps. She seems to be waking up half way through, but as long as I ignore her and we stay relatively quiet she will go back to sleep. Which is good because she needs it. 

My husband was supposed to get her a guitar last night when he went shopping. They only had one. And it wasn't girlie enough for him so he didn't get it. I would like to slap him. It was a last minute idea for her for Christmas... I feel like I didn't quite get enough for her. We didn't get SkyWalker his guitar until he was 2, but the Princess plays his more than he does! She sits on the chair and is actually serious about it. When she does that then he gets interested in it and wants to play it. So I thought hmmm, let's get her one for herself... We still will but it would have been nice for Christmas!

My son is being incredibly cute today. He's been in time out and we've had our fair share of disobedience and arguing, but he's being really cute right now. He's got a bit of a cold again, but he said "I can still get presents, I'm not really sick, I'm just a little bit sick." Apparently really sick kids wouldn't get presents.

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The cat's out of the bag

which is what happens when you accidentally wear maternity pants to the library that you aren't even supposed to be going to but preschool was closed and your kid was disappointed and you said "Hey, let's go to the library!" even though your sweater is too short to cover your pants that you only wore because your non-maternity loose pants were in the laundry. Oh, and when you have nosy co-workers who catch you.

Yes.

12 1/2 weeks. June 26. You'll know the gender in June when it comes out. You'll know the name, well, you won't, unless you know me in real life, in June. Otherwise you're out of luck. I'm feeling better now that I am medicated. It has not been easy.

And there ya go.

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Hunger

When I worked full time I had lunch at 1, picked SkyWalker up at 4:45ish and was home by 5:15/5:30. I had just enough time to start dinner before Vader got home at 6. He used to get home at 5:45 and I'm not sure what happened to make it 6. Whatever. Sometimes we didn't eat until after 6 but it was fine.

Now that I am home this is just ridiculous! We have lunch anywhere between 11:30 and 12:30 depending on preschool. By 5 we're hungry. Even with a snack. We're hungry. I've laid out a simple dinner tonight since I have to leave at 6:30. It is now 5:30 and I am blogging because I have to wait for it to be close enough to 6 before I start cooking. It's not like Vader works that far away. He doesn't have much of a commute. He just always leaves late. It doesn't matter if he's gotten to work wicked early or on time or late. He still stays until 5:30 every day. (except Thursday because I work). 

Have I mentioned that I am hungry? I'm starting to think the kids and I should just have dinner on our own every night and forget about him. 

Last night I made turkey meatloaf and thought I was screwing it up but it actually turned out pretty good. I gave Skywalker a sliver of it and the carrots and green beans and mashed potatoes that went along with it. He said he didn't like any of it and pushed his plate away. We didn't say anything. He would up eating the carrots because he can't resist carrot math (he counts them and then says "What happens if I take one away/minus one/eat one?" and then counts again until he's eaten them all). He did not try the meatloaf or the mashed potatoes or the green beans that he used to like. His sister ate his meat loaf and his green beans. There was no crying, no drama. Mostly I think because he had had 2 PBJ sandwiches for lunch. On Sunday when it was really bad he had NO lunch because his father gave him orzo with diced tomatoes mixed in. Now, I love tomatoes and I don't like the diced tomatoes in the jar that he gets. SkyWalker has never liked any kind of tomatoes. He did try a grape tomato yesterday (yay!) but didn't like it. Anyway, so naturally he did not eat the orzo & diced tomatoes and was really hungry by dinner but not hungry enough to try the stew I made. Just hungry enough to cry and scream about it. I think I'll keep letting him have control over breakfast and lunch (within the choices I give him) and make sure he's got some food in him and then use dinner time as the try new things time. He won't starve and hopefully if we don't make a big deal out of it and call attention to his whining and crying, then maybe he'll stop whining and crying.

Crikey, I'm hungry.

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Why I suck

I suck as a traditional mom. Why? I can't knit/crochet. I really can't cook very well. I'm not all that crafty. But more importantly--I don't bake. I can bake things if it comes in a box with instructions to "add eggs and milk". That's about it. But today, today, dear reader, I have sunk to a new low. 

