Poop! On the Potty!

SkyWalker seems to be back to "normal" and has pooped a few times without me forcing him to try. Yay. 

This post is not about him. 

After letting the Princess cry and cry, I finally went upstairs expecting to see a poopy diaper as the cause of her sudden wake-up and refusal to go back to napping. There was none. I put her on the potty just for the hell of it, read her a book, asked her if she was going to pee and then... and then.... I saw the face. She pooped (and peed) on the potty! SkyWalker and I clapped and screamed and the Princess clapped and seemed to be more interested in her brother's reaction than mine. If only she would tell me when she has to go, we'd be on our way to potty training!

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Bull. Shit.

Vader took SkyWalker to preschool this morning* and when I called later to see how he did at drop-off, Vader said he was absolutely fine. Not sure if our definitions of fine were the same I asked if he clung to him and asked him not to go and had to pulled off by the teacher. Nope. He sat at the table to do his name like he's supposed to, gave Vader a high five and knuckles and that was it. 

WTH?

Am I just a patsy? It's not like I stick around when he does this. Why does he do this to *me*?? 

Of course he also napped this weekend. When his father put him down and flipped his magic switch. It was either because it was Daddy or because when he's holding in his poop he just wants to lay down. It's easy to hold it in when you're laying down. He is upstairs right now doing everything but napping. He also pooped 3 times today...

Last night I got together with my new friends for board game night. Yes, I am that lame. Instead of boozing it up, I set up board game nights. Aside from the absence of a couple of people who should have been there (*points fingers*), it was great. I hope we can make it a regular thing. 

Vader took the fridge from the garage to the dump on Saturday. He had to use his mother's truck, so SkyWalker couldn't go with him. I explained that we couldn't put a carseat in the truck so that's why he couldn't go. Then I asked if he remembered Daddy's truck and told him that's why we sold it and bought the van. He asked how we got to Japan to buy the van (apparently he knows it was made in Japan). I laughed and said we didn't, they made it in Japan and sent to a car store here. He said "but how did we get it out of the box?". It was hilarious. 

*I slept like crap and had a headache and woke up with a wee bit of diarrhea and dizziness. Vader offered, yes, offered, to take SkyWalker to preschool and I thought that was a fantastic idea. 

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Really? Again?

SkyWalker is holding in his poop again. For the 3rd time in as many weeks. I have spiked his peanut butter and jelly with pureed prunes. I have spiked his grape juice with liquid laxative. I have given him a suppository. He pooped a little bit after that, but not 3 days worth, and he's "leaking" again so it looks like he's right back to where he started. I need to find something that will work immediately, regardless of whether he wants it to or not, so that on that very first day that he doesn't poop I can get it out of him. He needs to go every single day, and all it takes is him holding it in ONCE, to screw everything up and get him caught in a vicious cycle. 

I think I might scream now.

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Naps

This preschool thing is killing me. 

I made lunch last night, we ate as soon as we got home, the Princess pooped, and then she went to nap. There is no reason why she should be screaming her head off just an hour later. This. Sucks. 

In addition to that, Vader thinks that if SkyWalker napped during the day he would sleep less deeply at night and then wake himself up when he needed to pee. I think he is wrong. Not only because I think SkyWalker is peeing when he is awake, but also because it's not like I can just flip a switch and make him nap. He's up in his bed right now crying and saying Mommy over and over again. (I put him up there after the Princess started her crying so he's not the one who woke her up.)

Rather than let me blather on about the screaming and crying in my house right now, please enjoy the following videos. They are too long, but I have adorable kids. 

Chairdancing

Shoes

And finally, for once, SkyWalker enjoys Happy Birthday!

Birthdaysong

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Weather

My son has never watched the Teletubbies. I forbid it. Forbid. 

But the little sonofabitch is so friggin good with the computer and the internets (big surprise) that he has found a teletubbie game on pbs kids and I am hearing "eh-oh!" "bye-bye" over and over and OVER again. Whose idea was it to let him have his own computer? 

