Monday, December 15, 2008

Food

I know I've talked about being a picky eater before and how I really just don't think about food the way other people do. There are some foods that I like, but I don't daydream about them. Food is a tool of survival and that's it. I try not to assign any emotional value to it and I've tried hard to pass that to my own children as well. I don't reward them with food, I don't bribe them with food. We try to eat as healthy as we can and avoid desserts and candy/cookies/sweets. Lately instead of having goldfish in my diaper bag I've had carrots and both of my children beg for carrots when we're out (the Princess's shirt was covered with carrot stains at the library today). 

My son has taken my pickiness and brought it to a whole new level. I know it's payback for what I did to my mother. Whatever. He will refuse to eat food that he LIKES because it's presented in a different way or a different form. He likes macaroni and cheese. But he refuses melted cheese on anything else. He likes chicken nuggets but not any other kind of chicken. And lately he's been refusing nuggets at home and claiming he only likes Burger King chicken nuggets (our one weakness--Burger King). He refuses to try anything new. I've tried to explain to him that if *I'm* cooking it and able to eat it then he should be too... I even tried chicken nuggets and fish sticks to show him that I can try things. He remains stubborn. Which leads me to my dilemma. 

I understand being picky and not wanting to eat anything different. I feel for him. I really really do. I can't just go to a restaurant and be sure that I can eat what they have. I can't just go to a friend's house for dinner. I understand him.

But.

I can't make different meals for all of us. I don't enjoy cooking to begin with and when I have to make alternatives for him it's just a pain in the ass. Once he is old enough to take care of himself I don't care what the hell he eats if he doesn't like what I make. But for now I really don't want to be treated like a restaurant with him ordering something different off the menu. If I'm making something that I know he's tried and really doesn't like I will have another option for him. But if it's something normal that he should like and refuses to even try then I don't make him anything else. Which leads to...

crying. Crying and whining at the dinner table. It's mostly at dinner because I let him choose his breakfast and his lunch. But at dinner I would like us to eat the same meal. So I'm left with him crying and being upset. Crying over FOOD. I've told him that food is never a reason to cry and if he doesn't want to eat his dinner he doesn't have to. He just has to sit with us and not cry over it. I try to ignore the whining and sometimes he will actually stop and take a bite or two. 

So I'm left with this. Either I just let him choose what he wants to eat, or I try to stay in control and risk him developing an emotional association with food. And I know that half of you reading this think that I'm crazy and if he wants a bowl of fruit loops for dinner (no, we don't have that in the house) I should give it to him. But he's got ancestors with weight problems and I'm trying to start him out on the right path. I say him, because the Princess is no problem whatsoever. She eats anything and everything. She tries it all. She loves vegetables and eats a healthy diet. I will probably just have to make sure I get her into sports when she's old enough. And while I know that ultimately he will have to make his own food choices when he's older, I want to give him the right tools now.

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8 comments:

Imatjen said...

I can sooooo relate. I often feel like I make 5 different meals. I think it is the difference between boys and girls. My son is picky and my daughter's (yes both, prefer brocolli and wheat grass over pizza and french fries. My son will be 13 this month and he will eat mac and cheese if it comes in a blue box but not if it comes with spiral noodles. He will eat fries, hash browns and baked potatoes but not mashed potatoes, but he will devour mashed sweet potatoes. He will eat breaded anything. Like shrimp, "fried" yes please, "peel and eat" a big no thank you.... so i feel your pain. Often at our house I buy a huge bulk bag of Chicken Pattys and if someone doesn't like it, then Voila' Chicken Patty. I just had a vision of the Count from Sesame Street waving his wand and saying "A la Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich"... Hang in there momma ;)

Felice said...

Hmmm...that's tough. I don't know what I would do. My brother used to be forced to eat what my mom served and then he started making himself puke at the table. It was lovely. It went on for years. So, knowing that, I think I wouldn't force it too much. But then you don't want to become a short-order cook, so it's a tough thing to try to balance. Could you try some sort of reward system for trying things that he doesn't want to eat? Does that even work? I don't know.

wickedlibrarian said...