I am going to a cookie exchange tonight. I wasn't going to bring any cookies because the last few weeks have been really tough for me and the hostess took pity and exempted me. But I felt guilty. 

So right now I am "baking" 6 dozen cookies. 6 dozen ready-to-bake cookies, that is. I am simply taking them from their package and sticking them in the oven. Sigh. That's better than being empty-handed though right? I mean, they're still cookies. And they're still baked. They're just not from scratch--which I probably wouldn't have done anyway. I would have just gotten the damn dough anyway. So really this is just an extension of my already lazy baking habits. 

Sigh. 

But, my kid knows who was the first President of the United States.

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Food

I know I've talked about being a picky eater before and how I really just don't think about food the way other people do. There are some foods that I like, but I don't daydream about them. Food is a tool of survival and that's it. I try not to assign any emotional value to it and I've tried hard to pass that to my own children as well. I don't reward them with food, I don't bribe them with food. We try to eat as healthy as we can and avoid desserts and candy/cookies/sweets. Lately instead of having goldfish in my diaper bag I've had carrots and both of my children beg for carrots when we're out (the Princess's shirt was covered with carrot stains at the library today). 

My son has taken my pickiness and brought it to a whole new level. I know it's payback for what I did to my mother. Whatever. He will refuse to eat food that he LIKES because it's presented in a different way or a different form. He likes macaroni and cheese. But he refuses melted cheese on anything else. He likes chicken nuggets but not any other kind of chicken. And lately he's been refusing nuggets at home and claiming he only likes Burger King chicken nuggets (our one weakness--Burger King). He refuses to try anything new. I've tried to explain to him that if *I'm* cooking it and able to eat it then he should be too... I even tried chicken nuggets and fish sticks to show him that I can try things. He remains stubborn. Which leads me to my dilemma. 

I understand being picky and not wanting to eat anything different. I feel for him. I really really do. I can't just go to a restaurant and be sure that I can eat what they have. I can't just go to a friend's house for dinner. I understand him.

But.

I can't make different meals for all of us. I don't enjoy cooking to begin with and when I have to make alternatives for him it's just a pain in the ass. Once he is old enough to take care of himself I don't care what the hell he eats if he doesn't like what I make. But for now I really don't want to be treated like a restaurant with him ordering something different off the menu. If I'm making something that I know he's tried and really doesn't like I will have another option for him. But if it's something normal that he should like and refuses to even try then I don't make him anything else. Which leads to...

crying. Crying and whining at the dinner table. It's mostly at dinner because I let him choose his breakfast and his lunch. But at dinner I would like us to eat the same meal. So I'm left with him crying and being upset. Crying over FOOD. I've told him that food is never a reason to cry and if he doesn't want to eat his dinner he doesn't have to. He just has to sit with us and not cry over it. I try to ignore the whining and sometimes he will actually stop and take a bite or two. 

So I'm left with this. Either I just let him choose what he wants to eat, or I try to stay in control and risk him developing an emotional association with food. And I know that half of you reading this think that I'm crazy and if he wants a bowl of fruit loops for dinner (no, we don't have that in the house) I should give it to him. But he's got ancestors with weight problems and I'm trying to start him out on the right path. I say him, because the Princess is no problem whatsoever. She eats anything and everything. She tries it all. She loves vegetables and eats a healthy diet. I will probably just have to make sure I get her into sports when she's old enough. And while I know that ultimately he will have to make his own food choices when he's older, I want to give him the right tools now.

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Tantrums

SkyWalker said perhaps the funniest thing I have ever heard him say while having a tantrum: 

"But I HAVE to check my e-mail!!!" 

while crying and screaming because Daddy said it was bedtime and he had to go upstairs and be done with the laptop,  where he was in fact checking his e-mail.