We had a fantabulous playdate this morning. Fantabulous because it wasn't at my house so I didn't have to go crazy yesterday trying to straighten up and I'm not going crazy now doing dishes and washing tablecloths. Fantabulous because I was surrounded by friends and we sat and snacked and talked and gossiped and our children all played nicely. We even had the kids eat by themselves in the dining room as we ate in the kitchen (within viewing distance for possible choking). And they all did SO WELL. There was no chaos, no crazy. It was a beautiful morning and just what I needed to get out of my fall weather funk. 

I do not like the fall. I like that we have one. I like that our seasons change. And I will begin to like fall, but right now, in the beginning I just get sad. There's so much to DO in the summer. Swimming, playing outside. The fall is, eh. I don't like being chilly. I don't like having to put jackets and coats on my kids to go outside. I don't like the way it messes up the carseats being so bulky. *I* don't like being chilly. I'd rather lay on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and read a book for the next 9-10 months. I just don't want to DO anything. I suppose once we go apple picking and trick or treating and I figure out how I can make my kids tired without making me chilly, it will be okay. And then it'll be winter. And I REALLY don't like the winter. 

There are things I keep meaning to blog about. Like how I haven't worn a watch since July. But the Princess is claiming that she doesn't need a nap right now. I think it will be an early bedtime, which is just fine since I am not working tonight and I have TV to watch!

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Why mommies get sick

It doesn't matter how much extra Vitamin C and zinc we take, or hand sanitizer we use, or even getting that all too sought-after nap... we are powerless against the soft snotty kisses and cough-infested hugs. And then it is too late.

Cough.

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what time is it?

My children alternated crying last night. For the entire night. And when I mean entire night, I mean it. I think I slept for roughly 2 hours. I finally just turned the monitor off at 4 but since I already had a splitting headache it really didn't help. SkyWalker peed his bed 3 times. They both have runny noses. SkyWalker is not that bad... I have to decide now if I want to send him to preschool or not. I hate to see him miss so early on when he's still getting used to it. But I don't want anyone else getting sick. 

head. pain.

I have more cupcakes to make and bathrooms to clean and crap to do today and I have a feeling I am going to need to take a nap. 

And my daughter is covered in yogurt and cheerios. 

What a fine start to the day.

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Happy Birthday SkyWalker (and me)

SkyWalker turned 4 years old today. I can't quite believe it has been that long. We went to preschool and although I still got the clinging to me hug and the request that I not leave and the sad face, there was no crying. The Princess and I went back less than an hour after we left so we could share the cupcakes. We stayed the rest of the time since his teacher and I agreed that 2 goodbyes would be too much for him. The Princess pretended she belonged there and tried like hell to do the water color painting and everything the big kid's were doing. And screamed at me when she couldn't get a second cupcake. SkyWalker talked to his teachers while I was there and seemed to do okay. He wasn't too distracted by us. 

We went to Denny's for lunch with Grama and then he and I went hunting for leaves as the Princess napped. I'm trying to get him to say he wants to go out for dinner too so I can get out of cooking. He's being a goofball and non-committal right now. 

Would you like to hear how much of a pathetic loser I am?

On Monday the Princess and I went to the Y to join. I filled out the paperwork and the guy gave me a bingo sheet and told me if I took it all home and filled it out (all heath stuff--avoiding soda and TV and things we already do) then he would waive the $100 signing fee. Sweet right? I said sure and left without handing the paperwork in. Great. Only it's not. Because now I've had time to rethink. And second guess myself. 

I can't do it.

I was explaining yesterday why I didn't put SkyWalker in preschool at 3. He had only been home with me for a couple of months at that point, after having been in daycare for nearly 2 years. I wanted my time with him and I am glad I did it. I said that I would probably put the Princess in at 3 since I've been home with her since day 1. I realized today that although I have been home with her I have not had any alone time with her. Not more than half an hour here and there when Vader and SkyWalker are busy outside. I thought back to this last week and farting around Target with her and going to the library and how she's been in the best mood... and we spent one day walking around Target just kissing and singing to each other. And it was the best. 

