Wednesday, January 14, 2009


This Saturday is the 17th.
Vader and I will have been together for exactly 15 years and 4 months (Sept 17, 1993).
Vader and I will have been married for exactly 6 years and 5 months (August 17, 2002).
SkyWalker will be 4 years and 4 months old (Sept 17, 2004).
And it will be exactly a year since my FIL passed away.

I still remember the night before. It was a Wednesday and I was working Wednesdays then. I had a horrible migraine. It had been weeks since I had seen my FIL because my in-laws and Vader didn't want SkyWalker to see him so sick. Even though I felt like I was going to vomit from the pain, I called my MIL and decided to visit. I knew it would be the only time I had without the kids. I went. It was hard. He couldn't speak and wasn't very aware. I thanked him for letting me be a part of his family and said goodbye. He reached out his hand to me. Something he had not done. And then I left. I knew when I left that it would be the last time I would see him. I told my husband that his mom said it was going to be soon. I KNEW it would be that night. My MIL called and Vader said he would be there the next day. I've often wondered if there was more I should have said to Vader. If he understood it would be his last night. I'm not sure I could have said enough. I'm pretty sure he was in denial because he told all his work friends at the funeral how much quicker it happened then he expected. Anyway, we went to sleep and the phone rang at 5:30 and I knew.

I can't believe it's been a year.

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ayanna said...

I am glad you had that last moment with him. I got a chance to introduce Griffin Russell to Grandpa Russell while he was in the skilled nursing facility, before he got worse, while he was still able to recognize that he held in his hands another Russell to add to the Flanders family. It meant a lot.

Shinesalot said...

I am right there with you, sister. In two months it will be our one year...I still can't believe it. And I still don't think I ever have the right words for Papabear...

Felice said...

That's wild that there are so many significant events on the 17th, both happy and sad.It's so good that you were able to go see your FIL that last time before he died.