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The jedi

SkyWalker insisted that the Princess sit next to him during lunch today (instead of across from him) because "I love her". He claimed that he would take care of her, i.e., make sure she didn't drop anything. Then he said "If it's clean, I can touch it. If it's not clean YOU can touch it." I'm assuming he meant her cup or whatever else she might throw. Then he asked me to cut his peanut butter and jelly sandwich into triangles because he wasn't doing very well. He told me to "do the best you can." Thanks dude.

Sometimes he is so damn funny. The past few days they seem to alternate between being really funny and cute and being really annoying. Often it's at the same time as well. They're just so cute TOGETHER, even when they're being mischievious and getting into trouble. The other night I was telling the both of them they had to clean up before bedtime. The Princess had made a lot of the mess and I was telling her what she had to do, when SkyWalker claimed it was NOT clean up time but it was still playtime. I said "No, it's clean up time and if you don't clean up I'm going to put you in time out." The Princess, who was NOT being spoken to, walked away from me and headed into the living room and put HERSELF in time out. Apparently she didn't want to clean up either. It was hilarious. SkyWalker joined her and then time out was tickle and giggle time. I've put her in time out before (for pulling plugs and whatnot) but this was the first time she got there herself and sat right down and stayed there. They did wind up cleaning up.

Can someone tell me why my son eats his coat and his shirts? He didn't put crap in his mouth until his sister came along... toys are one thing, but he's ruining his shirts and his coat is just disgusting. I just washed it but I can't keep doing that. I'm tempted to let him chew gum, but I really don't want to go there and even if he didn't swallow it I'm sure his sister would get her hands on some and swallow it. Of course as I type this I keep putting my own damn fingers in my mouth. Apples and trees, I guess. But I could deal with his fingers. His clothing is just freakin' weird. 

Another funny thing he's been saying: "I'm gonna kick Daddy in the head." Just out of the blue. Of course I tell him it's not very nice, but it's pretty funny. I know how you feel Dude. 

The Princess has been saying: "glasses", "BABY"--whenever she sees a doll anywhere, "more", "please", and her body parts. Oh and "buddy" for her teething blanket thing with the bear head that I call her sleeping buddy or bedtime buddy. She's become quite attached to that and pulls it through the slats on the crib so she can walk around with it. The other night Vader was showing her the map and telling her countries and she repeated "Australia." I kid you not. I'm not sure if she could tell you where it is, like SkyWalker could, but she can say it.  

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Buffy Season 8

How did I not know this was out already? 

Wolves at the Gate (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Eight, Volume 3)

Drew Goddard

I thought I had just checked. It was probably 6 months ago. Maybe someone's looking for a gift idea for me.... hmmm..... 

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Ureters, Reflux and Surgeries. Oh my.

When I was 20 weeks pregnant with the Princess I had a level 2 ultrasound to check my placenta because of the minor abruption I had with SkyWalker. The placenta was okay. The Princess's right kidney was not. That was in January 2007, nearly 2 years ago, and that is how long we have been dealing with this. 

In October of 2007, at a mere 5 months old, the Princess had her first surgery. The plan was to take her "bad" ureter on the right side and hook it up to the good one (you're only supposed to have one anyway!). When they got inside the bad one was so kinked up that they couldn't do it. So they took both ureters and detached them and then reattached them right next to each other on the bladder. Her follow up ultrasound looked great, but she didn't have a VCUG because she hadn't had reflux to begin with... and then she got her UTI in April 08 and in June she had the VCUG and lo and behold there was reflux. In Sept, nearly a year after her first surgery, she had the deflux procedure done to correct the reflux. Today she had another ultrasound and VCUG. 

It didn't work.

The bad ureter is just so bad that the deflux didn't even make a dent. So in March 09 they will take the bad ureter and hook it up to the good one. Yeah, you read that right. She's grown so much that the ureter has stretched and unkinked itself and they are confident that they can do it this time and then that will be it, it will be fixed. At that point she will be just under 2 years old and she will have her 3rd surgery. 

Good. Friggin. Times.

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A bunch of nothings

Muppets from Space is a funny movie but I don't think SkyWalker is really getting it. Too much plot, I guess. 