I have a million good excuses. I only have 2 1/2 hours of SkyWalker being in preschool. I only have 2 days I can go to the gym. Do I really want to spend all that money on an hour a week? Maybe 2 hours? I'm making even less money now (I always type monkey... wouldn't it be funny if we got paid in monkeys?), should I really be spending it? Do I want to do this now when I know I won't be able to go with a newborn next year? 

But really what it comes down to is that I don't want to waste one single minute. I just dropped a night of work. I've been thinking about identity a lot lately--how I'm really not the goddesslibrarian anymore--and what I realized is that above all else, before anything else, I am Mom. And I might be a pathetic loser with high cholesterol, but you know what? I'm okay with that.

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Two steps forward, one step back

Since his sister's surgery SkyWalker has pooped in his underwear 4-5 times. Today, however, he outdid himself. He pooped outside. In front of the swing. I was inside and he was entertaining himself and when I got out there he said "Don't step in any [SkyWalker] poopie!" and I said "Huh?" And then I saw. I asked if it came from his underwear and he said no, he peed and then decided to poop there too. 

What the dilly-o people?

On the one hand I'm glad that he's pooping again and not holding it in anymore, but what the hell?? 

Of course his sister's surgery coincided with the start of preschool. I don't think that it is preschool... 

His sister has officially become a big girl. It's not the walking, or drinking out of a big girl cup and sitting at the table with us, it's not the way she laughs when she does something naughty, it's not that she's not sleeping with the pacifier anymore*, it's not that she likes to bring me her shoes, it's going up the ladder on our playset and then down the slide. By herself. While poor Mama tries to quiet the voices in her head and not have a panic attack. How do I know this makes her a big girl? SkyWalker. He's been asking for a few weeks now why the little jobber is a big boy but the princess is still a baby. Apparently going down the slide without Mommy is the only criteria needed. 

Last week, the day after the Princess's surgery I took the pacifiers away. I put her down for a nap and told her no more pacifiers. She pointed to the top of her dresser. They were not there. She pointed to the floor but none had fallen under the crib. She pointed to the dresser drawer. They were in there, but I wasn't getting them. She cried and cried and I left. Less than 10 minutes later she was asleep. She has not had one since and has slept just fine. What was I waiting for??

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Goofballs

I am completely lacking in focus right now. I intended on making a bookmark on discipline books or doing some other work-related work but I just can't focus. I am tired beyond tired and the only thing I can attribute it to is spending all day at the hospital yesterday. And thinking about all the things I still have to do. Like clean and bake cupcakes and more cupcakes and more cupcakes.

The Princess was amazing yesterday. They delayed her surgery so she had to wait even longer with an empty tummy and she was SO GOOD it was just, well, amazing. I did let her have her pacifier towards the end because she was getting tired as well as hungry. They took her away and she didn't cry, just calmly let them hold her. The surgery itself was only half an hour. She came out of the anesthesia crying and screaming and really unhappy. She refused to drink any water. She finally just screamed herself to sleep in my arms and slept for at least half an hour and then when she woke up she was much calmer. She cried when they took out the IV and the blood pressure thing, but got over it quickly. When we got home she drank water and ate chinese food and jumped on Mama and went to sleep without any medication. Today she has been a complete goofball, jumping on the bed, sticking her hand in the toilet, and wrestling her brother whenever she got the chance.

We won't know if it was successful until November when she has her VCUG and Ultrasound. The surgeon sounded confident but couldn't commit to anything. So now we just wait and see.

SkyWalker seems to be doing just fine in preschool. He's talking about some of the kids and while I'm sure he's not playing with them yet, he's willingly going there and doesn't seem traumatized. He's having a hard time with his poop again but I think that's because of the Princess yesterday and not because of preschool. It's possible it's preschool, I'm pretty sure he's not going to poop there and once he holds it in it's never good, but I would bet that it has more to do with worrying over his sister. Hopefully he'll get it out tonight.

