Monday, March 19, 2007


I'm started to feel pressure to get everything done. That's a lie. I've been feeling the pressure since day 1, I know I've talked about it here before. But it's been much much worse. Walking is somewhat difficult right now, I'm having LOTS of pelvic soreness and pain (Ladies, do those kegels) and I'm predicting that if I don't go early I will at least be off my feet before I hit my due date. I am 30 weeks now, which leaves me with 6-10 weeks left. I hope at least 6 weeks.... Anyway, I'm feeling the pressure.

Last night I opened up the box with the bookcase we got delivered from and naturally the top shelf is broken. Sigh. So we have to have a new one shipped and then ship this one back. The target man was very nice but it's still a pain in the ass. On top of that, we're shipping the i7500 BLK from that Vader bought for me for Christmas because the LCD crapped out on us. Bah! But anyway, when I opened the bookcase I just wanted to cry.

Mostly what I am hyperventilating about is what I'm going to do with SkyWalker when I'm in the hospital. My best friend will take care of him but the idea of spending the night away from him just makes me sick. We have never done that. Actually, Vader may have for some work-trial-thing. But Mommy has never spent the night away from him. In fact we haven't left him with a babysitter for over a year. I believe when the last Star Wars movie came out. I should probably have him sleep over at my best friend's house (she has a boy 9 months younger and they LOVE each other) but I can't even come to terms with doing *that*. I know I've posted here before about coming home and having himout with my husband and feeling so totally empty... I know that when I'm in the hospital I'll have other things to do (like bleed and push a baby out and nurse and all that) but I have a physical need to be with my boy. That sounds a little sick when I write it... I swear it's not sick. There's a reason I'm going to work part-time. I NEED to be with my kid(s).

I know a lot of moms would just send their husbands home to be with the first kid. But I couldn't do it without him the first time. I don't know if I can be without Vader. I should just give birth at home. Yeah, the dogs will love that.

Hence, I am hyperventilating.

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1 comment:

Bee said...

You know that if there is ever anything I can do to help you I will do it, right?!? And I know you probably don't want to hear this right now, but I have something that may change your perspective about the hospital stay... Remember how you could lay around and cuddle Skywalker as much as you wanted when you first came home with him? Remember how you could just breathe in the smell of his sweet head and nurse him and sleep when he slept?!? Well... You're really not gonna have any time for that with a second baby -- except in the hospital... This is when you get to bond one-on-one with # 2... You will get this time alone with him/her while your best friend is taking care of Skywalker's every need and while her son is keeping him entertained, to boot... It will surely be harder for you than for him, and I would be willing to bet that getting to meet your new little baby will be a decent (if not very good) distraction to the fact that you will not be sleeping under the same roof as Skywalker for a night or two... Hope you can stop hyperventilating soon...