After a few days of being home and having my buttons pushed we went to a playdate at the library this morning. It was SO nice to be able to just play in the storytime room and not have to worry about chasing the kids. As an added bonus we went to lunch--at our favorite place--with friends this time--and I had the best burger I have had in eons. The kids were fine, spilling milk and being loud, and we were able to have real adult conversations. In bits and pieces of course, but you get my point. It was divine. 

Why is Pacey in this movie? And um, what was Katie Holm's on Dawson's Creek? I can't remember her name. Crikey.  I could look it up but that's not as much fun as torturing myself. 

The Princess has her ultrasound/VCUG tomorrow morning. Hopefully I will be posting that she is reflux-free and will be off the amox in a few months. I'm sure they'll keep her on it a little longer just to be safe. When she first started it (the day she was born) it used to bug me how much I had to get rid of after the 2 weeks were up. Regardless of how much is left over you have to get rid of it after 2 weeks and get a new bottle. It would be mostly full. Now? It bugs me even more because we have just enough for 2 weeks. There's a big difference between the dose for a 7 pound baby and a 23 pound toddler. She has been on it *that* long, not counting her brief few month hiatus after her first surgery. 

Yes, I changed the name at the top of this blog. Not the address, just the name. As much as Miss Bagel disagrees with me, I'm just not the goddesslibrarian anymore. There was a time when I kicked ass in this profession but that time was long ago.

Whenever I type anything SkyWalker always asks me if I'm typing "a bunch of nothings." I believe I told him that once A YEAR AGO. And he won't let it go. Sadly though, he's usually right.

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Updation

Thanksgiving was good. It was nice being with my family and letting them share the jedi. It's always easier when there are so many people you can pass them off too. I couldn't make ferry reservations for the way home when I made the original reservations and then I just forgot about it until the day before we left. At which point all the possible ferry times we would have chosen were booked. So we drove around and it sucked. We left at 10 and didn't get home until 5. We did stop for an hour for lunch and had to stop again for SkyWalker to pee, but for the most part it was just traffic. 

SkyWalker has his "I've been away from home" cold. Just snot and coughing. He's upstairs in his room now, presumably napping. 

The Princess had her 18 month check up yesterday. I had to fill out a questionnaire... which was was weird because I hadn't seen one of those since SkyWalker was in daycare. And I wasn't the one who filled it out then! She scored really well on her gross motor and fine motor and most everything. There were a couple of weird problem solving questions-- if you put a cheerio in a bottle does your child try to get it out. I don't know. I try not to put cheerios in bottles. She is 23 pounds, 4 ounces and 32 inches long. To put that into perspective, SkyWalker is 32 pounds and 39 inches long. If he doesn't start eating his meat and vegetables his baby sister is going to be bigger than he is! 

I saw so many christmas trees on the cars when we came back on Sunday. I just have to laugh. I don't see the point in putting up the tree on December 1... by December 25 it's got to be half-dead. I would wait until Christmas Eve like my parents always did, but you can't do that anymore because of all of the people who get theirs on Thanksgiving. The latest we can go is the weekend before. We don't decorate it until Christmas Eve though. And then the first time the kids see it all lit up and magical is Christmas morning. We should plant our own so we can wait. That would be cool. 

I'm coveting the iPhone again. But I don't really use my cell phone. I have the pay as you go one, and I put $100 last January. I have roughly $60 left. And that's because whenever I can I get online with it just to spend some money! I did that during the car ride and it was sucky, but at least it cost me a couple of bucks. I think what I would rather have is the iTouch. Because really all I want is an iPod that will stay charged over night and something that will get me on the internets and be pretty not texty. Sadly though, even though I think nothing of buying Vader an iPod, or two, I won't spend that kind of money on myself. Not now. Even with my iPod being all wacky. Damn my responsibility. I could have asked for one for Christmas instead of the treadmill, but once again there's that frickin' responsibility thing.

My house is a mess. The kitchen smells. I still haven't taken pictures of the painted walls. Maybe next summer. 

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