Please don't call me Pollyanna

The more we get together together together The more we get together the happier we'll be. Because my friends are your friends and your friends are my friends. The more we get together the happier we'll be. 

I kind of overbooked myself this week. I still have towels to fold from Monday, but it has been such a great week it was totally worth it. Monday we wound up at the library because we were rained out of the beach and both of my  children mostly behaved. They each had friends to see. On Tuesday we had a spontaneous unscheduled playdate which was exactly what we needed. On Wednesday we went to the beach for approximately 4 hours and SkyWalker was barely by my side. He played in the sand and ran around with trainboy and forgot I existed. We went to a school playground today and the same thing happened. They ran and ran and sang ring around the rosie and had the best time. I was able to talk to my friends and enjoy just watching my kids play. Tomorrow we have a playdate which means I'll be cleaning the house after work tonight. 

I feel like it was a long long road to get here but we've finally made it. 

[aside--my daughter can never have enough Nilla Wafers. She has 2 hands and just one mouth and yet 2 wafers are not enough for her. She whines and points and wants as many as she can grab.]

Not everything is wonderfully peachy... I'm pretty sure my place of employment is sitting on the hellmouth... but the important things are good. The Princess goes in for her deflux procedure on September 3 but I just have to have faith that she's going to be okay and this will be the end of it. It's a pain in the neck, but it's not heart surgery or brain surgery. It's not fatal. She has working kidneys. She'll be okay. 

This weekend is our wedding anniversary. It's been 6 years we've been married. But next month, on SkyWalker's 4th birthday, we will celebrate 15 years of being together. I can't quite believe it's been that long. I was just 18 when I met him which means I'm in my 30s now and that's just not right. 

Snack time is nearly over and I have less than 2 hours before I have to leave for work. I haven't gotten a nap out of the Princess yet. I'm hoping that now that her belly is full she will at least sleep long enough for me to shower. Otherwise I might be a little stinky at work tonight. Sorry Bee. 

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Progress. Again.

Back in January I wrote this: I made three NY resolutions: a) To get up earlier in the morning instead of running up the stairs when I have to feed the Princess. b) To make a new friend(s) c) To not let myself turn into the bitter, angry, depressed person that I am becoming.

Two out of three isn't bad right? I just cannot get myself up in the morning. My alarm goes off at 6, I take my temperature and stay right where I am until SkyWalker comes down at 7. Each morning I think I could get up and have a cup of tea before I see my children and check my e-mail in peace and just be me. And each morning I am a lazy piece of crap who does not get out of bed. I will have to soon enough when SkyWalker is in preschool 3 days a week and I'll need to have myself dressed and ready before breakfast so I can concentrate on getting them dressed and ready. 

But I'm doing pretty damn well on the other two. It took me 7-8 months but I think I can officially say I have new friends now. And I have been much happier and much less angry and bitter. 

I also wrote this in January:

1. I will get up at 6 am every day. I will start the day on my own. With a cup of tea and some me-time. 

2. I will read books again. We will have family reading time. 

3. I will NOT do dishes or cleaning during any simultaneous nap time. I will do things that are fun and never get done. 

4. I will NOT stay home when I'm feeling so stressed out. Even if we just go to Target, or the library, I will change the scenery. And it doesn't matter if there are dirty dishes in the sink and I just started a load of laundry. 

5. I will NOT be a drama queen. I do not want my children to overreact and cry at everything, and I won't either. 

6. I will express myself. If I don't want my husband to go to work on a Sunday, I will say so instead of playing the passive-aggressive bitch and just whining when he gets home. 

7. I will tell my siblings (including sister-in-law) how much I love them. 

8. I. Will. Not. Waste. One. More. Single. Day.

1. As already discussed I have miserably failed at number 1. 

2. I'm reading again. Family reading time has kind of gone by the wayside since we're doing so many playdates. 

3. I don't get simultaneous naptime anymore since SkyWalker hasn't napped since January!

4. We've been doing pretty well with this too. We've actually been spending more time not at home than at home lately!

5. No more drama.

6. Mostly. I just can't let go of the passive-aggressive sarcasm. Sue me.

7. Did that.

8. I think so. This doesn't necessarily mean filling every day with activities, but just enjoying what we're doing, whether it be nothing or a playdate. 

Ironically as I am typing this my son is whining about wanting me to go downstairs in the office with him and my daughter is refusing to nap even though she's yawning and tired. This *could* be one of those times when I would get stressed and annoyed and unhappy. But we had a GREAT morning when our new friends came over for a spontaneous playdate. It was just what we needed and we had SUCH a good time that I am still at peace and not letting the whininess of my children overwhelm me. And there, the whininess is done so I'm off to play.

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random city

I wear monkey socks that don't match my clothes and get annoyed when I'm supposed to coordinate. 