Since I'm more like your princess, I've never really understood the picky-eater thing. Food is lovely and wonderful, and varied and interesting, and who the hell wouldn't want to try something new? So what if you don't like it - then you don't eat it. It baffles me when people don't want to eat.
Which, I realize, helps you not at all. I'm of the mind, though, that to cater to his picky-ness is just asking for trouble later on. It sounds like you're doing your best though, and that you're just going to have to put up with his crying and hope he grows out of it. Because it's absolutely not unreasonable to teach him that he's NOT always going to get exactly what he wants, and maybe by trying something new he'll find something else he likes a lot.
I have an adult friend who is an extremely picky eater - she's perfectly fine and nice until we get to a restaurant, and then she turns into a 5 year old. Whining and pouting and passive-aggressiveness, "Fine I'll just starve" kind of thing. It's really embarassing, and we avoid eating out with her whenever possible now. Do you really want him to grow up to be like that?

Jedi Mama said...

Thanks. I was hoping to get your input. I want him to be better than me... I want him to try new foods and be open to things. I force myself to try things in front of him because of that. But I'm not sure which is more important--forcing him to try new foods and having him cry and be upset and start thinking that food is what you eat when you're upset, or to just keep making him his own food and avoiding any dinner time drama.

Shinesalot said...

I have to agree with slytherinlibrarian in terms of catering to him at dinner - it's asking for trouble. He won't starve - eventually he'll realize you are not going to offer anything else and if/when he's hungry enough, he'll eat the turkey you KNOW he'll like. It might take a hungry night or two, though. When you sleep trained your kids (like you really needed to...) but, when they cried then, did you give in? I remember calling you when I wanted to give in to my littleman many moons ago...is now so different? Well...except for it totally disrupting what could be a nice dinner....

Jedi Mama said...

Oh, I don't give a crap if he's crying. I just don't want him crying over FOOD. I guess maybe in a way, I'm afraid that if he's crying over food he'll begin to see a connection between his emotions and food... and then one day he will be in his 30s and when he's upset he'll open up a bag of chocolate chip cookies... but maybe I'm thinking about this wrong. Maybe there wouldn't be that connection as long as I don't then reward his crying with something he likes to eat?

bookishbiker said...

I think you're doing the right thing by NOT catering to him. If he's hungry, he'll eat, and he needs to learn to be at least at tiny bit open minded. I could seeing going down the "no thank you"-bite path. Is there something he will tolerate but not love that isn't hard to make? I'm picturing you having a nice meal and giving him a pile of cold mac & cheese if he'll eat it (i.e. not killing yourself over a second meal). I grew up being forced to eat whatever was served, which I think was good, except it taught me to eat despite my hunger level/lack thereof. There was no way in hell my mom would even consider making something different, and it never occurred to us to ask! Look - just raise him healthy and love him. If you raise an emotionally strong kid, he won't get love from a bag of cookies. And if he DOES hopefully he'll be smart enough to realize that it's not real love. Unless it's peppermint Jo-Jos from Trader Joes. Those really ARE love.

wickedlibrarian said...

I think at this point (again, grain of salt, not-a-mom here) what's more important is teaching him that he either eats what is there or he goes hungry. No matter WHAT you do, he's going to associate emotions with food - there's just no getting around that, because EVERYONE, even people who claim to not care about food, EVERYONE has an emotional memory about food in some way. That's just what happens, because we're human. (Smell of yummy cookies = mom in the kitchen, etc. for a cliche example.)
I think it's much more important right now for him to learn to try new things. And for you to not spoil him by giving him what he wants just because he demands it. Like someone else said - it might mean a few hungry nights (and lots and lots of crying) but it's a lesson that needs to be learned.