Today my son said: "You need to see my butt crack", bent over, dropped pants, and showed me his butt crack. Good times.

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Home

100_3985

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So far so good

SkyWalker had his "first" day of preschool on Monday. The Princess and I were right down the hall, but I didn't tell him that. He was only there for an hour but he did pretty good. He talked to his teacher and did what he was supposed to do and told my mom that he made friends with a couple of kids. Vader just left to take him for his first official day. 

They scheduled the Princess's surgery for noon. We have to be there at 10:30. This pretty much sucks, BUT it's going much better than I thought it would. I went upstairs at 11:30 last night with a cup of yogurt and some milk. She had just a little milk but she ate most of the yogurt, proving once again that she is her father's daughter and can eat at anytime, anywhere. She smiled and talked and kept looking at me like "Is this for real?". I hope tonight I don't hear "Where's my yogurt woman?" through the monitor. She woke up slightly before 7, I changed her diaper and acted like it was the middle of the night. I put her back down and she went back to sleep. Or at least stayed quiet enough that I could eat and shower. She woke up again at 8:30 and I gave her the water she was allowed to have. We are downstairs in the office now and she is trying to ride a bike AND play the ukuele at the same time. So far she doesn't seem to have realized that we have not eaten. We still have a little less than an hour to go before we have to leave though. I think once she's in the car she will be okay and then she will be distracted in the hospital. I am so glad I gave her that yogurt. 

By the end of today, in the last 4 years I will have had to be in the waiting room 3 times as my children went through surgery. I think that's more than my fair share, don't you? Funnily enough I've also had to go through 3 dog surgeries--all for Mr. problem dog Isaac. I would like to be done with surgeries now. 

I need to somehow pack some snacks for myself and a sippy cup for the Princess without her seeing. I cannot believe how calm and good she is being, but I'm sure that will change if she sees some food. 

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Sigh

We had our playdate at the preschool today. Vader stayed home with the Princess so I could concentrate on SkyWalker. That had been our plan when we thought she was going to be recovering from surgery and we decided to just stick with it. Half of the class met first and then the other half met. It will be the same on Monday, so he won't see the entire class until Wednesday. There were about 10 kids there including him. I would say 9 of them were sitting at the tables, next to each other, drawing with markers or playing with playdough. Guess who wasn't? Guess who was in a corner playing with trucks by himself? When the playdate was over all the kids had to sit on the blue line on the rug. 9 of them did. Guess who didn't want to? The teacher saw and took pity and announced that parents could sit too and then he did. He refused to talk to her, refused to answer any questions. Refused to play with anyone. 

I know that it will get better. When we did our first playdate with our meetup group he hid in the bathroom. And now he asks to go to people's houses, he plays with other kids and tells me he loves them, he talks to other moms and tells me to go away. So I know that he will settle in and be comfortable. It was only a 45 minute playdate. Maybe it wasn't long enough for him to get comfortable. I know it's only a matter of time before he's making friends. 

That doesn't mean it doesn't suck watching it. I'm stuck wondering why he's like this and none of the other kids seem to be. Why he's so shy. What did I do wrong? Is it just nature? During his 8 months in the womb, did he somehow sense my inner distrust of people?

Monday will be an hour and 15 minutes with me down the hall in an orientation. The first day that he is left there by himself will be Wednesday. The very same Wednesday that my baby will be going under anesthesia and having surgery. Possibly at the same time. Yeah, that will be fun.

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Pee

Yes, I know. I usually talk about poop. But sometimes pee is blog worthy too.

Twice this week I have put the Princess on the potty and she has peed. SkyWalker and I clap and dance and sing and she claps and it is funny.

Twice in the last week SkyWalker has NOT peed his bed. Yay for progress, however slow it is.

I stepped out of the shower and SkyWalker ran behind me, slapped my butt, sang a "hairy heiney" song and then asked where my balls were. I said I don't have them. He said rather dismissively, "Well, what DO you have?" and I told him what I have and what the mens have. He then chased me as I tried to get my underwear on and sang "Where are you heiney?"