I am so lazy I don't even do kegels. 

I drive to my mailbox.

My toes are hairy.

Sometimes I am less than 100 pounds. 

I wish I was not lazy.

I wish I exercised instead of blogged. 

I wish I could kick someone's ass. No one in particular. Just anyone really. 

I wish my husband got home before 10 on Mondays. 

Sometimes I am afraid to have more kids. 

Sometimes I am afraid to not have more kids. 

I want my iPod to hold a damn charge.

I have not watched the Olympics. I just don't turn the TV on anymore.

My head is itchy.

I am convinced we're going to get encephalitis from the mosquito bites. 

My MIL told me that and I am easily suggestible.

Sometimes I think my friends don't actually like me and it's all a big conspiracy. They're all in it together and I'm like Carrie. 

I love that my kids sleep upstairs far away from me. 

Sometimes I wish my dogs did too.

But most of the time I need my dogs near me. 

I don't really like food. There are some foods I like but I don't like food in general. 

It's not easy being me. 

The grass is always greener.

My husband is finally home. 

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My day

Before I forget--I am enjoying the Shark Steam Mop. The floor expert in the house was less than impressed and would not use it on his hardwood floors. I definitely have to sweep up before I use it in the bathrooms, but it does a good job of cleaning the piss off the floor and that is what I got it for. The swiffer left a sticky residue. The hoover floormate worked well, but was a pain in the ass with the filling and emptying. In an ideal world I will use the Shark weekly and then maybe once a month use the hoover to really suck the dirt up. It works perfectly for what I need it for--piss.

Alrighty then.

At 7:30 when the Princess woke up she had a 100.3 fever. I gave her breakfast and took her temp again and it was 100. I gave her a little motrin mostly because I thought it was her molars and I wanted to nip the fever in the bud. She was acting normally and went down for a nap. We went to the beach and had a great time despite the weather forecast of rain. Yeah, for once it did not rain on my parade. Well, not at the beach. She was a little bipolar... having loads of fun one minute and then whining/crying the next. She felt warm but so did I. When she started shivering I figured it was time to go. 

We got home at 2:40ish and I took her temp and it was 103.7. I gave her more motrin (she responds better to that than tylenol) and put her down for a nap. I took a shower to get ready for work and planned to wait and see because that's what I like to do. But my gut kept telling me that I can't wait and see with this kid. So I got out of the shower and called the pediatrician and explained that she had a slight fever this morning and was teething and she was just at the beach desperately hoping that she was just a little overheated. But neither the molars nor the beach would give her a fever so high. So we packed up and headed to the doc. 

Just as we got there at 4 p.m. the skies exploded and the rain poured down. That was fun. They poked and prodded her and she cried and screamed. They had to get rid of the was in her ears before they could see anything. Luckily they were indeed red and she just has an ear infection. She has been pulling on her ears so I was hoping that was the cause. If she still has a fever in 48 hours I have to get her back there and cath her for a UTI. But I really do think it's her ears. We got in the car at 5 and I called Vader to make sure he was going to leave work at a reasonable time and to pick up dinner since we had to get the prescription filled. We figured we'd both be home by 6. 

There was a crapload of traffic in the good ol' city of Albany but it was going the opposite way that I had to so I thought I would be alright as I left the parking lot. Then when I got down to the end of the street I realized what was going on. It was completely flooded! I managed to turn around and waiting for-freaking-ever and finally had enough of that and managed to turn around one more time so I could cut through a parking lot. I got back out to where I needed to be, in the opposite direction of everyone else and thought things were looking up. This was at 5:30ish. Then I got to where I needed to get on the damn bridge and ha! Another street flooded. This time I had no idea where I had to go. On a whim I followed another car and it actually led me to 787. I wound up going north when I probably wanted to go south. I got stuck in more friggin' traffic. At 6 pm I made it to Wal-Mart in the 'bush. We were all tired and hungry and cranky. Did I mention that the entire time we were stuck in traffic the Princess whined and cried? Yeah. Fun. We had to wait "25 minutes" for her augmentin. So we bought this:

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Because baby girls who get poked and prodded while having high fevers deserve to get their first bicycles. 

We left Wal-Mart at 6:45 and made it home for dinner at 7. My poor baby girl was so tired that she pointed to her crib. Sadly, I had to give her a bath, not only because she had been swimming in the lake but also because her fever was still high. She laid down at 8 and immediately put her little heiney up in the air in the classic "I'm going to sleep now so get out here" pose. I have not heard a peep out of her. I did give her some tylenol though.

I've canceled our playdate tomorrow. I think we all need to sleep late and not worry about getting dressed and cleaning the house. I have a feeling she will be a little needy tomorrow and she certainly needs the rest that having boys running around the house will not bring. And Mama needs to not play hostess and to just be Mama.

