Wednesday, July 23, 2008

This might be rambly

Feel free to get yourself a drink and pee first. Or you know, skip reading altogether. :-)

Things are going really well. 

It's amazing how a simple change in perspective can change things. But it's more than that. I think for a long time that I always had this picture in my head of what happiness was and how I had to get there. I always needed more. When Vader and I were first together I needed to get married in order to be happy. When we got married, I needed a house. When I got a house, I needed a dog (or two). When I got the dogs, I needed a baby. When I had one baby, I needed another. And so on and so forth. In addition to that I had this vision of my life's path--drinking a cup of tea while my kids and Shinesalot's kids played. I put all of my friendship eggs in that one basket. And when that was taken away from me I was pretty much devastated because my life's happiness depended on that. 

A new friend's signature is this quote : Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.  ~Abraham Lincoln

I think this is the key element. I always relied on outside events or other people to determine my happiness. And those things are not reliable. The only person I can truly rely on is myself. (Of course I can rely on my husband, but not to keep me happy.) I am the only person who can truly keep myself happy. And by happiness I don't mean the blissfully ideal happiness I once thought of... I mean a more realistic down-to-earth happiness. 

I've made a new friend and although she has some sadness in her life right now I think it's going wonderfully. And on Friday our neighbor-friend is bringing her kids to my bi-weekly big kid playdate. I have a close friendship with someone I never would have expected but we chat a lot (when my kids don't interfere and her job doesn't interfere). I have great co-workers. I'm trying to spread out my friendship eggs instead of concentrating them in just one person and I think it's working. I think I resisted making real friends out of some kind of loyalty to Shinesalot, that I would be betraying our friendship if I let myself be friends with other people. But I can't think like that anymore. Shinesalot will always be my best friend forever but I need local friends too. And not just local playdates but local *friends*. 

And since my life-changing attitude my luck is changing too. Of course it's not to my luck, just my perception of it, but whatever. The couch is being delivered on Thursday--the day we were scheduled to go to the beach with my meetup. I was afraid we'd miss it so I asked my new local friend if she wanted to go on Tuesday with just us. We met there and I brought my mother's helper and it was wonderful. SkyWalker had a great time without me. The Princess and the little jobber swam in the water and held hands occasionally and I talked to my friend and I let myself just be happy in the moment. It was a great day. And what's happened? Looks like it's going to thunderstorm all day on Thursday. We got our beach day in perfectly. And normally I would be upset about rain ruining my plans... but I could use the rain to fill up the pool and not drain my well dry! It's all how you look at things. 

Today I babysat a 2 1/2 year old for the first time. Trainboy has been mentioned here before... and SkyWalker did GREAT. He's so much better one on one. He played so nicely and talked to him and played WITH him. There were no arguments or awkward moments at all. It went really well and I think it helped us as much as his mom! 

The only thing not going well right now is the Princess is refusing to take a second nap. I think I'll have to get her up for snack and try again after. I've let her whine for quite a bit now and she's just not giving up. Despite her rubbing her eyes and being cranky. I will be glad when these molars are done! 

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little white whale said...

I am in total agreement with your mentality. I myself am I firm believer in the law of attraction and that our thoughts become things. As you point out--you can choose to be happy or unhappy in any given situation at any given second. I really enjoyed reading this post. Thanks!
p.s. When school starts again soon I will be going back as a part-time librarian instead of a classroom teacher. I might be asking you for some pointers!

Shinesalot said...

I feel like I just read one of MY blog postings. :) Cheers to you.

bookishbiker said...

This is SO great. Isn't it crazy how we're never done maturing? Or, I suppose maybe we get to some point where we're done changing and learning.. but I hope not!

Shinesalot said...

Hey there - I just re-read my "Kaleidescope" post, which was AFTER this post...and clearly I stole your first line...I certainly didn't mean to!!! Total coincidence, but funny...

Jen said...

Its kinda funny but I do the same thing, put my friends all in one basket. I would like to make more "local" friends as well especially since we aren't from here. I would love to get to the point of saying to people, "hey lets meet at the playground" or "hey why don't you come over after nap".... I think part of my is still warey of rejection.... (look at me, I'm blogging on your blog : )Anyway, I think my point is, we are all more a like than we think it just takes a while to get to know that because we have so many interruptions.

Jedi Mama said...

I know! I would like to get to the point where I can call up one morning and say hey, my kids are driving me crazy, wanna come over? And not have to clean first or "prepare" or anything.