This, however, is the kicker. It happened at least a week ago but it was too traumatic for me to blog or even tell anyone about it.

Brace yourselves.

I was sitting on the potty, peeing, when SkyWalker came in and announced he wanted to pee on my pee. Sure, fine, whatever. Before I had a chance to get up, he aimed his little wee-wee for the gap between my rear and the toilet and peed. He did have very good aim.

He peed on me.

An almost 4-year old peeing on you is much different than a newborn.

I don't think I'll ever be the same.

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It's 8 pm

Do you know where your children are? Mine are in bed, having just cried themselves to sleep. I'm not sure quite sure I've ever had a night when they BOTH screamed in protest. At least not like this. 

We spent the day screaming at each other until finally I announced we were leaving the house. I wanted to go to Target. SkyWalker wanted to go to people's houses. We compromised and went to the library instead. The library was just what we needed. SkyWalker made a friend at the train table, telling me to go away so he could talk in private. It was reassuring and funny and right on time since he starts preschool next week. I think he'll be just fine. 

We got home with Burger King in hand and turned a bad day into a good one. We brushed our teeth and SkyWalker yelled out the window "Where are you boy?" looking for his library friend. We read books and cuddled/wrestled a little. 

And then it all went to shit. 

The Princess pointed downstairs and SCREAMED when I put her in the crib and walked away. She screamed and screamed despite having her pacifier. Her brother claimed he wanted a bath--after refusing 40 minutes earlier--and SCREAMED when I said no, it was too late. He screamed when I had to sit on his head to get his underwear on. I gave up and didn't even attempt the pajamas, just walking out of the room and telling him not to pee his bed. He screamed that he wanted me to put his pajamas on, as his sister was screaming in her crib. He screamed when I put his pajamas on and told him enough was enough. I walked down the stairs and got the laptop and less than 5 minutes later there is no screaming. 

Oh yes. And my iPod died.

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So annoyed

This was supposed to be a nice post about the Princess sitting on the potty and peeing intentionally but instead I'm ready to scream. 

The surgeon just called. Her deflux procedure has been cancelled tomorrow. They need a special scope. Which is broken. I could choose to do it next week or next month. Argh. Of course next Wednesday is the ONLY Wednesday in  September I was scheduled to work, presumedly because the other person couldn't do it. And next Wednesday is SkyWalker's first full day at preschool. We're doing it because I don't want to wait another month but even waiting another week is really pissing me off. I was all ready to do this tomorrow and now we have to wait even longer!

I think I'm going to scream now.

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Perception

I can't seem to find my baby. Somehow between last week and today she has disappeared. And in her place is a little girl. She walks everywhere she can. She shakes her head no when she doesn't want something. She's starting to use some signs (she asked for more milk today). She helped Mommy unload the dishwasher--handed me each plate and bowl one by one. Last night while making dinner I got a colander from the cupboard.... she then opened up the cupboard, got another one and handed it to me. She hasn't used a sippy cup since yesterday. Instead she's drinking out of a big girl cup (that just the day before was a big boy cup). She seems to have grown overnight. 

And if she's not a baby anymore... then what does that make SkyWalker? The past few days he's been Daddy's big helper. Making trips to Home Depot and patching the driveway. He tells me he's "working" and to stay inside and take care of the Princess. Today he told me to stay inside and that HE would take care of the Princess and she would take care of him. He's growing like a weed. Talking like a grown up. How could 4 years have gone by so quickly? One week from today he will be in preschool. Two weeks and he will be 4 years old. One year from today and he will be getting ready for kindergarten. 

I heard the funniest thing the other day. K, my neighbor, is a wee bit um, terrified of having her third. She's going to be just fine and if you're not terrified then you'd have to be a little crazy. Anyway, she said something about me always making her feel better because I "have it all together" or some such nonsense. Isn't it funny how people can think you're has it together girl when you don't? Or is it the other way around? Maybe you feel like you're floundering when really you do have it together? It's funny how people's perceptions of you can be so different from the way you see yourself. And who's to say which is the right one?

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