And that was my day.

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Addiction

I am truly addicted.

I can't even fight it.

I joined Facebook. A bunch of my friends have been on it for quite some time now and I kept hesitating. I don't do anything with Myspace, why the hell do I need Facebook? But I couldn't hold out. The lure was too strong.

Baaa. Baaa. I am sheep. Baaa.

I joined Friendster years ago because of them. Then Myspace. The Livejournal. Then Vox. Now Facebook. I repeat, Baaa. If you're on Facebook and you know my real name, friend me bitches. If you don't know my name it's because I don't want you to.

In other news. The fancy drugs arrived at the house at 9:30ish. As I was in bed having taken an Imitrex to avoid yet another migraine. Naturally I did not need fancy drugs today since I am now on day #3. And for those of you who think I should just suck it up and deal for 2 days of excruciating pain, please keep in mind that 2 days with 2 children is like an eternity. So bite me.

I might get pregnant sooner than "planned" (hahahahaha, we all know it's going to take another 7 months) because this crap is suckalicious. I can't even speak english anymore.

While I'm wrapping up old threads--the dreading was for naught. It was difficult, as it should be, but nothing like the last time. SkyWalker and I have found new friends and new support and they came through for us. Our neighbor-friend, henceforth known simply as K, and a new friend Jen, were beyond wonderful. Jen opened up her home to us on the day of the big leaving and we could have stayed there all day! The tears came in the shower later, but not nearly so many.

The Princess takes many steps (while holding books no less!) but still prefers to crawl. She is a stubborn one. I don't know why she wants to crawl. The floors are yucky. But I got a Shark Steam Mop so that should be all better now!

Let's hope for some sunshine tomorrow because Mama needs a beach day!

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Controlled substances

I'm in a slight rage right now. Slight.

I finally called the gyn this morning because not being able to stand due to severe debilitating menstrual pain really sucks when you have 2 children who expect you to not only stand but also walk and run. While at the playground the doc called back and wrote me a prescription. We were at the playground, not the doc. Finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel we went to the doc to pick up the prescription (because it's a controlled substance they couldn't call it in) and then Wal-Mart to fill it. We walked around for a little while... and then a little more.... and then a little more. We were there for over an hour. I need this because it's so painful I can't stand for long. And I wound up walking and walking and walking. Pushing 2 children no less. 

I do not have my controlled substance. 

The prescription dose was "a little high" so they called the doc to confirm but I guess they never called back. They called 3 or 4 times. I finally couldn't take it anymore and just left. I am so friggin annoyed. I could be feeling better by now but instead I will have to wait until Vader can pick it up when he goes shopping tonight. Hopefully it will be ready by then. So I should get it around 10 pm tonight. That'll be useful. 

The playground was awesome--wicked hot--but SkyWalker had a great time running around with trainboy and I had to drag him away. He asked if trainboy could come back to our house but alas I needed to pick up my prescription. Ha. It only took him about 5 or 6 months to start playing with trainboy... so I figure he'll start playing with the kids at preschool just as soon as it's over. 

I was going to have a whole preschool jitters post but I am too distracted with my prescription rage right now. And the Princess needs to finish her snack and take a nice long nap now. Despite her blossoming lower molars she will take a nice long nap. She will. Because the universe cannot possibly be that cruel to me right now.

Edited 5 pm. The universe is a cold cruel bitch.

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Dread

Shinesalot and Littleman have just left for a party with her former coworkers. SkyWalker was not happy. He just wanted Littleman to stay home with him. I was hoping to have some kind of distraction today but it just didn't work out that way... he was so totally sad it has completely broken my heart. I cried as they drove away. I cried as I tried to explain to SkyWalker why he couldn't go with him. And I cried carrying the Princess upstairs for her nap because I could just see how horrible tomorrow will be. Today is just a few hours of no Littleman. Tomorrow is a really long time. I'm hoping we can go to the beach and meet some friends there so that when they leave (from the beach) we will both have distractions. But I don't know if the weather will cooperate. 

We swam in our new pool and although it doesn't look like it should it was perfect for my little ones. It was great but unfortunately the Princess's right eye is red and irritated. Not the whites, but the skin around the eye. I think that she rubbed sand in her eye from playing in the sand box after the pool. I hope that's what happened. If it was the pool I think it would have been both her eyes. I gave her some benedryl just in case and she's napping now. Hopefully she will take a nice long nap and wake up happy and fine. 

SkyWalker is watching Dora and laying his head on my lap. He is tired and sad and just asked me when Littleman is coming back here. Watching him play with Littleman has been so bittersweet. He's been doing great playing with other kids, but it's clear that he has this comfort with Littleman that he doesn't have with anyone else. This bond that is so sweet and heartbreaking. He is leaning against me and clearly in need of some loving.

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